# On darkness and mood 
### Entered on Alphasmart Dana 
### 20181221

I typically fall into a different sort of mood in winter
time. I do not think it is akin to Seasonal Affective
Disorder, as I do not get depressed. It usually manifests
itself as an increase of contemplation, a lowering of pace,
a bit less talking. Inside I feel fairly positive.

The cycle of death and renewal is on display everywhere you
look. The trees, the snow on the ground, the below freezing
temperatures. This year I have refused to wear a coat. I
have been sticking with a nice Carhart brand vest. I wake at
0345, I start my car at 0415, I head to work at 0430. Door
to car and car to work does not warrant a coat. I am outside
off and on through the day, but it doesn't bother me down to
about -10F. Prolonged exposure would be a different story.

For years I worked 18 hour days, two weeks on, one week off,
in all kinds of weather. I know, for instance, that -20F to
-40F (the point Celsius and Farenheit meet) are miserable to
perform heavy equipment electronics repairs in. I equally
know that after a long cold snap of over a week of -20F,
when it hits 0F, the shorts come out -- it just feels so
much warmer.

When I worked long hours, and my job duties involved
primarily doing nothing, punctuated by hyperactivity and
dozens of people waiting for a fix, I had the ability to
let my mind go numb for hours at a stretch. I have mostly
lost this in the years since. The part that remains is that
I mostly live in my own head. I have a very active inner
dialog, and prefer my own company to that of others. The
exception, of course being my wife whom I adore. My kids are
okay too.

Back to winter time -- it seems to spur on a waning
of motivation. I tack the "in between" posts on this
phenomenon. I think I shall use this bit of knowledge to
taylor less ambitious projects to this time of year. By
less ambitious, I mean less active, more contemplative.
Research intensive projects would still fit the bill. The
solo-RPG projects I have engaged in would be a good fit.
Semi-obsessive reading geared towards world building seems
like it would hold my interest and fit my mood.