,==================================. |Issue one: Thursday June 18th 1998| `==================================' (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. -Jeff Valdez ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day James Cameron, ever the perfectionist, was so concerned about Jack's drawings in the film Titanic looking just like he wanted, that he drew them himself. In the scenes where Jack's hand is shown sketching Rose, it's James Cameron's hand, and he's trying his best to draw right handed, because he's a lefty. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y When Briton Malcolm Ecles, 50, died of bowel cancer, his family turned him into a kitchen aid. In accordance with his wishes, they keep his ashes in a specially crafted glass egg timer. "I can't boil a soft egg to save my life," widow Brenda Eccles said. "He knew that and said I should turn some of his ashes into an egg-timer. Then he could help me and it would be a nice way of remembering him."' _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| Candles will drip less wax if you refrigerate them for several hours before using them. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day [there is no such thing as computer addiction] _____ / _))) / / 6 6 ( ( \ Naaah, I'm not ready yet... / ,' __= I'm trying to draw the Playboy bunny. / __) /_ ) ______________________________________ ( / ~ `( / / / .) .) ) ..///// _____________ ( /\ (_ \ , , | '\\\\\\ \| \ ' \ C \ | ' ____|_ :o / \ \D_/ | + '||:::::: /\ _/ ) ___| (___ | '||_____| \/ ) | / \ ~ / \ \'_______|_____| | / | /'\ \_/ _' \ ___/____|___\___ ___|___/\___|( <_ _____|/_\| _ ' <<<:| / '-/ \________ |_________'___o_o| / \~/::::::::| \ / '==========' \ /___________________________________________________\ | | | | | b'ger| +---------+ |Issue Two| +---------+ (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober." ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day The first computer was built in 1823. The steam driven calculating machine, built by Charles Babbage, failed to work due to poor workmanship in the intricate parts. When rebuilt by the Science Museum of London in 1991 it worked. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y 1994 -- The international food company Nestle UK was fined about $20,000 in January for injuries suffered by its employee Alex Tuvey-Smith, 36, at a plant in York, England. While cleaning excess chocolate off the sides of a giant mixing bowl, he slipped and fell in, triggering the mixing paddles, which whipped him for more than a minute before they were shut off. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| Make your own flubber! (I'm translating this from the American cups system of measurement, so you may need to adjust it a bit) 12 fluid oz warm water 2 cups white school glue 10 1/2 fluid oz warm water 3 teaspoons Borax Food coloring Mix 12 fluid oz warm water, glue, and food coloring together. In a separate bowl, mix 10 1/2 fluid oz warm water and Borax together. Pour the glue mixture into the Borax mixture and take out of bowl to knead until flubber is soft and consistent in form. Store in a zip-lock bag or tightly sealed container. This stuff is really fun! Enjoy! ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day __,,,,_ _ __..-;''`--/'/ /.',-`-. (`/' ` | \ \ \\ / / / / .-'/`,_ /'`\ \ | \ | \| // // / -.,/_,'-, /7' ; \ \ | ; ||/ /| | \/ |`-/,/-.,_,/') / _.-, `,-\,__| _-| / \ \/|_/ | '-/.;.\' `-` f/ ; / __/ \__ `/ |__/ | `-' | -| =|\_ \ |-' | __/ /_..-' ` ),' // fL ((__.-'((___..-'' \__.' .-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-. { Issue Three: 22nd June 1998 } `-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-' (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? - Charles Pierce ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day "Where did the name '404 Not Found' come from? It's typical of computer programmers to assign a number to just about everything. In this case, all the error messages at the website were given a different number, and Error Number 404 happened to be the 'Not Found' error. Lots of websites run on the same software, all of which refers to the infamous 404... and thus, you find the same frustrating error message all over the Web." ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y Suspecting that a drug dealer might have sold her counterfeit crack cocaine, Rosie Lee Hill complained to Pensacola, FL, police. She was arrested after an investigating officer determined the two cocaine rocks were real. Hill said she had paid $50 for the drugs. But when she tasted them she thought they were baking soda. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| If you shake an egg and you hear a rattle, the egg is most likely bad. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day ,-.,-.,-.,-. `7 .' | | | .-!. | .---| || | (C `-'^. | ` _; | | ("`--. | /`-._ `-._| /\ / `-._/=\ /`-\ / / \ >~7\ |`-| / | | \-\ ; /\ / ; `-j--j-' \/`!__7\ y | | | `./_I_;' | | | || | | | || | | | || | | |_ || |____/ .-'_____|' (/|||\\ | | ,-""""-. |`^' ` | \ ,-;-. `. | | | | | |--/ \ \ \ | | i-^-' | \ | | | | (_) | | | | | / | `=' | | | | | | | |_/) / | | \ (_) /--' |______|_| `-. .-' |___|_| | | | hjw / `=`====. | | | `='----------' (_(___| .~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. |Issue four: 23rd June 1998| '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?" Death thought about it "Cats," he said eventually, "Cats are Nice." - Terry Pratchett, Sourcery ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day If you fart consistantly for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create an atomic bomb. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y Determined to reduce the number of disease-carrying insects, Manila officials offered a bounty of 1.50 pesos (6 cents) for every 10 cockroaches turned in. The Asahi Evening News reported the offer has given rise to a booming industry in the Phillipines: roach farming. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| Ripen green fruits by placing in a perforated plastic bag. The holes will allow air to circulate while retaining the ethylene gas that fruits produce during ripening. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day ,="` `""=, o / ,=="""'=; , __ ~ / ,--'/=,) o \`\\"._ _, | .='/ <9(9.=" / _ |||;._//) / (J ^\ \ o_/@ @ /// |=( .' .' \ '='/ '-. ( (`__, ,`\| / / \`-;_ \ '.\_/ |\_.' ~ / | /` _ \ ) `""``` | , ; /`\/ `\ \ /.-._///_ |/ ' \_,\__/\ \.-'.'----'` \| '. \ \ /`-, ~ `\ _.-'\ (`-` .' `-.-' _.-')__./,--' .--'`,-'`'""` ` \ /`"`-` | ~ | / ~ | .-'__ .' \ ;'"` `""----'` \ \ '. `\ jgs ) `-. ~ / `-._ | , `-, ~ \ .' `''----` `.( ` +---+ | 5 | +---+ (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day Britain is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex. - Jackie Mason ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day One of Queen Victoria's wedding gifts was a 3 metre diameter, half tonne cheese. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y Francis Bernardo, 71, decided it was time to do something about his impotence. An hour after Roberta Burke's longtime partner downed Viagra, they engaged in some red-hot, long-overdue sex. Within two days, he was gone -- on the prowl, she says, for more conquests. Now she's suing him for $2 million in palimony. "He's dating lots of women, he thinks he is a young man in the body of a 70-year-old man. Tha man even had a quadruple bypass last year, for God's sake." said lawyer Dominic Barbara. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| While waiting for hot water from your sink to get hot, place a jug under the faucet to collect water. Use this water to water plants, pets, etc. You'll be surprised with how much water you've collected. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day .$$$$$. . |/())))) $)'\$==. %%%%%%\%%\ / ((((==) ') - $$$'===%%%%\'.| |((((( <( \-_/$$ )" _)%% )/| | ())))_/._\._) //_.\_ %% ( / | \_) /.--._\___/__.-.\ (.' / \_ ( __._'_..'.__. ) .' \ ) (_.(_)/( / \\ / \ / \ // ) \ ). \ / ( / ' \ / \| ' \ ( | | / \/ | )_) :-'-- /| / /| / \ _\| / | / .-' | / '. \ _/ | / \| ( ( \ '.\ ( ).'/ | | ) | | | \ /.' (_ / | / ) \'| |._) °oO | / | \/ \| \ | |( \ ) mrf)\ )_\ _____(__'-.___)/____..'__)___'._'.__ The Three Graces