SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS S Issue 11 Wednesday July 22nd 1998 S SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight." - Mark Twain ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day No war has ever been fought where both countries had a McDonald's. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y Not a story today. Just a list of some of the humorous and interesting terms entered into search engines by net surfers that produced results leading them the urban legends reference page (http://snopes.simplenet.com/). "naked disney" "promiscuous women" "salty semen" "coffee nude" "horse intercourse" "request for death certificate" "pictures of my naked girlfriend" "seduce wife" "chloroform-soaked rag" "take off your dress" "she unzipped my pants" "knocked her unconscious" "revenge husband" "Polly's penis page" "how to have sex" "SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX" "nude secretaries" "operation with no scalpal johnny carson" "Marilyn Manson removed his ribs so he could suck his own dick" "sex complimentary" _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| If you're having problems with your central heating causing dry air problems, (like irritating asthma and hayfever) don't spend loads of money on a humidifier! Just put a big pot of water on the stove and boil it until the windows fog up. If you want you can even throw in some spices (cinnamon sticks, cloves, etc) so that it will smell good. If you have the same problem in another room, leaving a bowl of water on the radiator also helps. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day I Y | T | .'. .' '. .'. (__ ) _;-----;_ (__ ) |A| .'::::: '. |A| .===. /::::::: \ .===. |/ | | :::::::: : | |/ | |/ | | ,' ', |::::::: | ,' ', | |/ | |/ | ( ) (:.___)\:::____________/(:.___) ( ) |/ | |===| H I |(_)V__)-------------(__V(_)| I H |===| |/ | |=| Y_.----| _______________ |----._Y |=| |/ | |/ | |:| | | __ | [,-------------,] | __ | | |:| |/ | |/ | |:| | |/ \| [| _.-._ |] |/ \| | |:| |/ | |===| |:| |'|| || [| / '::\ |] || ||'| |:| |===| |/ | |:| |_||__|| [] | :::| [] ||__||_| |:| |/ | |/ | |:| | | __ | [] | :::| [] | __ | | |:| |/ | |/ | |:| |.|/ \| [] | :::| [] |/ \|.| |:| |/ | |/ | |:| | || || [] | ::| [] || || | |:| |/ | |/__|_____|:|___| ||__||_[]__|_____::|__[]_||__||_|___|:|_____|/__| |/ |-------------------------------------------------------|/ | |/ | |/ | |/____|_________________________________________________snd___|/____| 888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 Issue 12 Thursday 23rd July 1998 8 888888888888888888888888888888888888 (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often" - Oliver Herford ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day In england during Queen Victorias Reign it was Illegal to be a Homosexual but not a Lesbian. The reason for this is that when Queen Victoria was approving the law she wouldnt believe that women would do that. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y An artist commissioned to paint a mural for one of the Walt Disney World resorts furtively added a Nazi soldier to the background of the picture. Although the mural and the artist who allegedly painted the scene with the Nazi figure were shown in a segment on workplace sabotage on Michael Moore's TV Nation in 1994, the name of the artist and the location of the mural have not been identified. Two years before the "TV Nation" segment, the book Sabotage in the American Workplace, in a section about "Art and Design," quoted a mural painter (identified only as "Harvey") who recounted his experience working for a company "that produces custom murals and decorative paintings": Recently we did a job for the Walt Disney Corporation. They specifically requested the Great Gatsby as the theme, which basically is about rich people in the good old days. The idea was to make the people look happy and create the ideal that people off the streets should strive to get a white suit, Panama hat and a croquet mallet. One of my favorite scenes was a hotel scene where people were seated at tables. In the background there was this balcony where I painted this little SS Stormtrooper. It was my little comment on what was happening in the rest of the world while the Great Gatsbys were whittling away their hours with cocktails. My boss noticed it and said that it looked like a soldier, but I convinced him it was a security guard. He dropped it at that. All of the people that I worked with noticed it was a Nazi rightaway . . . It'snow installed in a hotel. That gave me a lot of satisfaction. It's pretty minor but it did make me feel better. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| A fresh egg will sink in water, a stale one will float. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day .'`-._ .' `-.'`-._ ._ .' `-.'`-._ |_`-._ .' .' `-.'`-._ .' `-._`|`-._ .' .' `-.'`-._ .' .| `-.|`-._ .' .' `-.'`-._ .' .' | `-.|`-._ .' .' `-. |_`-._ / | `-.|`-._ ..' / .' `-._`-' | `.' `-._ .'| .' `-| | / `-. / | .' .'| | .'`-._ /|' | |`-._ / .'`-._| / `-._ .' | | `-._.' / `-._. .' .|/ | | |.' .' |_ .'`-._ / | | `-._ / .' `-.__ / `-._ .' | | `-._.' / .'| .' .|/ | | |.' / .'`-._ / | | `-._ .' / `-._ .' | | `-._/ .' .|/ | | |/ / | | `-._ .' | | `-._ / | | | | | | | | | | | | .' | | / | | .' | | .' `-. | / `-. | .' `-. | .' `-. | / `-. | .'VK `-. | .' `-. | / `-. | .' `-. | .' `-. | / `-. | .' `-.|.' /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ ) Issue 13 Friday July 24th 1998 ( \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it." - Doug Larson ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day When you blush, your stomach lining also reddens. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y 1994 -- In February, the Austin American-Statesman profiled John Stapp, a troubleshooter for the Travis County, Texas, sewage treatment plant, who might be the nation's only professional sewage diver. Stapp dons a diving suit, mask, breathing tube, and air-powered tools to perform repairs on the 60,000-gallon, 16-by-40-foot containment vat. Said Stapp, "It's just a job to me that requires a lot of skill that not everybody has." A typical repair job requires Stapp to be submerged for four hours or more, in zero visibility. Stapp describes the job as "very quiet and peaceful" and says that, at the end of a shift, the thing usually on his mind is food: "I'm usually starved when I get through." _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| To clean many spots and traffic areas on your carpet,you can use the cheapest foaming shaving cream rubbed in and then rinsed with wet towels. Be sure not to overwet the carpet base or pad as it may leave a ring. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day ____ .--"~~" ~"\___ Y ] ~~"\ l `v.,_ _/' ] \ | 7~~" /' \ | / /~"------"~ __.} l_/-^-<-. .--"~ Y I Y / l oj-<______ Y _ ~---~ ( ^ Y l |~t-.__( // \.__.^ \ | | ~\ _.^ "-._ | | "---"~ Y |-^----------..,__ . | |--.,__ --.,__ ~"-. \\ | l l "~--.,_ ~--. \ \\ _____ | \ \___, "-._ / \>-"~ ~"-.--j ~----/ "--" / ,--. Y _Y_ / ( ) ___ |_ -Row ,-~ " "--" " ~-< ~-. / Y \ \ / / . l Y )Y / l /-.____l !\, ) ! / / Y / /"--" / \__/' \ / /_K-~ `\__K-"\__.-" ^.__K-" His name is Odie ->Odie<- He is a dog He's known to fall over When he's on the grog +==================================+ | Issue 14 Saturday July 25th 1998 | +==================================+ (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up." - Pastor Martin Niemoeller ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day 4 people played Darth Vader. David Prose was his body, James Earl Jones was his voice, Sebastian Shaw was his face, and yet another person did the breathing! ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y One of Sylvester Stallone's first screen efforts was a starring role in a porn film. Sylvester Stallone did indeed get his first movie acting role in a porn movie, called Party at Kitty and Stud's. This movie came out in 1970, when Sly was but 24 years old, living in Hell's Kitchen, New York City, and working a variety of menial jobs (including cinema usher) while trying to break into the movies. At that time New York City was the hub of U.S. porn film making. Stallone is the leading man in this X film, and he later acknowledged in a Playboy interview that he was paid $200 for his role. Unlike his efforts in later films, Stallone seems to have had no part in directing or producing Party at Kitty and Stud's. Whoever owned the rights to Party at Kitty and Stud's capitalized on Stallone's new-found fame by re-releasing it under the title The Italian Stallion (presumably a reference to the protagonist's nickname in Rocky). The credits show that the rights to this X film are owned by "Stallion Enterprises," so they took this theme all the way. Party at Kitty and Stud's/The Italian Stallion started life as a genuine pornographic X film, though it has been brutally edited down -- probably at the time it was retitled and re-released. There is a new prologue where it is implied that they took out the really fun dirty bits for the re-release. It now completely lacks any semblance of a plot and all hard-core exhibitions, so it is somewhat hard to follow. For example, a large mastiff dog appears at one point, but disappears equally as rapidly, leaving the viewer confused about what was to happen next. Party at Kitty and Stud's seems hilariously dated in some ways, too, as it is rife with 60's slang. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| Love those 'just add water' hot chocolate drinks but think they're too expensive? Try this: 900g dry skimmed milk 5 Tbsp of Cocoa 285g Sugar pinch of salt 1/2 small jar non dairy creamer (eg coffee creamer) (optional). Mix well in airtight container by shaking. To use measure 75g mix into a cup & add hot water, stir continuously while adding the hot water. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day __________ (#---##---#) ``|====|`` _(______)_ ___(__________)___ The Robot, /_____|######|_____\ (from Lost In Space) | |(_)(_)| | _| | #### | |_ / \____|oo oo|____/ \ ((((([ /\\""""""//\ ]))))) ((((([_\// \\/_]))))) | | | | |__________________| (______[: :]_______) (_______|________) (_______|________) (_______|________) (_______|________) (_______|________) d(_______|________) a(_______|________) n[_______|________] a[_______|________] .| | | | | | | s| | | | | | | | | | | | | | '97[_|___|_|_|____|_] :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::Issue 15 Sunday July 26th 1998:: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "In America, only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, and in Australia you have to explain what a writer is." - Geoffrey Cottrell ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day The Nazi-sympathist song 'Don't Let's Be Beastly to the German's', was sung seven times in one evening by Noel Coward, at the request of Winston Churchill. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y An interesting story from 1994. (and you thought that bit about the video in 'trainspotting' could never really happen!) A British man was found guilty on Tuesday of having sex with a dog after a video he made of the act was inadvertently shown to speechless wedding guests expecting to see a replay of a marriage ceremony. The 59-year-old lent his video recorder to a friend to film the wedding, but forgot to erase from the tape scenes of himself in sex acts with a neighbour's bull terrier named Ronnie. The man said the 10-minute film shown to the jury had been an attempt at trick photography and featured only simulated sex acts. He will be sentenced after psychiatric and other reports have been made available. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| Save leftover pieces of bar soap in a jar. When the jar is half full, add boiling water and stir to make a jelly. Use this mixture for pretreating stains on clothes and for light laundering. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day _.--"""--, .' `\ .-""""""-. .' | / '. / .-._/ | `. | | \ \ .-._ | _ \ `""'-. \_.-. \ ` ( \__/ | ) '=. ., \ / ( \ / \ / /` `\ | / `' '..-`\ _.-. `\ _.__/ .=. | _ / \ '.-` `-.' / \_/ | | './ _ _ \.' '-' | / \ | | .-. .-. | \ / o| |o \ / | / \ | / `"` `"` \ / \ | '._.' \ | / | \ | | || _ _ / /|\ (_\ /_) / jgs \ \'._ ` '_.' `""` `"""`