2019-05-29 - Unfocused Anger in an Age of Diversion
 -------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 I mentioned in my last post that my daughter recently received a
 diagnosis of anorexia. She isn't anorexic, she has anorexia.
 
 That distinction is important, because this is something that isn't
 her, this is a disorder, something which will require a long and
 difficult recovery. I know this because, 30-odd years ago, I had
 an eating disorder, bulimia in my case, and I see the effects of
 that disorder every time I look in a mirror or clean my teeth.
 (Malnutrition does terrible damage to your bones, stomach acid just
 adds to that destruction.)
 
 She's been in hospital for a week now, being monitored to ensure
 that she doesn't suffer from refeeding syndrome, and while I'm
 happy that she's getting all the help she needs (from Ireland's
 SOCIALIST MEDICAL SYSTEM) I've still been going through all the
 stages of grief.
 
 Grief because the child I know, that happy, vivacious, energetic,
 sarcastic kid on the cusp of early adulthood, is gone. I was never
 the same person after my own brush with this terrible disease, it
 amplified my bipolar disease, it may have gone away, but I live
 with its legacy. I know it will be the same for her, my daughter
 will be a different person when she comes out the other side, she
 may have been different anyway, because the recovery is long, but
 now that person she will become will be marked, in some ways I
 can't even imagine, by this.
 
 Because she's still only at refeeding stage, there hasn't been
 much in the way of psych intervention, essentially there isn't
 much point in starting CBT or Gestalt Therapy while her body needs
 medical attention. I have been spending time talking with her, and
 talking through her feelings. Like the guy in the West Wing, I've
 been down this hole before, and I know the way out.
 
 So much of what she has to say has me so very angry.
 
 There's the small things, the usual shitty things that kids do to
 kids to make themselves feel adequate. Nothing major, nothing that
 wouldn't sound familiar to many people - smart kid in school, yadda
 yadda. It annoys me that we as a species haven't made any advances
 in that area in the last 30 years, we're still poisonous.
 
 Then there's the bigger things, the things that really get me
 going.
 
 Like the Classroom Based Assesments.
 
 Essentially, the Irish State decided ten years or so ago that kids
 academic performance would be better assessed by having assesments
 done in school time, rather than at the end of two 3-year cycles.
 This was sold as being "fairer", because we all know of people who
 had "a bad day" on the day of the exam.
 
 This, like much stuff emanating from Consultants, can best be
 described as "bollocks". Sure, it allows those small group of kids
 a better chance, but at what cost? Instead of an exam at the end of
 a cycle, one you know is coming and have been preparing for during
 the cycle, they have little exams, one every month since they went
 back last September. When you're a kid, like my daughter, who is
 obsessed with her own perfectionism, that means that you have all
 the stresses of the big state exams, every month, for nine months.
 
 Then there's what they're being taught in these schools. I have
 spent my short time as a parent trying, in every way and at every
 opportunity, to provide my kids with the same love I have of
 discovery, I've encouraged this in maths, in science, in language,
 in history. My kids probably know more about Greek Gods and the
 Crisis of the Third Century than I've forgotten, about Proudhon,
 Rosa Luxemburg, Fibonacci Sequences, Periodic Table and its
 discovery, Fiche Blian ag Fás, Myles na gCopaleen. These are the
 things we talk about.
 
 That's not what they're learning.
 
 What they're learning is corporate bullshit, in every imaginable
 way. They aren't being taught to love and live learning, they're
 being taught to be proper little consumers and proper little
 entrepeneurs and workers. Maths should be renamed "Statistics",
 because that's pretty much all they learn. Business Studies is
 Drone Preparation. Home Economics isn't cooking and science, its
 consumption and budgeting.
 
 Then there's the health aspect of all this. Health, as explained
 by teachers, is all about *productivity*. It isn't about caring
 for yourself or your body, its about being a good employee.
 Because "fat" people cause greater productivity loss, thinness is
 preferred. Sugar is BAD, all sugar. Teachers who fulfill every
 milestone of orthorexia endlessly badger the kids about the
 consumption of milk. Teachers who've been converted to the Cult of
 Veganism endlessly lecture them on the evils of Meat.
 
 At every level of society, not just our schools, this is the same
 message hammered out, day after day. Ireland's Environmental Agency
 is demanding that we all recyle one more item of plastic every
 day. We already recyle EVERY piece of plastic that comes into our
 home, and our younger kids are coming home with "study" tasks that
 involve them demonstrating what additional steps we're taking. If
 they don't provide a good answer, then they'll "lose" credits.
 
 ...
 
 I know this isn't productive, I know that there are far more
 important things for me to do than write this several hundred word
 unfocused rant. I just needed to do this, for me.
 
 My daughter has anorexia. She has anorexia because the society we
 live in has been corrupted absolutely by the demands of capitalism.
 And I am *tired* and I am *angry*.