_,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'- I had a visitor today. It's rare, especially if the visitor is a fellow retro-person. Nothing spectacular, he just dropped by to borrow an Amiga PSU along with some tools and have a quick chat about issues with his machines. I told him what the most probable cause of his problem was and in exchange, he left me a box of random video cables and a UV lamp because: "I don't know, maybe you will like it!" This short interaction made me think about things. I and this guy just meet from time to time to sell/buy/gift old junk from each other, have a chat, and sometimes troubleshoot issues together. Aside from that, I don't know him particularly well, about his personal life and problems. We never called ourselves friends. But I think we don't have to. There are more people like him in my life. For example, the man who involved me in the Amiga demoscene group I'm currently in. He's a very smart, skilled, no-nonsense guy with a lot of snark and high expectations toward people. He's not the one to praise people, he often pushes me and pokes holes in both my code and my ideas. I attended his university course, and we drank a lot of beer together on demoparties, I admire him and like him a lot. But then again, "friends" is not exactly the word that I'd use. And there are people, groups of people I know (mostly online), who use this word (both towards me and others) more than I can count. Well, actually I can because grep exist. Trust me, it's a lot. They tout themselves as friends, as genuine and caring people, they wear it as a badge of honor. But they are very quick to throw people under the bus over even the smallest perceived slight. I've seen it happen many times and experienced it on my own skin as well. It sucks, but it's not that big of a loss. I just think it ironic that as a (still) young-ish woman, I was warned many times that tech-related spaces may not be welcoming to me because of "those boomer men who have backward ideas about women". I've heard it about the IT clubs in my middle school, about the community meetups when I met my current coworkers and god knows how many times about the demoscene community as a whole. And during those years I had two, maybe three people who made me feel unwelcomed and uncomfortable. And one of them was a woman, haha. I was told I should stick to the younger, more "inclusive" communities if I want to survive. And maybe I was naive, but for a very long time, I truly believed in it. And it's not like there are only toxic people there - after all, that's kinda how I met my boyfriend. But all in all, in retrospect, nothing else made me tired of tech (both as a person and as a woman) as much as people who very adamantly called themselves my friends. And most genuine support I've got and most productive, open conversations I've had were with those middle-aged men who don't have Twitter accounts and don't use the word "friend" on daily basis. Even if they talk a lot about their house renovations and have some very crass jokes. Tonight I am going to make myself a drink, and I dedicate it to people in my life who express their friendship by swapping random electronic trinkets, relentless code reviews, and honest, passionate conversations over cheap booze, while the tracker music is blasting in the background. Cheers! _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'- ________________________________________________________________________________ Gophered by Gophernicus/3.1.1 on FreeBSD/amd64 13.2