________  ________  ________
   2019-08-05                                   /        \/        \/    /   \
                                               /       __/         /_       _/
   I've  been  too  long between  files. I'm  /        _/         /         /
finding I just start files, take down  a few  \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
notes and then  abandon them. But not today!    /        \/        \/    /   \
Let me just try and flesh out a few of those   /        _/         /_       _/
and maybe just lay out my mindstream and see  /-        /        _/         /
what comes of it.                             \________/\________/\___/____/

   I'm in a  kind  of  low-key, one-sided feud at  the  moment  with  a person
online. I purchased something from  them, it  never  arrived. I  say one-sided
because they're just  leaving me on read and low-key because,  if I  be honest
with myself, nothing will come of it. They can ignore me forever and I have no
other avenue.  It is what it  is  but it's the first time I've  been burned in
this game though so I'm still gonna be salty about it.

   Never trust a criminal.

   A couple weeks  back, Dani and I went for a wander out in the inner suburbs
for a  change,  I wanted to show  her some  supermarkets  there (yes, suburban
supermarkets  are  interesting to  an  inner-city cat), stretch my legs and go
check out thrift stores a little.

   We took the tram on the way back and along with us for most of the ride was
an addict deep  in a nod, trying to maintain his  balance on one of the seats.
It's  not  an  uncommon  sight on Melbourne  public transport, Melbourne has a
pretty  serious  drug problem, though heroin  addicts are far  less  prevalent
these days and meth users seem to be the most common.

   Now  I've  been  in a pretty weird  headspace for the last week or so, even
before  the  supply  problems,  and I was struck  by and almost jealous of the
single minded simplicity of addiction.

   Everything else melts away and you're charged with the sole task of getting
your fix  and  getting lost in  the  overwhelming release of it. Nothing  else
matters, to the point  of complete abandon  possessions, relationships  and of
self.

   The zen of a junkie.

   Danielle  countered  that  that also  means  a  loss of  place,  a  loss of
community, a loss of family and a loss of joy and she's right, but when you're
in it would any of that matter?

   I don't know.

   Anyway, that's enough of that. What else has been going on?

   This  weekend  was bitreichcon 2019 and I  was able  to  catch most  of the
gopher stuff,  it was really neat. Delivery  of the plaintext  slides over SSH
was a really interesting  idea, something  I'd never even thought of, and  the
advertisements that  played between  panels were great. Gears started turning.
~tel even got a little nod when they were talking about  the Tildeverse  which
made me smile.

   ~tel is  in desperate need  of love but I just can't find the motivation at
the moment. I mean I can't find the motivation for anything really, definitely
in a funk, but ~tel I  really feel like I've lost my direction for. I've got a
laundry list of things I'd like to do for it  but nothing really excites me or
the few pieces that do are mountains and I don't know where to start.

   I'm sure there's  something out there waiting for me that'll  reignite that
spark but so far I haven't found it.

   So that's where I'm at there.

   Aside   from   that,   life   keeps   trundling   on.   The    post-wedding
directionlessness continues, we're just slouching through our daily lives with
no real target, not unhappy by any measure but just a little  lost. We need to
get back to the US for a while, see family and decompile.

   We'll see.

   I'm sick of winter and I dunno if I could do two this year hahaha.



EOF