________  ________  ________   
   2021-03-08                                   /        \/        \/    /   \  
                                               /       __/         /_       _/ 
   I've  been  having  bad  dreams, at least  /        _/         /         / 
that's what I've been telling D.              \_______/_\___/____/\___/____/_
                                                /        \/        \/    /   \
   I've been dreaming  an alternate life. My   /        _/         /_       _/
unconscious   mind   bringing   to  life   a  /-        /        _/         /
different   family,    different    friends,  \________/\________/\___/____/
different  places. A different  history with
different failures and triumphs. Different past loves.

   I live this dream-life with an enthusiasm  and eagerness I haven't felt for
my waking  life in a long time and  completely unburdened  by the anxiety  and
depression that cripple my conscious mind.

   But  I  always  wake and  the  constant, low-level terror  that comes  with
anxiety tightens  its grip and, like disturbed  dust, depression  settles back
down around every thought and feeling.

   I wake up torn away from a happiness  I can't remember feeling in my waking
life and I'm left hollow  in a way I can't easily explain. How do you tell the
love  of  your  life that  there's  a  poison  in your  mind  that  makes  you
uncomfortable  and unhappy with everything  you have and that seeing a glimpse
into a different life just makes it so much worse?

   So I just tell her I had  bad dreams  and shoulder the trauma  alone.  Just
another nightmare.



EOF