Handwriting
       ^^^^^^^^^^^

Over the years my handwriting has deteriorated/matured into a
pretty wild scrawl. I'm not sure what to think about it, but I do
end up thinking about enough that I'm writing this, so, hello.

I am probably the only person in the world who can read my everyday
handwriting. It has become this hybrid print/script that is almost
just an impression of letters in a lot of cases. In one sense, this
is a "bad" thing. It is "sloppy" and illegible. But in another
sense, it is the penmanship of someone who writes a lot. It
embodies so many hours of writing, and in spite of its
illegibility, it is expressive of the experience accummulated over
all those years. Why not economize if you can, and get by with the
minimum of form necessary to depict a letter or word?

Writing like this was not necessarily a choice I consciously made,
but I realize that as I am writing the habit of "slurring" my
script is so strong! I think it developed because, for one,
nowadays the majority of handwritten things are personal. I
remember handwriting essays for school even into high school! But
that just does not happen anymore. The most extensive handwritten
thing anyone will see from me is a poem or letter. And of course, I
am capable of not scribbling like mad all over a page. I can print
primly when I want/need to. But when I am writing to think, well,
the time it takes to carefullly form letters is too much,
apparently. Ideas come and go in that narrow window.

I think about it sometimes, because I write a lot in my journal. I
think how one day my kids may like to read them, and get in touch
with where I was when they were young---perhaps once they are older
with kids of their own. I don't write in my journal thinking that
someone will read it eventually, but I know that someone will
eventually. I think before too long my daughter will start taking
peeks when I'm not looking. I think she confuses my journaling with
the "book" that I'm writing; my dissertation.

Anyway, I had filled up a journal and switched over to a new one
with dotted pages. I normally use just blank sketchbook-style
journals, but I thought having some dots would help me tame my
handwriting some. But it really doesn't. It is helpful formaking
tables, diagrams, headings, calendars, or for aligning things,
etc., but my handwriting is unchanged. Some dots aren't enough to
reel it in.

Again, I don't consider my wild script a bad thing. But I spend a
lot more time writing nowadays, and sometimes I think that slowing
down and being more mindful of how I'm writing would be benficial
somehow. It feels like there must be an ideal pace where the how
and what of handwriting can be balanced. Maybe not. Even if I do
end up developing some beautiful cursive, whoever is interested in
snooping around my journals has over a decade of chicken scratch to
pick through.