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My Horrid Parent
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#Post#: 2--------------------------------------------------
Welcome to our forum
By: clare low Date: March 16, 2017, 12:50 pm
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Welcome to our forum. We hope that this will be a safe and
comforting place for you to share your experiences with your
difficult parent.
Please go ahead and tell your stories.
#Post#: 3--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: sashaahuja Date: March 16, 2017, 12:57 pm
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Thank you for welcoming me this forum.
#Post#: 4--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: Mitchell Date: March 18, 2017, 6:12 am
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??? ??? ??? ??? ???
Hi Clare
I'm not sure what I'm doing....thought I'd sent a post but it
seems to have disappeared???
Is it because I'd forgotten to check subject box
from a complete idiot
Mithcell
#Post#: 5--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: Bree narran Date: March 18, 2017, 5:22 pm
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Hello just joined up and hope to be able to share here at some
point
#Post#: 6--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: Mitchell Date: March 20, 2017, 11:53 am
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Hi Folks
My name is Mitchell my mother was a total nightmare all my life
& in my later years I discovered she probably suffered from BPD
(borderline personality disorder) >She died 12 years ago but the
memories still linger I hope to able to input on this board,
I've been on others boards for over 15 years so I have a lot of
knowledge in this area. I had over 50 years of being told what a
failure I was.
Remember never get involved in the arguments always walk away
from them.
Regards to all
Mitch
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o
#Post#: 7--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: MJ Date: March 21, 2017, 10:17 am
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Hello,
Thank you for the invitation to this forum. I originally wrote
"my story" as a post to Angela and Alyson expecting that it
would help, which it did, but it did trigger other memories and
the fears that I had of my narcissistic, possibly BPD mother. I
could repost here but I'm concerned it would be too long. I've
been estranged from my parents for about 10 years by choice,
although I was disowned for many years before including most of
my adult life. It has taken me years to understand that it is
not me. I have good relationships with many people-- other
relatives, long term friends, colleagues, neighbors. I'm hoping
that sharing our stories and insights can help us all to feel
better.
Thanks,
MJ
#Post#: 8--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: MJ Date: March 21, 2017, 10:59 am
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Also, I tried to post on the Mother's Day thread, but didn't
seem like an option.
#Post#: 9--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: Mitchell Date: March 21, 2017, 11:21 am
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:o :o :o :o :o :o :o
Hi MJ,
my mother was undiagnosed BPD and my aunt was schizoid when I
found something that fitted I asked my GP's they both agreed
this is what they also thought. Its great this website is open
so people can talk and learn. I've been on bpdcentral.com &
BPDFamily for many years talking with others.
BPDFamily & bpdcentral have good information on how to look
after yourself. I will post more in the near future on coping
etc. Talking does help it is an excellent therapy for people in
our situation, alcoholics have the AA and their close relations
have Al-anon we very much need this board and perhaps something
similar to Al-anon. This effects 1 in 20 in the UK, then there
are other reasons as in alcoholism, other mental health issues
and people with high conflict personalities
Best Wishes for now
Mitch
#Post#: 10--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: Mitchell Date: March 21, 2017, 11:47 am
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The Office for National Statistics was supported by a grant from
the Department of Health.
Received September 13, 2004.
Revision received June 21, 2005.
Accepted June 27, 2005.
© 2006 Royal College of Psychiatrists
Approximately 1 in 20 community residents in Britain have a
personality disorder.
Certain demographic subgroups have an especially high prevalence
of personality disorders.
The number of people with cluster B personality disorders who
have been in care in childhood and are at greater risk of
entering the criminal justice system indicates a need for
preventive interventions.
The above shows these disorders are very common but it varies
from barely noticeable to extreme they are complex and often
underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed and there isn't enough
information on the subject meaning there are very few places for
people to find advice.
Here are a couple of stories showing it can effect every part of
society:-
Sarah Haufrect - Salon.com
www.salon.com/writer/sarah_haufrect
28 Feb 2016 - Having a borderline parent is like living beside
Mt. Vesuvius. It took me years to begin to understand her
illness. Sarah Haufrect Sunday, Feb
We Bruise Easily: Princess Diana had Borderline Personality
Disorder
borderlineandbrilliant.blogspot.com/2013/08/princess-diana-had-b
orderline.html
29 Aug 2013 - I've been meaning to write this blog for a while,
as there are so many sceptics regardingDiana's BPD. Whenever
someone raises doubt that
But before we even look at the evidence, first we must wipe the
slate clean of the idea that attributing this personality
disorder to Princess Diana is in any way derogatory. Stigma 101
associates shame with all types of mental illness and BPD is one
of the most maligned conditions in the field of mental health so
it’s important to spell this out.
I like the above article because it shows Diana in good light
and I think helps reduce stigma.
Mitch
#Post#: 11--------------------------------------------------
Re: Welcome to our forum
By: merionvw Date: March 21, 2017, 12:09 pm
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So the welcome said share your story. Here it is: Please forgive
the scene setting preamble necessary for the 1 line query at the
end!. My Mother and Father fought every night for years -
shouting screaming and occasionally violent. When they moved to
make a new start yet again both my brother and I decided to not
go with them. I was 15. I worked saturdays and holidays to keep
myself at school and to pay for a room in a young couples
horrible flat with 2 babies. My Mother eventually got a court
order on my father who was suddenly forced into a hostel at age
about 67. She stayed in their council house. Fast forwarding my
father died in poverty at 71. By then I had worked my way
through a levels and uni and achieved an upper second maths
degree. I got a well paid job and married someone equally well
paid. My mother had always been difficult and i was frightened
of her. But when I had children she became a good grandmother to
my twins - someone i had never seen. She also married a man with
a lovely house she coveted and refused to marry him unless he
signed over his house to her in his will - despite it being
intended for his granddaughter. She got her way and then
proceeded to encourage him to drink despite his serious heart
problems and he inevitably died of a heart attack. As my mother
aged i frequently did the 2 hour journey to visit and help. when
she got macular degeneration it was me who was up and down to
take her to hospital and to plan her life - home groceries that
kind of thing. This was all while still holding down a serious
job and with 2 (now older) children of my own. My brother
followed a different path - he had already done his a levels
while living with my parents but never studied for them. he did
not go to university instead choosing to cut grass. he
eventually did decide to do open university and became a well
paid solicitor. However he was dreadful with his money. he
always borrowed off me and i never got it back. he spent the few
hundred pounds my father left for his funeral on himself and so
i paid for everything. Despite this he sent his children to
private school while mine went to the local!! He gave a
deceitful sob story to my grandmother so that she left him her
house thinking he would go to live their to get away from his
wife. he sold it and spent the lot. he tried the same with an
old lady he met through surveying until the police were called
in by her family and i had to get a solicitor to get him out of
custody. he lost his job but got another. he then pulled the
same trick on my mother - who has always been his favourite -
buying LPs for him while he was at home while i had to work to
pay my bus fairs to school. My mother had always said that she
would leave her house to us equally but eventually i found out ,
after years and years of visiting, helping her out on every
level that she had left it only to him. i was distraught as this
to me seemed proof that she was using me and massively favouring
him and proof that she did not love me. when she was i was so
upset she said she would reverse the will. 2 years later i found
out that she had intentionally not done so and was now therefore
even more upset that she had deceived me again wile letting me
go on doing everything. I was so upset that i decided I should
step back from the whole situation and not see her anymore. That
was about 5 years ago and i have visited only about twice since
(she is in a home where she is very happy). I simply could not
stand how upset I got every time i saw her - it would go on for
weeks and weeks. It is not that simple of course as I am racked
with guilt and more importantly am not sure how i will fell when
she dies (she is still in good health but over 90). People say
that I will never forgive myself for not being with her in these
years. I worry that my daughters will not forgive me either -
but they do not know what i went through all those years and the
recent lies and deceit. I do not know whether to put myself
through agony by restarting visits or whether to stay away -
although i have to say that to a lesser extent I am still
churned up about it when i think about it. What should i do?
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