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#Post#: 26--------------------------------------------------
Overpowering parents
By: clare low Date: March 28, 2017, 4:37 am
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Read about a young person's struggle with an overpowering mum on
our blog and do add your comments.
#Post#: 27--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: clare low Date: March 28, 2017, 4:38 am
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Some parents create unbearable situations at home.
#Post#: 236--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: steved Date: December 22, 2017, 3:52 pm
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Some parents made home life so unpleasant, cold, remote,
unwelcoming and very unfamily like, that people like me as a
child would rather sit outside in the cold, wind and rain under
the street light, or over in the church fields until bedtime
rather than stay indoors . I used to watch a neighbouring
family through their inevitably open curtains interacting,
socialising, playing, entertaining, caring for each other in
their living room and wondering what I had done wrong to end up
as I did. Even ending up living in the YMCA for 6 months only
eating once a day was better than being at home.
#Post#: 243--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: Jennifer Date: December 28, 2017, 3:37 am
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Hi Poshbunny good to hear from you, like you I woke up shall we
say around the 12th December to realise how my childhood
hasn’t been my fault but that of my toxic mother.
She’s been dead 25 yrs and still haunts me, I listened
to a programme on radio 2 about this subject and it was like a
veil lifted off me off me and I could see clearly none of it
was my fault.
I was the eldest and only daughter of my parents my brother was
4 yrs younger and was always the blue eyed boy funnily enough he
didn’t feel the guilt and never visited her resting place
after the funeral , where I have gone for 25 yrs every other
month through guilt ,duty I don’t know why, but no more my
daughter put some flowers on the grave for me at Christmas and I
will never go again, please read my post about the physical pain
she caused me and mental torture.
I am free of her now well as I can be, I hope you stick to your
guns I only wished I had done it when she was alive and walked
away from such a toxic woman and a weak man , in my early
married life she would say things in front of my lovely in laws
swear at me and I’m mean really swear and tell me what a
rotten daughter I was , my mother in law said she didn’t
know how I stuck it, my children came along but they were never
as good as my brothers children , I could write a book I wish
you luck in dealing with these parents
#Post#: 324--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: steved Date: November 1, 2018, 2:53 am
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Article in todays Daily Mail
(HTM) https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6338977/Cutting-cruel-mother-finally-set-free.html
More people just like us.
#Post#: 332--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: Anxious_Arooj Date: February 1, 2019, 12:00 am
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Hello. I am a 29 year old married woman from Pakistan. My
overpowering parent is my father. He is a polygamist and I spent
my childhood in his house where he used to live with his 2 wives
and children. I am the eldest daughter of the 1st wife so I
witnessed the whole process of him cheating on my mum, marrying
the woman and enforcing her presence in our home. I was 8 back
then. He was physically, verbally and financially abusive and
still is. Despite being filthy rich, he would make us suffer for
our basic necessities while his other wife and children were
provided lavishly in the same house. He would humiliate me, my
mother, my brothers in front of our steps and growing up in that
house has left us with a lot of hatred and resentment. Although
I was always the best in studies, had an arranged marriage to
the guy of his choice and did everything he expected, nothing
was ever good enough for him. He would always have his way with
us by threatening us that he would divorce our mum or put us on
the streets. Even after my marriage, on the rare occasion that I
did visit home, he left no opportunity to humiliate me even in
front of my husband. He even physically assaulted me once after
my wedding on a very petty issue. I had been strong all these
years while my mum and my bros still suffer in that house. I
have now developed anxiety disorder where I have strange phobias
and gastric issues. I have sleeping problems. And I have also
had 2 miscarriages to add to that. There arent many forums or
places thst provide help for people like me in my country. We
dont even have any legal cover against this abuse. I feel
helpless and suicidal.
#Post#: 333--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: Mitchell Date: February 1, 2019, 6:35 am
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Hi Arooj,
what a shocking story I'm Michael 67 from Belfast & I looked
after my very disturbed mother most of my life. I had it tough
but compared to your story mine was a holiday camp. One thing
you could check is to read up on personality disorders. Your
parent may just be a very bad person but it is possible there
could be a disorder behind it. My advice would be to break all
contact, this may not not be possible at least limit your time
with him.
Are You In A Relationship With Someone Who Has "Borderline
Personality Disorder"
Do you feel like you have to tiptoe around your loved one,
watching every little thing you say or do for fear of setting
them off?
Do you often hide what you think or feel in order to avoid
fights and hurt feelings?
Does your loved one shift almost instantaneously between
emotional extremes (e.g. calm one moment, raging the next, then
suddenly despondent?) Are these rapid mood swings unpredictable
and seemingly irrational?
Does your loved one tend to view you as all good of bad, with no
middle ground? For example, either you're "perfect" and the only
one they can count on or you're "selfish" and "unfeeling" and
never truly loved them.
Do you feel like you can't win, that anything you say or do will
be twisted and used against you?
Does it feel as if your loved one's expectations are constantly
changing, so you're never sure how to keep the peace?
Is everything always your fault?
Do you feel constantly criticized and blamed for things that
don't even make sense?
Does the person accuse you of doing and saying things you never
did?
Do you feel misunderstood whenever you try to explain or
reassure your partner?
Do you feel manipulated by fear, guilt, or outrageous behavior?
Does your loved one make threats, fly into violent rages, make
overly dramatic declarations, or do dangerous things when they
think you're unhappy or may leave?
If you answer "yes" to most of these questions, your partner or
family member might have borderline personality disorder.
Arooj I send you my love & I will ask for a prayer for you ( I
have a friend Sister Clare o Mahony I will ask Clare) Check out
Grace O Malley she was a pirate queen in Ireland in the 1500's
this lady was a tough lady she would sort your parent out
May We All Heal
Michael
PS
I will speak with Clare soon
PPS
new research on these disorders have widened this area up it
used to thought only those who were abused could develop a PD
now they say it could be early childhood trauma, genetic and in
some cases hereditary & new therapies have been developed which
are proving helpful I realize it would be impossible to get your
Fada (a term we use on bpdcentral & BPDFamily) to go for
treatment, but you may find the info useful
#Post#: 334--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: Mitchell Date: February 4, 2019, 9:24 am
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Hi Arooj
A prayer has been said for you over the weekend in the Good
Shepard Convent Belfast
It may be possible that Claire may have contacts in Pakistan I
will keep you informed, if true
Best Wishes
Michael
#Post#: 335--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: Mitchell Date: February 4, 2019, 9:58 am
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Re-Article in todays Daily Mail
(HTM) https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6338977/Cutting-cruel-mother-finally-set-free.html
I was 45 before I had a name for my mothers extreme behaviors,
the internet had just began and I could carry out my own
research. After 3 weeks I found the answer, Borderline
Personality Disorder (now called emotionally unstable PD) it
fitted like a glove.
I could never understand why the GP's did nothing after all my
mother was never off their doorstep and I was well manipulated
by my mother to stay away from the GP's. They could not tell me
its their code & unless my mother agreed there was nothing they
could do. I did not go to them as it worried me in case they
made things worse.
I never forget the phone call I made to the GP, I spoke to her
over the phone to tell her how bad it was & I'll never forget
her reply"we are well aware of your mother she psychosomatic,
psychotic and has a PD,my advice to is break all contact before
you become as big a mess" end of story, no counselling nothing &
it was 8 more years before I found out what all that mean't
Well the only living relative I had was my aunt who was also
disturbed & I owned the house, so what was I to do? I lived in a
christian based community honor thy father & mother
The stress caused me to drink heavily.
Many years later and now a mild drinker I've learned a lot with
web sites like this. PD are not the only reason for parental
abuse but must be core issues. The Royal College Of
Psychiatrists carried out an extreme survey in 2006 their
findings were 1 in 20 have a PD & recently I seen it is thought
to be 1 in 16 OVER 4,000,000 in the UK.
Why do we not hear about it well most are in DENIAL and are
never diagnosed just like alcoholic's in DENIAL
It is time those of us who recognize this problem got together
just like Al-anon to help & support each other as well as
learning. I've been on forums for over 20 years with others like
me but they are all outside the UK.
Mainstream psychiatry do not work in this area and do not feel
comfortable with these patients the few who do seek help! They
only work with Axis-1 mental illness PD's are Axis-2
developmental disorders. In 2003 some services were created in
the UK but sadly they have been underfunded or mishandled and
its still a minefield.
Its the significant others who suffer, we have to deal with the
behaviors and no one to help or explain
Are You In A Relationship With Someone Who Has "Borderline
Personality Disorder"
Do you feel like you have to tiptoe around your loved one,
watching every little thing you say or do for fear of setting
them off?
Do you often hide what you think or feel in order to avoid
fights and hurt feelings?
Does your loved one shift almost instantaneously between
emotional extremes (e.g. calm one moment, raging the next, then
suddenly despondent?) Are these rapid mood swings unpredictable
and seemingly irrational?
Does your loved one tend to view you as all good of bad, with no
middle ground? For example, either you're "perfect" and the only
one they can count on or you're "selfish" and "unfeeling" and
never truly loved them.
Do you feel like you can't win, that anything you say or do will
be twisted and used against you?
Does it feel as if your loved one's expectations are constantly
changing, so you're never sure how to keep the peace?
Is everything always your fault?
Do you feel constantly criticized and blamed for things that
don't even make sense?
Does the person accuse you of doing and saying things you never
did?
Do you feel misunderstood whenever you try to explain or
reassure your partner?
Do you feel manipulated by fear, guilt, or outrageous behavior?
Does your loved one make threats, fly into violent rages, make
overly dramatic declarations, or do dangerous things when they
think you're unhappy or may leave?
If you answer "yes" to most of these questions, your partner or
family member might have borderline personality disorder.
Alcoholics loved ones have Al-anon we have nothing 1 in 16 may
have a PD over 70% of prisoners,50% more common than
Alzheimer's, high suicide rates, 1 in 10 with BPD will commit
suicide etc
Sorry this is so long
Mitchell
PS there are now some web sites and services in the UK but they
do not cater for those in DENIAL which in turn means the
significant others are left out in the cold
(HTM) https://www.mind.org.uk/media/21163353/consensus-statement-final.pdf
“Shining lights in dark corners
of people’s lives”
The Consensus Statement for People with
Complex Mental Health Difficulties who
are diagnosed with a Personality Disorder
#Post#: 336--------------------------------------------------
Re: Overpowering parents
By: steved Date: February 7, 2019, 5:18 am
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Todays Daily Mail, another victim of their own parents.
(HTM) https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6676089/Writer-shares-story-cruel-childhood-reluctant-deathbed-visit.html
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