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#Post#: 2--------------------------------------------------
Effects of Divorce on men
By: silkchaos Date: October 5, 2015, 9:04 pm
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Written by Royce Adams:
Psychological, emotional, financial, physical
Many of the effects of divorce on men can be devastating yet a
few are contradictory and may even prove to be beneficial. A lot
depends on how the divorce is handled, For instance in one
Swedish researchers studying 'the effects of divorce on men'
found that men's physical condition improved after
divorce...this may be due to the fact that as men begin dating
again they are more concerned with external appearances and want
to look as attractive as they can in their efforts to find a new
mate or it may be a "make over" in an attempt to win back their
estranged wife having "let themselves go" during the marriage.
The gym can become a popular place and can also effect an
immediate ego boost,a lift in self esteem due to increase in
"feel good chemicals" such as dopamine which also is heightened
through physical exercise..
Divorce has implications for a man's health
One challenging effect of divorce on men is for men to be are
less prepared domestically apart from all the other potential
effects..i.e cooking,washing ironing...men will skip meals or
eat them on the run,eat far less fruit and vegatebles in favor
of readily available and easy obtained junk food.
Often a man's emotional state can interfere with his employment
and wage earning ability.
Some men also become estranged from their children particulary
if their former wife has a new partner.and a man can be become
alienated form his children as he will often be considered an
"outsider" or part time parent in these changed circumstances.
What was your your goal for using a search engine to look up the
"effects of divorce on men?"??Has there been a a breakdown in
your marriage and you are facing a divorce,instigated either by
your spouse or by you and you are being affected and impacted
badly by it?..If so is there something now you want to achieve
now?
Stress
Divorce(unwanted or otherwise) can have implications for a
man's health,is divorce looming in your life?,have you and your
partner recently separated or are about to?...is it that you are
having having trouble handling it and adjusting?..Maybe the
Psychological emotional financial physical effects have been
greater than you first anticipated (one of the effects of
divorce, unwanted or otherwise is stress even though you may not
notice it much, in much the same way a reconciliation is
stressful See: related Social Readjustment Rating Scale(Thomas
Holmes and Richard Rahe).
in the form of separation anxiety can lead to dangerous
increases in blood pressure(particulary if combined with a lax
diet, and risky drinking and smoking habits) as well as
unbridled anger which can be tha catalyst for
heart disease
It may be if the divorce is not your choice that you are feeling
revengeful,possibly even suicidal,in a rage( thought driven rage
and fury can bring about Apoplexy (an old fashioned term for a
stroked induce -internal bleeding). You may even be
contemplating hurting or committing harm,(or perhaps you have
become 'depressed'( which often is anger directed at yourself)
maybe you are drinking alcohol in excess and indulging in other
very risky behaviors)..if so you may need to telephone a crisis
hotline and discuss how you are feeling and what is happening
for you with a trained empathetic crisis Intervention Counselor
(lifeline maintain a national numbers in most parts of the
world) (as the very first choice) or engage with a empathetic
family member as a second....whatever you do you should not
leave these feelings to fester....now is not the time for
'stoicism' acting the strong silent type or a festering rage
because what you are feeling can very well get out of hand
without a some kind of intervention.....
General interest or research aside,what is it that you were
hoping to find out if anything?.
"From crisis comes opportunity"
when a marriage it brought to the brink of divorce it offers a
perfect opportunity to hone your marriage and relating skills
and set you up to build a marriage based on real honest
friendship,companionship and open intimacy the kind of
relationship many women crave...regardless of whether you stay
married to your current partner or re-marry it will benefit you.
"It Only Takes One to Get the Ball Rolling"(saving your marriage
on your own)©
Going through a divorce is never easy for anybody, however,
there are certain effects of a failed marriage that occurs more
often with men, than with women( although women too can be
affected the same way but usually have more solid support
networks) and many men often ruin any chance of saving the
marriage by the way they react either by deliberate bloody
minded intent and or as more often is the case
inadvertently,unknowingly because of not not having strong
enough relating skills to effect a amicable divorce let alone
possible reconciliation..Men generally have better chance of
reconciling with a soon to be ex-wife than they or the public
and "conventional wisdom" give credit ...if men would only just
get help fast when they need it...but in the way of most men
who'd leave off going to the doctor if they weren't pushed by
their partners(yes female partners often fulfill this role and
is what men call "nagging") or matters become far to big to
simply ignore they shy away.
"Men often ignore things that they really shouldn't until such
time it becomes too little-too late"
When a marriage is about to be dissolved, emotions often run
high in men, and a lot of important financial decisions as well
as emotional ones have to be made. Out of control emotions and
anger usually sets the stage for disaster. As a general rule:
Never mix emotions(particularly anger) and finances, or emotions
and legal matters of divorce. Decision made during the emotional
turmoil and upheaval of divorce are likely to be bad one over
the long run. How the financial matters are handled can greatly
influence the whole process and often be the deciding factor in
whether a divorce is going to become a battlefield with no
prisoner taken,total destruction,a blitzkrieg or handled well
amicably and may even cause a a rethink in their partner and
called off!
Rationality and maturity are attractive qualities and a far
better way to resolve issues concerning a soon to be or possible
divorce... Sometimes however it will be that a divorce is
unavoidable, but even then it is far better to try to make the
legal and financial matters strictly apart from the emotional
matters and your feeling for your partner, even if it tears you
up inside, the alternative is a prolonged, quite often very
painful, expensive battle(and keep in mind that you wont stop
seeing your ex partner if you intend being a part of you
children's lives) that in many cases will make long lasting
emotional scars on both sides,and worse yet the children of the
marriage who get to witness this hostile scenario, and prevent
chances of a future
reconciliation and saving the marriage
What to do when the Disaster of divorce threatens to strikes?
When faced with divorce or the threat of divorce, a lot of men
choose to let their ego and wallet control their actions, and
ruin any chance of an amicable settlement and even worse make
the process so much more hurtful for everyone involved that any
chance of a potential reconciliation a chance to save the
marriage later on is greatly diminished but more often lost
totally, in walks the lawyers and then the show is no longer in
the hands of the ones involved and a fierce battle is about to
ensue.
Are you thinking about giving your marriage one last do or die
effort?
YES?
How did it get so bad? Well as long as the relationship was
doing fine, nobody was thinking about who owned what and who
brought what into the relationship, in fact everything became
shared property, unless a prenuptial agreement was made. Then
most men make the mistake of thinking that they can get through
a divorce without losing any assets, especially if they're not
the ones filing for the divorce, and then their egos and wallets
block any kind of compromise. How often have you heard the
words: "€œShe chose to walk out on our marriage, so
why should I give her a penny!".. If you think like that you
will push your wife to seek a lawyer, and then you will have to
retain a lawyer yourself (and so begins the cycle) and that will
only result in a more expensive divorce, than just an equal
settlement.
Avoid devastating Divorce
A lot depends on how the divorce is handled,and if handled well
men can avoid devastating divorce.
The only sure way of avoiding to loss of assets in case of a
divorce is to have a prenuptial agreement before the marriage,
but since most people don't have this, the best tactic is to be
fair and go for an equal solutions. Don't get greedy
– you will most likely lose more than expected when
lawyers gets into the act, and that is even discounting their
fees.
Another tactic that is also very common, is to try to hurt your
spouse financially as indicated above, this is often done as a
revenge tactic on the other party, as they are perceived as the
one responsible for the emotional roller coaster ride of the
situation.
Avoid Lawyers at All Costs
lawyers make the effect of divorce far worse
Financial
When divorce or the threat of divorce enters the marriage, most
people look to lawyers to settle the cases. This is in most
cases the single most damaging thing they can do, unless there
simply are no other viable solutions!,the majority of lawyers
upon taking a case have their own narrow agendas
Once the lawyers enters the picture, whatever remains of love
and even goodwill between the parties too often flies out the
window, and often a long financial and emotional battle ensues,
one that scars many couples for the rest of their lives, and
leaves ill feelings between them. What most people fail to
realize is that there is only one winner in this scenario, and
that is the lawyers. Any win you think you have will often prove
later to be a hollow victory indeed. Lawyers know that finances
and emotions don't mix, and thus they play the spouses on the
basis on their emotions, dragging out the settlements, sometimes
making outrageous charges against the opponent in order to get a
better deal. Naturally the lawyers are defending their position,
by claiming that they only have their clients' full rights in
mind, but are dragging the settlement, charging per hour they're
working on the case, and the end the settlement that is reached
won't be much different from one that the spouses could have
worked out themselves, or through mediation.
NOTE: An exception to the rule about not getting lawyers
involved is to use them solely to get information about your
rights and applicable laws in case you suspect that you are
being treated unfairly by your spouse.
Has the worst happened and your spouse has or is about to move
out and leave you? Has she given you the speech already and
wants a divorce but this is not what you want? Is she involved
with someone else?...are you prepared to honestly admit that
what you have been doing is not working because in fact you can
see that your part in the drama is making matters worse?.Do you
want to do something about it that really works right now and
give yourself and your marriage fighting chance??...Do you even
know what you can do about it or where to begin??...then read
on... The vast majority of men who try to effect a
reconciliation with their spouse will fail and become another
divorce statistic.....
why?
Well most men will use time honored but useless methods based on
"conventional wisdom" from a male perspective.....they will use
advice from friends /family and from what they see in the movies
etc as their guidance...or worse still their "gut instincts"
this rarely works because it is based on fundamental flaws...the
flaws of not understanding relationships and human nature and
most importantly by not having a concrete and consistent
workable plan and path to follow...trying to save your marriage
is a not the time for self righteousness,blaming or indignation
or grandstanding.
Even if man is lucky enough he might,effect a reconciliation by
these "fly by the seat of the pants" methods he will probably at
best effect(if he is very lucky) a "premature reconciliation".
Premature reconciliations are to be avoided at all costs because
ultimately they will end the relationship permanently...
A man needs the help and guidance of a specialist,and not from
the typical "tell me how you feel"..."i hear where you are
coming from" type of Person Centered Counselor/Therapist or
"Marriage Guidance Counselor"...it is almost a certain that a
client "feels freaking awful"..the client is not there to waffle
on about how they feel but to take action with the help of the
counselor and his skills and knowledge... not merely to have the
counselor / therapist to "listen"(and worse yet almost nod off
to sleep) and make a few obligatory "mmmmmm I see" and "how
awful that must be for you. This is a complete waste of your
time and money and you might as well talk to your backyard
fence...This will not give you even the slimmest chance of
saving your marriage (your wife will at best think that she at
least doesn't have to listen to your "poor me" and your whining
and maybe now you'll leave her alone) he need to help find
action orientated steps to turn the clients situation around in
the shortest time possible (notwithstanding what the
client"feels"....feeling awful,hopeless,helpless and not coping
well is a given).
A action orientated solution focused specialist will help put
together an Action Plan via goal setting for the client and keep
them on track during the critical post bomb periods(after all
said and done they have walked down this path before with
others)....More damage can be done to a relationship during the
early pre divorces stage than at any other time during the
course of the relationship. If you are thinking about hanging in
there and giving it one last shot then you will find that
I can help you..do yourself a favor now and men need more
support and need to help themselves more Combine the book with
material and exercises that you will find in the Relationship
Articles from Royce Forum...and also get my direct input and
guidance with your situation.....
#Post#: 6--------------------------------------------------
Re: Effects of Divorce on men
By: arborite Date: October 6, 2015, 12:12 am
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Ah, the old days of Royce and the RRR...
ETA: Ironically, I believe this was one of Zonka's articles...
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