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#Post#: 33--------------------------------------------------
"Birthmothers Day" - An Adoptee's Perspective
By: Montraviatommygun Date: March 7, 2011, 3:25 am
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"Birthmothers Day" - An Adoptee's Perspective
by Anne Patterson
Of all the most condescending insulting visions of adopters and
baby brokers, the day called "Birthmothers Day" would win the
prize for ignorance and disregard.
While the traditional adoptee has had to live with a blind
invisibility about our issues of loss and grief this celebration
takes the whole thing to the largest level of illusion.
Adopted adults have lost their mothers, their fathers, their
families, their names, their heritage, their history, the rights
to who they were when they were born, their birth certificates,
and their identities. It is quite a long list of losses, and
one's that should never be ignored.
The expectation for adoptees to swallow their pain at the
expression of their true feelings to keep adopters happy has
been very damaging. Few adoptees are allowed to express their
true feelings of loss and grief at being separated from their
mothers and natural families. Birthmothers Day Celebrations is
not only a total disregard for our feelings of sorrow but an
overt exploitation of our pain. Not only now do we have to
ignore our pain in adoption but the perversion of celebrating it
is the expectation.
I would never expect any mother who surrendered a child to
adoption to celebrate that loss. I would further never expect
any adopted adult or adopted child to ever celebrate their loss
either.
In researching what some call "Birthmothers Day Celebrations",
it occurred to me who would be stupid enough and cruel enough to
ever expect anyone to celebrate the loss and separations that
occur in adoption. This was a question of other adopted adults
enraged and insulted that such a thing had ever been created? It
didn't take me long it know that this three ring circus of
celebrations was all in itself both devised, orchestrated and
planned by baby brokers and adopters. According to them, this
celebration is a way of recognizing natural mothers.
If they valued natural mothers, and moreover those who have been
separated from their natural mothers, then "Birth Mothers Day"
would not exist. The presumption that we adoptees need a
separate day to think of our mothers is shocking.
Most adopted adults have spent years both mourning, dreaming,
fantasizing, grieving, hoping and trying to come to terms with
our separations and loss in adoption. Our birthdays are of
course the day of the most intimate connections to our mothers -
whether they are shadows of what we hope to find, or real as in
we have found and reunited with them this day is a day of
reality, and deep feelings be we in contact with our natural
mothers or not.
Mothers day, recognized holidays and other regular days are also
days that cannot change that we are adopted. We think of our
natural mothers on all kinds of days. To designate a special day
and to be told that this is the day to "celebrate" adoption by
others is sick.
This celebration is an in your face slap to natural mothers who
are seen as not being worthy enough to be thought of, loved or
cherished on what a normal society calls "Mothers Day". It is a
coercive measure to dismantle the meaning of natural mothers and
to give them a lower status while perpetuating the pedestal
worship of adopters at their expense. What is even more damaging
though is that adopted adults are supposed to participate in
this. How dare a group of adopters and baby brokers tell me or
anyone else what to think of our mothers, when to think of them,
or to boldly be expected to celebrate our loss?
I do not know anyone who would wish to celebrate being a first
mother, nor anyone who would wish to celebrate being adopted.
I interviewed many people when I heard of this disgusting
orchestration; most adoptees were also insulted and certainly
did not feel like celebrating, and most mothers were deeply
angered and insulted that I know about this bizarre created
celebration. That anyone would disregard their pain to the point
of it being celebrated both angered and saddened both sides of
this.
Birthmothers Day Celebration Day - It is a day of cruel
expectations, illusions and manipulation. Its goal is to promote
the oppression and exploitation of other women so that baby
brokers can sell their children. It is sick, twisted and highly
offensive to me as an adult adoptee.
It is bad enough to feel the loss of being unworthy and to have
feelings of being not good enough as in being adopted those
feelings are created. But to think of my mother or any mother
celebrating their separation from their child is very cruel. How
painful it would have felt to me to know my mother celebrated
this loss. It would have if anything told me that she did not
love me as she was happy to not be able to raise me. That would
have turned into feelings of self-hatred and no self worth. How
sick and damaging it is to children to have this type of thing
going on. It would be up their with divorce day celebrations and
or celebrating diseases and other tragedies.
Adoption is not anything to celebrate. Expecting the victims to
celebrate it is beyond bizarre - it is as damaging and as sick
as it gets. I would sincerely hope that anyone see this for the
manipulation that it is.
Shame on those who participate, orchestrate and promote this
bizarre parody of truth.
I personally and professionally decry and boycott all days
called "Birthmothers Day Celebrations". Neither my mother who
surrendered me to adoption nor I would wish to celebrate. If we
created "Infertility Celebration Day" I bet the brokers might be
offended. Maybe that is what I will do: bake a cake and
celebrate another person's pain?? Where is humanity going when
such cruel orchestrations exist?
Copyright 2002 © Anne Patterson
Anne Patterson is a reunited adopted person and professional
private investigator. She has 11 years experience and a 95.4%
success rate in reuniting families separated by adoption. Visit
her website at
(HTM) http://www3.sympatico.ca/searches
(HTM) http://www.exiledmothers.com/speaking_out/birthmothers_day1.html
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