Waiting waiting

As opposed to "coding coding".  Days pass, each one
being a copy of the other.

During day, the day job is so utterly boring that I'm
looking forward to end this torture.  Waiting waiting
waiting, while cloud apparatus does some shit.  Just to
figure out that the code is not OK quite yet.  And no,
that's not verifiable 'offline'.

After work, all my energies are dissipated where it
*actually* matters.  And I'm honest when I'm saying
that this makes me happy.

After my usual day, however, that's when I could
finally relax and allow creativity to flow, and that's
unfortunately when my energies are completely
dissipated, and the only thing I can do is play an old
time adventure game, while dreaming of doing something
better with my life.

Once upon a time I thought it was a matter of shine:
producing open source software, helping the hacker
cause.  Join us now and share the software!  You'll be
free, Hacker, you'll be free.

Nowadays it mostly feels like an old illusion, with a
small percentage of the universe giving half a crap
about freedom, and being cut off from the remaining of
the universe.

My projects are for whom then?  What's the motivation
to do anything?  Because "after three days without
programming, life becomes meaningless".  But I can
hardly remember the last time I sit on my chair with
genuine relaxation and an open, creative mind.