Parental leave

Since a few weeks I'm in parental leave, so I'm spending most of
my days babysitting.  It is good not to be at work, but at the
same time it boosts my anxiety, whenever my brain isn't busy on
something.  Which is unfortunately often.

Anything requiring brain power is not practical with a little
baby screaming.  I try to listen to podcasts on topics that do
not require me too much thinking, but I don't have many interests
of this kind.
I wish there could be any podcast keeping me company as a fellow
human could, but I don't think that's feasible.  I feel alone,
and ironically I couldn't probably stand any of the people that I
could meet here.
Lots of contradictions.
What a mess I am.

For a few weeks I've tried to wake up early in the morning in
order to study, but as it turns out it does not to pay out so
much as I was hoping.  My children are very likely to interrupt
my study.
So I went back to studying in the evening, but energies are low by
the end of the day, and I can't really do much.

I have to focus on something I can *actually* do, with the little
resources I'm left with.
For instance, I've resumed my CTF (Capture the Flag) exercises
where I left off, and worked on that in the last few nights.
CTFS are not trivial, but at the same time each exercise does not
require a sustained work.
I find that learning r2 has not been in vain at all.

I've also decided to resume my daily journal, since it requires
little energies, and helps me in keeping track of little
achievements that keep me afloat.

Books: I'm done with "The Master and Margarita" (audiobook) and I
resumed reading "Foucault's Pendulum", the novel by Umberto Eco.
Or should I say I started it anew.