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       Do the Hard Thing
       November 08th, 2017
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       I've been thinking about lessons that I want to teach my boy.
       Boiling down all my experiences and knowledge to some core
       principles that I can invest him with to help him in the future is
       both thrilling and overwhelming. On the one hand, I have a lot of
       specific things I've experienced I could steer him on, but I think
       it will be difficult to make all the individual stuff stick with
       him. Instead I think it would be best to focus on principles, like
       living a life with the willingness to say "Yes!" to new
       opportunites and challenges. That's what led me to the Navy, or to
       the Jesuits, or to live in Alaska. I think it's an important and
       generally helpful attitude to pass on. 
       
       Most recently I was thinking about an idea I learned as a Jesuit
       novice called "agere contra". It means to do the opposite. In the
       context of Ignatian spirituality it is making a reference to the
       types of comfort we experience by doing what comes easy and
       natural to us. St. Ignatius thought that by avoiding these natural
       trappings of "easy" we would be forced to rely on God as we faced
       the unknown scary things and in doing so become closer with Him.
       
       As an example, when I started the novitiate, all of the novices
       were taken around the city to the various apostolates where we
       would be spending our "working" time during formation. There were
       hospitals, nursing homes, hospice care, schools, food pantries,
       and other various charities and social services. Our novice
       director told us to thing about the different places as we
       explored them and to pray on each of them and imagine ourselves
       working there. Only after we had done that did they introduce the
       concept of agere contra. The director said, list for me the top
       two apostolates which are the most intimidating to you, the
       scariest, or the most unnatural to your experience and
       disposition. What are the last choices you would make. And with
       that in mind, he helped assign us to something hard.
       
       In my case that meant I worked in hospice care and elementary
       education, both of which seemed terrifying. I went on to
       experience some of the most rewarding months of my life. I not
       only broadened my exposure to new things, but I also gained
       confidence in my ability (with God's help) to take on the unknown
       and not just survive, but to thrive.
       
       In the case of my son, the idea of agere contra might be a little
       bit too complex. Maybe it takes a more sophisticated understanding
       of the world and yourself to put it into action. But there are
       parts I think he can grok even at 5 years old.
       
       Do the hard thing.
       
       That's the heart I'm working on with him now. I think there's more
       in that idea than just agere contra, too. As we face increasing
       threats to employment through automation, focusing on doing and
       learning what is hard is a generally safe way of proceeding. In
       working in a group, taking on the hard part will instill a valued
       social skill. Ethically it conditions him to avoid poor choices
       through laziness. There's so much good that comes from choosing
       the hard path.
       
       Turning that lesson inward, I stare at my list of hobbies and
       cringe. I flounder and fail to progress because I am lazy and do
       whichever thing strikes my fancy. I need to be deliberate in my
       practice or study. I need to do the hard things. Lets see what
       I can do with that principle and some motivation.