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A Purpose in Life
December 18th, 2021
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How do you find your purpose in life? That's a question that just
popped up on the Fediverse. I wanted to respond right away, but
I suspect my thoughts on the subject are going to expand beyond
a reasonable reply-toot. Let's explore the question together here!
First of all, the question was immediately followed by a sentiment
about searching for happiness, suggesting that a purpose in life
and being happy are related ideas, maybe even the same thing. It
may be the case that finding purpose leads to happiness, but
I would caution against drawing those parallels too soon, for as
you'll see, there's a possibility doing so may blind you to your
own possibilities.
In religious life we talk about finding ones purpose by using the
term "vocation." That word harkens back to Latin roots from the
idea of a "calling". Whether you are religious or not, I think the
term does a good job representing the idea that an individual may
be aligned well, or be well-suited to succeed at a certain
occupation or activity. If you believe in a higher power, you may
understand it as being meant to follow a path, or that you're led
to it. If not, it may just be something that naturally aligns with
your skills, morals, and sense of being. A vocation is a powerful
idea.
Which is cool and all, but how do you determine what YOU are meant
to do? Should you expect a big clear sign that says, "Dear
jackass, you should be a fire fighter. k thnx bye!" Even in
religious literature that sort of calling is super-rare. Instead
you should expect to have to go about it the hard way. That means
figuring things out on your own through exploration, testing, and
some deep introspection (and prayer if you're into that sort of
thing).
Where do you start? I'd recommend a simple list to get started:
- Needs of the world
- Your skills & gifts
- Your true desires
The needs of the world are wide and varied. Some are enormous
tasks, like fighting climate change. Others are smaller and more
local, like volunteering at a food pantry. Everywhere you look
there are people in need, animals in need, nature in need,
probably even charismatic rocks in need. Maybe you feel
a particular affinity toward one of these needs. Maybe you feel
like your abilities are well suited to address one of them.
Thinking about what you're good at or uniquely qualified to offer
is another angle for approaching your path. Do you like to work
with your hands? Are you personable? Do you love spreadsheets? Can
you juggle? It really doesn't matter what the skills are, there's
probably a place they can be applied.
And maybe it's neither of the above. Maybe there's something
stirring deep in your heart that sounds damned interesting. Is
there an idea that persists inside you, itching away in a little
voice? Is there a subtle yearning to try it, to do something new?
That may be a deep or true desire of your heart, or it may be
something else entirely. You'll need to learn how to test it.
All of these ideas above are a starting point, not an actual
answer. Once you have something that has sunk its hooks into you,
however tentatively, it's time to test that voice to make sure
it's coming from the right place. Once again in religious terms we
call this testing the spirits, and once again the principles apply
even if you are non-religious.
There are several techniques for testing a decision. Here's
a couple:
1. Imagine you are very old. You've reached the end of your days
on Earth. It's time to wrap it up any moment now. Here at the
end you've taken a moment to think back on your life that
you've lived. Think about that decision you made and imagine
how it played out. Do you feel proud of that? Does it give you
a sense of consolation to have done it or does it leave you
cold?
Now flip the script. Take some time to clear your head, then
imagine the exact same scenario, but imagine you chose
differently. How does that make you feel, looking back?
2. Test the spirit for its communion. Does this decision bring you
closer to the people you love? Does it bring you closer to the
community? Does it bring you closer to your faith? Does your
choice build up those around you or does it build up you
yourself? Think about those relationships that are important to
you and think about how the decision feels next to those
relationships.
One thing you'll notice here that we're not looking at is
happiness. Focusing on a decision that brings you joy can easily
mask the harm it's doing to those around you, to your
relationships with those you care about or your own spirituality.
Finding your path will hopefully bring you a sense of peace, which
then should bring happiness with it, but don't use it as a way to
test the spirits. It's too easy to be misled.
One other thing I want to mention is the freedom to give up your
own control. In most of the ideas above there's a sense that you
are choosing something for yourself based on some logical
criteria. If that's not resonating with you, or if it's not
drawing you to something strongly, you may want to try
surrendering yourself to a different sort of freedom.
Sometimes our own sense of control is blocking us from the
possibilities of what we can really accomplish. We think we are
good at X, so we do X. We can't imagine we'd be good at Y, so we
never try Y. Perhaps Y even scares us. We're not well equipped for
it. We don't have those skills.
By actively choosing something new that scares us, that we feel
unequipped to handle on our own, we have no choice but to
surrender to the task and hand over that control. We might say
that we put it in God's hands. We might say that we're leaving our
comfort zone.
Try this: When you're thinking about the needs of the world or
listening to those sneaky desires deep in your heart pay close
attention to anything that bubbles up that scares you. Working
with kids? Working in hospice care? Visiting the incarcerated?
Whatever it might be, if it seems impossible and frightening don't
dismiss it. Give some consideration to testing it out. Imagine
yourself on your death bed looking back on it. Give it some
freedom to be possible for a moment.
Finally I'd like to reassure you that there's not just one answer.
You're not called to do one and only one thing. You will be called
again and again. You can reinvent yourself. You can expand to be
more and do more. You can change, and you WILL change. Even right
now at this very moment.