Transcript: EastEnders - 22 Dec 1994 The Television Transcript Project */EastEnders /* *Written by:* Christopher Reason 22 Dec 1994 British air date: Thursday, 22 Dec 1994. This is episode #111 in the second numbering series (after the first 952 episodes). Transcript of the *previous* episode (the previous Tuesday) *Synopsis:* Matt shows up, unannounced, on the square. Ricky starts paying rent and Sanjay bets the money on a horse. The Butchers and Jacksons confusedly agree on who's hosting for Christmas. Cindy wonders: what does "love" mean. Gita sees herself in a new light: Miss Too-Perfect. David does two good turns. Fun at the Vic. Directed by Geoff Feld. In Cockney English, "cheers" and "ta" each mean thank you. "Ta ta" means good-bye and "cheers" can also be a good-bye. A "punter" is a customer. A "quid" is a pound (money). "Sod it" means "screw it/damn it/forget it." "Blimey!" is an expression of surprise. To "slag" someone off is to insult or abuse them. (Note: "eh" is usually pronounced "Ay," like the name of the letter A, especially when at end of a sentence/question. Eh?) Speech in braces {} is unclear. I tried my best, but, especially with Bianca, it can be hard to work out what people are saying sometimes. CHELLE = MICHELLE = CHELLE NIGE = NIGEL = NIGE NAT = NATALIE = NAT About 50 scenes. 23 characters: NIGEL, DEBS, RICKY, SANJAY, GITA, MARK, MATT, CINDY, PAULINE, IAN, NATALIE, BIANCA, CAROL, ALAN, PAT, SHARON, MICHELLE, STEVE, GRANT, DAVID, JANINE, ARTHUR, and TRACY. Cast list (cast.htm 3K) When I printed this, it took 35 pages. Transcribed via microcassette and copious notes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [*/EastEnders/ Intro* with theme music (time: 00:27). Intro theme: Save music (417kb mp3).] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Morning. NIGEL and DEBS come out of their place, happily going downstairs and onto the street.] NIGEL [singing] "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh, what fun it is to ride"--Don't ya just love it? One time o' the year when you can be a kid again. You know, the best Christmas /I/ ever had, was in, ahhh-- DEBS 1963. New policeman's outfit. Red pedal car, an' Auntie {Hill's dancing on the} coffee table. NIGEL God, I'm so boring.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [A bus had come into the square. Who comes out? MATT. He's looking in his address book.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [RICKY's walking happily through street and past a bunch of child carollers who are at the garden end of the market. He heads to Sanjay's stall. SANJAY's wearing a Santa cap. (The CAROLLERS are singing, "God rest ye merry gentlemen..")] RICKY Sanjay!? [arrives at the stall] All right? Here you go. Fifty quid rent. All right? SANJAY Cheers. Ricky. You--you sure you can af/ford/ this? RICKY What's got into you--of /course/ I can afford it! I'm payin' rent for /my/ flat like people are sup/pos/ed to! Oh, as soon as you can, rent book, yeah? [businesslike, as he leaves] Cheers, mate. [GITA comes up, in a good mood.] GITA You're looking very thoughtful. SANJAY Was I? GITA Yeah! And now you're looking guilty. What have you done? SANJAY I haven't done anything. Look--what /is/ this? GITA It's a /joke,/ Sanjay. SANJAY What d'you /want,/ anyway? GITA It's about Christmas Day: you /are/ going to spend it with us, aren't you? SANJAY Oh, am I? GITA Well, I /assum/ed that's what you'd /want/ to do. SANJAY Well, maybe you assume too much. GITA Sanjay, don't be like that! I thought we'd got everything sorted out, that we were friends! SANJAY What makes you so sure I /want/ to be friends? What makes you even think I want to spend Christmas Day with you, eh? I might have made other arrangements! GITA Have you? Oh, Sanjay. /Why/ are you making such a big issue out of this? I just thought you'd /want/ to spend Christmas Day with your daughter! SANJAY I would /love/ to spend Christmas Day with my /daught/er. It's /you/ I'm worried about. GITA [quiet] Sometimes you can be really hurtful, you know? SANJAY Gita; I'm sorry. Look--I'll be there, all right? GITA Good. SANJAY Gita. I /need/ you to look after the stall for me for a bit. [takes off his apron] GITA What? SANJAY You're not the only one that can do a /deal,/ you know. [puts Santa cap on her head] There you go. GITA But Sanjay! I'm not-- SANJAY [over her words as he leaves] See ya later. GITA --off 'til this afternoon! SANJAY [over his shoulder] Yeah--do it as a friend. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Briefly at Mark's stall, MATT comes up as MARK finishes with a CUSTOMER.] MARK Merry Christmas. MAN Merry Christmas. [leaves] MARK Yes, mate? MATT Albert Square? MARK You're in it. MATT Cheers. [leaves] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [GITA at her stall. Sees MATT, who doesn't see her. She recognizes him and has added things up fast--concerned look.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [At Cindy's and Ian's, in their hallway next to the stairs that go down, PAULINE and CINDY are talking. STEVEN is running around. IAN's in the background, sitting at the desk.] CINDY Don't I even get a kiss good/bye,/ Steven? PAULINE Too excited about seeing Santa. CINDY [amused/charmed sound] PAULINE Now you wait by the front door, Steven. Don't go running out into the road. CINDY Oh, I really appreciate this. PAULINE It's no bother; I'm taking Martin an' Vicky anyway, so one more's no bother, /is/ it? Anyway. I'll bring 'im back about lunchtime 'cause Carol's swappin' with me, okay? CINDY Right. {Well, even more, he's brilliant.} [giving PAULINE money] PAULINE Oh, there's no need for that. Go on. CINDY Oh, go on! It all mounts up! PAULINE No! IAN [has just walked over] Thanks, Auntie Pauline. PAULINE All right. A pleasure. [EVERYONE exchanges goodbyes. Then PAULINE and STEVEN leave.] IAN [semi-wistful, amused] It's funny. CINDY What is? IAN Well uh--just remembered a day I'd completely forgotten. It was me dad takin' me to see Santa. Eh! Ended up gettin' a clip 'round the ear! CINDY Why was that? IAN I wouldn't sit on Santa's knee--I was /scared/ of 'im. Me old man lost his patience with me. I couldn't o' been more than four years old. [phone rings, IAN gets it.] IAN 'Ello? Hello? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Outside, the phone booth, MATT hangs up. Is broodingly looking around. He's absently looking at the wall when his eye falls on a notice in there. "Lovely Models," on pink paper. A siren's wailing nearby. MATT leaves the phone booth and looks at Cindy's and Ian's house from there.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The Cafe. NAT's working. SANJAY's looking at a list of horses in races in a newspaper or magazine. BIANCA walks in. She's got an orange scarf on and an ugly long, silver ski jacket. Pop music is on the Cafe's radio.] NAT All right? BIANCA You like it? Christmas present. NAT Who to? BIANCA Me! NAT W'ya get Ricky? BIANCA Mm. "What to get the man who's got everything," eh? NAT Uh. Bianca? BIANCA What? NAT You know that Christmas Day you an' Ricky's goin' to have? Is it still on? BIANCA Oh! What a cock up! First it's supposed to be at Pat Butcher's house, /then/ me mum's sayin' she wants to have it at /her/ place! An' I'm the one who's supposed to /tell/ her! I mean it's not /fair/ though, is it, Nat. If she won't {bluth it}, she should've {choos-she}! NAT Uhm. BIANCA [stops] What? NAT Only I.. BIANCA Only what? NAT Just I don't know where I'm going. BIANCA What a lucky girl; make the most of it. What, you stuck with your dad an' the wicked witch? You're mum's all {down on} what's his face, I suppose. {Just bought or spot him in} his short trousers! Look--why don't you come over--over to our place, spend it with us, eh? It'll be a laugh! NAT Not if it's at Pat Butcher's; I hardly know her. BIANCA But it /won't/ be at Pat Butcher's, will it? NAT But you said-- BIANCA Yeah, well! Don't mean /every/thing I say--shouldn't /listen/ to me! Can I have some toast an' a cup of coffee? NAT [heading to a table with a sandwich] Yeah, I'll do it--I just gotta-- BIANCA Here, I'll do it. [takes the sandwich over to SANJAY, who's got his eyes closed, and his pen poised in the air high over the list] What you /doin'?/ SANJAY [brings down the pen and opens eyes] Trusting in God. BIANCA Mm. [Close-up of the form and pen, which is on "Mr. Caplin." SANJAY underlines it.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [In the Jacksons' kitchen. CAROL's got cleaning supplies on the table and is instructing ALAN to clean the kitchen.] CAROL An' not just the bits that you can see. ALAN This is /so/ stupid. CAROL Mm! An' you need to clean the inside of the oven as well. ALAN We're cookin' a /turkey/ on Sunday! What's the point in cleanin' it if we're gonna do it all over again come Monday? CAROL Now, this floor: you don't just use water on it. You use this stuff, uh--I'd leave it 'til last. An' for God's sake don't stand on it. Listen: close that kitchen door an' keep the kids out altogether. ALAN [has been frustrated, sighing through that, puts down a cleanser she handed him] Why're we trying to impress the Butchers? CAROL Listen. When Pat Butcher comes around on Christmas Day, she'll have her /snout/ in everything. Now, if she spots a little bit of dirt it'll be all around Walford before the end of the Queen's speech. I'm not gonna give her the pleasure! ALAN Why're we a/shamed/ of ourselves--I mean, you know, we should show ourselves just as we are--I mean--none of this /fancy/ stuff. CAROL [light, amused little laugh] I like it Alan. I /liiike/ it! But it doesn't get you out of cleanin' the kitchen. [back to business, getting a list and money out of purse] All right: I need you to make a start on the shopping, there's the /list,/ ah, here's a tenner. All right. I better get going; I'm covering for Pauline, I'm gonna be late. ALAN It's not like Pat Butcher's the Queen Mother. CAROL [stops at door and turns around] No? [leaning on door frame] Listen Alan. I need this to work for all sorts of reasons. [breathes in] I know it's gonna be hard for ya. For me? For Bianca? ALAN [calmly decides for a second] Yeah, all right. CAROL [quiet, nice] Thanks Alan. Cheers. [leaves] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [PAT at Mark's busy stall. MARK's wearing a Santa cap.] PAT Oh. You can sling another--couple packs of them dates an' nuts, an'-- PUNTER I'll have another {bag of that, too.} MARK [to PAT] Got your work cut out, haven't you? Who you got comin' over? PAT The Jacksons. MARK Oh, "Season of Good Will." Very nice. You'll be wantin' your mistletoe. [reaches for it] PAT No, I don't think so. MARK Go on; it's free. PAT Just the change! MARK Goes with every order over ten quid. Now that's gonna be, one, two, three, that's gonna be 11.50, please, Pat. PAT Oh, well. MARK The dates an' what not, you know. PAT Yeah, okay. Change it. There you go. MARK Smashing! There you go. PAT Ta. MARK Happy Christmas. PAT An' you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The Vic--not open yet. STEVE's working and SHARON's hanging the mistletoe when someone comes knocking at the door.] SHARON Hang on! [gets down, goes over, opens door] Oh--'ello, Chelle! CHELLE What you up to? SHARON Oh, a new mistletoe. People swipe it. Uh, Steve, could you open up? STEVE Yup. SHARON [meaning herself] Make some coffee, eh? CHELLE Yeah--look--Sharon, I've.. I think I've done something really stupid. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Ian's and Cindy's living room. IAN's working at the desk. CINDY's with baby Peter, who's fussing. She's walking around talking to the baby, half the time.] CINDY Sh! Sh! Daddy's working! {I can take your fruits and veg or something.} IAN It's all right! I don't mind! CINDY Come on, let's look out the window, /shall/ we? Look can we see any /birdies./ [goes to window. MATT's out in the road gesturing up a questioning/upset shrug. Peter's still fussing.] Um. You gonna be /long?/ I--I can take him to the /park./ Maybe, he just wants a bit of fresh air. IAN It's all right! I don't /mind!/ I'm only gonna /be/ another half hour or so, anyway. Ah, I could murder a coffee; do you want one-- CINDY [hastily] I'll make it. IAN No, it's all right! You stay /there!/ You got /enough/ on your plate. [With Peter, who's still fussing, CINDY goes back to window. Matt's gone.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Upstairs in the Vic, the living room. SHARON sitting on couch. CHELLE in chair, feeling self questioning, apologetic.] SHARON So what's this "stupid thing" you've done? CHELLE [long pause] I went to see Phil. At his Mum's. I was just tryin' to /help./ I--I thought, with Grant being such a /bas/tard, if Phil was to have a word, then maybe [stops] SHARON [pause] What did he say? CHELLE [pause] Not a lot. SHARON No? CHELLE No, I. I don't think he was particularly pleased to see me. SHARON Well; did he ask about me? Well, come on, he must have said /some/thing. CHELLE [pause] To tell you the truth, he said, he didn't think it was anything to do with him. I'm sorry. SHARON I see. So he's not going to say anything. [footsteps are coming] GRANT [pokes his head in the doorway] Uh. You recordin' this conversation? Just so I'll know. [leaves] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [At the betting shop, SANJAY's finished filling a form and goes to the counter, where DEBS is working. Background: an announcer dryly listing the odds. (A careful listen: "ten to one Mr. Caplin," is heard right after SANJAY mentions tax.)] SANJAY There you go. DEBS All right, uh, Mr. Caplin to win, yeah? SANJAY [reaching for wallet] Yeah, I'll pay the tax up front, right. DEBS You sure you can af/ford/ this Sanjay? SANJAY Ah. Sometimes, Debbie, you get a gift from heaven. You should make use of that gift in the best way you know how. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [A distracted broody MATT in the gardens sees IAN leave the house. MATT gets up, heading to the house.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [MARK's stall--ALAN's buying a bunch of veggies. Another PUNTER is there, too.] MARK Here. /Here:/ what's all this for, /any/way? I thought you were goin' over the Butchers' this Christmas. ALAN Well, they're comin' to us. MARK Well, I think you'd better tell Pat Butcher that! She was here buyin' up half the stall not half an hour ago. She reckons you're goin' to her! ALAN You what? MARK [amused/reassuring] Straight up! [ALAN leaves with stuff.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [IAN walks up to GITA's stall, looks over stuff, while asking.] IAN When you gonna get something /new/ in your stall? GITA Um. This afternoon. IAN Um. Shame; it's gonna be too /late/ by then. Cindy thinks I'm, uh, goin' down to the /Coun/cil's. I'm not. Actually I'm goin' out an' buyin' a Christmas present. And, uh, unfortunately, it's not gonna be from /you./ Hey, how /are/ you, then? GITA Eh? IAN Your /tooth/ache, remember. You know the other day when you were swimming? GITA Oh, /yeah./ Um. I'm fine now, thanks. IAN All right. Look, I'll see you later. [IAN takes off. GITA looks like she doesn't like the implication--Cindy must by lying to him, leaving GITA in that sort of exchange.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Exterior: CINDY opening the front door. Camera widens view: it's MATT at her door.] CINDY [defensive] How did you get my address? MATT I needed to see you. CINDY [sighs] Better come in. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Launderette. CAROL's working and ALAN's talking to her.] ALAN Look, I don't mind doin' the kitchen, but if /Pat/ Butcher's doin' the cookin', then /let/ her! [confidentially] I spent /ten quid/ on vegetables this morning! We can't afford it, Carol--as much as anything. CAROL Look: Bianca's my daughter. Now I--I invited /her,/ her boyfriend, an' his family, over for Christmas dinner. It's the /kind/ of thing normal people do. I don't want to spoil everything. ALAN Let me have a word with Pat Butcher. You know, you won't spoil nothink-- CAROL Look: I don't want Pat Butcher to think I'm worming me way out of it. Like we're, paupers or something. ALAN She don't even know you've /of/fered! I mean, how can she think you're /worming/ your way out of it?! [leaving] Look. I'll have a word with Ricky, all right? CAROL Look, if you've got this wrong Alan-- ALAN Trust me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [At Cindy's and Ian's, upstairs in the living room. CINDY's standing, a bit impatient, beyond her scope. MATT's sitting on a chair, distracted with anxiety.] CINDY [exasperated sigh] Listen Matt [sigh] -- MATT What? CINDY I don't think this is a very good idea. MATT Well, what isn't. CINDY Well, you /bein'/ here! Look, I--I think you'd better go. I'm sorry. MATT Why? CINDY [exasperated exhale] Loo--I've got two kids /asleep/ in the other room! The swimming pool's one thing, but in my own living room! MATT I'm not here 'cause of that! There's things I need to say. CINDY Well--puh--can't they wait for another time? MATT Oh, no, they can't! I can't stop /thinkin'/ about you, see? An--an' ever since /seein'/ you with, with your /hus/band the other day, all I can see is you an' him to/gether,/ all the /time/--it's drivin' me /nuts!--/ CINDY You always /knew/ I was /mar/ried! MATT You see: I think I've fallen in love with you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [At Bianca's and Ricky's. RICKY's in foreground sitting on bed eating from a plate on his lap. BIANCA is back by the desk.] RICKY But we agreed this morning you'd tell your Mum it was around /Pat's!--/ BIANCA Well I've changed me /mind!/ RICKY W--What--'cause you want /Natalie/ to spend Christmas with us? BIANCA No, /not/ just because of that. My mum wanted to /do/ it, we should /let/ her! RICKY What's wrong with her /own family?!/ BIANCA Have you /met/ the Munsters? RICKY Oh, I don't /want/ her to come--she gets on me /nerves!/ It'll be "boyfriend this," "boyfriend that"-- BIANCA /No/ it won't! RICKY How d' /you/ know?! BIANCA 'Cause it /won't!/ All right? [has got up, comes over to stand by him] [quiet] She fancies you, d'you know that? RICKY Really. BIANCA Yeah; she told me all about it. RICKY When was this then? BIANCA [laughs, giggly] Did you be/lieve/ me? [giggle] You should see your face. RICKY Uh, you can't go around changing arrangements just 'cause you feel like it, Bianca. BIANCA Well it would be a bit silly to change 'em if I /didn't/ feel like it, /wouldn't/ it! RICKY Yeah, well you should have asked me /first!!!/ [leaving] Look, it's at /Pat's/ an' that's final, all right? BIANCA Ricky! Don't! Come /back!?!/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Exterior view of that house, RICKY goes out door and down stairs. ALAN's on the street, sees him.] ALAN Ricky! Just the man. I was hoping to see you. RICKY Look, I can't stop, Alan. ALAN Just one thing: I'm right in thinking Christmas is at your mum's, yeah? RICKY Yeah. ALAN Is that a /def/inite, is it? RICKY Yeah, that's a definite. ALAN [has stopped, is smiling, as RICKY rushes on] Good. That's all I needed to know. [very happy] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The betting shop. SANJAY's looking at his pile of money with NIGEL. They're at the counter and DEBS is on the other side, by the camera/us.] NIGEL [awed/amazed] Bli-mey! SANJAY Beats /workin',/ eh, Nige? Hee, hee. NIGEL So, ah, how'd you go about pickin' a winner, then, Sanj? [sees DEBS looking at him like, "no"] I'll withdraw that question. SANJAY [hands her a bill] {Here} Debs, buy yourself a drink. Now, I suppose I'd better go an' do some Christmas shopping before I put it all in the next race. [heading out] See you later, {make it}. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [MATT and CINDY. He's still in the same mode on the chair. Now she's sitting on the couch.] CINDY Look, Matt. You say you love me. Well, I'm telling you now, you don't! When someone says they love you, it means you've got something you want or need. Believe me. I know. [has got agitated] MATT Oh, I /see./ You make a habit out o' this sort of thing, do you? CINDY Look, it was only meant to be a bit of fun. MATT Do I /look/ like I'm havin' /fun?!/ So, accordin' to /you,/ this has all just been a bit of a /giggle,/ right? CINDY Ah, I think you'd better go: my little boy's gonna be back soon-- MATT Well it wasn't a giggle to /me!/ So, what? I'm just one o' /many?/ Do you {want marks} out o' /ten?!/ CINDY No! Of /course/ not! MATT Oh! So I'm the first, am I? Well?! CINDY [pause] Look. When you're a bit older-- MATT [gets up and shouts in anger] Don't /pat/ronize me!! CINDY --you'll look back on this, an' you'll see hhow funny it's been. MATT [heads out, turns at door, angrily shouts] You know there is a /word/ for women like you!!!! [One of the babies is crying from the other room as Matt leaves the house. Next, the door slam of his leaving. Baby continues /crying/ as CINDY takes in what's just gone on.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [On street, BIANCA and DAVID briefly come across each other walking. He's headed for the pay phone.] BIANCA All right? DAVID Oh, hi. BIANCA {That's a first, eh?} DAVID Oh, it's nothing, Bianca. It's just the phone's on the blink. BIANCA Would you be really annoyed if I was just {?? payin' for?} DAVID No, I don't suppose so. Uh. Wait an' let me buy you a drink, at the Vic. [They head for the Vic.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [MATT comes out the door and down the stairs with a mean scowl on his face. Goes into the phone booth. He takes that notice, writes something on it and puts it back up, still scowling, and leaves.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [MARK's stall. ALAN's returning the stuff he bought.] MARK [betrayed] I've gotta put it all /back?/ ALAN Sorry mate: change of /plan./ Not needed now. [as MARK's taking stuff] Can I have me tenner back? [MARK reluctantly will.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [GITA at the stall. SANJAY comes up with a shopping bag. He's in good calm spirits and she soon gets /very/ testy.] SANJAY All right? GITA Where've you been. SANJAY [taking things out of bag] If we're gonna /spend/ Christmas together, let's do it properly, yeah? [one of the things is a hair band with antlers on it] GITA You left me here all morning so you could go Christmas shopping? SANJAY Yeah. GITA Where'd you get the money from, Sanjay?--I mean, I spend my life here, slogging my guts out an' you go around spending the money on God knows what! SANJAY I got presents for you an' Sharamila! GITA Sanjay, you /do not/ go around spending money from the business whenever you /feel/ like it, all right!?! SANJAY Who said--who said it's money from the business? Gita you know you really are a /pain/ sometimes. It's /Christ/mas! An' you got /no right/ to /nag/ me about what I spend money on. It's not as if we're /living/ together anymore, /is/ it? GITA We are business partners, Sanjay. An' business partners do /not/ go around spending money from the business without con/sult/ing each other about it-- SANJAY That money had nothing to /do/ with the business!! GITA Oh, yeah?! So where'd it come from? Santa /Claus?/ SANJAY I /won/ it! On an 'orse! An, you know /what?/ It felt Great. Huh, that shut you up. GITA Well, that's nothing to be proud of Sanjay. In fact you should be a/sham/ed of yourself. SANJAY [still very irritated] Yeah, Gita, tell me: why did you /marry/ me if I'm such an awful person? GITA I wish I knew-- SANJAY Well, what did your /mouth/ do for exercise before it had /me/ to slag off, eh? Gita, I'm /not/ your whipping boy /any/ more! I /quit/ the day I moved out! GITA Sanjay! I-- SANJAY Oh, clear off! I've got to do the stall. An', as for Christmas, who in their /right mind/ would want to spend Christmas Day with a miserable old /bag/ like you?!! GITA [looks hurt like something's struck home] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The Vic. DAVID and BIANCA in a booth.] DAVID So now, let me get this straight. You wanted to have a Christmas at /your/ house, uh? BIANCA Yeah, it ain't just 'cause o' Natalie. It would just be nice for me mum to get her own way for once. DAVID An' you want /me/ to have a word with /my/ mum to get her to agree, right? BIANCA Yeah--/would/ you, David? DAVID Consider it done. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Different booth, the next one over, MICHELLE with PAULINE.] CHELLE Look, Mum, I'm sorry if I snapped at you in the launderette. I just can't stand people being slagged off behind their backs. PAULINE What /else/ would people around here do if they didn't do that? CHELLE You don't know the half of what's gone on. You shouldn't judge unless you know the whole story. PAULINE What's the whole /stor/y? CHELLE Whatever Sharon's done, she doesn't deserve this. PAULINE All right. All right. I'm sorry. Listen, I've gotta go. [stands] Um. You are coming to us Christmas Day, aren't you? CHELLE I didn't know I was in/vi/ted. PAULINE Oh, of /course/ you are--/an'/ Geoff, too, if he wants. CHELLE No, he's spending it with his kids, isn't he. PAULINE Oh, /that's/ a shame. /You'll/ still come, eh? CHELLE Yes. PAULINE All right, then: see you. [leaves] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [As PAULINE leaves the Vic, RICKY comes in.] RICKY All right, Paul? [finds BIANCA] /There/ you are. [sits] DAVID [gets up] I better make a phone call, right. I'll see you later, love. BIANCA Yeah. Thanks. RICKY Sorry, right? I was wrong! If you want Natalie to come an' have it at your Mum's, then, fine! Just as long as I'm not the one who has to tell /Pat./ BIANCA Oh, no! I've taken care of /every/thing! RICKY [kisses her] BIANCA Got a fiver on you. RICKY What for? BIANCA Natalie coming for Christmas. I've gotta get her a present, don't I? RICKY [amused, gives her money] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The launderette. CAROL and PAULINE smiling, looking at their bonus money.] CAROL Oh, now, whee! ALAN [entering] Just to tell you. I've just seen Ricky. It's all /sorted./ Christmas Day is definitely at the Butchers'. CAROL You sure? ALAN Yup. You can go an' see Pat Butcher if you don't believe me. CAROL I will. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The Butchers' living room. JANINE on the phone. DAVID peeks in.] JANINE An' what did /you/ say? DAVID [whispering] Janine! Hurry up! [goes to kitchen, where PAT's sitting, doing the books] How much longer is she gonna be on that phone. [plops down in chair] PAT David, let me get this straight. Are you tellin' me that Carol Jackson wants Christmas dinner over her house? DAVID Yeah--you're off the hook, Mum. You can put away the turkey baster--an' the potato peeler--it's /their/ problem! PAT No, I've /bought half/ the vegetables already! The turkey's /ordered!/ DAVID But look at it this way. If we have it over /here,/ there's no gettin' /away, is/ there? If we have it over at /their/ house we can be off before the start of /"The Sound of Music."/ [shouts down the hall] /Janine! Get off the phone!/ JANINE [shouting from living room] Drop dead! PAT I'm not in the business of accepting /fa/vours off of Carol /Jack/son! [relieved] Mind you it would be nice to take /easy/ for once. DAVID Right. That's settled, then. Listen I'm supposed to have {s-phoned to this guy by now, I left 'im in there, now, I'll do it.} [stands] What a joke, eh? Runnin' a business from a flippin' phone box. It'd be funny if it weren't so sad. [opens door just as CAROL arrives] Hi Carol! Come on in. CAROL [speechless] PAT Oh! Uh--Hello, Carol! David's tellin' me you want Christmas 'round /your/ house. DAVID Yeah! We'd be de/light/ed to accept. [quietly to PAT] Won't we, Mum. [leaves] PAT Uhhh, it's, very /kind/ of you, but are you quite sure? I mean I--I can't let you do everything by yourself, /can/ I? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Ian's and Cindy's living room. GITA and CINDY are on the couch, having a visit and tea.] GITA It's not nice being lied to, Cindy. CINDY Uhh--I didn't want to /involve,/ you, /Gita--/ GITA But you /did,/ didn't you? I mean all that toothache stuff--an' /any/way, I thought it was all /ov/er. CINDY [feeling dread] Oh, come on! I don't /need/ this! GITA Well maybe you should o' thought o' that be/fore,/ you know-- CINDY Look! I've /broken/ it /off!/ I've finished it com/plete/ly! I feel bad enough--it--about my/self,/ let alone /you/ puttin' in your two pennyworth! GITA You know what's gonna happen if Ian ever finds out, don't you? CINDY [beginning to go from remorse to outrage] /Why?/ Are you plannin' on tellin' him? GITA I just think you've been very immature; that's all. CINDY So what if I /have/ been immature? An' do you know what? I really enjoyed it. An' do you know what else? I think you're jealous. Because you really /fan/cied 'im an' you didn't have the /guts/ to do anything a/bout/ it. An' d'you know why? Because you're Miss Goody Two Shoes. Well, /bully for you,/ Gita! /I wanted sympathy! I wanted a shoulder to *cry* on! The *last* thing I wanted was you *moral*izin' at me!/ GITA [it hit home, she's silently crying] CINDY Oh, oh, Giter, I'm sorry, look, I--I didn't /mean/ it. [consoling] You wound me up, but--/Gi/ta.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Exterior. DAVID in the phone booth talking.] DAVID Yeah, that's right. All right, an' you'll let me know about the Rover sometime after Christmas, will ya? Good man. Okay, then, yeah. Nice to do business with you. All right. Merry Christmas. And you, too. All right. Yeah, bye-bye. [hangs up] [sighs] Sod it. [absently looking at leaflets, looks amused and picks one up and leaves with it] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Back at Ian's and Cindy's. GITA and CINDY.] CINDY Gita, all I--I'm sorry--I didn't /mean/ to say all those things. I, I was just feeling upset 'cause I'm mad an' guilty about Ian an' everything--I--I just need someone to--take it out on. GITA [relieved and amused at self] Yeah. The thing is you were right. Sanjay's right. Everyone's right. CINDY [sighs] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The Jacksons'. CAROL's eating in the kitchen and ALAN comes in from outside.] ALAN [walking in] All right love? What's up? CAROL [indicates cleaning materials] ALAN Well--what's the /point?/ I've got it all /sorted./ CAROL Oh /yes./ Sorry. Yeah--I'd forgot--you got it all sorted, yeah. ALAN Well I told you, at lunchtime. CAROL Mm. And um. Where've you been since then? ALAN [mimes he was playing pool or snooker] CAROL And uh, what exactly did Ricky Butcher say to ya? ALAN That it was at the /But/chers', an' that it was a /def/inite. CAROL Oh, /right../ So an' that's where you're gonna be, is it, on Christmas Day--the Butchers'. ALAN Yup. CAROL [pause] Just the two of ya? ALAN Mm-mm. CAROL You and Ricky?--'cause everyone else is gonna be /here!/ You've been misin/formed,/ Alan! Christmas is /here/ an' it always /has/ been! BIANCA [comes in, just arrived from outside] Mum, it's all right if Natalie comes Christmas Day, isn't it? CAROL Wwwhat? BIANCA W--well, I've already /asked/ her. I 'as just bein' polite--you /can't/ say /no./ Besides, you /owe/ me a favour. CAROL What, oh yeah? BIANCA Yeah--well, if it weren't for me, Christmas Day would o' been at the Butchers', wouldn't it? I'm the one who sorted it /out/ for ya. Mum, suit yourself. I won't bother next time. [leaves] ALAN [being reasonable] Carol, you /did say/ you wanted to have it. CAROL You, me, all the kids, Biancer, Ricky, Natalie, Pat Butcher, David Wicks, Janine-- ALAN Well, I'll tell you what: after dinner, right, we'll get a few other people around, make it into a /real/ party, eh? I'll spread the word! CAROL Well, we'll have to do something. [goes to dish pile] So, at least you made a start, {ordering} our food. [looking in refrigerator] Where'd you put it? ALAN [hastily leaves] CAROL Alan? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Dusk. Ian's and Cindy's living room. IAN's giving CINDY a neck massage.] CINDY Ian? IAN What? CINDY Do you love me? IAN Yeah--o' /course!/ Wha--that's--a--silly question, isn't it? CINDY Or is it just something we say to each other out of habit? IAN W--what's brought all this on? I thought we were gettin' on all right. CINDY Well, I'm--I'm not sayin' we're /not../ I'm just wonderin' what it means when someone says they love you. IAN W--well, /I/ thought it was obvious.. CINDY Is it? IAN Yeah. O' course it is! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Night in the market. All the market traders are dismantling their stalls. ALAN's talking to MARK at his stall.] MARK [moving a box] No--I'm sorry. I--I can't /do/ it, mate. Special day for me Mum, you see. She loves to be with the family. ALAN Well, they can /all/ come.. Ww--you can bring your Mum, Dad, Ruth, Michelle, who/ev/er. MARK Yeah, I will do. ALAN [amused] Is that a definite? MARK Heh, heh--No. ALAN [quietly] Mark. MARK [still moving stuff] Uh-- ALAN What I give to you this mornin', you didn't keep it on the side by any chance, did ya? MARK [pauses] No. ALAN [nods] Didn't think so. [sees IAN run by] Ian! IAN Sorry, Alan--I--I ain't got time! [ALAN goes over to SANJAY.] ALAN Yeah, /San/jay! SANJAY [loading a box into the van] Give us a hand, mate, cheers. ALAN [helps] What you doin' Christmas Day? Do you fancy a booze-up at our place? SANJAY Sure! Why not? ALAN Look, any time after three, all right? Bring a bottle, an' anyone else you wanted to. SANJAY [done loading box] All right. ALAN Good. [turns to leave] SANJAY Hey Alan--uh, Gita's not comin', is she? ALAN Why--do you /want/ her to be. SANJAY Nooo, I was just, uh, just /won/dering. [continues packing] ALAN [amused] Oh, right. [CAROL's just coming by, smiling at ALAN.] ALAN [to CAROL] Hello, love. CAROL Got Christmas /Bo/nus today.. ALAN Yeah!? CAROL An' to /cele/brate, I'm gonna buy meself a drink. /Mean/while, /you,/ are gonna go home an' clean that kitchen like you said you would, an' if it's not done by the time I get back, you'll not be a happy man--Ooo! An' seein' as you didn't /get/ those vegetables, I think that's ten quid you owe me. ALAN [somewhat cheerfully sighs, digs in his pocket and hands her the money] CAROL Thank you. [leaves] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The Vic, CAROL enters. It's crowded and noisy in there. PAULINE and GITA are sitting at the bar and PAULINE sees CAROL.] PAULINE [calling over] Carol! Carol, come here. [when CAROL gets there] Want a drink? CAROL Yeah. I'll have: large vodka. PAULINE Yeah, why not? It's Christmas. CAROL Here--/Gi/ta--how're you fixed for Christmas Day? GITA Oh, {don't think I'd bother.} CAROL Well, listen, there's gonna be a party at my place--uh--you're very welcome. Any time after three.. GITA Oh, thanks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [DAVID comes into the Vic and finds CINDY at a booth alone.] DAVID Your old man about? CINDY Uhhh--over there. DAVID Got a sec? CINDY Yeah--why? DAVID [sits] Listen, uh. I was in the phone box today, an' I /found/ something. CINDY [looks scared] DAVID I wasn't gonna mention it, but, uh, I thought maybe, someone 'round here had it /in/ for you. So I think you should know. Here. It's not very nice. [pulls notice out of coat] CINDY Show me. DAVID [handing it to her] Here. Any idea who'd uh.. write something like that? CINDY [just looks at it] DAVID There's some sick people about, i'n' they? [takes it and stands] I'll tell you what. [tearing it up] Best if we keep this to ourselves, yeah? [turns to leave] CINDY David? DAVID [turns and stops] CINDY Thanks. DAVID [acknowledges her--seems half nice, half 'you owe me one,' and leaves] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Elsewhere in the noisy Vic, merry-makers are standing in a circle talking: In front by the camera/us are GITA and CAROL, and, from left to right, the rest are: NIGEL, DEBS, ART, PAULINE, and MARK. There's a lot of talking over each other.] PAULINE You know, when I first met him, he was the most /terrible pick/up-- ART Excuse me!?! PAULINE Yes, you /were!/ MARK Oh, come on! PAULINE I had to show him how to do it properly--he 'as all /slob/bery! ART /She's makin' it *up!*/ MARK Please! Mum! PAULINE What's the matter with /you?/ MARK Well, there are certain /things/ that a son just doesn't want to /know/ about! [Everyone's amused--laughter.] ART She thinks--it's /all lies/--she thinkin' of her an' Buddy Mason! PAULINE Buddy Mason!-- ART Yeah! PAULINE [laughing] Nearly /thirty years,/ he's still jealous of Buddy Mason! ART More lies! /More lies!/ [laughs] CAROL We'll see you from three o'clock, onwards, yeah? [is leaving] MARK Yeah, yeah, great, yeah. CAROL Great. [to NIGE and DEBS] See you both then. DEBS [to NIGE, who'd nodded] W--what's all this? NIGE Uh, Carol's asked us over her place after Christmas dinner--an' I've, uh-- DEBS Uh, yeah. CAROL Yeah, Gita'll be there--quick drink, it'd be great-- NIGE All right--/cheers,/ yeah. CAROL Ta-ta. NIGE /See/ ya! [to DEBS] I said I'm sorry. [GITA looks nicely/wistfully at SANJAY playing darts and he barely acknowledges her.] GITA [to NIGE] Right, I better get off, I'll see you later, then. NIGE All right--see you. PAULINE Bye.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [IAN and SANJAY playing darts. SANJAY's looking after GITA ambivalently.] IAN Well, /go on,/ Sanjay, {get us} your arrows. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The Jacksons'. ALAN goes toward kitchen, having heard CAROL come in the house.] ALAN Carol. [surprised] You idiot! CAROL What? ALAN That was my /floor,/ that was! CAROL [looks down and sees it's got dirt smudges] ALAN Do you know how long that took me to /get/ it like that?! [doorbell rings] [CAROL heads for door] ALAN [follows] Well, aren't ya gonna /say/ nothink?!! [CAROL opens door. It's PAT.] PAT I hope I'm not interruptin' anything, only I uh should o' given you this this afternoon. [handing her a large bag of groceries] Just a little contribution. I'm sure you could use it. CAROL Thanks a lot. PAT Well, I won't stop--I can see you're busy. [CAROL nods and shuts door. PAT's got a bit of a smug look on.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Exterior of the Vic. The CROWD's leaving. Boozy cheerful singing, dogs are barking in the square. ART and PAULINE have mistletoe and they stop outside to kiss.] ART Now: was that slobbery?! A straight answer: yes or no?! PAULINE I said you were slobbery /then./ You're not slobbery /now./ ART [amused] Come on! [they continue home] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [NIGEL and DEBS are also heading home.] NIGE [singing lightly] "..jingle all the way. Oh what fun--" Ooh, I love Christmas. I love Santa. I love /tur/key. I love the little baby Jesus. I love Clare. An' I love you. Most of all: I love you. Oh, I'm really sorry about sayin' yes to Carol but, I bet we have a really good tiime. An' look. Look--I found it in the pub. [they kiss and giggle because he has mistletoe] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [In the Vic, SHARON's at the door saying goodbye to the last PUNTERS and STAFF. STEVE's behind the bar.] SHARON Night Trace--see you later. TRACY [leaving] Bye Sharon. [SHARON shuts and locks the door.] STEVE All right, I'm off--up. SHARON All right. Night Steve. STEVE All right. I see someone swiped all the mistletoe again. SHARON Mmm--so what's /new?/ GRANT [comes up, a looming presence, right up to her] Except. For this. [holds up mistletoe, waiting] No. Forget it. [goes away] SHARON [is relieved] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [SANJAY's walking home in the dark. A car goes by. At his door is GITA, cautious, with a gift.] GITA Sanjay? SANJAY What're /you/ doing here? Who's lookin' after Sharamila? GITA Ruth: she agreed to stay on. [hands him the package] Merry Christmas. I bought it for you this afternoon. But don't open it now. SANJAY I don't get you. GITA [serious] I'm trying to say sorry, Sanjay. I'm trying to say that you were right and I was wrong. That's very hard for me, so, don't make it any harder, please? It was very generous of you to buy all those things. I was wrong to react how I did. SANJAY What's brought this on? GITA Doesn't matter. Just say you'll come for Christmas. Please? SANJAY I said I'll, uh, go to the Jacksons'. GITA [laughs] SANJAY What's so funny? GITA [laughs] So have I. Well. We could give the Jacksons' a miss, couldn't we? SANJAY Yeah. GITA Right--to tell you the truth, I was dreading it. So; you'll come? SANJAY [quietly] Yeah. [regular voice] Friends? GITA Yeah: friends. [leaves, smiling, nice] -boom- -boom- -boom-boom- ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [show's time: 27:00] [*Credit Roll* with theme music. Long version of exit theme: Save music (1mb mp3).] [time: 00:30; total with intro and credits: 27:57] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Transcript of the *next* episode (the next Sunday, Christmas Day) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Return to the Television Transcript Project email Last Updated: 5 Feb 2000 This fan site is *for curiosity and fun* and is not intended to infringe on any copyright nor to encourage such. 1 [x] close This Page is an outdated, user-generated website brought to you by an archive.It was mirrored from Geocities at the end of October, 2009. For any questions concerning this page try to contact the respective author. (To report any malicious content send the URL to oocities(at gmail dot com). For question about the archive visit: OoCities.org .