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Polyamorous relationships are on the rise in Canada. The law is still
catching up
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You can have more than one friend at a time. You can love multiple
family members equally.
So what's the difference if you're in a meaningful, consensual
romantic relationship with more than one person at once? That's the
general philosophy behind polyamorous relationships, and a new report
says they're on the rise.
Steph Davidson, 41, a publicist in Toronto, said not only is she
seeing more polyamorous people in her circles and on dating apps, but
there's a wider social acceptance and understanding.
"My friends, when I first started dating someone who was non-
monogamous, their immediate instinct was 'you deserve all of
someone,'" Davidson told CBC News. "And now they're, like, 'I'm really
happy for you, and this really seems to be a great fit for who you are
and the way that you live.'"
Polyamory is a deliberate relationship structure where everyone can
have as many romantic partners as they want, according to Egale
Canada, a 2SLGBTQ+ advocacy organization. There is knowledge and
consent with everyone involved, and people may live with one partner,
multiple partners or no partners, explains the Canadian Polyamory
Advocacy Association.
It's a form of consensual non-monogamy and one of the growing types of
diverse families in Canada, notes a report from the Vanier Institute
of the Family released last week.
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The national independent think-tank, which is dedicated to
understanding families and family life in Canada, cites a 2019 study
from the Journal of Sex Research that says about one in five people in
this country have practised consensual non-monogamy.
The Vanier Institute also notes that people who identify as 2SLGBTQ+
are more likely to have practised consensual non-monogamy than people
who identify as heterosexual. That's echoed by Egale Canada, which
explains that people in polyamorous relationships "are free to express
their sexuality regardless of gender."
Davidson, who is polyamorous, has had an anchor partner for just under
two years. (She prefers the term anchor to primary, which implies a
hierarchy). They don't live together. In addition, she has several
other relationships of various styles and depths.
Steph Davidson, 41, a publicist in Toronto, is currently in
relationships with four people. She says polyamory is an honest and
open relationship style, and communication is key. (Submitted by Steph
Davidson)
Davidson identifies as queer, and while her anchor relationship is
with a man, some of her other partners are women or non-binary. She
said she currently has four partners, which includes her anchor, who
also has multiple partners.
"There are different styles of polyamory. My partner and I tend to get
to know each other's partners, we establish relationships with the
other folks in their lives and spend time together, but that's not
mandatory," she said.
"It's just what works for everybody involved and what's comfortable
for everybody."
## The 'data gap'
Despite the growing popularity, there's a "data gap" on polyamorous
relationships since they're not included in the census, the Vanier
Institute notes, and research is sparse. It says further research is
needed for "strengthening understanding of polyamorous families and
ensuring they are included in laws and policies."
While polyamory differs from open marriage — another type of
consensual non-monogamy that generally involves one couple primarily
committed to each other, with sex allowed outside that relationship —
open marriage research gives insight into attitudes about
relationships outside of a traditional partnership.
In 2023, the Pew Research Center in the United States found that 33
per cent of the adults surveyed said open marriages were "acceptable."
That proportion skyrocketed to 75 per cent among the 2SLGBTQ+
respondents (versus 29 per cent among those who identified as
straight).
The findings are based on a sample of 5,073 U.S. respondents, with a
margin of error of plus or minus 1.7 percentage points
* * *
The Vanier Institute explains that polyamorous relationships are
diverse, with some centred around "long-term, committed relationships
with two or more people, while others may have a mix of short-term and
long-term relationships with varying degrees of intimacy and
commitment."
It's an honest and open relationship style, and communication is key,
Davidson said.
"No one is trying to pull one over on their partners. True polyamory
is not about hiding things and not about cheating."
Polyamory is also different from polygamy, where someone is married to
multiple people, which is illegal in Canada and sometimes associated
with religion.
## Law assumes 2 people in a relationship
But while polyamory may be on the rise, Canadian law doesn't recognize
intimate relationships between more than two people, the Vanier
Institute explains, and this leaves people to "navigate and interact
with systems and institutions that were not designed to support them."
The laws are responsive to social trends and changes, such as adapting
to the rise of common-law marriages, but there's still a significant
lag, said John-Paul Boyd, a Calgary-based family lawyer and the former
executive director of the Canadian Research Institute for Law and the
Family, which published its own research on polyamory in 2017.
"If there's anything in society that reflects the presumption of the
dyadic relationship, it is the law," he said. "There is this sort of
built-in, explicit and implicit assumption that relationships come in
only pairs."
That's true for every aspect of the law, whether you're looking at the
Canada Pension Plan, how employment insurance benefits are calculated
or who you can name as your beneficiary for health and dental
benefits, Boyd said.
And only people who meet the legal definition of spouse or common-law
partner are entitled to property rights or to ask for spousal support,
he said. (Some provinces, like British Columbia, have amended their
laws to give common-law partners the same property rights as married
couples.)
Then there's the issue of how many guardians a child of people in a
polyamorous relationship can have, which also varies by province, Boyd
said. But a few recent cases have helped broaden the law.
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In 2018, three unmarried adults in Newfoundland and Labrador were
declared the legal parents of a child born within their polyamorous
family — a legal first in Canada, CBC News reported. Then in 2021, a
B.C. Supreme Court judge ordered that all three members of a
polyamorous triad should be registered as parents of the boy they were
raising together as a family.
"Put bluntly, the legislature did not contemplate polyamorous
families," Justice Sandra Wilkinson said in the decision.
Alejandro Rodriguez, left, Victor Hugo Prada and Manuel Bermudez talk
at their home in Medellín, Colombia, on June 17, 2017. The three men
gained legal recognition as the first polyamorous family in the
country. (Joaquin Sarmiento/AFP/Getty Images)
There have also been a few recent legal gains in Latin America, where
polyamory has been reported to be on the rise. In 2017, three men in
Medellín, Colombia, became the country's first legally recognized
polyamorous family. In 2022, a judge in Buenos Aires, Argentina,
issued a ruling legally allowing a child born in a polyamorous
relationship to have two dads and one mom.
That same year, a judge in Mexico said he could "find no
constitutional reason why marriage should only be between two
partners," according to a report in Mexico News Daily.
## Planning and consent
Boyd said he's also seeing an increase in polyamorous relationships,
and the fact that there are sometimes legal complications for those
involved is important but usually not enough to prevent a relationship
from moving forward.
That's because most people involved in long-term polyamorous
relationships have already talked about how their relationship will
work, he said, including the expectations, arrangements and legal
outcomes.
Honesty and informed consent are critical to these relationships,
where there aren't the same kinds of social assumptions found with a
traditional couple, Boyd said.
"I would frankly wish that more people entering into dyadic
relationships would have that similar kind of discussion," he said.
Steph Davidson said open communication is central to making her
relationships work.
"We're all just trying to create a relationship style that works for
us and not harm other people."
May Ferreira, Deb Barreiro and Gabriel Lopez walk in Pueyrredon park
in Buenos Aires, in February 2020. There have been a few recent legal
gains in Latin America, where polyamory has reportedly been on the
rise. (Ronaldo Schemidt/AFP/Getty Images)
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