[HN Gopher] A researcher on how to live a happy life
___________________________________________________________________
A researcher on how to live a happy life
Author : neoplatonian
Score : 232 points
Date : 2020-07-01 10:48 UTC (1 days ago)
(HTM) web link (www.ox.ac.uk)
(TXT) w3m dump (www.ox.ac.uk)
| mlthoughts2018 wrote:
| I think advice like this is unfortunately just bullshit. It's
| similar to cases of treating depression with drugs when most
| major depression is actually just a biological response to real,
| actual sadness and external events.
|
| See for example:
| https://grasshoppermouse.github.io/2018/12/16/seven-reasons-...
|
| Of course there can be many reasons for depression or
| unhappiness. Some people sincerely can benefit from medication.
| Sometimes therapy is the right option.
|
| But quite obviously the biggest factor is going to be
| circumstances. Happiness _should be_ a response to circumstances
| and improvement. It represents increased utility and benefit for
| you as a person and _obviously_ the biggest part of that is your
| circumstances, physical, material, getting needs met, having
| resources and opportunities.
|
| Some part of this can be about contentment or "zen" mental
| clarity or whatever, but clearly not the majority, or even a
| large minority.
|
| I feel advice like this is meant to placate people and make them
| docile and capitulated to their circumstances and borderline
| lobotomize away their drive for things to be better by trying to
| change happiness from a fact of circumstances to an "attitude
| adjustment" - which is awful, no matter what positive spin you
| want to put on it.
| serniebanders wrote:
| I can confidently say that I am happy. Everybody close to me
| thinks that I was born happy and positive but they couldn't be
| more wrong. Achieving a permanent state of happiness took years
| of active mental exercises. Since I don't have any credible
| psychology background, nobody listens to my suggestions in real
| life. I doubt anybody would take me seriously here as well,
| but... all I have is time so this will help someone find their
| own path to happiness.
|
| The first exercise I did in my pursuit of happiness was to
| understand what it means to be a happy person.
|
| 1. (At night) Would a happy person reach for the bottle of
| scotch? Why would he?
|
| 2. Knowing what I know about animal farming, would a happy person
| enjoy eating meat as much as currently am?
|
| 3. Would a happy person be as frustrated as I am with an under
| performing co-worker?
|
| Once I had an idea of what a happy 'me' would do, I started going
| down a journey of self reflection. Why am I doing the things a
| happy me wouldn't do?
|
| The whole journey helps me gain a higher resolution into my
| feelings and once my mind and my feelings are aligned, the
| negative feelings went away. My ability to empathize (initially I
| did not even know what that was) was no longer suppressed.
| Nowadays, negative feelings are rare, but every negative feeling
| and pain I feel is an opportunity to align my feelings and my
| logic.
|
| I believe this: You will never be happy following someone's
| else's happy path.
|
| You will be happy once you find the courage to confront your
| demons, reflect, and understand yourself better. Our minds does
| good job at hiding you from finding these demons, so a big part
| of the journey is finding and identifying them.
| peace111 wrote:
| if happy depends on effort when unable to make effort then cannot
| be happy
|
| if learnt to be happy without effort then happy always as it does
| not depend on any effort or outside influence.. final eternal
| happiness...
| oh_sigh wrote:
| I have concerns about following advice people write about how to
| be happy. Why are they doing it? Is it because they are happy,
| and they want to spread it? If so, is it like a rich person
| writing on how to become rich? Maybe they tell you X,Y,Z that
| they think were important in becoming rich, but it was actually
| A,B,C that they were blind to.
|
| The worse alternative is if it is someone who was unhappy, and
| then did something to get happy, and now they want to share that
| thing. Maybe it is just a stop gap measure? I see this as
| examples in, say, youth pastors who are preaching the word, and
| then commit suicide and it turns out they were struggling with
| far more than they ever let on.
| prerok wrote:
| Yet, even so, the advice they give can still be true. It may be
| that they just want to help others and also in the process help
| themselves.
|
| The advices given in the article ring true to me, so it really
| felt like reading something I already "know" but just don't
| practice often enough. I find it useful to be reminded.
| neoplatonian wrote:
| I've realised the simple things: good diet, restful sleep, ample
| sunlight, a little exercise, and nourishing friends make a TON of
| difference, more than any of the things listed.
| hprotagonist wrote:
| I have long regarded happiness in the same category as grace: it
| is an undeserved and unasked for free gift. An epiphenomena that
| is not a consequence of, but happens along with, other positive
| actions.
|
| And for me that's living a less self-centered life.
|
| I am happy when what I do with my life enriches the lives of
| others. But being transactional about this ruins the game. It is,
| among other things, the opposite of zero-sum. Do the thing for
| the exuberant joy of the thing itself, don't take yourself too
| seriously or try to carry too much weight, and _act in the trust
| that_ , but do not _demand as payment that_ this will lead to a
| happier place.
| asdfologist wrote:
| This pretty much sums up Christian ethics.
| I-M-S wrote:
| Christian ethics is all about demanding a payment, ie. the
| promise that one's good deeds will be rewarded in afterlife.
| hprotagonist wrote:
| there isn't such a thing as the singular christian ethics.
|
| And the theologians i've read who seem the most on point
| explicitly reject the transactionalist nature of payment-
| demanding as inhuman and a fundamental misunderstanding of
| the game.
|
| i'm on board with universal reconciliation, so "pie in the
| sky when you die" never did it for me anyway, but to be
| clear i'm also not describing "some happier future state"
| in my top post as anything other than improvement for our
| lives as we know them right now on this planet.
| minkzilla wrote:
| From the Catholic perspective this is not true. People do
| not Earn heaven, it is a gift. And doing the right thing is
| good for it's own sake.
| wolfhumble wrote:
| No, we are all sinners, and Jesus paid the price for each
| one of us on the cross:
|
| "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that
| not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works,
| lest anyone should boast." [Ephesians 2, 8-9 NKJV]
|
| "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and
| the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is
| faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us
| from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not
| sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us". [1
| John 1, 8-10 NKJV]
| hprotagonist wrote:
| I didn't say it was a particularly _original_ idea. :)
| godisdad wrote:
| I think the material conditions of one's existence are relevant
| to happiness. A lot of articles like this, minimalism, tiny
| houses and living with nothing strike me as boomer media
| controlled justifications for austerity. Gas lighting a whole
| generation of people to settle for less because "things" don't
| matter, money doesn't matter and what really matters is living in
| a tire shed telling yourself that everything is OK.
|
| Also:
|
| > Actually the regions have comparable life satisfaction, but
| people say California because they think of the weather and fail
| to take account of other things, such as the fact that California
| is full of tedious hippies.
|
| I can't eyeroll this enough
| rainyMammoth wrote:
| To me happiness always comes out from hard challenges. Pushing
| myself to achieve something that I thought was previously
| impossible
| bryanlarsen wrote:
| And perhaps that's entirely the wrong thing to be optimized.
| Google "happiness vs satisfaction". Happiness is a short term
| emotion, satisfaction is a long term one.
|
| A good example is having kids; kids decreases happiness but
| increases satisfaction.
| yandrypozo wrote:
| Happiness comes when you realize that's impossible to be happy
| all the time and that's fine.
| JoeAltmaier wrote:
| "In all my life, there have been maybe 10 minutes of real
| happiness"
|
| "Makes it all the more valuable, doesn't it?"
| asdfman123 wrote:
| > 'If you look at what people actually do to be happier, it seems
| nearly everyone tries to change the external facts: we try to
| become richer, thinner, more successful, to find a better house
| in a nicer area, and so on. A few of us think about trying to
| spend less time working, and more time on hobbies or with friends
| and family. Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the
| way they think. In fact, I don't think this last idea even
| crosses most of our minds.'
|
| You might be new to this because you've just started your PhD,
| but that doesn't mean everyone else is too.
| littlecosmic wrote:
| It's weird that this webpage doesn't have a scroll bar on my
| iPhone.
| netman21 wrote:
| For me the secret to happiness is to produce things. Or said
| another way: be productive. Make something. If you have a job
| where you make things you are good to go. Homes, cars, ships (in
| my case in my youth). If you sit at a desk all day processioning
| forms or work in a call center, find something to produce in your
| off hours, often called a hobby, but it could be a side gig.
| Write some code, write a book, paint a mural, whatever.
| starpilot wrote:
| The article is nothing new and just the standard "happiness comes
| from within" tropes. Whether you believe that or not, this is a
| very standard view on the subject.
| russellbeattie wrote:
| All other things being equal, happiness is 100% chemical.
|
| Either you're naturally happy, or you're not. Additional
| chemicals (natural or artificial) can help adjust the dopamine,
| seratonin and norepinephrine levels that we sense as pleasure for
| a short time, but that's not happiness.
|
| You can be an unhappy rich person, a poor happy one. You can be a
| happy paraplegic, or an unhappy Olympic level athlete. You can be
| happy while in prison, or unhappy while free. You can be happy in
| chronic pain and happy under intense stress. Or the opposite.
| Hell could be lonliness, or hell could be other people. It's 100%
| individual.
|
| Accepting your natural state resets the bar, and lets you live
| peacefully. Everything else is just trying to be something you're
| not.
| TomSwirly wrote:
| You're making a lot of very strong and unsupported statements.
|
| > Accepting your natural state resets the bar, and lets you
| live peacefully.
|
| "Just accept... that you will always be miserable... and you
| can live peacefully."
| vntx wrote:
| Long commutes are indeed the bane of my existence. One can never
| feel more helpless and outraged while stuck in heavy traffic.
|
| Ironically, this pandemic has made me much happier as I don't
| have to drive everywhere. I finally have more time to think and
| pursue my curiosities instead of burning gas and yelling
| expletives. It's quite refreshing.
| jmchuster wrote:
| I actually have found long (low traffic) commutes to be quite
| nice for just spacing out and thinking. It's a block of time at
| the beginning of each day and then at the end of each work day
| that forces you to ignore the distractions of the world and
| just leaves you by yourself.
| jcims wrote:
| I can't read the article right now but love this take from Joscha
| Bach on Lex Fridman's podcast -
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mixT5_U0hk
| hinkley wrote:
| There's a bit of a trap here that I find myself standing in.
|
| Parts of our culture are participatory. You get social benefits
| from going through the same things as your peers. When you stop
| getting sucked into things by your insecurities, you become non-
| participatory. You miss out on chances to connect with other
| people. There is no bonding experience for you, but there is for
| everybody else. It can be kind of alienating.
|
| Imagine you are watching a new movie with people. 15 minutes in
| your think, "Hey, this is a retelling of a story by
| [Shakespeare,Bronte]", or "Oh geeze, the nerdy guy is the killer
| and everyone has dismissed him despite the foreshadowing." You
| now know the story arc, and so the roller coaster ends for you
| (unless the director is exceptional - Ron Howard, Apollo 13).
| Everyone else is having a great time. You're still having a good
| time, but you're paying more attention to the production values
| or the emotional range of one of the actors. You aren't part of
| the same experience, and you are gonna have a tough time
| participating in the conversation. Whatever you do, don't tell
| them you knew what was going to happen all along, Mr Buzzkill.
|
| There are plenty of idealogs who would insist this isn't a
| problem. Your need to belong is just another hang-up you need to
| deal with. That you should let go of that too. But I don't think
| many of those idealogs ended their lives forgotten and alone
| because they never built a connection (or inter-generational
| connection in particular) with other people.
| burntoutfire wrote:
| > You're still having a good time, but you're paying more
| attention to the production values or the emotional range of
| one of the actors. You aren't part of the same experience, and
| you are gonna have a tough time participating in the
| conversation. Whatever you do, don't tell them you knew what
| was going to happen all along, Mr Buzzkill.
|
| You need smarter friends... Hanging out for extended periods of
| time with people below your level does not work well.
| [deleted]
| edgarvaldes wrote:
| >You aren't part of the same experience
|
| I think that you(we) never are.
| sukilot wrote:
| What's the problem? You can enjoy the movie and talk about the
| connections to Bronte and the little clues the movie showed.
|
| The problem seems to be less that literature is derivative, and
| more that the viewer is looking for reasons to dismiss things
| instead of reasons to enjoy them.
| hinkley wrote:
| If you have a simple, relatable problem, then you can
| illustrate it with something that gets to the heart of the
| matter.
|
| If you're trying to illustrate something esoteric, like black
| hole physics, immunology, or Zen, you're going to have to
| come at it sideways, via analogy, and possibly layered. Which
| may be part of our current, greater problem with anti-
| intellectualism. People understand the analogy and think this
| has prepared them to participate rather than appreciate.
|
| So the problem with movies is that movies are the least of
| the problem.
| pdimitar wrote:
| > _Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they
| think. In fact, I don't think this last one even crosses most of
| our minds._
|
| This is so, _so_ false that it makes the rest of the article hard
| to take seriously.
|
| A _ton_ of people thought about these things. Some thousands of
| years ago, and wrote quite interesting books about it (like a
| good amount of Buddhist treatises but definitely not only).
|
| A lot of modern people think of that too, problem is that junk
| food / bad workplaces / tensions in the family / lack of good
| sleep etc. all change your brain chemistry so that it's very hard
| for you to look for the problems inward and try and start a
| change from within.
|
| I don't have proof for this; but I've spoken with therapists and
| psychologists and they often admit that the pills that some
| patients want to take literally change the brain chemistry. And
| dietitians and personal gym trainers tell me that the right food
| and the right workout routine change your body's composition,
| hence the brain's as well.
|
| So an article that starts with such a sensationalistic and untrue
| premise is kind of dubious.
|
| A lot of people think about what the author says they don't. But
| many don't know where to begin for most (or all) of their lives.
| That's a modern tragedy we all have to fix: to educate people on
| mental health, how to avoid the worst kinds of stress, how to
| deescalate properly, how to give the benefit of the doubt, how to
| eat what's good for you and avoid the rest, how and what to
| workout, and many many others.
| throw975 wrote:
| So an article that gives reason and background as to "why one
| should retrain the way they think" is instantly disqualified
| because of a singular sentence that is perhaps a bit
| hyperbolic? Ah, the literal mind!
| pdimitar wrote:
| You are not wrong in general. But we are all fairly busy
| around here, I imagine (at least I am). I'd like an article
| to win me over in the first paragraph.
|
| First impression matters. Call it literal if you will, but to
| me it's rather a bad first impression.
| xkr wrote:
| There is an amazing course on happiness from Yale:
| https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being
| Oneiros512 wrote:
| The podcast presented by the professor of that course is also
| excellent. It's called The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie
| Santos.
| justdep wrote:
| I'm unhappy and yet too lazy to read this. Oh the existential
| quandary!
| asciimo wrote:
| _So if you ask people if they'd be happier living in California
| or the Midwest, most people say California. Actually the regions
| have comparable life satisfaction, but people say California
| because they think of the weather and fail to take account of
| other things, such as the fact that California is full of tedious
| hippies._
|
| The author does not cite research about about how "tedious
| hippies" make people sad, nor demographic evidence that
| California is "full of" them.
| new2628 wrote:
| There are some widely agreed upon truths that need no citation
| :)
| throw975 wrote:
| Can you point me towards those? I think you are referring to
| aphorisms[0], but I couldn't find any in the related
| Wikipedia article[1].
|
| [0] a pithy observation that contains a general truth
|
| [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphorism
| indigochill wrote:
| I've lived in both places. I'd be open to going back to lots of
| places in the Midwest. I'd only move back to the Sierra Nevada
| foothills in California (where there are still tedious hippies,
| but they're more _my_ kind of tedious hippies).
| stopnamingnuts wrote:
| Can confirm.
| tome wrote:
| I think it might be a joke.
| hugodutka wrote:
| At first I thought that parent didn't understand the joke.
| Now I think I might have not understood the meta-joke.
| throw975 wrote:
| Yeah, I'm not sure what the author[0] means there either. I
| looked through the latest Census and I couldn't find any
| sufficient data on "hippies", as there was not a question for
| that[1]. If there is no data on it, how can one make the
| dubious claim that one is "full of"[2] them? I really wish this
| article was more well researched[3].
|
| [0] by author I am referring to the author of the article which
| this thread is talking about
|
| [1] https://data.census.gov/cedsci/
|
| [2] by "full of" I assume a simple majority
|
| [3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Research
| RcouF1uZ4gsC wrote:
| And yet there are whole industries devoted to making us unhappy
| in the hope that we will then consume more of their product. The
| beauty industry wants to make us unhappy with our appearance. The
| self-help industry, wants to make us unhappy with our lives in
| general. Social media wants us to be outraged and thus more
| engaged. Advertising in general is built around keeping us from
| being happy so we will buy more stuff.
|
| We should be aware of that and be very careful about the media we
| consume.
| flattone wrote:
| I often inquire 'why is happiness the thing we choose to focus
| on'
| AtHeartEngineer wrote:
| I do too; I've had this conversation a few times. Happiness
| isn't my highest priority, it's up there, but there's a lot of
| trade temporary happiness for, such as health or sanity.
| markus_zhang wrote:
| For me the happiest moment is when I'm able to fully utilize my
| ability to solve a difficult technical problem.
| tebura wrote:
| Must watch Experiments on Happiness -
| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EnPHxXKtpk
| connectsnk wrote:
| Wow. Long video but it was worth every minute.
| jokoon wrote:
| happiness is a vague concept
|
| as long as you're not depressed, you're fine
| barrkel wrote:
| My own thoughts on this, not really a contradiction of the
| article: http://blog.barrkel.com/2005/10/how-to-be-happy.html
|
| The point about writing down to help memory is good. Though I
| wonder if forgetfulness of bad times isn't part of hedonic
| adaptation.
| sharadov wrote:
| Entire books and philosophies talk about "retraining the way you
| think". Not sure, if the author was hiding under a rock, dropped
| some acid and came with this earth-shattering realization. But
| ahem, he supposedly has a PHD, so he can get away with it. Most
| happy people are happy because they have gratitude for the daily
| things, they don't let negative emotions pull them down and just
| look at the world with a "glass half-full" view.
| fetefit402 wrote:
| Oh look, a cis white guy telling people that they can be happy by
| using his app.
|
| While I do agree that people should be introspective, this fails
| to address the fact that many people are oppressed and put into
| distress through no fault of their own. Giving this message to
| those people implies that it is their fault they are unhappy,
| rather than the socio-economic status/situation they may find
| themselves in. It's like telling black people the reason they're
| unhappy can be solved through meditation when they are literally
| being killed by the police.
|
| I know in the US we like to think a lot about our individual
| success/happiness but, while I do think this is something we may
| be able to improve on our own, I think there are greater gains to
| be had by addressing the systemic issues in our society.
| baron_harkonnen wrote:
| > Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they
| think. In fact, I don't think this last idea even crosses most of
| our minds.
|
| Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of
| philosophical and religious traditions that teach something along
| the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world is a
| bad idea, instead try working on yourself".
|
| I mean the four noble truths of Buddhism, a religion with roughly
| 0.5 billion followers, are (paraphrased):
|
| 1. There is suffering
|
| 2. That suffering is caused by attachment to worldly things
|
| 3. The way to get rid of that suffering is to work on not being
| attached to those things
|
| 4. The best way to work on not being attached to those things is,
| surprise surprise, Buddhism.
|
| But this idea seems pretty prevalent in pop-psychology as well.
| So I'm not sure who the we in "our minds" is, but I think even
| most instagram celebrates of realized that maybe "self work" is a
| good idea.
|
| Unfortunately there are some philosophers that, in the last 300
| years, have started to question whether there is such a clear
| divide between the external and internal world... but I don't
| expect most people to spend their time reading a lot of
| philosophy.
| mtgp1000 wrote:
| >Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of
| philosophical and religious traditions that teach something
| along the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world
| is a bad idea, instead try working on yourself"
|
| The author is referring to the common man, whom we in the west
| have been conditioned to think much more highly of than is
| evidently deserved.
|
| It should not be controversial to say that people by and large
| are ignorant.
| ImaCake wrote:
| > I think even most instagram celebrates of realized that maybe
| "self work" is a good idea.
|
| There is an entire community within instagram that is focused
| on this. I think they call themselves the "positivity
| movement". I have a cousin who is heavily involved in it. They
| mean well but as a skeptical outsider I always find it a bit
| dogmatic; they tend to focus to much on improving point of view
| without the concomitant work on the material self.
| agumonkey wrote:
| suffering can be deeper, but that's also probably stepping into
| psychiatry territory.. my point is you cannot reason or
| meditate everything away
| baron_harkonnen wrote:
| I absolutely agree with this and tend to fall much more on
| the pessimist side regarding any solution to suffering.
|
| My point is that the author claiming "I don't think this last
| idea even crosses most of our minds" seems off given that
| "change yourself not the world" is arguably the dominant
| theme regarding suffering for most philosophies throughout
| human history, from religions to pop-psychology self-help
| books (even the idea of "self-help" implies working on
| yourself to solve your problems).
|
| Even deeper, the clear divide between the "external" and
| "internal" is pretty suspect in nearly all Western
| philosophical traditions in at least the last 200 years. This
| is something I would expect a PhD in Philosophy at Oxford to
| at least be passingly familiar with.
| programmertote wrote:
| > you cannot reason or meditate everything away
|
| 100% agree. I was born a Buddhist and was a devout Buddhist
| until I was 13-14 years old (then I became an atheist). I
| went to monasteries for weeks on end to meditate. But what I
| found was that meditation is not for me. I cannot get rid of
| my recurring mental sufferings (anger, fear/anxiety,
| jealousy/envy, self-/guilt) just by spending more and more
| time in meditation.
|
| One thing that I found extremely useful is stoicism (at least
| in the way I interpret it). I simply learned to accept that
| these bad feelings come and go, and that is the nature of
| being a human. There's nothing wrong with having such bad
| feelings, which I personally call as 'bad karma'. I just need
| to be aware of them (which meditation supposedly helps
| detect, but I find myself being able to do without meditating
| equally well) and be at peace with the fact that they come
| and go in my life as a human.
|
| What is in my control is how long I dwell on these moments of
| bad karma. For that, I always try to get myself out of these
| bad-karmic situations by trying to see things in a bigger
| picture or in longer term (e.g., 'Well, I am not making as
| much money as I want to now, but that's okay because even if
| I don't earn more than what I do now, I can still retire
| pretty comfortably by living a minimalistic life.
| Alternatively, I just need to work maybe 2-3 more years with
| the current income to save up to the level of savings at
| which I want to retire. In the worst case scenario in which I
| get sick/disabled, I will just learn to adapt as human beings
| and other living beings are observed to do in adversity.')
| Trying to see things from such larger perspective makes me
| feel pretty content and thus, releases me from a lot of
| anxiety issues.
| pdimitar wrote:
| What did you expect to find in meditation at 13-14 years
| old though? Hardly any real conflict or hardship in
| anyone's life at that age.
|
| Honest question, not looking to berate you.
| travisjungroth wrote:
| You and I had a very different 13-14.
| pdimitar wrote:
| Certainly. Question is, now that you are at your current
| age, don't you feel that if you practice meditation now,
| it would you bring more benefits compared to back then?
| microtherion wrote:
| > you cannot reason or meditate everything away
|
| Yes, there are external events that are beyond one's control,
| but often one's _reaction_ to those events is amenable to
| reason and /or meditation.
|
| (A thought expressed, e.g., by Epictetus: "tarassei tous
| anthropous ou ta pragmata, alla ta peri ton pragmaton
| dogmata" -- people are disturbed not by events, but by their
| opinions about events).
| heavenlyblue wrote:
| If you tell yourself that the real world is irrelevant, it
| makes you more irrelevant in the real world.
| asdff wrote:
| Do you need to be relevant?
| Toine wrote:
| Exactly, most people I know don't want to ask themselves
| this kind of questions
| pojzon wrote:
| Because they feel inner need to be relevant or other way
| around ?
| coldtea wrote:
| That doesn't equate to unhappy though... Could be the exact
| opposite...
| leoh wrote:
| A preponderance of religions and philosophies that advocate
| changing the way one thinks does not mean that most people
| subscribe to them. Most people are insanely dogmatic including
| self-described Buddhists (such as those on Myanmar that are
| cruel to Rohingya), Jews (that abuse Palestinians), Christians
| (I don't need to describe their flaws), and Muslims. There are
| tenets of each faith that advocate viewing the world in a more
| open and relaxed manner. Almost all adherents of these
| religions and philosophies ignore those parts.
| d0mine wrote:
| If the default state were to be open and relaxed, then all
| these religions wouldn't need to mention it.
| whatshisface wrote:
| > _Jews (that abuse Palestinians)_
|
| I'm not 100% sure that the Jewish religion can be associated
| with Israeli foreign policy. Israel would be fighting with
| Palestine whether any Jewish believers lived there or not.
| throw975 wrote:
| I agree that the claim that All Jews are necessarily Pro-
| Israel is false. But I don't think that was what the author
| meant. His claim seemed more like "Israel is a Jewish
| state, and does misdeeds under that banner", which I don't
| think anyone would disagree with.
|
| https://www.vox.com/world/2018/7/31/17623978/israel-
| jewish-n...
| hsitz wrote:
| A lot of the points in the article coincide with ideas from the
| blogger Mr. Money Mustache, who frequently reminds that
| overcoming hardships is a primary source of satisfaction in life.
| One example is his piece on the desire for luxury as a weakness,
| which we should reprogram ourselves to get rid of:
| https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/08/29/luxury-is-just-an...
| TwistedWave wrote:
| Very relevant on this topic, I loved Daniel Gilbert's book,
| Stumbling on Happiness.
|
| https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56627.Stumbling_on_Happi...
| rzzzt wrote:
| Has anyone participated in the testing of the mobile app
| mentioned at around the 75% mark of the article? One reference
| they have on the landing page is describing the Experience-
| Sampling Method [1] - there seem to be a few existing
| applications that allow one to track how exactly they felt in a
| quantified manner at a point in time.
|
| [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Experience_sampling_method
| abiro wrote:
| "Virtue is facing the fact of what _is_ and the facing of the
| fact is a state of bliss." - J. Krishnamurti
| zelienople wrote:
| Happiness is overrated; find something you like doing and do it.
| A job, a hobby, a pursuit--in short, an avocation.
|
| The greatest horror for me would be to not be interested in
| anything. So many people seem to have this affliction. That is
| what I would call unhappiness: to be interested in nothing in
| particular.
| Toine wrote:
| I agree, the mistake is to make happiness the destination, it's
| more a byproduct of doing the things you're passionate about
| (which often includes being with the people you love)
| qbit wrote:
| Another perhaps more esoteric approach is pointed to by Ramana
| Maharshi (and others) who encouraged people seeking happiness to
| inquire into "the one who is unhappy". In other words, to ask
| oneself, "Who is it that is unhappy?" The idea being that the
| independent entity that most of us take ourselves to be is just a
| fictional story (an I-thought) with no real existence, and that
| it comes about from an erroneous identification with thoughts.
| Once that is fully realized, the problem of happiness is
| permanently solved because the "I-thought", as he calls it, is
| the real root of the problem. In fact, according to him, it's the
| root of all of our problems. ;-)
| rusk wrote:
| Oh for the luxury of an internal locus of self evaluation!
| Repositioning my perspective on who I was - changing the goal
| posts of happiness as it were was all so easy once upon a time
| and then I got married! I find this kind of transcendental
| juggling a good bit harder now that it's not just my own
| happiness that needs to be accommodated ... anyone got any
| tips?
| nikivi wrote:
| Once was depressed in university so wrote this on happiness.
| Helps me to look back on. One 'good' thing about depression is it
| gives you a reference point of how bad it can get.
|
| Sadly what solved the depression for me was an external event
| (getting out of uni and getting a job).
|
| https://wiki.nikitavoloboev.xyz/life/happiness
| foobiekr wrote:
| Why is that sad? Situational depression is the best of many bad
| options as it's the case where a badly needed change can
| actually have outsized impact.
| nikivi wrote:
| By sad I meant that the solution was mostly out of my
| control. Pure chance that it happened.
| darkerside wrote:
| > mostly out of my control
|
| Seems like it would be totally in your control to leave
| school and start working. Remember that for next time you
| find yourself "trapped".
| xhrpost wrote:
| The general advice given is that everyone wants to change
| their circumstances when they're unhappy but supposedly our
| circumstances only account for 10% of our happiness with 50%
| being genetics and 40% behavior. So everyone tells you stop
| trying to change your circumstances and change your behavior
| instead. So, the OPs experience 'sadly' doesn't fit the
| formal recommendation.
| papeda wrote:
| > supposedly our circumstances only account for 10% of our
| happiness with 50% being genetics and 40% behavior
|
| Do you have a reference for these figures? 50% genetics
| seems high.
| pmoriarty wrote:
| _Happiness is not an ideal. Happiness is tepid water on the
| tongue._ -- Holderlin
|
| _Man does not desire happiness. Only the Englishman does._ --
| Nietzsche
| discreteevent wrote:
| In haven't read Nietzsche, but any time I read a quote of his,
| it always seems to appeal to the most power hungry part of my
| ego.
| marcosdumay wrote:
| I have read some of it, but my take-away from everything
| changed completely once I saw somebody claiming he was being
| sarcastic.
|
| And the thing is, I'm almost convinced he wasn't. But it
| still changed how I read it.
| agumonkey wrote:
| I don't agree with his analysis of modern happiness levels. It's
| yet another biased quantitative analysis of various metrics that
| are decoupled from human nature. Struggles, efforts, shorter
| lifespan is not a problem if your days are filled with deeper
| emotions, less confusion, better balance timewise (slower pace
| but more efficient labour).
|
| A tiny instance to try to explain my above abstract: in 2020 you
| can have a lot of tech, a cute office but still asked to archive
| a whole room on your own. In other cultures this would have been
| organized differently in pair for instance (you can see videos of
| people in asia building houses by juggling bricks between
| another). This turns a 10h dreadful and lonely chore into a 3h
| shared, almost pleasant, choreography. I believe how era is
| filled with false modernity which are mostly absurd lack of good
| sense around human needs for flow, teaming, etc
|
| ps: critic aside, I find it lovely to see that people are
| "researching" happiness, which is probably more important to 100%
| of the population than a lot of "matieral" research being done
| right now
| abhayhegde wrote:
| Very insightful, please share more.
|
| I agree upon what you are saying, and would love to know what
| active steps I could take to fill my days with deeper feelings
| and make them meaningful.
|
| As far as the article is concerned, I do concur with his
| analysis, especially about mindfulness, and CBT. I have
| practiced mindfulness and it does keep me stable, grounded,
| sharp and happy.
| every wrote:
| I'll settle for being content...
| raxxorrax wrote:
| I think these are bad tips to be honest. Cognitive Behavioural
| Therapy - really?
|
| People in countries where psychotherapy is not as prevalent as in
| the US aren't necessarily unhappier I think.
|
| Some occupations have earned their bad reputation. My opinion. I
| am not happy with it, but generally quite happy I believe. I
| don't feel too happy about changing my prejudice towards this
| field.
|
| Appreciation of what you have is a form of self reflection. Would
| be good for the occupation to be honest. Suggestion of this form
| are also often used as a form of psychological abuse. Also a
| field where this occupations excels in.
| phnofive wrote:
| I'd encourage you to reconsider the article in context of the
| fact that CBT can be self-taught with no books or sessions -
| all of this advice is free, and each tip works independently of
| the others.
|
| I do agree that open-ended talk therapy seems like a waste of
| time.
| Jtsummers wrote:
| Open-ended talk therapy is like rubber duck debugging.
| Sometimes you need an expressive outlet that you can't, for
| various reasons, find elsewhere. And often a confidant (which
| a therapist can be) is what you need. Lacking a confidant in
| normal-life or having issues you feel you can't take to that
| person, a therapist is a decent alternative.
| phnofive wrote:
| Sorry, I was vague on that term. By open-ended, I meant
| recurring and without a goal; maybe there's a better
| descriptive term for it.
| Jtsummers wrote:
| That's also what I meant. I just moved this year, leaving
| a lot of friends behind (I'd lived there for 10 years,
| longest I'd lived anywhere, next longest was 5 years when
| I was in elementary school). I bought a house, which
| added a lot of financial stress to my life (ate into
| savings, in 10 years I'll be better off, but now it's
| tough). I got into a job that was going to be better, but
| because someone quit I got saddled with crap work that
| I'm not effective it _especially_ teleworking (I need to
| observe how people are working to do what they want me to
| do, and I literally can 't right now). And with social
| isolation in place, my wife and I cannot effectively make
| new friends and develop new social outlets. From my own
| experiences in the past: high stress -> general anxiety
| -> depression -> very bad thoughts. So I sought out a
| counselor with no specific objective beyond needing to
| talk, and to relearn some CBT things that I did learn and
| exercise years ago. But the primary benefit has been the
| outlet, I'll probably stop having sessions in a few more
| weeks as I've finally pinpointed a few specific stressors
| and been able to focus on resolving them, but the outlet
| was key to realizing what they were.
| jkingsbery wrote:
| >Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they
| think. In fact, I don't think this last one even crosses most of
| our minds.
|
| "Retraining the way we think" has come up in (almost) every
| homily I've heard in Catholic masses. Many of us, besides
| thinking about it whenever we happen to think about it, make sure
| we do this every week (if not more).
| city41 wrote:
| The article seems to touch upon Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
| [1] without explicitly calling it out. It is based on mindfulness
| and accepting things as they are. I personally have found it very
| effective.
|
| [1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-
| types/acceptance-...
| joshribakoff wrote:
| > Actually the regions have comparable life satisfaction, but
| people say California because they think of the weather and fail
| to take account of other things, such as the fact that California
| is full of tedious hippies.
|
| Didn't read past this. There's a way to get your point across &
| this is not it.
| owenversteeg wrote:
| As a very happy person, perhaps I can give some advice :)
|
| One thing that's surprisingly powerful is changing your
| perspective or telling yourself that you're happy. Similar to
| faking confidence, in a way: it starts fake but eventually you'll
| be actually confident, and you won't need to fake anything. Maybe
| the word "fake" isn't the right one here; I think a good analogy
| is starting an engine - the first few turns of the engine are
| artificial but what follows is quite real. As the article says,
| most of our happiness level comes from our mind, and you control
| your mind. Thinking something makes it true in many cases:
| research has shown that people get convincingly drunk or high
| just from thinking they are (being given a placebo.)
|
| "Do more of what you like" is decent advice too, but it doesn't
| always align with happiness. I like swimming, eating pizza, and
| going to thrift stores. But I've tried, and doing more of those
| things didn't make me happier. I like biking, traveling, and
| photography - doing more of those did make me happier! And I
| don't like putting my phone away for a week, or doing chores that
| I put off, but those things do make me happier. My advice would
| be to experiment, and take notes.
|
| Changing my lifestyle completely has also been good for me. It
| gives me time to look back and see what I really thought about a
| three hour commute or an unusual diet or unlimited data. Even
| things as mundane as new socks or a better phone case have made a
| difference for me. And there are some surprisingly big things I
| don't care about at all.
|
| I think trying to improve your happiness in ways like these is
| generally good for you, though I'd caution against making it into
| an obsession. Pretty much everyone I've seen that's obsessed with
| a quest for happiness didn't seem very happy. I think there's
| another piece of the puzzle - being able to just be content - and
| for some that may be the hardest part of all.
| StavrosK wrote:
| Assuming happiness and working backwards sounds like a great
| idea, thanks! I'm going to try it right now. Happy me would
| write this comment and then go hang out with my wife.
| JoeAltmaier wrote:
| In that vein, every morning I look in the mirror and smile at
| myself. It gives you a lift to see someone smile, no matter how
| forced. And its free. Never mind it's you looking back - the
| response to a smile is built-in and works anyway. For me.
| WhompingWindows wrote:
| For me, I have become happier in the moment via insight
| meditation, which focuses on noticing thoughts and feelings
| without action or reaction.
|
| Part of the wisdom of meditation lies in the following: There is
| baggage we all carry, the self, this belief we're the center of
| it all, the author of (and subservient to) our own thoughts. How
| do I stop doing what makes me unhappy, if that's "who I am"? But,
| in reality, I can abandon "who I am" and find new processes of
| living and new ways of thinking about the world.
|
| In practice, this resetting of your mind is achieved without
| training by various psychdelic drugs, which peel back the layers
| of the onion in an effortless fashion. In meditation, you train
| your mind to actually pay close attention, eventually achieving
| an effortless open-ness that drugs achieve very simply. Once
| you're good at following your breath, you can turn to thoughts
| and feelings, recognizing them as mere arisings in consciousness.
|
| Mere arisings in the mind do not require response: there's no
| need to act upon our desires, urges, distraction, and regular
| patterns, they are just heuristics or mental shortcuts the brain
| uses over and over to save time/effort of decision making. Do we
| have to respond to all our noticing sounds, light, smells? If
| not, why do we have to respond to negative thoughts?
|
| Negative thoughts may become crystallized into negative actions.
| However, if you know what behaviors of your own contribute to
| unhappiness, you can always pause for 10-15 seconds, meditate
| briefly, drawing upon your training of the brain's meditative
| ability, and you will notice the actual feeling of the urge to
| behave, and not act upon it. It will disappear like very other
| appearance in consciousness.
| OnACoffeeBreak wrote:
| Changing your mind is almost as good as changing the world.
| That speaks to the point of controlling what you have control
| over and also the fact that our experiences is the only way we
| have if perceiving the world
| zwkrt wrote:
| Don't minimize the importance of acting though if you
| constantly find the same stressors intruding on your thoughts.
| If meditation helps you deal with street noise, that's great,
| but you might also consider closing the window.
|
| I see lots of meditative techniques suggested to employees of
| larger companies through the likes of Happify, but if people
| really listened to their bodies their employers would be in for
| big trouble!
| foolproofplan wrote:
| I've always struggled with what to think about how companies
| have recently jumped on the mindfulness bandwagon. I
| appreciate the support but the cynical side of me still feels
| like it is an attempt to keep employees complacent with the
| growing decrease in a positive work environment.
| bitKong wrote:
| Aptly put. Very insightful,
| saltedonion wrote:
| Very insightful. Please share more.
|
| I've been taking up meditation and bubiddism but still very
| much a novice. I find that as you open your mind and see
| through more things, in a way things gets less interesting.
| It's that feeling that you've seen this movie before. Maybe
| this is normal for older people but I'm in my 20s and it feels
| very odd.
|
| How do you deal with that and not feel like a zombie.
| playing_colours wrote:
| I guess many things are interesting just because they produce
| dopamine spikes, they are kind of superficial, and meditation
| reveals it. Meditation does not erase deep and sustained
| interests in me.
|
| But maybe it is age - I am in my mid 30s.
| mping wrote:
| Things get less interesting because you get detached from
| what people consider worldly pleasures. In Buddhism,
| happiness comes from cutting afflictions down through
| training and practice.
|
| If you find a good knowing teacher, they can guide you
| through a process where you can attain the bliss of
| meditation, which is completely worth it and different from
| "regular" happiness.
|
| As you practice, this newfound happiness becomes ingrained
| and you become happier. It's very natural.
| [deleted]
| hugey010 wrote:
| It's often referred to as mindfulness, and it falls under
| cognitive behavioral therapy. I've had trouble finding useful
| links, so I'll repeat the practical info I was taught.
|
| Pretend your active focus or attention is like a fishing
| line. Pick a single thing, usually a physical object like a
| tree, and "cast" your focus onto that. Focus on specific
| parts of the tree, the bark, leaves, how the wind moves
| through it, how it makes you feel, etc. This will cause your
| attention to wander. Being aware that this is happening is
| crucial. "Reel" your attention back in and focus on just the
| tree again. Repeat this for roughly 15 minutes, at least once
| per day. If you can only manage 5 minutes at first, that's
| still a great start.
|
| You are effectively training your brain to be aware of it's
| own attention. The idea is not to prevent wandering or
| emotions, but to be mindful of how those thoughts got there,
| and what you are thinking and feeling. In essence, how could
| you possibly control your thoughts if you aren't even aware
| of them?
|
| Your zombie comment was something I was worried about at
| first. Spoiler: you're still free to act on those emotions or
| thoughts, but now with undivided attention!
| yeowMeng wrote:
| I listened to the record again; Popple, crackling, the sound
| of streams; The tape is transcribed; From the spinning disk
| to my mind; Let's listen again but this time one rut deeper;
| The orbit quickens but the beat is steady; The needle stops
| vibrating for a moment in between tracks;
| pphysch wrote:
| Seeing _through_ abstractions and illusions is a possible
| outcome, but it also frees the senses to _look deeper_ into
| the once-negligible.
|
| Get a pencil, paper, and small object that you can fit into
| your closed palm. Like a nut, or other piece of plant. Set a
| timer for 10 minutes and spend that time describing as much
| as you can about the object. How it feels, looks, tastes,
| sounds. From all different angles in different contexts.
| Abandon preconceptions and play with the object. You might be
| surprised how much detail there is and how quickly the 10
| minutes passes.
| perlpimp wrote:
| This. I have recently discovered after many years that I have
| fear thoughts and laziness antithoughts that convert into
| anxiety and fear and sometimes indignation. Its a mine field
| out there in a mind. Mental health is as much work as keeping
| up with fitness/gym routine.
| Giorgi wrote:
| mindfullness sounds like new bullshit buzzword that does not mean
| anything.
| muro wrote:
| One approach I consistently found to work well is to remove
| things that don't make me happy. It has a bigger longer term
| effect than doing|buying more.
| parsley27 wrote:
| I found it strange that there was not one mention of the ancient
| Stoics, who, disregarding their non-materialist viewpoints, came
| up with much of this philosophy. I'd argue they are a more
| accurate original source of these viewpoints on mindfulness and
| contentment than the Epicureans.
| oehtXRwMkIs wrote:
| Stoic ethics is greatly underrated unfortunately. Despite being
| extremely influential from Christian ethics to modern cognitive
| behavioral therapy, it's relatively obscure. Everyone is
| familiar with it without knowing its source.
| throw975 wrote:
| There is a picture of Epicurus or Marcus Aurelius with some
| pithy quote posted daily on many social media channels. The
| idea that "stoicism" is obscure is tenuous at best.
| slothtrop wrote:
| I think this just exemplifies that Epicureanism and Stoicism
| share strong overlaps, despite their being pitted against one
| another.
| closeparen wrote:
| How to be sad? Convince yourself that your fundamental human
| needs are not okay, that they only affect you because you are not
| strong or virtuous enough.
| lordleft wrote:
| Some overlap with Stoicism here. From the Enchiridion of
| Epictetus:
|
| 1. Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our
| control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word,
| whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body,
| property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not
| our own actions.
|
| The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained,
| unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish,
| restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you
| suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free,
| and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be
| hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will
| find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only
| to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such
| as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain
| you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one.
| You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you
| will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.
| dr_dshiv wrote:
| Here are some of my favorite Epictetus quotes:
|
| _Chapter 8_ Don't hope that events will turn out the way you
| want, welcome events in whatever way they happen: this is the
| path to peace.
|
| _Chapter 9_ Sickness is a problem for the body, not the mind
| -- unless the mind decides that it is a problem. Lameness, too,
| is the body's problem, not the mind's. Say this to yourself
| whatever the circumstance and you will find without fail that
| the problem pertains to something else, not to you.
|
| _Chapter 10_ For every challenge, remember the resources you
| have within you to cope with it. Provoked by the sight of a
| handsome man or a beautiful woman, you will discover within you
| the contrary power of self-restraint. Faced with pain, you will
| discover the power of endurance. If you are insulted, you will
| discover patience. In time, you will grow to be confident that
| there is not a single impression that you will not have the
| moral means to tolerate.
|
| _Chapter 14_ You are a fool to want your children, wife or
| friends to be immortal; it calls for powers beyond you, and
| gifts not yours to either own or give. You can, however, avoid
| meeting with disappointment in your desires; focus on this,
| then, since it is the scope of your capacities. We are at the
| mercy of whoever wields authority over the things we desire or
| detest. If you would be free, then, do not wish to have, or
| avoid things that other people control, because then you must
| serve as their slave.
| ErikVandeWater wrote:
| A lot of philosophy and "wisdom" is in telling people what
| they should do and probably already try to do without giving
| them the tools to do it.
|
| A wise person realizes it is silly to tell someone "Don't
| hope that events will turn out the way you want" without
| giving them real tools to address their feelings.
| maximente wrote:
| that's fair, although i will say that people tend to
| complicate these things to a ridiculous degree, coming up
| with a laundry list of reasons they can or cannot make
| strides towards these goals.
| jayrice257 wrote:
| Pretty sure the practice of stoicism is more than toothless
| claims with no relatable ideas. Have you read much of it?
| NumberCruncher wrote:
| The stoics developed tools you are asking for. You can find
| a good summary of them in the book A Guide to the Good
| Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy.
| riku_iki wrote:
| > Sickness is a problem for the body, not the mind -- unless
| the mind decides that it is a problem
|
| Sickness can affect how mind works very significantly just
| because of blood chemistry.
| indigochill wrote:
| > ...avoid things that other people control, because then you
| must serve as their slave.
|
| A good mantra for self-hosted FOSS as well, come to think of
| it.
| heavyset_go wrote:
| My happiness comes from making others happy, and surrounding
| myself with similarly minded people, and removing malignant
| people, places and situations from my life.
|
| There isn't enough time to waste it on shitty people or
| environments, and making active choices towards that end has
| improved my quality of life even when going through difficult
| times emotionally, physically and financially.
| spicyramen wrote:
| This is a good way of thinking kudos
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