[HN Gopher] Doing something is better than doing nothing for mos...
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       Doing something is better than doing nothing for most people: study
       (2014)
        
       Author : looperhacks
       Score  : 200 points
       Date   : 2021-06-13 13:21 UTC (9 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (news.virginia.edu)
 (TXT) w3m dump (news.virginia.edu)
        
       | DangitBobby wrote:
       | It is supremely uncomfortable inside some people's heads.
        
         | fighterpilot wrote:
         | More generally, it is supremely uncomfortable inside some
         | people's _bodies_. I don 't just mean someone with physical
         | pain. Anxiety, depression and other disorders are a whole-body
         | experience.
        
           | carapace wrote:
           | I believe this is a wildly underappreciated fact: Most folks
           | are miserable, and most of us don't realize it due to a kind
           | of "fish don't notice water" effect.
           | 
           | > Under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this
           | planet every person you meet should be regarded as one of the
           | walking wounded. We have never seen a man or woman not
           | slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. We have never
           | seen a totally sane human being.
           | 
           | ~Robert Anton Wilson
        
       | ambivalents wrote:
       | A good illustration of this is riding the NYC subway. I think
       | most people would choose a slower-moving local line if it shows
       | up before the more efficient express line, even if the express
       | would get you to your destination sooner.
        
         | elzbardico wrote:
         | I used to do that with bus lines, provided I could get a seat.
         | Between 20 mins standing + 20 mins crowded fast bus line
         | (standing) and 60 minutes comfortably seated with no wait, I
         | always choose the later. But, I may be the exception, as I find
         | riding the bus a pleasurable activity.
        
       | paulcarroty wrote:
       | I treat "doing nothing" as failure. It's normal to be bored,
       | confused, tired sometimes, but you should have a goal & move
       | forward, _always_.
        
         | paulcole wrote:
         | I treat doing nothing as success. I opted out of the working
         | world for 3 years in my 20s (lived cheaply off savings) and did
         | little more than watch movies/tv, read, and walk/exercise.
         | 
         | Had no goals and no ambitions and loved every moment of it.
        
         | nickkell wrote:
         | What if your goal is to do nothing?
        
       | SuchAnonMuchWow wrote:
       | Not related to the content of the article, but am I the only one
       | bothered with the way the article spell ranges: "six to 15
       | minutes", "Twelve of 18 men", "six of 24 females" ...
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | temp8964 wrote:
         | It is in the APA style guide: "In addition to using words to
         | express numbers below 10, use words to also express:
         | 
         | Numbers beginning a sentence, title, or text heading"
         | 
         | https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/apa6_style/...
        
           | sp332 wrote:
           | That is in tension with using numerals for "Numbers that
           | represent statistical or mathematical functions, fractional
           | or decimal quantities, percentages, ratios..." And the tie-
           | breaker is below:
           | 
           |  _If you're unsure which modifier to write and which to
           | express numerically, try it both ways. Be sure the way you
           | express the numbers is in the clearest way possible._
        
         | Jiocus wrote:
         | Yes but at least they are consistent with the pattern _word_ of
         | _numeral_ , which is often a good rule to use if not employing
         | a specific styleguide.
         | 
         | For example, using the APA guide[1] for numbers (thanks @OJFord
         | for pointing out my error): "Six to 15", "12 of 18", Six of
         | 24".
         | 
         | Edit: As @temp8964 correctly pointed out, there are situations
         | where words are recommended[2].
         | 
         | -
         | 
         | [1]: https://apastyle.apa.org/
         | 
         | [2]: https://apastyle.apa.org/style-grammar-
         | guidelines/numbers/wo...
        
           | OJFord wrote:
           | Don't you have that backwards? I'm not familiar with APA
           | style guide but I was taught at school (UK) to use words
           | below ten (at least, and to be consistent, i.e. saying 'ten'
           | just then is fine as long as I don't now start saying '10' or
           | '11') - I'd be surprised if APA advocated exactly the
           | opposite, based on your example.
        
             | Jiocus wrote:
             | Hah! You're right, of course. My mind must have been
             | elsewhere when writing the example, considering that I was
             | literally reading the APA guide and thinking of the rule
             | you laid out while at it.
        
           | mattkrause wrote:
           | Switching within a phrase, like "six to 15", strikes me as
           | pointless hobgobblin-ey consistency, especially when the
           | numbers are close to the cutoff.
           | 
           | I find it so much more jarring than either "six to fifteen"
           | or "6-15."
        
       | the_only_law wrote:
       | Now if only I could bring myself to actually do something.
        
       | clircle wrote:
       | I think the headline 'doing something is _better_ than doing
       | nothing ' is a bit misleading. Based on my reading on the
       | article, maybe it should be 'people would rather do something
       | than not' because the researchers studied preferences, not
       | utilities.
        
       | failwhaleshark wrote:
       | Idleness is rust.
        
       | swayvil wrote:
       | If you have a habit and you cease that constant, habitual action.
       | It looks a bit like doing and and it also looks a bit like not-
       | doing.
       | 
       | And habits are often completely invisible.
       | 
       | So that's something to consider.
        
       | jonplackett wrote:
       | This reminds me of a clip of Louis CK talking about losing the
       | ability to just sit with your own thoughts and be really sad.
       | 
       | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c&t=53s
       | 
       | Shame he turned out to be a sexual deviant because he said some
       | interesting things.
        
         | reidjs wrote:
         | I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss his entire act because of
         | what he did. Watch his latest special to see his perspective.
         | He's not exactly Bill Cosby.
        
           | watwut wrote:
           | Bill Cosby is rather low bar.
        
           | carapace wrote:
           | > I wouldn't be so quick...
           | 
           | I was a big fan of Louis CK, it took me about five days to
           | internalize what he did and decide that his career was over
           | as far as I'm concerned. It broke my heart. The guy is a
           | creep and I can't watch him anymore.
           | 
           | Compare and contrast with what happened to Paul Reubens. He
           | was arrested for masturbating during a film at an adult movie
           | theater. He didn't force people to watch him like Louis CK
           | allegedly did. It took eight years for his career to revive,
           | and he arguably never fully recovered.
           | 
           | > In July 1991, Reubens was arrested for indecent exposure in
           | an adult theater in Sarasota, Florida. The arrest set off a
           | chain reaction of national media attention that changed the
           | general public's view of Reubens and Pee-wee.[3] The arrest
           | postponed Reubens' involvement in major projects until 1999
           | 
           | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Reubens#1991_arrest_and_r.
           | ..
        
         | hedberg10 wrote:
         | "One bad thought ruins entirety of humans other thoughts, they
         | are now null and void. News at eleven!"
        
           | watwut wrote:
           | Tho, he did nor had one bad thought.
           | 
           | Issue is, he had multiple bad actions that actually harmed
           | people. And he had worldview that rationalized those actions
           | as something ok to do.
        
           | jonplackett wrote:
           | What's that quote from?
        
             | arthurcolle wrote:
             | GP is making a statement in jest
        
             | alisonkisk wrote:
             | Poor use of sarcasm (as most sarcasm is).
        
               | anonomousename wrote:
               | How come? I'd argue that he made a decent point - one bad
               | action of an individual doesn't invalidate everything
               | else they've done. Using sarcasm can turn a bland,
               | potentially combative statement like that into a joke.
        
         | alisonkisk wrote:
         | Two sides of a coin. "Deviant" and "interesting" are the same
         | kinds behaviors but with different value judgements.
        
           | elliekelly wrote:
           | I don't think "deviant" is the right word to describe CK's
           | abhorrent behavior at all. Being different isn't a bad thing.
           | Rex Ryan is a "deviant". Sure, some people may judge him but
           | there's nothing inherently harmful or unethical about what he
           | chooses to do for sexual gratification. CK might be a deviant
           | in that others don't find gratification the way he apparently
           | does but his deviance isn't the issue. This issue is that
           | he's sexually exploitative of others.
        
             | jonplackett wrote:
             | I'm unsure if you're saying I shouldn't be criticising him
             | or should be more critical?
             | 
             | If he'd just been doing something sexually odd on his own I
             | have no issue with almost anything that might be - but what
             | he was doing abused his power and hurt other people.
        
       | sfgweilr4f wrote:
       | Maybe. But I've also just gone deep into what most people would
       | call a forest and just sit there for more than 2 hours. No music.
       | No notebook. Nothing to read. Just sit there. Close your eyes.
       | Sit.
       | 
       | Does that qualify as doing nothing? Or is that classed as some
       | kind of meditation?
        
         | rossdavidh wrote:
         | I think what that means is, most people don't (and wouldn't
         | want to) do something that you choose to do, at least
         | occasionally. I also meditate, on occasion. But I note that
         | many methods of meditation involve giving you something to do
         | (slow walking meditation, for example), perhaps precisely for
         | this reason?
        
       | Jeff_Brown wrote:
       | The funniest part:
       | 
       | "[The researchers] then asked, "Would they rather do an
       | unpleasant activity than no activity at all?" ... Participants
       | were given the same circumstances as most of the previous
       | studies, with the added option of also administering a mild
       | electric shock to themselves by pressing a button.
       | 
       | Twelve of 18 men in the study gave themselves at least one
       | electric shock during the study's 15-minute "thinking" period. By
       | comparison, six of 24 females shocked themselves. All of these
       | participants had received a sample of the shock and reported that
       | they would pay to avoid being shocked again."
        
         | foobiekr wrote:
         | As I read this, I was thinking how much I would enjoy
         | participating in such a study and seeing how many times I could
         | shock myself before I couldn't take it anymore. My very first
         | thought was how much I would like to have the ability to test
         | myself.
        
         | MeinBlutIstBlau wrote:
         | It's really fascinating to me as well that a lot of men would
         | be that way. I understand "why" but for myself personally I can
         | entertain my own thoughts alone for an extended period time.
         | I've always been that way since I was young so the thought of
         | shocking yourself because you're bored with your own thoughts
         | still is an odd concept to me. How can you despise your own
         | inner monologue that much? Is introspection really that
         | unmasculine of a task to some men? Many people to me seem so
         | focused on the present and engaging without considering
         | possible outcomes before acting. It's one facet of humanity I
         | still don't understand outside of justifying that it's another
         | irrational thing humans do for the sake of irrationality.
        
           | Klinky wrote:
           | Novelty. How often are you part of a study where you get to
           | shock yourself? It makes a good story, and this kind of makes
           | the study less useful. The "shock value" of shocking oneself
           | is its own entertainment. Would not be surprised if some of
           | the people who didn't shock themselves were spending the time
           | trying to amp themselves up to take the shock, but just never
           | did.
        
             | tonyedgecombe wrote:
             | All the participants had received a "sample" shock and
             | decided they didn't like it. They already had their good
             | story.
        
           | WJW wrote:
           | I would also be really interested in a repeat of the
           | experiment but with differing age groups. My hypothesis is
           | that younger men would perhaps find it "manly" to suffer
           | electric shocks (perhaps even if just as a bar story for
           | later) while older people would not feel the need for such
           | activities anymore.
        
             | Izkata wrote:
             | Also, erotic electro-stimulation (e-stim) is a thing. It
             | doesn't surprise me at all that some people just be curious
             | about shocks in general, considering there are people out
             | there that do it for fun/pleasure.
        
         | [deleted]
        
       | retskrad wrote:
       | I'm 27 years old and I don't have much purpose in life. am I'm
       | kind of becoming desperate, to be honest. I have always thought
       | about becoming a programmer but I don't know where to start.
       | 
       | What programming language do you learn first? What languages and
       | skills do you need to learn to become hire-able by a company?
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | kwhitefoot wrote:
         | Do you need an income? If you do then you should probably think
         | about what you can do that would generate an income rather than
         | going for programming.
         | 
         | While programmers can earn good money it isn't necessarily that
         | easy. Another comment recommended Lua, I would say that the
         | language you should learn is the one that fits the problems you
         | want to solve. In other words, the language is a tool,
         | programming itself is a tool, Lua is one specific type of tool
         | and it might or might not be the tool for the job.
         | 
         | My advice, assuming that you insist on learning to program, is
         | to first find a problem that you would like to solve that might
         | be amenable to a programming solution; then pick the language
         | that everyone else thinks is appropriate for that field.
        
           | retskrad wrote:
           | Thank you
        
         | hypertele-Xii wrote:
         | To a small minority, programming is an interest in itself. To
         | most programmers, programming is a tool for achieving something
         | they want. I learned to program mainly to make video games and
         | websites.
         | 
         | For a general purpose programming language, I might suggest
         | Lua. It's much less cryptic than most.
        
           | [deleted]
        
         | mikewarot wrote:
         | It doesn't really matter what you learn, as long as you
         | actually start, and keep up with it.
        
           | swagasaurus-rex wrote:
           | Doing something is better than doing nothing
        
         | bananicorn wrote:
         | It's never too late to start. At the beginning you should
         | really focus on trying some things that keep your attention.
         | 
         | (For me that was programming games - incredibly crufty ones,
         | but seeing thing move on my screen got me really excited and
         | got me to understand)
         | 
         | Personally, that was javascript for me - mostly because you can
         | do stuff with it in any browser you want. Lua[0] is also a
         | great language for beginners, and I'm still using it for game
         | development[1] and general scripting/fun stuff.
         | 
         | I just don't want to turn this into a hella long comment, so
         | I'll wrap it up; but I could talk about the first steps you
         | could take for hours :)
         | 
         | If you want to ask me anything on how to get started, just
         | shoot me a mail under info@(my username here).com I'd be super
         | happy to help :)
         | 
         | [0]https://www.lua.org/ [1]https://love2d.org/
        
           | retskrad wrote:
           | Thank you
        
         | rossdavidh wrote:
         | 1) what an odd place to ask this question
         | 
         | 2) this is not a bad first place: https://www.w3schools.com/
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | johnchristopher wrote:
       | What does it mean regarding depression and laying in bed all day
       | doing nothing "with ease" ?
        
       | gwgundersen wrote:
       | Ever since reading Bertrand Russell's "The Conquest of
       | Happiness", I've thought a lot about the importance of being able
       | to sit inside my own head. One quote that I wrote down:
       | 
       | > A life too full of excitement is an exhausting life, in which
       | continually stronger stimuli are needed to give the thrill that
       | has come to be thought an essential part of pleasure. A person
       | accustomed to too much excitement is like a person with a morbid
       | craving for pepper, who comes at last to be unable even to taste
       | a quantity of pepper which would cause anyone else to choke.
       | There is an element of boredom which is inseparable from the
       | avoidance of too much excitement, and too much excitement not
       | only undermines the health, but dulls the palate for every kind
       | of pleasure, substituting titillations for profound organic
       | satisfactions, cleverness for wisdom, and jagged surprises for
       | beauty... A certain power of enduring boredom is therefore
       | essential to a happy life, and is one of the things that ought to
       | be taught to the young.
        
         | dQw4w9WgXcQ wrote:
         | >substituting titillations for profound organic satisfactions,
         | cleverness for wisdom, and jagged surprises for beauty...
         | 
         | ...And porn for relationships and intimacy. If there's any
         | modern ill that has exacerbated our inability to be comfortable
         | with boredom (which is essentially inner loneliness) it's porn.
         | It's an escape for loneliness and a terrible salve that leaves
         | the intrinsic desires for intimacy and connection unfulfilled,
         | akin to drinking salt water to cure thirst.
         | 
         | A psychological pandemic in its own right, and you can't escape
         | its ubiquity and influence.
        
           | akomtu wrote:
           | Porn is the fastfood of relationships. The proper food is
           | just out of reach for most of the people.
        
           | rantwasp wrote:
           | yeah porn is a pandemic, NOT.
           | 
           | here is a secret: we are hardwired to reproduce. you may
           | think you have a choice but you are wired to fsck everything
           | that has even a remote chance of resulting into you passing
           | your genes forward.
           | 
           | porn is a way to release some of the tension that comes with
           | this wiring. nothing more, nothing less.
        
           | r0b05 wrote:
           | While many functioning porn users will dismiss your comment
           | as nonsense, I believe it really is a massive problem in
           | society.
           | 
           | Porn in its current iteration, is similar to social media in
           | that it literally programs your brain. We program computers
           | but are ignorant to the fact that computers can program our
           | behaviour if we are not careful. Yes, it is a poor substitute
           | for intimacy but it also creates dangerous thought patterns
           | and belief systems. These so called kinks have little to do
           | with healthy sexual biological functioning. The perversions
           | can become so ingrained that one will see it in real life
           | instead of what is actually there.
           | 
           | Remember, that a human being is programmed through our
           | beliefs and habits, which are formed through repetitions. So
           | be extremely careful of what you consume in this age of the
           | Internet.
        
             | mwilliaams wrote:
             | What kinks do you think are unhealthy? I'd wager that truly
             | unhealthy kinks are uncommon.
        
               | syops wrote:
               | Virtually all sex acts can be done in a healthy way
               | provided both parties are truly into it. Porn has created
               | expectations in men as to what women normally want and as
               | a result a lot of women do sex acts that they don't truly
               | like. Porn has distorted the view of what is 'normal' and
               | the expectations of what a woman should consent to.
        
               | haswell wrote:
               | The parent comment asks for specifics, but you go back to
               | generalizing porn in response.
               | 
               | > _Porn has distorted the view of what is 'normal'_
               | 
               | Surely you mean _some_ porn, but you have not clarified
               | which types. What do you say to plain, "vanilla" porn
               | that pushes no boundaries? As with so many things, this
               | is not a black or white issue, and statements like your
               | final sentence do nothing to advance a nuanced
               | conversation about the subject.
        
               | syops wrote:
               | It's easy to find research on the topic. The research
               | supports my view.
        
               | haswell wrote:
               | So share the research that supports your view...
               | 
               | As the person making claims without evidence, the onus is
               | on you at this point. You're not going to change minds if
               | you're not willing to share where you're coming from.
        
               | reshie wrote:
               | expectations is perhaps a personality problem and lack of
               | honest communication. normal is subjective even if it is
               | inherited from societal norms. communication and being
               | able to talk freely is key.
        
             | beebeepka wrote:
             | Preaching posts like yours are more dangerous than whatever
             | excess porn consumption may do to people's brains.
        
               | Spooky23 wrote:
               | It's acceptable to have a position or opinion, civilly
               | stated.
               | 
               | Any of the common "vices" like gambling, porn, Skinner
               | box games, some drugs are difficult for people to manage.
               | That dopamine hit burns behavioral pathways into the
               | brain and is tough to undo.
        
               | angrais wrote:
               | Why are you (and others in this thread) grouping porn
               | with drugs and gambling? To me, this does not make any
               | sense.
               | 
               | Watching porn is not a bad thing. Obviously, if you're
               | talking about addiction then perhaps, but do you think
               | people are addicted to porn (on average) to the extent
               | others are to those other vices?
               | 
               | Likewise, gambling and drugs impact you both physically
               | and mentally, whereas the evidence for porn's impact on
               | either is questionable at best.
        
               | beebeepka wrote:
               | Apparently everyone is exactly the same and the only
               | people whose lives haven't been ruined buy these vices,
               | as you call them, are the ones who haven't tried them. I
               | am done here
        
               | Spooky23 wrote:
               | Not sure why you have a hang up about this.
               | 
               | I enjoy drinking alcohol and have no issues with it, but
               | that doesn't mean acknowledging that alcoholism is a
               | thing is a problem or some judgemental act.
        
               | haswell wrote:
               | The potential downsides associated alcohol consumption
               | are well understood, and this understanding has permeated
               | most societies.
               | 
               | The same cannot be said for porn consumption. While
               | studies exist, this is not a well understood topic, and
               | big claims are going to be met with skepticism and
               | demands for evidence.
        
               | r0b05 wrote:
               | I don't expect everyone to get it but if my insight helps
               | a few people then it's worth sharing.
        
               | syops wrote:
               | I suspect that many of the people responding haven't read
               | any research into the topic.
        
               | haswell wrote:
               | What insight, specifically? You make big claims with no
               | citation, and when asked for more info, you dismiss those
               | questions. If you're interested in helping others
               | understand the insights you claim to have, bring some
               | details to the table!
               | 
               | I'm pretty curious about the topic, and this is an
               | inquisitive community in general. Unfortunately, the way
               | you've presented your position is not helpful, especially
               | for a group that tends to demand scientific proof or at
               | least a well formed hypothesis.
        
               | k__ wrote:
               | True.
               | 
               | While I think that the porn industry has inherent
               | problems and some people get addicted to it. For me its
               | preachers like GP that are doing our society a great
               | disservice by moralizing and putting perfectly normal
               | humam behaviors down as "perversion".
        
               | beebeepka wrote:
               | Exactly. People shouldn't be free to do things rusty cans
               | don't approve because our society is at stake here!
               | 
               | There's only one solution to each problem and it's what
               | this wise, moral person is selling because if it works
               | for them, then it's the only possible truth.
        
             | [deleted]
        
           | vorpalhex wrote:
           | Using porn to fix loneliness is like using a screwdriver as a
           | hammer. It's not the intent of the tool, nor can you be upset
           | with the screwdriver for being a poor hammer. The issue lies
           | with the maker, not the tool.
        
             | oblio wrote:
             | Many things are clearly harmful because they exploit
             | weaknesses in the human psyche and the average person.
             | There is a reason why obesity is high and rising, for
             | example.
        
               | vorpalhex wrote:
               | You can take two views of humans.
               | 
               | One is that they are to be managed - their food choices
               | kept narrow to safe ones, dangerous things removed from
               | their environment, and only safe and allowable futures
               | enabled. Give them little locked down tablets that don't
               | view porn, keep their food limited to acceptable options,
               | don't let them read dangerous books.
               | 
               | The other view is that humans are free agents, and to
               | treat them as less than an agent is to fundamentally deny
               | their identity as such. That means giving them
               | information but letting them make "bad choices" or "the
               | wrong choice".
               | 
               | Freedom means being able to make bad choices.
        
           | bopbeepboop wrote:
           | I think it's a mistake to blame porn, rather than realizing
           | porn is a self-medication for people targeted by
           | institutional and pervasive misandry.
           | 
           | I understand even after several generations of men being
           | abused, people aren't ready to admit man-hating is a real
           | problem in modern US society. I would encourage people to
           | view education statistics where men have trailed women for
           | forty years -- yet receive no institutional support, while
           | female-focused programs are lauded by the press. Or
           | sentencing statistics, where the gap between men and women
           | for the same crime is _three_ times the sentencing gap
           | between whites and blacks -- something most of us recognize
           | as a problem.
           | 
           | It's the same thought process that blames video games for men
           | staying home rather than assessing why they might rationally
           | choose to isolate in a fictional world instead of embrace
           | broader society.
        
           | tomp wrote:
           | Meh. I've been watching porn since forever. My taste in porn
           | has informed my real-life taste, and vice versa (in
           | particular, I detest make-up / fakeness, both in porn and in
           | real life).
           | 
           | Still, I find real people infinitely more fulfilling and have
           | always put effort into seeking real relationships, sexual and
           | romantic.
           | 
           | (I estimate porn is similar to gambling - some people's
           | psychology makes them more susceptible to addiction of any
           | kind.)
        
             | dQw4w9WgXcQ wrote:
             | Meh. I've been going to bars since forever. I'm not like
             | that guy over there who pounds a 12 pack every night and
             | has no standards for what he funnels down his gullet.
             | Despite my habitual usage and inability to refrain from the
             | activity for any extended period of time, I estimate his
             | psychology must make him the addict. For me it's a matter
             | of refinement and my consciously-engaged frontal-lobe
             | awareness of the fine hops and spirits that elevates me to
             | a connoisseur of the boozy arts.
        
             | serverholic wrote:
             | Yes I think what is not a problem for some can be a massive
             | problem for others.
        
           | Jeff_Brown wrote:
           | > [porn is] akin to drinking salt water to cure thirst.
           | 
           | That's an exceptionally beautiful analogy.
        
             | RangerScience wrote:
             | There's a professor somewhere trying to prove that you can
             | extend how long your pure water lasts by also drinking sea
             | water; or something like that. Having trouble finding it
             | right now.
        
             | astrange wrote:
             | Hmm, but drinking water with electrolytes (including
             | moderate salt) is more refreshing than filtered water.
        
           | robben1234 wrote:
           | Porn only "fixes" loneliness if you have the feeling
           | unconditionally linked to sex, which in a way is quite sad.
        
           | zemvpferreira wrote:
           | I'm sorry if that's been your experience but this
           | generalisation is a bit much.
           | 
           | I probably watch about as much porn as I do Netflix - around
           | 30 minutes per day on average. I enjoy it, it's very relaxing
           | and pleasureful. I'm in a committed long-term relationship of
           | 3 years and have had the same habits through other 3
           | relationships of about the same length. They've all had a
           | full sex life and I enjoy both separately. I'm sure many
           | people have the same experience.
        
             | syops wrote:
             | There's been a bit of research into the destructive aspects
             | of porn watching. Porn has normalized a number of sexual
             | behaviors that were not common in the past. This is
             | especially so for behaviors that are degrading to the
             | woman.
             | 
             | What's interesting about your comment though is that you
             | accuse OP of over generalization whilst using your singular
             | anecdotal experience in what I think can best be described
             | as a example of under generalization.
        
               | pault wrote:
               | To be fair, some people of all genders get their kicks
               | from being sexually dominated. The issue is knowing where
               | the other person's limits are and having good
               | communication. This becomes a problem when people find
               | discussing their sexual preferences embarrassing, even
               | with their partners. My sex life improved greatly when I
               | started asking my partners if they have any fantasies and
               | exploring them together. Sometimes porn can help people
               | discover things that they otherwise would have been too
               | shy to bring up. However, If you're watching porn five
               | times per day and find yourself less and less stimulated
               | by IRL sex, you need a detox.
        
               | syops wrote:
               | Of course there are such people. I submit though that the
               | number of women who consent to anal and like it is much
               | less than the number who consent and don't like. The same
               | for various other sex acts. I believe the research
               | supports my position.
        
               | JackFr wrote:
               | It's possible though as a society we've lost the idea of
               | a disordered desire. If you've got an authentic desire to
               | be sexually dominated or to humiliate and dominate
               | others, we now say "That's ok, that's your authentic
               | self. It's cool as long as everything is consensual."
               | 
               | But maybe it's not OK. Maybe it's behavior that if
               | indulged keeps us from living and thriving and keeps us
               | from being our best selves.
               | 
               | I'm not making a moral argument here -- at least I don't
               | think I am. Just that it might not be healthy to indulge
               | every desire we may have. And when desires are far
               | outside the norm, it's worth it to be circumspect about
               | them.
        
         | smichel17 wrote:
         | This is basically why I prefer living in a location with
         | seasons. Yes, CaliFlorida weather is nice. But I _appreciate_
         | what all of the seasons have to offer so much more for the
         | variation. I could do with a 25% shorter winter and summer,
         | though ;)
        
           | bayindirh wrote:
           | > I could do with a 25% shorter winter and summer, though ;)
           | 
           | I also love spring and fall, spring the most. On the other
           | hand, after reading a piece about how euphoric is spring for
           | nature and it's actually very tiresome for living things, I
           | learned to appreciate other seasons.
           | 
           | I'm a cool weather guy and more resistant to cold than hot
           | weather, I don't dislike winter too.
        
             | irrational wrote:
             | Same here. Give me cloudy and cool over sunny and hot every
             | day of the year.
        
         | theshrike79 wrote:
         | Exactly this. My #1 advice for new parents is that the most
         | important thing for a parent in the long run is to make sure
         | their children are bored out of their gourds regularly.
         | 
         | Kids need to have times when screen time has run out, there's
         | nothing on TV and they have no hobbies on engagements to run
         | to. Just time alone without any external inputs.
         | 
         | This is the point where creativity usually pops up. Kids should
         | be able to play with anything around them.
        
           | meristohm wrote:
           | Yeah, boredom is a key, one I remember unlocking creativity
           | when I was younger, and one I rarely can find anymore without
           | effort (like John Cleese of Monty Python sitting in a barren
           | room for four hours, 3.5 hours of boredom followed by a half-
           | hour of inspired writingj[0][1].
           | 
           | [0] Create a space to play (2min clip):
           | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWEXQ9E4QiI
           | 
           | [1] Make time for boredom (36min, Swedish subtitles?):
           | https://vimeo.com/176474304
        
             | hypertele-Xii wrote:
             | I wish someone made the opposite lecture to John Cleese on
             | creativity; I'm stuck in open mode, an endless supply of
             | ideas, struggling to turn off the faucet and actually
             | _make_ something.
        
         | colordrops wrote:
         | Perhaps as you age this advice is great, and I find myself
         | naturally trending towards it, but I wouldn't give up my past
         | life full of titillations and jagged surprises for anything.
         | It's been amazing so far.
        
         | tux3 wrote:
         | But contrast, dynamic range, is not just about chasing
         | intensity.
         | 
         | This seems to be written from the perspective that avoiding any
         | thrill is necessary so that boredom may be endured.
         | 
         | As if you should avoid fun so that you don't ever have to fear
         | the lack of fun.
         | 
         | No. Absoluty not. You can listen to loud music and still enjoy
         | the quiet parts. You can have intensity & quiet, and find
         | beauty in both.
         | 
         | Severing yourself from anything exciting out of fear of missing
         | the very things you're depriving yourself out of, that seems to
         | me entirely misguided.
        
           | mistahenry wrote:
           | Your reading of this is rather extreme, and I feel you've
           | missed the point by thinking that Russell is advocating to
           | avoid fun intentionally at times so as to preserve a happy
           | life. I read it as more an observation that the boring times,
           | those in which there's a lack of stimulation, are an
           | important part of a balanced, healthy life.
           | 
           | A more modern take on his advice would be to avoid mindlessly
           | surfing the internet every dull moment in which we are
           | waiting a few minutes for some time to pass. If you haven't
           | taken an extended, conscious break from the internet outside
           | of your work needs (no social media, no news, etc), I
           | recommend it. It was very enlightening for me to feel this
           | lack of stimulation. I certainly enjoy my time on the
           | internet when I'm there because I want to be there, not
           | because I'm just looking for something to kill the time.
           | 
           | Similarly, I've stopped listening to music while coding
           | because I realized that the listening without mindfulness was
           | killing my passion. After doing so, the passion has been
           | restored.
           | 
           | His words, too, remind me of the drug user's plight. My
           | sister works in drug rehabilitation and has told me about the
           | struggles many go through known as Post Acute Withdrawal
           | Syndrome. From my naive understanding, these people have
           | adapted to the constant, unnatural amount of dopamine flowing
           | through the brains during addiction by producing more
           | dopamine receptors. When the drug is gone, those receptors
           | are still there. But, the body is not capable of naturally
           | releasing the dopamine required to fill these receptors even
           | during the highest of natural moments, leading these people
           | to experience serious anhedonia -- an intense lack of
           | pleasure from everyday life. It takes a long time for these
           | receptors to downregulate, which is the reason for such a
           | high rate of relapse for certain drug types.
           | 
           | I think of Emerson's words a bit: "If the stars should appear
           | one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and
           | adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of
           | the city of God which had been shown!"
        
           | Jeff_Brown wrote:
           | I agree, and yet I think it's important not to focus too much
           | on pleasure. Not just for the sake of productivity, but for
           | the sake of one's own happiness. Caring about more than
           | pleasure makes it easier to be happy. The Buddha had a lot to
           | say about that.
           | 
           | Then again maybe that boils down to a mere alternate
           | definition of pleasure. Newcomers to exercise find it
           | painful, and that feeling never really goes away, but some
           | learn to enjoy it.
        
             | tux3 wrote:
             | That's interesting, I can't claim to entirely understand
             | your comment, but I'd like to read more about this :)
        
         | failwhaleshark wrote:
         | I read that book also. I believe in both modalities.
         | 
         | I can go for days without human contact, code, "ideate"
         | (sensory deprivation that leads to daydreaming, new product
         | designs, and new writing ideas)... but I can't go indefinitely.
         | 
         | I also have ADHD and need lots of stimuli to get a rush. I
         | don't "party hard," but I engage in copious adult activities,
         | decadent cooking, have people over to listen to blast vinyl at
         | annoy-the-neighbors volume and let loose like it's the last day
         | on Earth, and extreme sports.
         | 
         | Your body may age, but never give up the joy of life. YOLADO
         | (you only live and die once).
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | r0b05 wrote:
         | This is a profound realisation that is usually preceded by
         | experiencing the sickness and suffering that comes with
         | unrestrained desire. How it takes over one's discriminating
         | faculties until one becomes blind to everyday beauty.
         | 
         | I cannot recommend meditation enough to train the mind to stay
         | calm when desires want to run rampant. No mantras or music,
         | just sit in silence and boredom. Thoughts will come and go and
         | eventually you will learn to cope with yourself.
        
           | TuringNYC wrote:
           | Mindfulness came to mind for me specifically. I used to jump
           | from work to coffee meetings to fancy restaurant dinners out
           | with both clients and friends to meet-ups at NY's Meatpacking
           | District...to deeply enjoying the feeling of just sitting in
           | a nature preserve, smelling sap, listening to birds, and
           | breathing in the entire environment. (a benefit of taking a
           | job in the burbs.)
           | 
           | Before the lockdown, I did an experiment where I either
           | walked (through a forest path) to work everyday or biked
           | leisurely to work (also thru a forest path.) [I realize
           | having the ability to do that is itself a blessing.] In
           | winters, the walk was difficult (ice, elements, frozen mud)
           | but it came to a point where the morning and evening
           | "commutes" were the best part of my day. I would even take
           | detours to more remote benches to clear my mind.
           | 
           | I was incredibly productive at work throughout this 18month
           | experiment, until lockdown.
           | 
           | I captured some of this on Strava if anyone is curious:
           | https://www.strava.com/activities/3211639111
        
           | swayvil wrote:
           | The subject of meditation is what cropped up first in my mind
           | too.
           | 
           | That dimension of exploration addresses this quite directly.
        
           | dctoedt wrote:
           | How long did it take you to notice that meditation made a
           | difference?
        
           | bayindirh wrote:
           | > I cannot recommend meditation enough to train the mind to
           | stay calm...
           | 
           | Actually came here to just say that. After reading the piece
           | and just trying to sit tight, I was pleasantly surprised how
           | meditation changed me over the years, in a good way.
           | 
           | My path also has no mantras or music. Just inner reflection.
           | Sometimes things got tough, but it transformed me dearly.
        
       | yboris wrote:
       | The principal author of this paper, Timothy D. Wilson has done
       | some awesome research. I can highly recommend his book _Strangers
       | to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious_. I found it
       | it be very illuminating and even useful for understanding others
       | and myself better.
       | 
       | https://www.amazon.com/Strangers-to-Ourselves-audiobook/dp/B...
        
       | greyface- wrote:
       | The paper: https://wjh-
       | www.harvard.edu/~dtg/WILSON%20ET%20AL%202014.pdf
        
       | elric wrote:
       | Our society isn't exactly set up for "doing nothing", either. If
       | you're just sitting somewhere without doing anything, you might
       | be loitering, you'll start getting funny looks if this goes on
       | for extended periods of time.
       | 
       | On the other hand, if you're sitting somewhere and you're
       | smoking, or reading, none of that seems to happen. I wonder if
       | we're uncomfortable with other people's ability to do _nothing_.
        
         | theonemind wrote:
         | Funny looks don't bother me too much, but someone is bound to
         | ask if you're okay. Depending on the level of foot traffic,
         | possibly several someones.
        
         | Jeff_Brown wrote:
         | In 2002, on my way to work in I think Berkeley (definitely
         | somewhere in the Bay Area), I noticed some beautiful echoes in
         | the subway station, and I stopped walking, stood still, and
         | listened. A staff member walked up and asked if I was okay. I
         | said yes. Maybe I explained what I was doing, I don't remember.
         | A few minutes later three paramedics appeared, forcibly
         | strapped me to a gurney, and took me to a hospital.
         | 
         | I protested, of course. They were clearly not being paid to
         | listen to me.
        
           | is_true wrote:
           | That's exactly what people about to commit suicide do.
        
             | Jeff_Brown wrote:
             | That's interesting. In any old place? I wasn't anywhere
             | near the tracks; I was in a big underground space on my way
             | out.
             | 
             | I wasn't suicidal, but I was definitely unhappy that year.
             | I don't know to what extent that showed. It may have been
             | later in life that I developed my habitual friendliness
             | with strangers.
             | 
             | I do remember deciding shortly after that to learn to fear
             | other peoples' potential fears. It's a pain in the ass, but
             | optimal, I think.
        
           | im3w1l wrote:
           | How long were you in the subway station listening? What
           | happened at the hospital? And did you get a bill?
        
             | Jeff_Brown wrote:
             | Good questions. I imagine listened somewhere between one
             | and ten minutes. At the hospital I remember nothing except
             | that my arm was tied to a bar above my head for long enough
             | that it hurt, and I had to plead to get them to restrain me
             | some other way. I don't know whether I received a bill.
             | Neither does my mom, who probably would have paid for it,
             | as I was making peanuts.
             | 
             | I wish I'd kept a diary. (I actually did a lot of writing
             | that year, but it was of the creative sort. I held onto a
             | box full of it for years. I went through it once and
             | thought it was dumb, but kept it still. The second time I
             | did that, years later, I confirmed my earlier judgment and
             | decided it wasn't worth keeping.)
        
           | [deleted]
        
           | pope_meat wrote:
           | ...so, you're telling me that in these united states of
           | america a bunch of goons took you by force and detained you
           | from continuing your day for the crime of ... standing and
           | listening to the sounds around you?
           | 
           | I would burn half the city to the ground after getting out
           | for that bullshit, at least they'd have a valid reason to
           | commit me then.
           | 
           | The idea that you could be hurting no one and be snatched up
           | and taken somewhere against your will is extremely upsetting
           | to me.
        
             | Jeff_Brown wrote:
             | I was quite upset. Looking back I'm surprised I didn't seek
             | damages in court. But that was before cell phones were
             | ubiquitous, and I was in a new town where I didn't know
             | basically anyone but my mom, and I don't have a
             | photographic memory for faces. I felt powerless. Indeed, I
             | believe I was.
        
           | dempseye wrote:
           | Is this a joke or did it happen?
        
             | Jeff_Brown wrote:
             | It happened.
             | 
             | (BTW you know you can look through a commenter's history on
             | HN to see if an interpretation of something they wrote is
             | consistent with their character.)
        
           | kwhitefoot wrote:
           | Without more context and the ability to verify this I have to
           | assume that you made it up. The event is too extreme to stand
           | without corroboration; at least it would be where I live.
        
             | carapace wrote:
             | I was once crossing the Golden Gate Bridge on foot and
             | about halfway across the view of the bay was so beautiful
             | that I had to stop and drink it in. (Have you heard the
             | phrase "arresting beauty" or "arrested by beauty"? That's
             | how it was: I was captivated. It was just so beautiful!)
             | 
             | Anyway, after maybe ten minutes a bicycle police officer
             | came up and started talking to me. It took me a moment to
             | realize that he was sounding me out for emotional distress,
             | checking to see if I was suicidal. I gave him my best smile
             | (easy enough as I was still in the thrall of beauty) and
             | reassured him emphatically that I was okay, and thanked him
             | for doing his (IMO very important) job and apologized for
             | making him come out and check on me (no good reason not to
             | be extra nice in the circs, eh?) and went on my way.
             | 
             | I'm not blaming the OP for getting, uh, overbearing and
             | unneeded help. I'm pointing out that our society has
             | developed mechanisms to try to prevent suicide in the
             | obvious places: GGB and BART (the "subway" in Berkeley.)
             | 
             | > The Golden Gate Bridge is the most used suicide site in
             | the world.
             | 
             | > After years of debate and an estimated more than 1,500
             | deaths, suicide barriers, consisting of a stainless steel
             | net extending 20 feet from the bridge and supported by
             | structural steel 20 feet under the walkway, began to be
             | installed in April 2017.
             | 
             | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Gate_Bridge#Suicides
        
         | treis wrote:
         | >"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit
         | quietly in a room alone."
         | 
         | From a philosopher writing in the 1600s. I don't think it's an
         | issue with any particular society. It just seems part of human
         | nature to be inable to sit and do nothing for a significant
         | period of time.
        
           | MeinBlutIstBlau wrote:
           | I for one would love to be a bohemian layabout all day doing
           | nothing. Like a cat staring out a window listlessly wasting
           | the clock.
        
             | hypertele-Xii wrote:
             | There's a reason humans have conquered the world and cats
             | are our pets.
        
               | tfigueroa wrote:
               | In their wisdom, they decided to leave the conquest to
               | these curious bipeds, so they could relax in the sun and
               | watch time drift by...
        
           | IncRnd wrote:
           | It is not part of human nature. It does happen when a person
           | has a restless mind, however.
           | 
           | How would you test this? The first way is direct: learn to
           | quiet your own mind. The second way is through inference:
           | observe a newborn baby who doesn't need food and when there
           | isn't excessive stimulation (light sound, smell, pain, etc.)
           | - they simply observe what is around them.
        
             | treis wrote:
             | Because that's all a new born baby can do (and often
             | they're not happy about it). As soon as they're mobile they
             | will interact with their environment whenever they can.
        
               | IncRnd wrote:
               | When a baby isn't happy, they will let you know that,
               | regardless of whether some adults believe that most
               | babies are unhappy.
        
       | hn_throwaway_99 wrote:
       | "All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet
       | room alone." - Blaise Pascal
       | 
       | https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/blaise_pascal_133380
        
         | lurkmurk wrote:
         | "There are two types of quotable quotes, those that deal in
         | absolutes, and those that divide people into two groups."
        
         | gverrilla wrote:
         | is that even a real quote? couldn't find a source in a google,
         | except for quoting sites without sources. doesn't sound like
         | the pascal I've read on the Pensees at all, but maybe I'm wrong
         | I know for sure Shakespeare and Einstein have a lot of fake
         | quotes atributed to them, and also Chaplin
        
       | grouphugs wrote:
       | nope
        
       | forgotmypw17 wrote:
       | I think the headline is misleading. This study is about people's
       | preferences and comfort, not what's "better" for them.
       | 
       | (In my personal experience, breaking through the discomfort of
       | "doing nothing" has been subjectively better and rewarding.)
        
       | brianjlogan wrote:
       | Curious if the study would have the same results today with the
       | prevalence of Mindfulness meditation. Perhaps it's my
       | predisposition since I've googled for it. But I see
       | advertisements for Calm and Headspace. I think even on TV. I see
       | "Mindfulness" centers, physical places to take classes and
       | meditate. A whole commercial market has taken hold of this new
       | interest of fighting back the confusion of modern life.
       | 
       | My trouble with advertising these aids, is that perhaps people
       | will be attached to them. For me the main thing that makes me
       | enjoy meditation is that no matter what if I have the discipline
       | I can do it. If I lose my limbs, if I have constant pain, if I'm
       | unhappy, if I lose my family. All the awfulness of life can at
       | the very least while I'm living not take away my inner peace. I
       | can feel and observe the river of life without being swept away
       | by it. I have a "comfortable" sense of security in my existence.
       | 
       | Coming back to the article. Having been through those experiences
       | I would very much choose to be alone with my thoughts. I am
       | literally trying to find time every day. Especially over electric
       | shock haha.
        
         | ChrisLTD wrote:
         | As someone that has regularly meditated for years now, I still
         | wouldn't say sitting alone with nothing to do is an enjoyable
         | experience. You can turn it into an opportunity for meditation
         | or other types of deep thinking, but that's more like "work"
         | than anything else.
        
           | brianjlogan wrote:
           | Yeah that "enjoyable" state is kind of difficult to describe.
           | My experience may be different than yours but for me it's an
           | emptiness of being in tranquility with the chaos of my own
           | thoughts. Only with deliberate practice. To me "work" does
           | not mean suffering but directed concentration and discipline.
           | If I accept my mistakes and imperfectness of that "work" the
           | process to me is "enjoyable". But the "joy" is difficult here
           | because it's not really that exact emotion.
        
             | kahmeal wrote:
             | Perhaps satisfaction and contentment are more accurate?
        
           | Jeff_Brown wrote:
           | Meditation can occupy a unique space between work and play.
           | One of the goals of meditation can be an experience beyond,
           | or at least parallel to, goal-awareness.
           | 
           | I say "can be" because there are multiple kinds of
           | meditation. A famous meditation researcher whose name I've
           | forgotten lists three: focused, wandering, and empathic. (I'm
           | not sure those are the canonical terms for them.) Wandering
           | is my favorite.
        
           | plutonorm wrote:
           | Aim to get into a jhana, it's a real state of being and quite
           | wonderful.
        
       | pessimizer wrote:
       | This study doesn't make much sense. If the question is whether
       | people would rather study and interact with the world or just
       | ruminate and narcissisticly contemplate their own thoughts, the
       | answer should be obvious, unless you've met anyone who enjoys the
       | idea of being buried alive. I bet fitness people would be fine
       | with this short-term solitary confinement, because they're at
       | least entertained by their own bodies.
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | elliekelly wrote:
         | Do you find meditation "narcissistic"?
        
       | ______- wrote:
       | > The investigation found that most would rather be doing
       | something - possibly even hurting themselves - than doing nothing
       | or sitting alone with their thoughts
       | 
       | This brings up an old saying I learned years ago:
       | If you're going to do nothing, don't do it here
       | 
       | Meditation is being active doing nothing. It's paradoxical, just
       | like Zen koans are paradoxical. I don't meditate in the cross
       | legged position however, and drift in and out of meditation doing
       | everyday humdrum things like waiting for a bus to arrive, or my
       | favorite: pretending to sleep, so I can actually fall asleep.
       | Each preamble before sleep is itself meditation, and we can find
       | ourselves meditating doing humdrum things like washing the
       | dishes. You don't need to go to a monastery or wellness center to
       | meditate. We are natural meditators!
        
         | Jeff_Brown wrote:
         | Switching on a podcast comes even more naturally to me. It's
         | like I've outsourced a big fraction of my thinking. It's
         | simultaneously delicious and repulsive.
        
       | dang wrote:
       | https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/03/22/stand-there/
        
       | kilodeca wrote:
       | Is that even a question?
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | bravura wrote:
       | Isn't this just confirmation bias? The sort of journalist who
       | would publish work on this sort of scientist's publications, they
       | both seem like the types of people who rather publish than do
       | nothing.
        
       | UbrtrbNchDneRle wrote:
       | As someone with ADHD, I would love experiencing a motivational
       | impulse idling. I can literally sit around and daydream all day.
       | Maybe daydreaming is the wrong word... I can chase a dopamine
       | trail through my mind all day, it's only living in fantasy by
       | accident. Overall destructive, but at least not _painful_ (for
       | perspective: Putting on pants in the morning often is an act of
       | willpower for people with ADHD; you may not relate).
       | Alternatively, my brain falls back on utilizing anxiety to
       | autogenerate direction /dopamine. My hell are repetitive, inert
       | tasks, which require just enough attention to not allow wandering
       | off; worse, if the context doesn't allow for me to reframe the
       | situation somehow entertaining (e.g. being playful about it,
       | constructing challenges, makes things aesthetically pleasing). An
       | early uncanny valley of subjective engagement. Working as a
       | supermarket cashier would hurt me. But also requirements like
       | reading the didactically praised textbooks, which make me suffer
       | through the author's analogies and associations, denying me my
       | own mind's side gig. Pay me like shit, but please feed me a
       | challenge or new impression once a day; I can't do what "everyone
       | can do" - I'd rather idle and take another loan on
       | accomplishment.
        
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