[HN Gopher] The unreasonable effectiveness of one-on-ones ___________________________________________________________________ The unreasonable effectiveness of one-on-ones Author : sebg Score : 94 points Date : 2022-01-31 18:47 UTC (4 hours ago) (HTM) web link (www.benkuhn.net) (TXT) w3m dump (www.benkuhn.net) | Upgrayyed_U wrote: | I think 1-on-1s can be "unreasonably effective." In one group I | managed, I implemented 1-on-1s and watched year-over-year | attrition drop by ~80%. I thought they were so effective that I | implemented them in my marriage and saw great (albeit, not | directly measurable) increases in marriage satisfaction. If | nothing else, my wife enjoyed them enough that she is now the one | who insists that we have a "weekly connect." | | With that said, I think that almost all of their effectiveness | comes down to who's leading it. When I first become a manager, I | assumed that I would probably suck at it, so I read everything I | could on how to be a better manager. That was especially true | when it came to leading 1-on-1s. But, when I've worked with | managers who just didn't care for them, or didn't care to learn | enough about how to do them properly, they were invariably a | waste of time. So, despite my own experience, I don't begrudge | anyone who thinks 1-on-1s are a waste of time. In many (most?) | cases, they are. | mooreds wrote: | I'm a big fan of one to ones, but only if both parties are into | it. | | If it is a status report, it should be an email. | | It should be a place for you to discuss topics that are stymieing | you and/or build rapport and trust. | | I've had direct reports tell me they wanted to have a 1:1 less | often, so I know my style of 1:1 doesn't work for everyone. It's | a big world. | | I wrote more about 1:1s here, esp managing them from the | perspective of a new developer/employee: | https://letterstoanewdeveloper.com/2020/03/16/how-to-manage-... | zestyping wrote: | Hm, I have mixed feelings about this article. | | One-on-ones can be highly effective, no doubt. The kinds of | practices that the author describes are often helpful. However, | I'm not sure the claim applies to all companies and pairings. | I've had a wide range of experiences with one-on-ones. | | I've worked for the company that the author is talking about | (full disclosure: I worked with him there, had an excellent and | productive time, and then was fired). That company places an | extremely heavy emphasis on imposing a specific culture from the | top down -- not just a culture of how work is done, but pervasive | to the extent of personal habits and lifestyle advice. | Alternative suggestions about culture are generally not | entertained because there is a primary tenet that everyone has to | align 100% with the culture for it to work, and it is more | efficient for everyone to simply align with exactly what the CEO | believes than to make culture decisions as a group. Maybe that's | the best way to run a startup when your overriding priority is to | execute as fast as possible, but it does have other negative | side-effects, which were unfortunate for some of my teammates. | | Consequently, I am reluctant to generalize from experiences of | working there. It is a unique company, and not all working | environments and team relationships are going to be like that. | par wrote: | Gonna have to strongly disagree on this. Just because the author | has specific anecdotes for their 1x1s, there's no way this | applies broadly and generically. I've had a thousand+ 1x1s with | countless people (both as a manager and as a report), and the | majority of them are just time sucking status updates, casual | meet and greets, or some performance/process related discussion. | Literally never have I walked out of a 1x1 and thought "wow that | was unreasonably effective". | balaji1 wrote: | I don't have much I want to bring up to my manager in 1:1s but | I still prefer to have them as a manager myself. So 1:1s | definitely never felt unreasonably effective. Never thought to | optimize it tho. | | Anything of value or importance has to be written down, it is a | short objective statement, usually a few lines. And then | pursuing those over time (1 to several weeks or months) and | having accountability check-ins. This would make 1:1s very | formal and 1:1s usually seem better as casual conversations. | UnpossibleJim wrote: | Yes and no. I've had one on ones tied to OKR's that were | completely pointless and a waste of time. Corp speak nonsense | that kept me and the people I worked with away from our work | and was really just shuffling papers in middle management. | | I've also had one on ones with small team leaders, who knew | their people and knew their jobs and understood their | motivations that were SUPER helpful. Even if it meant preparing | those people to leave the company. That's the difference | between a good manager and a bad manager. That's also why I | like working in small teams. We gel faster, work closer | together and get to know our manager (even though that manager | is me, right now). I've tried to learn from my former managers | and bring that to my team of a few people and try to shield | them from as much corporate BS that I can. That isn't their | job. They look at code (as do I, when I can), and I go to | meetings and deal with that. And when members of my team seem | interested in other things (and mention it in one on ones), I | try to help them with that. That's what they're supposed to be | for. Not just poor performance... hopefully. Maybe I've just | gotten lucky. | jollybean wrote: | "Literally never have I walked out of a 1x1 and thought "wow | that was unreasonably effective"." | | ? Nobody would ever suggest that you should feel that way, or | that an individual 1x1 would be singularly effective. | | When you go Heli-skiing, you ski with a partner, and you're | constantly shouting out to your partner to let the know where | you are. Primarily, you do this because of the various kinds of | danger, especially avalanches. That those things are unlikely | does not abnegate the need for communication. | | One thing never made obvious in films or popular culture is the | amount of communication in the military. 1/2 of the game is | communicating. It's information, which is the basis of | coordination, which is the basis of management of force. A | 'radio' is as important as one's 'rifle'. A rifle can defend | you against one person; a radio connects you with the totality | of the power of the system you are in. | | The point is it's a form of systematic communication which I | would overwhelmingly support. | | Especially the bit about 'open ended' - my gosh there are so | many details lost in the normal operative aspects it's almost | scary. | | 'Status Updates' are generally not meaningless, it's one of the | means that people use to coordinate, though they can be | cumbersome. | | Wasted time in meetings is definitely endemic, at the same | time, a lot of complaint is sometimes rooted in the lack of | understanding of the nature of one unit within the larger | system. | | As developers, we feel that our 'code' is our productivity, but | it's like the 'rifle' - it's just the obvious thing. The | 'radio' is the other key thing. | | Also - the 'performance' bits are probably overdone. It's | extremely hard to change habits. You can definitely get people | to do things like adjust to a coding style, but it gets hard | past that. I'm more of the view of just trying to leverage what | people are already good at because most people are good at | 'something'. But merely as 'coordination', these things are | important. | | Especially with direct managers, there needs to be fairly | consistent communication, which is different FYI from large | team meetings of which there are probably too many. | par wrote: | ok but that was literally the title of the blog post so | someone did suggest it? | jollybean wrote: | Running is an effective way of getting in shape. No single | 5K is going to get you in shape. | | 1-on-1's are very effective. No single 1-on-1 is going to | feel particularly effective. | nostrademons wrote: | The point of 1:1s is largely about building trust. It's very | rare that anything seriously consequential gets discussed in a | 1:1; arguably, if it gets to that point, you're doing something | wrong. Rather, 1:1s are about thousands of _little_ course | corrections, pointing out something small that should happen, | watching it happen, and then building trust that further | communication will be well-received. | | It's so you don't get blindsided out of nowhere with "I'm | leaving for Facebook now" or "Sorry, your project is canceled" | or "We're not happy with how things are going, so you're now on | a PIP." | | It's the same reason to say "Good morning" and "I love you" to | your spouse every day and buy them flowers - by itself, it's | inconsequential, but if you don't you'll likely hear "I'm | leaving you for your best friend" in a decade or two. Same | reason, for that matter, that people are looking at America now | and going "What the hell happened?" Trust and emotions are real | things too. | bloodyplonker22 wrote: | If you walk away from a 1:1 and think "wow, that was | unreasonably effective", there's probably something wrong with | all the time spent when you're not doing a 1:1. | jklinger410 wrote: | I've always felt like 1:1s, even when not "productive", are | good breaks between work and great at building culture and | connections. | | Not every aspect of productivity in a company is about | completing a specific task. | travisjungroth wrote: | There's a common factor to all of your 1:1s, so that may be | worth looking into. | | Like the author, I have had some ongoing 1:1s be incredibly | productive. Like really changing my life. Unlike the author, I | wouldn't broadly recommend them. They're so easy to do in a way | that isn't productive. I think that's the default, really. So | if I was going to tell people to do them I'd be very explicit | that you need to do something different than you probably | think. Here are exacts steps and characteristics, if you don't | follow these then it won't work and don't come to me about it. | | The overall general trend of why they're not effective is | they're too surface level. You say some updates to your boss in | a way that doesn't get you fired, maybe complain about some | stuff. You kinda just talk about things. | | It needs to be a time when there is some work really happening. | It's metawork, but it's still work. Like "what were the things | that distracted you last week?" and you write them down, there | in the meeting. Not "anything distracting you lately?" "nope | I'm fine". It's a much more vulnerable, interactive process. | This is probably why a 1:1 with your boss isn't the most | effective person. Too much image to maintain. | | I think the sports model is better. In baseball, the Manager | (coach or head coach in other sports) makes decisions about who | is playing. Coaches (aka assistant coaches or trainers) are | skill experts who help you get better. You can be more | vulnerable with them. I think some industries, especially | software, would do well to have more of a manager/coach model. | tootie wrote: | I prefer to build trust through actions rather than meetings. | My 1:1s are mostly chit chat or occasionally sensitive topics | because I am already keenly aware of what people are working | on and what their bottlenecks are. | TameAntelope wrote: | > I am already keenly aware of what people are working on | and what their bottlenecks are. | | How? You would need to be on a team that's basically | completely nailed safety in order to have an accurate view | into that just from group conversations. | par wrote: | What do you suggest i'd look into? I said i've never walked | out of a 1x1 and thought it was "unreasonably effective". And | when I discussed features of my 1x1s I discussed the | majority. Sure there have been occasional nuggets of gold but | I'd hardly consider it the primary outcome of majority of | 1x1s. Feel like you're attempting to evaluate my 1x1s based | on a couple of sentences I wrote in response to a hyperbolic | clickbaitey title. | kmonsen wrote: | Just to state the obvious, the common factor in all your | 1x1's have been you. | | I have no idea about you, so in very general terms to have | them be unreasonably effective there needs to be | preparation and input from both sides. | | Even if nothing else happens in the 1x1, it is where you | can build personal relations as well. That will happen | regardless of how prepared anyone is, but it is not always | a positive one. | nostromo wrote: | > There's a common factor to all of your 1:1s, so that may be | worth looking into. | | This was rude and uncalled for. | jcrash wrote: | I disagree. The original commenter obviously does not enjoy | 1:1s, and has said they believe the majority of them, even | the ones where they have been the manager (!), have been | useless. I think that is unusual. | | It may very well be that the original commenter should look | into changing how they handle and respond to 1:1s. It might | help them. | par wrote: | You're quite wrong jcrash. I actually love 1x1s, love | getting to know my team, and spend a ton of time | developing trust, solving problems, etc in 1x1. At no | point have I thought "WOW this is _unreasonably | effective!_ Instead I think, "hey here's me doing my job | that i love, in a reasonably effective way." | maxbond wrote: | If this is how you feel, then the way you phrased your | comment is pretty confusing. You said you strongly | disagreed with the author's premise, described the | majority of them as "time sucking", and finish off by | saying you've never walked away thinking they were | unreasonably effective - which, given the tone of the | previous statements, reads like an invitation to infer | that you often feel the opposite way. | | I don't have any sort of dog in this race, but I read and | reread your comment, and each time took the impression | that you think little of 1x1s. Having read your other | comments in the thread, I think I see better that you | were disagreeing with the _broadness_ of the author's | claim, not the claim itself, but I can understand other | commenter's reactions. | zamadatix wrote: | Are you sure you have your real stance on them not the | reactionary one? The first thing you had to say to | describe them originally was they were time sucking | status updates and ended with out of 1000s you literally | never walked out of a single one thinking it was | unreasonably effective. The warmest words were that | reviewing process and performance was common. When I look | back and think of my most time sucking god awful | unproductive meeting series there was a "stand up" | (wasn't really) meeting for a couple years at one company | and even then I remember walking away from a handful | thinking "that was a really super crazy productive | meeting". | | I mean if it's your well established thoughts then it's | definitely your well established thoughts, regardless | what anyone else thinks you thought, but I don't think | jcash was the only one caught of guard with how/what you | were countering the author on. | zepolen wrote: | It's not rude and uncalled for to point out a very valid | point. | | Your comment on the other hand is completely rude and | uncalled for as it gives zero value and the only thing we | learn is that 'it hurt your feelings', probably because you | too dislike 1:1s | par wrote: | lol, agree. It was rude! | marnett wrote: | While it was matter of fact, I do not find it rude or | uncalled for. But a call to action that in a one on one it | is very much in one's power to try to steer the format to | more productive pastures, and perhaps worth considering if | the majority of 1:1s are falling into the unproductive, | time-sunk bucket. | par wrote: | I listed three qualities of 1x1s in my post. Quality #2 | and #3 I did not deride as time sunk, those are just | things that need to be done. Regarding status updates, | whether people want to believe it or not, most ICs feel | like giving a status update in a 1x1 is time sunk. | Managers don't feel that way. However at no point did I | say that are unproductive. I just said they aren't | "unreasonably effective". | KerrAvon wrote: | > whether people want to believe it or not, most ICs feel | like giving a status update in a 1x1 is time sunk | | I can see people believing this for Agile-style standups | (I can argue both sides of that one), but something like | a scheduled weekly 1:1 should always be valuable sync | time for an IC and manager. It also should not be a | prison: if you want to skip a week, slack your manager | and say "I've nothing, you have anything this week?" or | something like that. | | edited to add: that said, I too have never had the | "unreasonably effective" experience, which is your | broader point. | reidjs wrote: | They might mean that it's on both parties to make the 1:1 | effective. | loopz wrote: | There's just no way that can happen while there are no | overlapping common goals and incentives. | | Think about _that_! | mandelbrotwurst wrote: | Does a situation like this actually exist? Managers | succeed when their teams perform well, which is more | easily accomplished when the people reporting to them who | compose those teams perform well. | loopz wrote: | Is that how it's like out there? Managers having | responsibility and not just the workers? Maybe I just | never experienced that.. | aerostable_slug wrote: | Many people who (until recently) perused Reddit's | /r/antiwork will tell you that all managers are out to | get you and all business hate all of their employees. | They will do this with a straight face and accuse you of | every kind of evil under the sun if you cite | counterexamples. | | It is irrelevant to them that there are managers and even | Corporations (ew! boo hiss!) that do not, in fact, act | that way. They really hate it when anyone points out that | treating employees well can result in greater profits, | not fewer. | jmchuster wrote: | From the employee standpoint, that means they've never | tried to achieve the goals layed out by the company and | their managers? | | And from the manager standpoint, that means that they've | never tried to assign work that matches up with the | interests of people they manage? | Supermancho wrote: | > There's a common factor to all of your 1:1s, | | That they are a timesink used to justify a positions | existence, rather than boost productivity? That's correct. | [deleted] | lacker wrote: | A 1x1 is really what you make of it. When you are the manager, | you have a lot of latitude for how a 1x1 operates. If you find | that your 1x1s are rarely useful, change how you run them. | | In particular, you mention "time-sucking status updates". In my | experience, often someone thinks you want a status report, but | from your point of view you are sufficiently aware of the | project status already. As the manager, you can just politely | suggest that you are already happy with the project status, and | move on to other topics. | | Some of the most effective 1x1s are either when the manager has | a tough problem to solve, or the report has a tough problem to | solve, and the 1x1 can be some focused time to detect these | problems and resolve them. This can be anywhere from a | technical issue that this report has some expertise in, or a | social issue like "I feel like it's been taking a while to | reach an agreement among the team on topic X, how do you think | we can speed that up?" Or perhaps you notice that a report | seems frustrated on a project, but you aren't quite sure why, | and you can use the 1:1 to draw that out. | | I find it helpful to take notes ahead of time, with some ideas | for myself for what I might be able to accomplish with a 1:1. | Otherwise you run the risk of not really knowing what to say, | your report doesn't really have anything urgent in mind either, | and you fill up the 1:1 time with chit chat. | | I really like this blog post on how to run effective 1:1s: | | https://randsinrepose.com/archives/the-update-the-vent-and-t... | | Running an effective 1:1 is an important managerial skill, it's | something you can practice and improve at over time, and it's | worth working at it since there is so much you can accomplish | through 1:1s and you're likely spending a lot of time as a | manager in them. | Taylor_OD wrote: | I've had a lot of great one on ones and a lot of bad ones. They | changed towards being great when I started gathering a list of | things I wanted to cover or talk about. | | One on ones where we make small talk about the weekend are | useless to me. One on ones where we can talk through a | technical topic I don't understand and I know I have at least a | half hour of time to do so with someone who knows the topic | well? Very helpful. | | Most of the time its only tangentially related to anything I've | been working on. | nojito wrote: | Is discussing performance not a worthwhile endeavor? | par wrote: | Of course it is. Is it "unreasonably effective" or is it just | another part of our jobs though? | JumpCrisscross wrote: | If I'm meeting with someone and it's all status updates and | pleasantries, I try to change it, and, if I can't, to leave. If | you find every meeting you're in to be useless, consider the | common factor. | | When done properly, 1:1s are powerful. But they require at | least one side to be willing to be vulnerable. To talk about | problems and weaknesses and needs. That doesn't come naturally | to most of us, and requires practice and intent to become | habit. | heymijo wrote: | They require the person with more power to respond positively | to any gambit that shows vulnerability. | | A direct report may try a couple of times to go deeper or be | vulnerable but if the manager isn't receptive that 1:1 just | became perfunctory into perpetuity. | codingdave wrote: | I've had both good and bad 1:1s, yet I still find them to be | quite effective. Because even when they feel like a waste, they | serve a purpose - to maintain the habit of talking to your | boss. That way, when something does come up worth talking | about, you just do. | | I have little to say to my current boss most weeks. I just keep | my platform running independently, so he gets to trust me to do | so and ignore it. It is a good working relationship. Our weekly | calls are 5 minutes long, just a quick check in and move on. | Until they are not - and then we raise concerns, talk them | through, fix them, and go back to the regularly scheduled | program. | | Each individual 1:1 is fairly worthless. But the habit makes | all the difference in the long run. | ozim wrote: | I think that is what a lot of people miss also on other | things. | | Daily stand-ups are mostly also not really that useful - but | getting team together so they are used to at least 15-20 mins | talking to each other I believe has benefits anyway. | | The same with writing unit tests, I see my team is writing | too many useless unit tests. But then if we have habit of | writing tests - important tests will get written as well. If | we would skip tests and say that we write only "important | ones" then I saw that no tests were written in period where | we had such an approach. | jraph wrote: | > Daily stand-ups are mostly also not really that useful | | This is my feeling. Wouldn't a weekly meeting where we | don't need to stand up be sufficient for this? | | I guess it depends on the people and how they function. And | how the team communicates throughout the day or the week. | asdff wrote: | If its just you reporting then its going to feel like a waste | of time and suck. The best 1x1s though are problem solving | related where you both are sitting there and coming up with a | gameplan. That sort of meeting doesn't go well over email | because there's often a lot of things you come up with and | address that would take 40 emails or slack messages to do the | same. | mkl95 wrote: | One-on-ones can be scary due to their potential implications. If | one-on-ones are frequent, it's usually a symptom of an immature | culture where people are too lazy to write things down, or they | don't want to do it to dodge accountability. Personally, I'd | rather send people a chunky paragraph with what I want from them | and let them go about their day. | jeppester wrote: | While I was a team manager I really liked the one-on-ones. | | It was a great way to handle issues while they were still small | and manageable. | | Someone unhappy on a project? I'd do my best to talk to the | project mangers and voice the criticism in an impactful way, or | possibly reassign the person. | | Problems at home? I would have never picked that up during our | normal interactions. | | Those meetings gave me the opportunity to help my coworkers with | lots of stuff they would otherwise not have mentioned. | | It was a true pleasure when I was able to help them out, and even | when I wasn't, I think it helped a lot that they just had that | chance to vent and then get on with stuff. | | While some one-on-ones might have been a waste of time, I believe | that overall they had a very positive impact. | | Reading the rest of the comments here, I think I might have been | in a very favorable position. I started as a developer, and then | got promoted at a time where I was the obvious choice. So I | always felt like "one of us" during those conversations, and I | could very much relate to every work-related challenge. | robertlagrant wrote: | > her philosophy department is leaving a lot of productivity on | the table | | The mind boggles as to what could be done with that increased | productivity. | jldugger wrote: | Grant more PhDs per year, while reducing the cost of education | to the student. Grad student stipends are often meager, | assuming you even get funding. | Hokusai wrote: | One on ones are a very good tool. In someone with good training | and in a good job environment are incredible to gather feedback, | make sure that the company environment is good, and it's an | opportunity to help individuals with the kind of problems that is | hard to talk in public. Finally, even in functional companies, | employees may feel unsure about their performance. Regular | meetings help to dissipate any doubts. | | That the article also applies it to personal life makes sense. | It's not just a company tool. | | If you have been in a company where ones on ones were bad or | counterproductive be open to think that it may be a problem on | how it was used not inherently a problem with the tool. | lifeplusplus wrote: | one-on-ones are kinda anti-pattern, if you have something to say, | there should be an easier way to say it. if you have nothing to | say it becomes dumb status report about things any competent | manager would already be aware of. | sethhochberg wrote: | I've found that many people are really, really averse to the | perception that they're "bothering" their manager, no matter | how often it is emphasized that ad-hoc conversations about | things that are important to the teams' members are part of the | manager's job and despite however much effort the manager puts | in to genuinely welcoming these ad-hoc conversations when they | happen. | | Regularly scheduled 1:1s are a great backstop for this kind of | thing, and let people feel confident and prepared for | conversations with their management. | | If neither party has anything to say, its true the meeting can | become a dumb status update - but if neither party has | something to say, that implies the time since the last 1:1 saw | no growth, no challenges, nothing of note at all to bring up... | and this is probably a red flag on its own. | | I'm perfectly willing to reduce frequency of 1:1s with very | senior and self-sufficient members of my teams, but even once a | month is valuable. | bell-cot wrote: | This +10 (if I could). Very regular, _very_ short (if there | 's not much to discuss) 1:1s can be quite valuable. | Especially managing folks who are reluctant to speak up. | Doesn't much matter the reason for their reluctance - | introverted, self-conscious about not being very articulate, | burned by previous shitty management, overbearing co-workers, | ... | lifeplusplus wrote: | once a month seems more useful, but i doubt i'd hold in | something for a month. i think it's better to create a | culture where managers are approachable human beings then to | have dedicated meetings that are so far away, and if they are | weekly then you have got a problem having nothing to say on | both sides. | tomcat27 wrote: | There are some conversations I think are better exchanged more | thoughtfully and that takes time. Schedule of people with many | direct reports is just overwhelming and it's too easy to | naturally avoid certain discussions unless they are | deliberately scheduled. IMO 1-1 is "at least" meeting than "at | most" meeting. | lifeplusplus wrote: | then just schedule a meeting, in one year i had like 3 times | i had something to say that was employment related and other | 50 1-1s were waste of my time | retrac98 wrote: | Shameless plug, but I made a little app for generating one-on-one | questions: https://one-on-ones.app/ | amelius wrote: | The unreasonable effectiveness of hyperbolic headlines. | llbeansandrice wrote: | I think in any endeavor it's important to try out different | methods and situations. This post resonated with my hobby as a | swing dancer. Lots of folks like to take group lessons where the | format is teachers have a lesson plan and more or less spoon-feed | it to students. This can involve some or no homework. It can be | exercises to work on technique, just a new move to try, etc. | | I've seen a lot of people overvalue this format of lessons as a | way to "get better" at their craft rather than weekly practice | sessions with a group or private lessons. This is usually because | there's a lot more friction and effort to set up practices and | private lessons usually mean _you_ have to come up with what you | want to learn. | | As others have mentioned though, the most important factor is to | go into it being earnest and genuine. Group lessons can be done | poorly just as 1:1s can be done poorly. | jll29 wrote: | This isn't so much an article about 1:1s in general, I would say, | but more of a rant about bad Ph.D. student supervision in one | particular case, which the author generalises from N=1 | observations. | | Of course there are many stories of poor grad school experience | and the notable Prof. Smith from the legendary Ph.D. comic; but | just to point out that there are also "rock star" supervisors: | for instance, I was blessed to be able to email drafts of | conference papers to mine at 11 p.m. and get corrections back by | 5 a.m. | | For example, here are some interesting supervision anecdotes from | CMU (computer science, not philosophy): | https://pure.mpg.de/rest/items/item_3361714_1/component/file... | | Now I can't say I know how the distribution of grad student | supervisors looks like on the good/bad scale, but let's just be | careful not to extrapolate from a single data point. | | PS: I applaud the author's approach to try to help using the | methods he knew - a beautiful example of making use of | transferrable skills (computing is full of them). | stakkur wrote: | I rarely have found 1-1s 'effective', and I've experienced them | in four different companies. In stints as a manager, I never have | them. | | First: like all management, their usefulness depends utterly on | how effective the _manager_ is. In my experience, most managers | just use them to 'chat'. Which is invariably a waste of both our | times. | | Second: Most things I want to talk to a manager about, I can talk | about _anytime_. We just talk as the need arises. In my | experience, most managers schedule them 'just so we have | available time', which really means "I don't have time unless | you're on my calendar". | | To be an effective manager, I need them to be _available_ , to | _communicate well_ , to _listen_ , and to give me feedback and | guidance based on what they hear. And that has nothing to do with | a regular '1-1' meeting. | Taylor_OD wrote: | But are most managers available? That is the last word I think | of when I think of managers in general. Maybe available in an | emergency but what about when I want to ask questions that are | relevant to my career/the company/technology but not directly | relevant to my/our current task or goal? | | I wouldnt really expect my manager to drop everything Monday | morning to talk to me about that unless I know I had a weekly | scheduled time to do so. | loopz wrote: | If managers are not available to manage the business, what | are they really doing?? | cmrdporcupine wrote: | My last 1:1 was followed by me giving three weeks notice, so I | suppose that's effective. | brimble wrote: | In this thread, we explore more ways in which almost any practice | or system works great when someone competent and well-meaning | does it, and almost none do when someone incompetent or malicious | is involved, which is most of the time. | | See also: all project management methodology discussions. | lkrubner wrote: | Are people capable of learning? If not, then why read Hacker | News at all? Here is a technique that clearly is powerful when | done well, so why not read the anecdotes and try to internalize | the lessons? If you are in a leadership position, how about you | push yourself to learn what that means, and then push yourself | to get better and better? Stories like this are one of many | ways to learn a new leadership technique. | brimble wrote: | That justifies the article, but I can guarantee this | discussion is going to be 99% "nuh uh" and "yeah huh" and | both will be right, mostly because of the effect in my post. | I'm either a mystic who can predict the future, or these | discussions all look exactly the same. | baxtr wrote: | Welcome to HackerNews! | brimble wrote: | Fair. | taneq wrote: | yeah huh | robertlagrant wrote: | The parent poster is saying the technique is less important | than being well-meaning and trying sincerely. | | Having said that, perhaps the lesson we can learn here is | that reading is a powerful technique to learn to employ. | brimble wrote: | Right, we're gonna get a lot of "my manager did them and | they were great, so I think they're great" and (probably a | lot more of) "mine did them and they sucked, so I think | they suck" and "I did them and my reports loved them" | (true) and "I did them and my reports loved them" (their | reports were lying or this person can't read the room) and | _the reason for those experiences_ will not have much to do | with the practice itself. | buscoquadnary wrote: | I can find value in understanding why some people felt they | were useless and why others felt they were productive. Most of | it probably won't be great, but it helps consider things I did | not know I did not know. | PaulHoule wrote: | For some managers they are a weapon they use to gaslight their | reports. That is, they tell one person one thing and tell another | person another thing. | | At least in a team meeting you never are thinking that this is | going on. | | It might not be the usual situation but it happened to me once | and because of that the 1-1 is going to have a bad smell that's | going to require a huge amount of trust in the manager to | overcome. | iamdbtoo wrote: | Pretty sure this is exactly what happened to me and it's soured | me on 1:1s. I thought he was listening empathetically, but | really he was using the information I was giving him, in what | was supposed to be a private setting, and used it to paint a | very negative picture of me to the rest of the bosses. | loopz wrote: | I've had a manager use exactly what I warned about when later | being promoted to executive position. Also having the person | bragging confidently about power over their employees. | swagasaurus-rex wrote: | I find it's often helpful to send messages to relevant people | who did not attend summarizing the findings of a 1-on-1. | | At that point you start a paper trail and can track down where | inconsistencies or straight up dishonesty are originating. | oceanplexian wrote: | I read a book a while back called Tribal Leadership that calls | out exactly the problems you are referring to. | | One is that the manager has to say the same thing to multiple | reports, which simply isn't scalable. Second the person at the | other end of the 1:1 feels commoditized, and third, people | start to spot inconsistencies (intentional or not) between what | the manager is telling different reports, which damages their | credibility. Their solution is to form triads (three person | meetings). | jldugger wrote: | I'm just gonna put this out there: none of this sounds like a | problem if you don't lie to your reports. | PaulHoule wrote: | "Lie" is an accusation that I try pretty hard not to use. | (Some people are quick to say "you lied to me" as soon as | they discover a mismatch between what was said and what the | reality is, I try to save that for when it's really clear | that deliberate deception is going on.) | | Frequently people tell untruths because they really don't | know the truth or are confused. Also people who hear bits | and pieces of a story might come to the conclusion that | deception is going on when actually their imagination is | getting the better of them. Also information changes over | time. You might tell reports A and B that X is the case, | then you talk to C who educates you that X is not the case | and really Y is the case, then you talk to D and E and tell | them that Y is the case. A and B might never get updated or | get updated after some time delay in which they might | compare notes with D or E and think there is a problem. | | Even if you don't lie you are going to pay for the sins of | other people who lie who hear stories that don't add up and | think you are lying. | routerl wrote: | Let's clear this up: a lie is intentional. "Saying | something false" doesn't count as a lie, _only if you | believed the falsehood_. | | Given this clarification, the original point is fair. | PaulHoule wrote: | You're right also that people can compare notes and find | small inconsistencies from somebody honest and blow that up | into believing somebody is totally dishonest. | worldvoyageur wrote: | "If you give me six lines written by the hand of the most | honest of men, I will find something in them which will | hang him." | | -- Cardinal Richelieu | par wrote: | It's not good to gaslight people and lie to them. But sometimes | you need to have a more direct conversation with someone in a | 1x1 than is appropriate to have in a larger group. And | sometimes you need to motivate someone in a specific way | (performance issue, etc) that may not be right to demonstrate | broadly. For instance, in a 1x1 "Jon, I really need you to get | the signup flow working as you haven't been meeting your | estimates or deadlines at all" ... and then to the team "let's | get the new signup flow working, we think it will increase user | engagement!" | PaulHoule wrote: | It's a reason to have a 1-1 meeting. It's not a reason to | have regularly scheduled 1-1 meetings. | jldugger wrote: | As a manager, you never have an immediate need for | regularly scheduled 1-1 meetings. You can always just ask | your directs for their time and expect to get it -- rare is | the employee who says no to a request from their manager to | talk. | | Regularly scheduled 1-1s are for the direct, to have a | dedicated, planned 30 minutes a week to talk, with a person | who controls your access to food, water shelter and all | material needs, but whose calendar is often booked solid. | Even when there's no immediate need for clarification, | approval or discussion, theres still discussion about | promotions and career development that need to happen more | frequently than once a year or quarter. | gilgad13 wrote: | I agree, and from the subordinate's point of view I feel | having a regularly planned session lowers the barrier to | raise issues early without making things confrontational. | | Its the difference between "we talked about many things, | including this issue" and "we need to meet to discuss | this issue". I find the second starts everyone off on a | defensive foot, regardless of peoples' best intentions. | PaulHoule wrote: | I have rarely been unable to talk to a manager when I had | a good reason. | | As for promotions, career development, etc. that's not | something that everyone is going to get through the | organization that they work in for various reasons. (e.g. | "This is a library and if you want to be promoted you | have to be a librarian to get ahead") | | Organizations like that don't deserve to not be able to | hire computer programmers and a programmer can be | perfectly satisfied working there. That programmer might | be somebody who isn't ambitious or if they are ambitious | they might pursue their ambitions outside of work in the | form of side projects, relationships, etc. | jldugger wrote: | > This is a library and if you want to be promoted you | have to be a librarian to get ahead" | | There's more to career development than promotion into | management. Level promotions are a thing, after all. Or | at the very least, annual reviews and compensation. | [deleted] | XorNot wrote: | 1:1's are basically a mix of every anti-pattern for CYA in | business - they're verbal, they're isolated, they're strongly | implied to be considered private, and there's a massive power | imbalance in the communication. | brink wrote: | Can we change the click-bait title? There's nothing unreasonable | about one-on-ones being effective. | djur wrote: | I think the reason it's used here is because the one-on-one was | surprisingly effective even when applied outside a typical work | environment, just like the original usage was that math was | surprisingly useful in understanding natural phenomena: | | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Unreasonable_Effectiveness... | mekoka wrote: | Note that in the original usage of the formula, | "unreasonable" meant that there's _no valid and explanable | reason_ to why math is so effective in the prediction of | physical phenomena. It did not simply mean ill-understood, or | explanations to come later. The relationship between math and | nature was _stated_ to be akin to a mystery. Most titles | borrowing the phrasing nowadays simply mean to say that | something is considered very effective and _the author_ finds | it surprising. | baxtr wrote: | Here is what I always recommend people: Try to use the 1:1s with | your boss productively, ideally engage her/him in a problem | solving session for one of your work topics. | | I used to managed a large group of people. I always made clear | that this is the time of the report. She/he could use the time | with me at their will. | | I have found the best use of our time was when a report would | walk in (back in the day, you know...) and shared what they were | struggling with. We would then jointly problem solve. This way, I | could get an insight into their daily struggle, get updates on | status and help them. | | The least effective ones were over after 5 minutes or so, when | the report didn't want to share anything. I am aware that this is | a trust issue. But you can't build up trust without time to | interact. | redisman wrote: | Personally I just don't want to do all the heavy lifting which | is what "let's talk about whatever you want!" means. Meh what I | want is one less meeting on my calendar - now how's your | freaking dog doing sir? | titanomachy wrote: | Then say that... "I think I'd like to reduce the cadence of | this meeting to bi-weekly, we haven't had anything | substantial to discuss in the last few weeks." Your manager | probably wants calendar time back at least as much as you do. ___________________________________________________________________ (page generated 2022-01-31 23:00 UTC)