[HN Gopher] Trapped in Silicon Valley's hidden caste system
       ___________________________________________________________________
        
       Trapped in Silicon Valley's hidden caste system
        
       Author : Brajeshwar
       Score  : 113 points
       Date   : 2022-03-01 15:12 UTC (7 hours ago)
        
 (HTM) web link (www.wired.com)
 (TXT) w3m dump (www.wired.com)
        
       | vmception wrote:
       | One day it occurred to me that I can tell if someone is from
       | India, but that I'd never considered to notice more nuances than
       | that, for such a big country with so many groups of people.
       | 
       | I have just begun to notice, but I have no idea about the
       | identity politics. I recall in college that some of my friends
       | from India would fawn over certain last names, and I felt it was
       | something to do with the caste system, but I had concluded that
       | the people I was around in Universities and in the workforce were
       | mostly from a level of privilege that it wouldn't be possible to
       | learn more. I always found Indian nationalism to be strange,
       | where so many people would interject that everything is perfect.
       | Makes it easier for me to avoid my own US nationalism, because it
       | must be just as comical to others.
       | 
       | In this article it mentions Dalit. How many people from that
       | group would be in Silicon Valley, is it impossible to know since
       | it is insensitive to ask and disastrous for them if people did
       | know?
       | 
       | Seems like there is a potential for solidarity amongst more vocal
       | groups pushing for representation.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | dang wrote:
       | Past related threads. I think there have been others.
       | 
       |  _How Big Tech Is Importing India's Caste Legacy to Silicon
       | Valley_ - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=26435117 - March
       | 2021 (195 comments)
       | 
       |  _Caste discrimination in some of Silicon Valley 's richest tech
       | companies_ - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24952698 - Oct
       | 2020 (322 comments)
       | 
       |  _How India 's ancient caste system is ruining lives in Silicon
       | Valley_ - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24555492 - Sept
       | 2020 (47 comments)
       | 
       |  _Over 90% of Indian techies in the US are upper-caste Indians_ -
       | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24552047 - Sept 2020 (613
       | comments)
       | 
       |  _Silicon Valley Has a Caste Discrimination Problem_ -
       | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24065132 - Aug 2020 (14
       | comments)
       | 
       |  _California sues Cisco alleging discrimination based on India's
       | caste system_ - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23798922 -
       | July 2020 (56 comments)
       | 
       |  _California accuses Cisco of job discrimination based on Indian
       | employee 's caste_ -
       | https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23697083 - July 2020 (592
       | comments)
        
       | bishamsingh wrote:
        
       | birdyrooster wrote:
       | A bit off topic but, separate from Indian culture, the United
       | States has a hidden caste system too that flows from antiquity
       | and is given texture through American slavery. If your family was
       | a slave or you look like a slave you are, unconscious in the
       | minds of most, systemically bottom caste here.
       | 
       | Sorry if it is an unsatisfying critique of America but its
       | obvious. Go look at the wealth data, look who is thriving and has
       | net worth or success in business.
        
         | gerdesj wrote:
         | This is waaaay off topic.
         | 
         | Carry down that line of thought and you might fall into all
         | sorts of nonsense. Note things like Pope Gregory (n?) saw a
         | pair of slaves in a market in Rome in the n00s. These two were
         | picked up from somewhere that would eventually become part of
         | England/GB. He was told they were Angles. The story goes he
         | quipped that they were "surely Angels" due to their physique
         | and long blonde hair. Part of England is known as Anglia still
         | and of course England itself is "Angleland".
         | 
         | It seems a bit odd that, that anecdote and play on words
         | survives a good 1500 years during which time English has gone
         | through three major stages (old/middle/modern). However you can
         | easily posit from that story that Britons were also enslaved,
         | if you very carefully define "Briton"!
         | 
         | Anyway, my point is that you can't really use terms like
         | american slavery. History can't be stuffed into boxes like that
         | with pejorative terms scattered like confetti.
         | 
         | The caste system being discussed here is nominally an indian
         | sub continent thing and way older in origin than the slavery
         | employed around C17th onwards with the horrendous triangle of
         | trade.
        
           | birdyrooster wrote:
           | Yes off topic, and I edited my comment to reflect this.
           | American slavery is a distinct type of slavery because of the
           | geography and people involved. That is all I was saying.
        
         | johntiger1 wrote:
         | from my understanding, the caste system is thousands of years
         | old (in fact one of the reason islam was welcomed and later
         | sikh religion developed). are you sure that american slavery
         | was the origin?
        
           | vmception wrote:
           | They are talking about the US distinctly. The US caste
           | system, which has morphed primarily into a class system as
           | the laws no longer explicitly single groups out, despite the
           | correlations of effects that remain.
        
           | Sebguer wrote:
           | They're not implying that the Indian caste system originated
           | in American slavery, they're stating that America also has a
           | caste system.
        
             | gerdesj wrote:
             | Perhaps class system is a better term. The terms nearly
             | mean the same thing but not quite. I think the caste system
             | is closer in origin to the societal structure in the feudal
             | system that was common in medieval Europe, than the modern
             | class system.
        
         | [deleted]
        
         | pinephoneguy wrote:
         | Has vs had. I suppose you could say the races that were former
         | slaves are now given an artificial advantage but I wouldn't go
         | so far as to call it a caste system.
        
       | simmanian wrote:
       | I am not from India but I would like to be connected to these
       | groups. Any idea how I can reach out?
       | 
       | edit: I guess this is as good as it gets
       | https://ambedkarinternationalcenter.org/join-the-mission/aic...
        
       | rhapsodic wrote:
        
       | yrgulation wrote:
       | The caste system is so deeply entrenched in the culture of those
       | abused by it that even centuries after leaving india they cant
       | leave it behind.
       | 
       | Romania has a considerable group of such people. The Gipsy (also
       | know as Romani) are an Indian people that are thought to have
       | been part of a caste and fled India hundreds of years ago. To
       | this day they cant lift themselves up, and frankly the government
       | of Romania is not doing much at all. To call it an injustice it
       | would he an understatement.
        
       | zxienin wrote:
       | I am from "upper caste". My experience might not be commonly
       | heard perspective. In 10th grade of schooling, my parents changed
       | my lastname to avoid that folks figure out the caste. Due to
       | affirmative action (aka reservation) on steroids, upper caste
       | were losing opportunities. My parents wanted to avoid that I lose
       | out on selection, promotions.., where subjective discretion was
       | involved.
       | 
       | I do not recall ever seeing casteism at workplace. So reading
       | these reports have been surprising to me, since these are not
       | subtle, but rampant. I can only attribute it to my privilege
       | driven echo chamber. Or the fact that I never worked in US. (only
       | briefly in India).
       | 
       | What I read in media disgusts me. I am very motivated to make
       | sure nothing like this happens in my zone of control / influence,
       | at work.
       | 
       | I know casteism is deeply rooted in Indian society. I do not
       | relate with it. Many folks I know, don't either. On optimistic
       | side, I hope that means with newer generations, casteism will
       | dilute and wither away.
        
       | johntiger1 wrote:
       | as a complete outsider to the caste system, say i was american-
       | born or otherwise "white-washed". would I still be subject to
       | this system?
        
         | sparky_ wrote:
         | Fellow outsider here. Got curious and did some searching; would
         | love to hear from some real Indian folks to confirm or deny
         | this line of reasoning.
         | 
         | As non-Indians, it seems we exist outside the system, which
         | could be ambiguously interpreted to either have no connotation
         | at all, or to exist at the bottom of the social strata. [1]
         | 
         | Anecdotally, the kind of treatment you'll get in practice
         | depends a lot more on your race and national origin. [2]
         | 
         | 1: https://hinduism.stackexchange.com/questions/3898/what-
         | caste... 2: https://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/let-s-
         | talk-about-r...
        
           | akvadrako wrote:
           | So, assuming there is a hierarchy and Indian are not better
           | than all other races, it seems the conclusion must be all
           | societies have some kind of caste system, it's just we don't
           | see it since we don't look for that sort of thing?
        
       | UltraViolence wrote:
       | It took hundreds of years for the tribal system to become fully
       | abolished in North-Western Europe and I suspect it will take a
       | similar amount of time before the caste system is eradicated.
        
       | throwaway_dcnt wrote:
       | The reason for my current user name here at hn was this exact
       | form of racism. It is the first post I made when I created this
       | throwaway. I was assured that my experience was unique and not
       | widespread. I am both sad and happy to see this, sad because it
       | exists, happy because it is getting some attention here at HN.
       | 
       | I would like to take this opportunity to point out that everyone
       | of us needs to be vigilant about this type of racism. One thing I
       | recommend to my hiring managers is to not allow people from
       | frictioned backgrounds to manage and interview people from the
       | other side. Example problematic pairs for candidates/interviewers
       | (not including the cast situation) include: Indians and
       | Pakistanis, Serbians and Bosnians, Greeks and Turks, Chinese and
       | Japanese.
       | 
       | One way I solve this is by introducing an independent
       | observer/participant when situations like this emerge. This is
       | costly but it has really worked to not only address this problem
       | but also created an amazing diversity in my teams because it
       | takes care of some of the implicit bias we all have to some
       | degree.
        
         | winterplace wrote:
         | Is there a way to privately message you?
        
         | aletzo wrote:
         | I'm sorry, but can you please elaborate a bit more on Greeks
         | and Turks?
         | 
         | I happen to be Greek and have worked with 2 Turkish colleagues
         | without any issues. On top of that, during my many travels
         | across Europe, Turks (along with other Balkan nationalities)
         | are by far the most welcoming people I meet once they learn
         | that I come from Greece and I befriended a few of them.
         | 
         | Do you have any different experiences to share?
        
           | User23 wrote:
           | I'm under the impression some people are still upset over
           | Cypress.
        
         | franklampard wrote:
         | > Chinese and Japanese
         | 
         | When I interviewed last time; the only company i did not make
         | through phone screen was by a Japanese interviewer. I gave a
         | three viable solutions to an easy question. Had no idea why I
         | failed but probably because of racism
        
           | simmanian wrote:
           | It's definitely possible that there were other factors in
           | play. I hope you see the danger or irony of automatically
           | assuming that the Japanese interviewer rejected you because
           | of their racial bias.
        
             | jewayne wrote:
             | I hope you see the danger or irony of stigmatizing the
             | discussion of bias.
        
         | avalys wrote:
         | The solution you propose is arguably just as bad and I suspect
         | it might be illegal in the US. If I am a qualified manager or
         | tech lead, and there is an opportunity to lead a new project, I
         | would be furious to learn that I was passed over for the
         | opportunity because someone believed I was ethnically
         | incompatible with one of the people on the team.
        
           | rednerrus wrote:
           | The comment was about not allowing them in the interviewing
           | process.
        
             | avalys wrote:
             | ...it says "manage and interview"?
        
             | oh_sigh wrote:
             | If interviewing is considered a normal job function, isn't
             | not allowing certain people to interview certain people a
             | violation of EEO laws by discriminating based on a
             | protected class(national origin)? Unless you have some
             | specific knowledge that an employee just can't handle
             | people of nationality X, I would be very hesitant to
             | institute OP's advice, at least in the US.
        
       | [deleted]
        
       | bob66 wrote:
        
       | txcan wrote:
       | Only to be bogged down by a level higher "country-of-birth" based
       | discrimination system for GreenCards in the US.
        
         | pinephoneguy wrote:
         | Countries have borders, we invest a lot of money in our
         | children and people and would like a return on that investment.
         | In order for that to be possible we have to reject the people
         | who would abuse the system.
        
       | hemantv wrote:
       | This is all made up, news article created to make you angry.
       | Click bait.
       | 
       | I have been in valley for 9 years. Never experienced any of it.
       | 
       | Does Indian have higher standards for other Indian sure, but it's
       | never about caste.
        
         | pinephoneguy wrote:
         | Having different standards for different races (especially your
         | own race) is racist.
        
         | jonny_eh wrote:
         | Nobody in America has ever been racist to me, therefore racism
         | doesn't exist.
        
       | mdns33 wrote:
        
       | zozbot234 wrote:
       | It's so disappointing to see in the article that caste
       | discrimination is still being blamed by some on the religion of
       | Hinduism. There's no dharmic status whatsoever for "caste" in the
       | commonplace sense. The Vedas occasionally talk about something
       | that gets misinterpreted as caste, but it's very clear from the
       | texts that they're talking about individual callings and
       | aptitudes, and not any sort of immutable status. The latter were
       | merely a historically contingent development within Indian
       | society, very similar to those that were leading towards
       | feudalism and serfdom in the West.
        
         | simmanian wrote:
         | I think it's fair to say that the caste system is greatly
         | influenced by the flavor of reincarnation in hinduism. the
         | buddha himself set out to seek enlightenment and free himself
         | from suffering when he saw that so many people from the lower
         | castes are suffering. it eventually led him to reject hinduism
         | and teach that nobody suffers in this life because of something
         | that happened in "past" lives (in fact, he almost categorically
         | rejected reincarnation as a process where individuals are born
         | again and again, something many buddhists today do not
         | understand), that everyone can attain true freedom and
         | happiness. I assume this teaching is why Ambedkar came to
         | reject hinduism and embrace buddhism as shown in the article.
        
       | fdgsdfogijq wrote:
       | In a well known big tech company (FAANG), I have seen many many
       | examples of a whole layer of management from the same caste. So
       | like under one director, every senior manager will have been from
       | the same part of India. Sometimes this will extend to another
       | layer of managers below them. Behind the scenes, there is a
       | strong communication network that is often not caught or shown in
       | org charts. This will include high ranking engineers and managers
       | from sister organizations.
       | 
       | It usually doesnt extend beyond that, since HR will be all over
       | it. Often they will even go out of their way not to hire Indians
       | as their directs, so as to deny any discrimination based hiring.
       | But its rampant.
        
         | Bhilai wrote:
         | Let me guess, its Amazon?
        
       | nraynaud wrote:
       | I can't imagine the crazy headache for management, like are you
       | going to ask your Indian teamates their cast when you suspect
       | there is foul play in the team?
        
         | rootusrootus wrote:
         | In my experience, the answer is always some form of "there are
         | no castes any more." They know that most non-Indians lack the
         | ability to prove otherwise, we can't even detect it.
        
       | jmyeet wrote:
       | It's crazy to me to see people saying "this doesn't exist because
       | I've never seen it". Here's a good rule to live by: privilege is
       | invisible to those who have it. Just think about that.
       | 
       | I'm not Indian so can't speak to that experience but
       | discrimination masquerading as "culture fit" is just as rampant
       | in Silicon Valley as it is in the rest of the US. This includes
       | racism, ageism, misogyny and classism. If you don't think
       | MIT/Stanford grads in their mid 20s at Big Tech companies have
       | more doors open to them you're crazy.
       | 
       | There is a tendency in the West to view all minorities as somehow
       | being the same. Like all Africans are somehow viewed the same in
       | many ways despite their being significant cultural, religious and
       | language differences that go back centuries. The same is true in
       | Asia (eg a lot of Chinese in Malaysia face significant
       | discrimination such that they end up going to university overseas
       | because they can't locally).
       | 
       | So a deeply ingrained caste system like India's I can totally
       | believe doesn't magically disappear because those raised in that
       | system now happen to live and work in the United States.
        
       | belval wrote:
       | To Indian commenters on HN, how much of that is true? Do you feel
       | threatened when a coworker asks about where you are from? It's
       | something I do ask from time to time (not during interviews
       | obviously, but during lunch for example) out of pure curiosity.
       | Should I stop?
       | 
       | I guess that I should explicitly add that I am not from India.
       | Cross-cultural communications can be a bit difficult at times and
       | I'd rather not make blunders like that.
        
         | cscurmudgeon wrote:
         | A lot of it is FUD.
         | 
         | California withdrew it's Cisco case but you wont' see any
         | coverage of that here.
         | 
         | https://thewire.in/caste/california-drops-caste-discriminati...
         | 
         | I am from India and have been in the US for more than a decade.
         | 
         | I come from a low caste. The only folks who have asked about my
         | caste and asked if I am from a higher caste are white Americans
         | due to my vegetarianism (voluntary for ethical reasons).
         | 
         | > Do you feel threatened when a coworker asks about where you
         | are from?
         | 
         | No, not at all.
         | 
         | But I did get upset when my PhD advisor (a white American)
         | wanted to know if I was from the priestly class.
         | 
         | There is definitely casteism in India, but I have not seen it
         | in Silicon Valley.
         | 
         | Casteism is there in India and is unfortunately widespread but
         | steadily disappearing. India's PM and President are from lower
         | castes but you won't see coverage of that in Western news.
        
           | Bhilai wrote:
           | Who is spreading the FUD and why?
        
         | dhanvantharim1 wrote:
         | Its possible some of it is true, I know well educated brahmin
         | acquaintances who have outright said they are superior. I look
         | like a brahmin person and they tend to let their guard down
         | around me, But no one has ever asked me about my caste (Maybe
         | because they assume my caste based on how I look). At the same
         | time there are lots frivolous lawsuits from the groups
         | mentioned in this article so its hard to say.
        
           | fhrow4484 wrote:
           | > I look like a brahmin person
           | 
           | > they assume my caste based on how I look
           | 
           | I'm curious in this comment, are you dressing up a certain
           | way that is typical of brahmin, or are there some other
           | characteristics that makes you look brahmin?
        
         | Bhilai wrote:
         | A lot of stuff mentioned in the article is true. I would even
         | go ahead (at peril being downvoted by Indian patriots) that
         | India is a deeply racist country. My parents, educated upper
         | middle class working folks use to 'educate' me to not get
         | married outside our caste and such. Caste system is deeply
         | rooted in India and you can pretty much read about it from lots
         | of sources online. India has a lot of right provisions (like
         | the reservation system for SC/ST/OBC akin to affirmative action
         | type of stuff in US if I am not mistaken) but in a typical
         | fashion those provisions are either not applied properly or are
         | abused by people in such categories. India is also a deeply
         | poor country with a history of systemic racism so its not
         | surprising some of the beliefs have landed in silicon valley
         | too.
         | 
         | > Do you feel threatened when a coworker asks about where you
         | are from? It's something I do ask from time to time (not during
         | interviews obviously, but during lunch for example) out of pure
         | curiosity. Should I stop?
         | 
         | I think its a fair question. Its not as much about where a
         | person is from but "what caste they belong to" type of stuff
         | that might be offensive.
        
           | wincy wrote:
           | Okay so curious, I have a South Indian neighbor who is
           | Muslim. I assume Muslims are just a different thing outside
           | of the caste system, despite people saying caste is not
           | rooted in Hinduism? (I'm not saying it is, just curious how
           | an Indian might view their Muslim neighbors).
        
             | belval wrote:
             | Seems to exist for Indian muslims as well: https://en.wikip
             | edia.org/wiki/Caste_system_among_South_Asian...
        
           | lisper wrote:
           | It would never even occur to me to ask someone what caste
           | they were from, not just in Silicon Valley where I happen to
           | live, but anywhere in the U.S. Seriously, who does that?
        
             | belval wrote:
             | Someone who doesn't understand that it's taboo and is
             | curious of a system that existed for 3000 years? I
             | understand that it's a painful heritage for some but to an
             | outsider this seems akin to genealogy for example.
        
             | [deleted]
        
             | samizdette wrote:
             | I grew up around a lot of Indian people, and I have
             | definitely had the curiosity to know how to ask, but at the
             | same time known that it would be taboo. I can only guess
             | from their wealth or their last names.
        
             | AdmiralAsshat wrote:
             | It actually _does_ occur to me, mostly because I 'm curious
             | if all of my coworkers are of Brahmin caste. It doesn't
             | matter to me personally, but obviously it would be of
             | interest if all of the people in the Managerial or Lead
             | roles are from a certain caste, while all of the lower-
             | level Devs are in another.
        
               | JoeAltmaier wrote:
               | Couldn't that be a follow-on effect from a lifetime of
               | advantages in education and opportunity costs? It's not
               | necessary to imagine a special Brahmin-loving company
               | administration.
        
               | AdmiralAsshat wrote:
               | Oh, definitely. It could be neither intentional nor
               | malicious. But it would still be interesting to know.
        
               | User23 wrote:
               | It's also a general pattern that follows from human
               | assortative mating. Then add to that inheritance laws and
               | over the centuries the upper classes can acquire serious
               | cumulative advantages. Of course it occasionally
               | backfires, such as in the case of Habsburg inbreeding.
        
               | User23 wrote:
               | I worked at a big tech company where you could, with rare
               | exceptions, reliably estimate a South Asian employee's
               | place in the org chart from skin tone. I don't know how
               | well that correlates to caste, but I imagine it does to
               | at least some degree.
        
         | rajeshp1986 wrote:
         | I don't find any truth in it at all not especially in Silicon
         | Valley. These articles are a coerced effort to bring up the
         | caste divide from India into US and divide the Indian diaspora.
        
           | simmanian wrote:
           | The article mentions there were hundreds of people who joined
           | a Zoom call to give testimonies. In your view, is the author
           | exaggerating?
        
             | crate_barre wrote:
             | It could be possible they are projecting the home grown
             | issue of India onto America. Racism is traumatic, and can
             | lead to ptsd. If you dealt with it, you will amplify it
             | wherever you even think it could exist, eg 'I already know
             | what you think about me' as an internal thought. Imagine if
             | your whole life you were looked at as X, you will feel like
             | X even if you are in an environment that may not be doing
             | this to you.
             | 
             | Severe defensiveness. Not trying to undermine testimony,
             | but life is a spectrum. On the spectrum of all testimonies,
             | there is without a doubt corroborating testimonies that are
             | the result of trauma.
             | 
             | I'll give an example. I'm an alcoholic. There are times my
             | shame is so great that even in random stores where I go to
             | buy some beer, I can feel eyes on me as if the whole world
             | knows I'm an alcoholic. It's an intense feeling of guilt
             | and shame. Other examples of this are imposter syndrome
             | arising from being doubted. If you ever been doubted in any
             | meaningful way, you can palpably feel the doubt on your
             | skin in new situations - all from past trauma. But in
             | reality, no one may be doubting you in these new
             | situations.
        
         | 12ian34 wrote:
         | I'm Indian born with British nationality and I look Indian. It
         | doesn't bother me if people ask me where I'm from - I am often
         | curious about where others are from. It does, however, start to
         | slightly grate if upon me responding with "I'm British", I am
         | quizzed further with "But... where are you really from?" I hear
         | this less nowadays, but it used to be common enough to
         | "slightly grate", particularly from older, Caucasian Brits. Not
         | everyone that is British/American is also Caucasian.
         | 
         | I don't think you should stop asking people where they are
         | from. But perhaps don't interrogate them (we get enough of that
         | at airports), implying that they're obstructing their true
         | origin from you. Also, tone matters, whether you like it or
         | not. Saying "where are you from" can sound genuinely curious,
         | but it can easily sound disgusted and derogatory.
         | 
         | On any implied caste system, I can speak for the London tech
         | startup world in which I've worked for several years. I've
         | probably had dozens of (South) Asian colleagues and have never
         | noticed the slightest hint of intra-Asian racism or classism.
        
           | pinephoneguy wrote:
           | Obviously your ancestors aren't British so there's something
           | to the "where are you really from" question. I've been asked
           | similar things even as a White American.
        
             | 12ian34 wrote:
             | Sure, but imagine the scenario that you're one of about 5
             | non-white people in your entire school life, and the area
             | you lived in has a similar demographic. You might feel
             | generally more alienated from society. It might make it
             | slightly harder to accept/understand your own identity, and
             | being quizzed about it further (at times when you've
             | already mentioned your nationality) is unlikely to help.
        
             | camtarn wrote:
             | It has rather different connotations in Britain.
             | 
             | As far as I understand it from Americans I know, quite a
             | few people in the US have a fascination with where their,
             | and others', ancestors came from, so it _could_ be a fairly
             | innocuous question. Pretty much any American I know would
             | happily rattle off an answer of  'oh, I'm half Irish, a
             | quarter French, and a quarter Spanish' or something
             | similar.
             | 
             | Here in the UK, even though we're also a nation of
             | immigrants and invaders throughout history, there is much
             | more of an attitude of 'people whose ancestors have always
             | been here' ('British') versus 'immigrants' ('not really
             | British') - even if the 'immigrants' are from families who
             | have also been here for generations.
             | 
             | So yeah. Generally 'but where are you _really_ from? '
             | means something a little like 'I don't believe that you're
             | one of us people who have always been here'. Whether that's
             | malicious or just naive depends on the person, but I can
             | imagine it gets pretty tiring.
             | 
             | (I'm the son of a Chinese immigrant, but due to my other
             | parent being Scottish I pass for white and thus I've never
             | actually been asked the question!)
        
             | User23 wrote:
             | Ancestry is pretty common small talk for White Americans.
             | 
             | I like learning more about people and the world so I like
             | to ask people about where they're from. The immigrants I've
             | spoken to are proud of their heritage and don't take
             | offense. I have noticed though that their descendants can
             | take offense, perhaps because they take it as implying
             | they're somehow inauthentic. All that's required is a
             | little delicacy. Instead of asking "where are you really
             | from" instead ask something like "it sounds like your
             | family has a really interesting story, would you like to
             | tell me about it?"
        
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