[HN Gopher] A picture of me
___________________________________________________________________
A picture of me
Author : memorable
Score : 76 points
Date : 2022-06-24 08:30 UTC (1 days ago)
(HTM) web link (caspercloudwalker.bearblog.dev)
(TXT) w3m dump (caspercloudwalker.bearblog.dev)
| brundolf wrote:
| Something I've learned is that you don't love and connect with
| people because of who they are; you don't often find people you
| magically feel close to or interested in right at the beginning.
| You can't hold out for that.
|
| You love and connect with people because... you love and connect
| with them. The more time you spend, the more you share about
| yourself, the more moments you have together- relationships will
| usually _become_ deep and meaningful as a result, almost
| regardless of where they started. If you ask questions that tug
| on the threads of a person 's life, you'll find that almost
| everyone is interesting. If you take a leap and invest time and
| energy in people, you'll find life-giving connection you didn't
| even know could have been there.
|
| It can be hard to bootstrap this process. Like financial poverty,
| it takes energy to invest in the interactions that eventually
| lift you out of the lack of energy, which can be a catch-22. But
| the advice is the same: scrimp and save at first, and then
| _spend_ strategically until you can get the flywheel going.
|
| But I can almost guarantee that the boundary you're facing is
| your own shortage of energy, not a shortage of opportunities for
| connection. Not to trivialize that; it's still a hard place to be
| in. But I think it would be more productive to re-frame things as
| such.
| uniqueuid wrote:
| The same goes for spouses, by the way.
|
| You don't have a happy marriage/partnership because you met the
| person of your dreams and then both accidentally stay the same
| person forever.
|
| Happy marriages exist because people continuously and mutually
| change each other in a positive way.
| brundolf wrote:
| That's a big part of it, though I think it's fair to be a
| little more selective when there's only going to be one
| person in that role for the rest of your life
|
| But there's no such constraint on other relationships. Those
| deserve an abundance-mindset; go out into the world, see what
| people are like, don't assume you already know what you're
| looking for, see which relationships stick. You have almost
| nothing to lose.
|
| Edit: That said, lots of people are way too far on this end
| of the spectrum even when it comes to life-partnerships. The
| key is to dial in and not overestimate how much you actually
| know about other people, the world, and even yourself.
| dkersten wrote:
| This is something that always bothers me. A lot of people
| forget that you have to work on relationships and then
| eventually they fall apart. I'm of the opinion that a belief
| in "soulmates" or finding "the one" or whatever is a big part
| of the problem: if they're your soulmate, then everything
| should always be perfect, right? and if its not, then that
| means they weren't actually the one, so end of relationship
| and move on hoping to find the true one... But it doesn't
| work like that in real life, no relationship is perfect all
| the time and both people need to work on them. Relationships
| are like gardens, they don't stay beautiful if they're
| neglected.
| new_newbie wrote:
| This is spot on from my own experiences. I'm currently in that
| sort of a position where I'm aware my energy (which I've
| started to refer to as currency with my therapist) is low.
|
| It refreshes every day (the amount depending on sleep quality)
| and even at the best of days it's not enough to do an iota of
| what I was previously capable of doing.
|
| Personally, in my situation I believe the answer to be
| antidepressants and will likely be going on them soon. Once
| this "situation" becomes lived in, it becomes harder to escape
| from... especially whilst self-isolating. Antidepressants
| increase neurotransmitters (which ones depends on the class of
| drug) and aid in this positive-thinking and habit-formation.
| Psilocybin works acutely through this mechanism as well
| (increased serotonin -> neurogenesis -> escaping mental ruts +
| more easily forming habits).
|
| (note: when people 'cure' depression through psilocybin it's
| typically by being exposed to an extremely different
| perspective of the world. For example, "I forgot how beautiful
| nature is" or "every stranger has an amazing story" or "the
| world is so big and so much to explore". Taking those learnings
| back with yourself is one way to help depression, but in that
| class the depression is usually sub-clinical.)
|
| People who start Prozac, for example, and get positive results
| tend to report a much better ability to learn and to maintain
| hopefulness.
|
| This situation is not always due a chemical root cause (i.e.
| passing of a loved one) but _staying_ in that state for much
| too long will cause a learned depression that we will accept as
| our truth of the world. At that point, SSRIs and other
| medicines have a role.
| danenania wrote:
| You know what's best for you. I'm wondering though if you've
| tried the non-pharmaceutical options already? Daily exercise,
| time outside, eating healthy, limiting screen time, sleeping
| well, and all that.
|
| A lot of studies have found doing these things to be at least
| as effective as SSRIs. They can create hormonal and
| neurochemical changes that are just as strong. Check out some
| of Andrew Huberman's podcasts for more on this. I wish you
| the best in any case with whatever route you take!
| sdwr wrote:
| I love this comment! Feels like the perfect words coming from a
| great direction.
|
| Adding on:
|
| - the perfect is the enemy of the good
|
| - it gets easier, you just have to do it every day
|
| - we forge the chains we wear in life - jibjab hotdogs
| randomuncle wrote:
| I've been in very similar, if not identical states. Often times
| it's because I've abandoned myself and am living out my parents
| desires/thoughts/neglect/brushings-aside.
|
| Over time I've come to accept that accepting my parents, friends,
| reality, as they are is not the same as condoning it. In fact I
| can't condone or disavow anything I haven't first acknowledged.
| Beginning with myself.
|
| I can accept myself without condoning my actions. I can extend
| that same acceptance to others. And I can do what I need to find
| my own voice.
|
| Comment above mentioned community and showing up. Al-Anon was
| invaluable on my own path to serenity. I wish I could say more,
| I've probably already said too much. Forgive me friend.
|
| The pain often feels like it will never end, but in time, with
| help and support you will learn to deal with your problems and
| the pain will subside.
|
| Try to be gentle with yourself in the meantime.
| newaccount2021 wrote:
| noduerme wrote:
| >> I cannot take seriously all these fleeting pastimes and bucket
| lists and ultra-specific cultural critiques when the world is a
| horrible place that is going to implode soon if we don't do
| something about it.
|
| This seems to preemptively foreclose interest in any kind of
| initial conversation or meeting anyone _where they are_. And does
| so because there 's something more important. Everything everyone
| does is a waste of time because the world is imploding and we
| should be doing something about it.
|
| Well, what's the author doing about it? Volunteering? They might
| meet people they wanted to talk to, even agreed with and could
| have serious conversations about non-ephemeral things with, if
| they spent some time trying to be part of the solution, by
| helping any of literally thousands of organizations that could
| make use of their time and energy to try to prevent or reduce the
| severity of an implosion.
|
| Otherwise how is sitting around feeling sorry for yourself any
| more noble than people doing their bucket lists or having stupid
| surface level conversations?
| nsarafa wrote:
| site is throwing a heroku error unfortunately
| metadat wrote:
| http://web.archive.org/web/20220624083118/https://casperclou...
| [deleted]
| Xeoncross wrote:
| The interesting thing about life is that you get to choose what
| you love. That is, what you spend your time and energy on is what
| you end up loving. Please don't misunderstand me, there is more
| to it than that. However, there is an attachment that forms when
| you "invest" in something. You're now substantially more
| interested in that thing.
|
| Love is the process of sacrificing for something. Spending your
| time, money, or emotions on one thing instead of everything else.
| It's a cycle that feeds itself.
|
| The less time you spend with people, the less you love people.
| The more time you spend on your project, the more you love your
| projects.
|
| You nailed it at the end. You and me "just needed to love" people
| more. Lets start by spending more time and energy on them.
| darkerside wrote:
| I have been down this path before. The author might benefit from
| a healthy dose of Stoicism. Yes, everything is imploding. It
| always has and it always will be. Yes, nobody truly understands
| you, and we're all putting on a show to make it through the day.
| That doesn't mean there isn't something real that has value in
| this facade of a fleeting existence.
|
| You can shut the world out if you like, but it is your choice.
| You can engage with it in all its horrid imperfection, and it
| will engage you back. Not on your terms but on its own.
| Xeoncross wrote:
| > You can engage with it ... and it will engage you back. Not
| on your terms but on its own.
|
| So true, instead of trying to survive like most of humanity has
| done in the past, we've reached a point where, in our comfort,
| we now expect much more from the world. We expect relatable
| movie plots, novel twists, Disney endings, and the ability to
| push 'reset' on bad outcomes.
|
| Why is the world so messed up when everything looks so good on
| Instagram?
| HL33tibCe7 wrote:
| I'd strongly recommend discussing your feelings with a therapist
|
| Edit: to expand on this, yes, you identify some real problems
| with the modern world. But no, you don't have to live like this.
| And a therapist may be able to help.
| jrm4 wrote:
| On one hand, I don't NOT want to be empathetic, but this feels
| like a ridiculous comparison, and I suppose it's my hope that the
| author understands that at some point, and writes a part two with
| bit of "Okay, I was being a bit dramatic, though it was how I
| felt."
|
| He has/had freedom to change this in a way that your subjects in
| the story likely did not.
| jayceedenton wrote:
| Sorry, the last two paragraphs got to me. You need to lighten up,
| and start trying to understand your fellow man. Small talk is
| never just small talk. It's a way of starting to understand
| another human being in some small way. It's just the beginning.
|
| You've adopted 'not seeing others' as a personality trait. It
| isn't, and there are no prizes for living a profound, lonely
| life, hoping to understand something deep about your own soul.
| Grow up.
|
| Just try taking a genuine interest in someone other than
| yourself. You don't even need to agree with them, just respect
| them as beings with as much depth as you and enjoy the hunt for
| common ground. You may never find it with some, but occasionally
| you will. And god you will learn more every time.
|
| You don't have unlimited time to fix this. You will realise at
| some point in your old age feeling like a special and deep
| thinker is not worth dying alone for.
|
| This reads like a 21st century Holden Caulfield. Sorry that's a
| low blow, but it comes from a place of compassion. I think some
| tough love is in order and you need to hear it.
| shahar2k wrote:
| when I was 11 (1992) my family moved to the US (kansas) I barely
| spoke the language, spent 2 years in kansas, had to build a whole
| new friendgroup but kept in touch with friends back home through
| the just beginning internet (israel) I dont remember if it was
| hard to make friends, I do remember some people being complete
| shits to the foreign kid but oh well.. made some friends,
| graduated middle school...
|
| when I was 13 we moved to Los angeles, I didnt know anyone, in a
| fairly small school, had to make all new friends, learn to
| socialize again, still kept in touch with israeli long term
| friends (we visited once a year at least), but no one from
| kansas. Slowly gathering friends here. then right at the end of
| highschool I realized a lot of people were just circumstantial
| friends. Social awkwardness caught up with me, folks I thought
| liked me were just there because of proximity.
|
| Didnt know the college system well enough so went into a local
| community college, made some interesting friends, kept a couple
| from highschool kept in touch kept doing things together but
| mostly slowly rebuilt my "group" eventually figured out I love
| animation and art, applied to a real art school, and lost touch
| with all my community college friends..
|
| in college again I built a group, small, I would socialize get
| close to, but eventually graduated, and lost touch, by graduation
| I had 2-3 close people but between pickiness and awkwardness I
| lost mostly everyone again.
|
| as a graduate again worked hard, used okcupid, used meetup made a
| nice group of friends! ... 3-4 years later people grow apart
| until a big event happens and everyone breaks off on their own...
|
| working a real job now and this cycle has repeated... maybe 2-3
| more times making, keeping friends is a part time job, organize
| social events check in on people, assume there's always going to
| be a turnover, I still have friends I knew when I was 5 years old
| but we talk... rarely (though comfortably when I visit israel)
| and you simply cant stop life from eroding at that.
|
| to not be alone, at least in the current world, I feel like I
| have to constantly make NEW friends, find new activities put
| myself out there, I've met people through dating apps, roomate
| situations, second hand connections, love interests, I'm NOT the
| most socially capable person but I keep hitting my head against
| that lonliness wall and at this point there's a nice deep dent in
| it to remind me it's not futile.
| prohobo wrote:
| There's a lot going on here, and I'm sure a lot of people have
| this problem. When I was growing up guys would talk like this in
| high school, and it was sort of understood that it's normal and
| they'd grow out of it. Except I don't think anyone ever actually
| did.
|
| What grew instead was the rate of suicides, chronic loneliness,
| drug abuse, and homelessness.
|
| All of our social ills have led to a kind of perfect storm of
| alienation and pacification to the point that people are so
| crestfallen that they don't even want to try to fix it. They'd
| rather bury their heads and try to live some semblance of a
| fulfilling life without dealing with the problem. I actually see
| this everywhere now and felt it myself in a lot of ways. Everyone
| just sort of bottles it all up, explodes periodically, then tries
| to continue doing the same thing.
|
| In the absence of appropriate help and support, what else can
| anyone really do? It's hard to feel connection with others when
| you're in a quagmire that no one seems to notice. It boils down
| to pure alienation.
|
| Someone recently opened my eyes to how we should go about
| connecting with others: we all seem to be waiting for someone to
| "get" us, and free us from whatever we think is holding us back.
| Many people feel themselves to be martyrs for their own cause,
| like the author of this blog post. They have pride and blame
| others for the lack of meaningful connection, holding onto their
| principles that they believe are important for creating said
| connection. The problem is that "psycho-social" healing, that is:
| fixing problems we have socially that are hurting us
| psychologically, and vice-versa, is only possible through social
| interaction. Some sort of compromise must be made. Psychologists
| tout the best way to help someone, whether they are shy,
| traumatized, or lonely, is to be there with them during a moment
| and be open towards them. In fact, you don't even really need to
| talk to them. Why do you think people love dogs so much?
|
| As stupid as it may sound, trying to be like a dog around others
| when you notice that disconnect might be helpful. Perk up your
| ears and observe, without negative judgment. You don't have to
| tire yourself out trying to entertain, you don't have to let
| people cross your boundaries, you don't have to say anything in
| particular. Your own inadequacies aren't important, except that
| you need to be able to let go of negative connotations towards
| the other for that moment (whether you thought of them yourself
| or absorbed through osmosis).
|
| The worst thing that can happen is that someone accuses you of
| being a furry enthusiast, or you accidentally find something
| interesting about someone other than yourself.
|
| "Going your own way" is a sure-fire way to get hit by the brunt
| of whatever bad thing may be coming. From a purely problem-
| solving perspective: we know this is a widespread problem. We
| also know that alienation isn't the normal mode for human life,
| since we are social animals and built to rely on each other, so
| that means that unless all 8 billion of us are fundamentally
| broken and unfixable, we can find whatever is the opposite of
| alienation.
|
| All other societal problems are downstream from that, in my
| opinion. People with strong connections and high morale - the
| will to live - face insurmountable odds and somehow prevail. It's
| practically a law of human nature.
| DoreenMichele wrote:
| _I cannot take seriously all these fleeting pastimes and bucket
| lists and ultra-specific cultural critiques when the world is a
| horrible place that is going to implode soon if we don 't do
| something about it._
|
| At one time, we bonded with a short list of people physically
| close to us because that's all we had. We were forced to do so.
|
| Now we can to some degree "choose our tribe" by going online and
| talking with people with similar interests rather than whomever
| happenstance tossed us in with. These are people who may "get" us
| better than siblings, parents, cousins, neighbors and coworkers
| would.
|
| Or they may not.
|
| So that's likely part of the issue for the author and many
| others.
|
| But the other thing is the pull quote, above. Climate change.
| Eight billion humans. Etc.
|
| It seems too big and too nebulous a problem for anyone to solve.
| It seems like an apocalypse.
|
| But historically lots of people experienced local apocalypse. War
| came and wiped out their tribe or village or caused famine for
| the region and widespread illness. However, a lot of those
| stories died with their victims, never got recorded and passed
| on.
|
| We have more knowledge of suffering, more ability to broadcast
| our stories no matter how much of a nobody we are, more awareness
| of a larger context that seems like too big a problem for anyone
| to solve.
|
| If you are at all upbeat, people act like you are in denial. They
| can't believe a rational person can know what they know and feel
| like "It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine."
|
| It ends up being a self-reinforcing loop where you don't let in
| other perspectives.
| toombowoombo wrote:
| Found this list of short stories that can keep one's mind
| entertained & can bring some nice ideas:
|
| https://ipfs.eternum.io/ipfs/QmSiaEmhLvFdzzvkBmJKtRDmZRNDpDt...
|
| I find that when I can't seem to properly communicate with people
| around, reading helps.
|
| If you have your own recommendations, feel free to share. These
| days they would be useful.
| givemeethekeys wrote:
| Ah, yes. "Application Error" is my self portrait too. Always nice
| to run into a doppelganger.
| AviationAtom wrote:
| You just need some exception handling in your life
| znpy wrote:
| This is actually... inspiring
| Aulig wrote:
| http://web.archive.org/web/20220624083118/https://casperclou...
| :)
| mensetmanusman wrote:
| Community is showing up.
|
| Find anywhere and go there once a week at the same time.
| allenu wrote:
| This is so true. Friendship and connection really does take
| work, and a lot of it is just being visible so people become
| comfortable with you and you with them. A community where
| you're actively doing something together is helpful as well
| since it takes away the pressure of the "goal" of making
| friends.
|
| I remember years ago wanting to increase my friendship network,
| so I started going to meetups to meet people. Specifically, a
| few were meetups for people to meet other people to make new
| friends. What I found was it felt so much like dating. The
| events themselves were secondary and to me I felt out of place,
| like I was trying to impress other people or else sussing out
| other people to see if they were friendship material.
|
| A few years later I took up swing dancing and started going
| regularly to classes and eventually (it took a while) I started
| going to weekly social dances. With swing dancing, I wasn't
| there to make friends necessarily. I enjoyed the dancing
| aspect. After a while, I realized I did make friends and felt
| part of a community. I recognized other regulars and felt like
| I belonged. It took a lot of work to get there, but a lot of it
| didn't feel like work because I found an activity I wanted to
| do each week.
| vlunkr wrote:
| This took me too long to learn. We're told over and over to "be
| yourself," but sometimes you have to make an effort to be like
| everyone else. I see in the author and in myself sometimes a
| weird sense of pride in having unusual opinions and tastes.
| This isn't going to win you any friends or impress anyone. If
| you're just waiting for someone to show up that shares all your
| thoughts, then you're going to continue to be alone.
| ip26 wrote:
| As I like to think of it, "being yourself" and "becoming a
| friendlier more approachable version of yourself" are not
| incompatible.
| Simon_O_Rourke wrote:
| Never a truer word said - get out and (initially) get
| uncomfortable. It's like money in the bank, it'll save up some
| nice social kudos eventually.
| bauski wrote:
| As others have suggested. If you don't put in the effort the
| world can get really small really quick. Sure some are born into
| families that facilitate that kind of interaction from a young
| age but for many of us it's a constant development that will
| continue forever. If the community you want does not exist you
| can't just wait for it to find you. You have to be willing to put
| into creating one just as much as you expect others to.
| Especially in our current atmosphere.
| ribs wrote:
| Posted here on HN by the author?
| realslimjd wrote:
| No
| ljsocal wrote:
| You nailed it at the end. Loving others and doing meaningful
| things for them is what makes me feel connected and happy.
| quadcore wrote:
| _Try to put yourself in his place for a second. The world that
| this man knew is gone. He lives now in some kind of strange
| afterlife, spending most of his time sitting alone in a hut
| waiting to die._
|
| Imagine you're living in absolute security and that you can have
| whatever you want. After some time its fair to say you'd get a
| little bored, so you'd want to be a bit surprised, to go on a
| little adventure. After some time, you'd get bored of that little
| adventure and you'll want a new one, slightly more intense.
| Continue like that for some times and you'll want to be exactly
| where you are now.
| winternett wrote:
| Social media has destroyed the sense of local communities we once
| had. It began festering at the beginning of the pandemic when
| profiteers realized that they had a captive audience. They
| blistered us with politically divisive trends (lots of things
| that had no real bearing or impact on us in reality) that made
| even good friends become distant ideologically.
|
| We all immersed ourselves into trusting these companies that were
| really rooted in pleasing investors as we saw them break their
| own rules of ethical content and conduct. They profited
| massively, and we lost the most. We were in denial back then, and
| now we're reaching a new stage of acceptance that we're living on
| a scorched earth. Most of the popular political voices are
| ideologues made popular by their far flung views, and some are
| beginning to question their motives, many are still trapped in
| denial and following them like a football team.
|
| For the sane ones of us, we realize that human connection has
| been missing a lot, and it's uncertain if it will go back to
| normal. Covid is also still a very real and constant reminder
| that we are limited in how we can operate.
|
| The problem is that we rely too much on the Internet and
| television for our reality now. Rejecting it and investing in
| communal life, as well as being cynical of everything presented
| to us by the Internet will help with recovery. Get out and talk
| to people outside, especially strangers, expect nothing but to
| have nice conversations with nice people... We're all learning
| how to speak naturally again, and it's not easy at all. We're
| lucky to be alive first of all after all we've been through.
|
| Stop supporting cults of personality ON ALL SIDES. No one is
| worth a cult following, no matter what their reputation is, there
| is always a counter point that is also right, and we really need
| to counter the class-ism and social status that the Internet
| pushes for profit... It really drowns out people who don't have
| likes and followers, who may have far better ideas, and it
| creates a very toxic world for all of us. We all really need to
| return to smaller community life, understanding that being
| involved in large communities of people and trying to swim only
| helps people who are celebrities. Communities like HN should be
| plentiful on a wide variety of topics, and open to read, but not
| necessarily seeking to grow as big as Facebook.
| Firewalled/Paywalled closed communities that manipulate what
| trends are toxic, identify them and avoid them at all costs...
| They don't help you to grow your mind and subscribers, even when
| you pay for premium accounts... If you and people like you have
| never made it to the front page, they've already chosen their
| spokespeople, it's never organic.
|
| Also, if you're involved in creating social platforms, now's a
| good time to re-evaluate how your app helps real people to
| discover each other and to communicate first... Too many ideas
| start with monetization planning, and completely overlook the
| main reason that users adopt a platform.
|
| Start random conversations with people in the supermarket, or
| pick up a new hobby and meet people locally in public places.
| You'll be surprised how many people are now so much open to
| talking with strangers and finding new friends just like you are.
| Do it without expectations, don't be manipulative (like the
| Internet too often is), be very real... Let them be the one to
| ask for your number, don't be aggressive.. Life is too short to
| waste it on a phone or a keyboard in solitude and frustration.
|
| Just a reminder though, dating apps are all still more terrible
| than not now, and they are often scary money pits, and soul
| crushingly frustrating... That hasn't changed... Don't give them
| any more tries (joking, but also not). :P
| guerrilla wrote:
| > t began festering at the beginning of the pandemic when
| profiteers realized that they had a captive audience. They
| blistered us with politically divisive trends
|
| I'm not going to read the rest of your wall-of-text because I
| happen to know this all started long before the pandemic.
| UberFly wrote:
| You win the overly-hasty brush-off award.
| ChrisMarshallNY wrote:
| I wish this chap well. I can relate (but that would mean nothing,
| to him).
|
| I have spent my entire adult life, in a unique community,
| composed of many thousands of "loners."
|
| Given my druthers, I'd be a perfect hermit. I have been forced to
| be a participating member of society, and that has served me
| well.
|
| It don't come natural to me, though. I have to make a conscious
| effort to run in the Human Race.
| ericabiz wrote:
| If by chance the author reads this, I'd recommend looking into
| whether he is autistic. This sense of not fitting in, of not
| enjoying small talk, and of feeling like an "alien" or very
| different than most others is common in the autistic community.
| If diagnosed, or even if he volunteers/makes an effort to meet
| other autistic folks, he may find some common ground he hasn't
| found in the neurotypical world. I wish him the best.
| arrow7000 wrote:
| I'd second this and also recommend looking into if he has ADHD.
| I've just gotten diagnosed and it explains huge amounts about
| myself, including why I've found it so hard to bond with people
| and even to find the motivation to go out and meet people.
| onos wrote:
| Is it the case that autistic people often relate to one another
| better than they can with the non-autistic?
| [deleted]
| guerrilla wrote:
| My experience is both yes and no. Some people are so
| incapable of connecting with other people that it's even
| worse than a normal person because you have to both drive
| everything and compensate for everything (which you may for
| some reason know more about.) When you do meet people
| functioning as well or better than you though, then yes, of
| course you quickly identify common ground and can bond on
| that. It doesn't mean you'll necessarily get along in the
| long run though.
| pfista wrote:
| Here's a cached version
| https://web.archive.org/web/20220624083118/https://casperclo...
| MerelyMortal wrote:
| A (The?) documentary about Aure and Aura:
|
| https://youtube.com/watch?v=kGuxaY8HPjs
| lvass wrote:
| Understanding one of the languages used here, and seeing the
| included subtitles, I'd take no part of this documentary true,
| the subtitles are just absurd. What an absolute shame, for
| something so interesting, I don't even understand how something
| like this happens.
| guerrilla wrote:
| Oh wow, that's incredibly far off... They must be summarizing
| longer conversations, right????
| silisili wrote:
| Pretty crummy IMO to compare himself to that poor man. He
| literally cannot communicate with anyone in the world, but
| wants to. He's constantly telling stories nobody can
| understand. That has to be some kind of nightmare impossible to
| comprehend.
|
| The author just chooses not to talk to people. Not the same
| thing at all.
| guerrilla wrote:
| This is very judgemental. Casper is saying that he literally
| cannot communicate with anyone in the world (but for a
| different reason), but wants to.
|
| > The author just chooses not to talk to people.
|
| The post says the opposite: "the difficulties I currently
| have in functioning."
| silisili wrote:
| Here's the cached version, from another comment - https://w
| eb.archive.org/web/20220624083118/https://casperclo...
|
| I didn't pick up on what you're referring to. I mainly got
| 'im tired of people' vibes from it. And there's nothing
| wrong with that...I just don't feel it compares to the man
| in the documentary.
| guerrilla wrote:
| Thank you! I edited my post. The part I meant was in
| reference to " the difficulties I currently have in
| functioning." It made me think he's probably in a
| disability situation, possibly psychiatric. And then what
| he's saying in general is he doesn't fit in anywhere,
| which I can relate to. Other people noted this may be
| because he's autistic, and I tend to agree, as I am. That
| doesn't necessarily have to be true though, sometimes
| people never find their tribe or their person... the
| world is huge and the Internet seems to just be funneling
| people into per-existing battlefields rather than trying
| to hook people up with other cool people.
| allenu wrote:
| I sympathize with the author. I'm in my mid-forties now and have
| recognized that I haven't been great at maintaining friendships.
| I think I've experienced something similar during the
| quarantining portion of the pandemic, where I didn't really
| interact with anyone directly, at least not in person.
|
| I had a job, so did interact with people over Zoom, and I will
| admit that that helped. A few months ago, however, I quit my job
| and now I don't have that regular human interaction. It's been
| quite an eye-opener to realize that this situation (not having
| friends to spend time with) is something I've passively allowed
| to happen. Many friends have started families or moved away, but
| I do recognize there were some I could have continued to
| cultivate.
|
| I've worked on learning more about myself in the last few months
| and I've come to recognize that a lot of this situation is due to
| social anxiety and other behaviors that I've developed over the
| years. I also recognize that it's something I can actively work
| on improving. It's important to believe that you can be flexible
| enough to change your own behaviors or ways of thinking that lead
| you to be alone.
|
| So, I say to this poster, it's true that things like idle
| chitchat may not be your cup of tea, I think it's important to
| realize that many people don't enjoy it either but just use it as
| a social grease to move into more deep conversation or
| connection. I might be mistaken, but the post makes it sound like
| the author is already set in his ways and that it's unfortunate
| that the world doesn't adjust to his preferences. Anyway, my
| advice is to not give up on human connection and be flexible
| enough to recognize that maybe your own limiting thoughts are
| preventing you from connecting.
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