[HN Gopher] Tell HN: I interviewed my dad before he died ___________________________________________________________________ Tell HN: I interviewed my dad before he died My dad got really sick a few months ago. I was shocked but also panicked about the idea of him dying without me knowing him well. He was a great dad but didn't talk much. Fortunately, he got better for a short time. I seized the opportunity to ask him as much as he could answer and film him. Of course, his memory wasn't perfect but I got the big picture. Now that he passed away, I'm both devastated and glad that I got to know him more and kept a record so I can see his face and listen to his voice for more than the usual family video. I wish I had done it sooner though. I've heard multiple people tell me they don't know their parents' or grandparents' life, or they've heard it but they've eventually forgotten so I thought I'd share. I hope this will help some of you. Thank you blood donors Thank you dad Author : loveudad Score : 83 points Date : 2022-08-04 22:15 UTC (44 minutes ago) | ShakataGaNai wrote: | There are a bunch of books that can help on this, questions to | ask, etc. For example: "300 Questions to Ask Your Parents Before | It's Too Late" -- https://www.amazon.com/Questions-Your-Parents- | Before-Late/dp... | jacquesm wrote: | My dad and I did not have the kind of connection where I could | have done this but I applaud you for doing it and for sharing it. | I have other family members where this sort of thing is much more | applicable for me and I think you just gave me the push I needed | to go and act on it. So thank you very much. | huevosabio wrote: | I always wanted to do this with my grandfather. We had so many | stories from his accounts and from his children and | grandchildren, but never a through recap of his experience. | | I always slacked and just toyed with the idea, but never acted on | it. Now there's he is gone, and along with him the opportunity. | | I am happy that you did, and I will take advantage of doing so | with my dad. | kaycebasques wrote: | I did this with my grandpa and it turned it into a website. Great | bonding experience. Learned a lot. https://tony.basqu.es | lamroger wrote: | thank you for sharing! | keeptrying wrote: | Thank you for reminding me to interview my mom. | | Unfortunately my dad isn't at a place where I can do this. | | This is a super important thing to connect with my parents. | theonewolf wrote: | I used Artifact to do this with my grandfather. Recorded his | stories and voice for posterity as a series of podcasts basically | with a professional interviewer and recording team. | 9192631770_Hz wrote: | A couple years ago I bought my parents a digital voice recorder | and 128gig SD card. I asked them to spend a little time each week | just talking about whatever parts of their life they wanted, and | what they remember of my grandparents and great-grandparents. I | don't think they've done it at all. :'( | formvoltron wrote: | Wow you must still really be in shock. From healthy to passed in | just a few months sound very traumatic for you and your family. | Sorry you had to go through that. | | My father had prostate cancer that became metastatic & while I | had a couple years with him before he passed, I didn't get it | together to record his stories. I did record a few, but I really | wish I had more. I think it's great what you did & you will | always be able to look back at those & share them with your | future kids. | | Be well. | contingencies wrote: | I've done quite a few video interviews (>120 hours). Notably, I | interviewed someone else's dad (a friend's wife) who is dying | now. | | He had a fascinating life being sent out for re-education in | Communist China but winding up in a then remote tropical paradise | on the Burmese border. The locals were friendly and already | effectively organized their villages on a communal basis so he | said there was basically little work to do because the land was | so fertile and few rules except that local girls were off-limits. | Days were spent enjoying the natural environment, eating tropical | fruit and BBQ fish and forest meats. | | One day a troupe of city communists arrived for some reason or | other, and he met a lovely girl. When he got the chance he moved | back to the city and sought her out, they were married and he was | assigned a job as an economic agent, being posted to remote | factories around the country to negotiate trading deals to | bolster the domestic economy under socialism. In those days few | people could travel and he was lucky, despite having to spend | most of his time on the road, to be able to travel the whole | country and see its character before its modern destruction. | | I asked him about how the travel was organized, he said every day | there was a telex waiting for him at his assigned hotel which | would tell him where he was going next. "Catch the #12 bus to | West Station, then obtain a fare to Little Black Village, walk | east to Factory #12". He said a lot of the travel was by donkey | cart and other sort of ad-hoc methods. He was thus surprised | every day and could only observe. | | He seemed genuinely flattered by my interest in his life and | included other information in the video. In the end it's always | good to have some catch-all open questions like: "Is there | anything else you'd like to say to future generations about the | changes you have witnessed in your lifetime?" | | I suppose I should upload it after he dies. Currently I have a | copy and the family has a copy. | | There's a great TV program in Australia where the host interviews | randoms literally on the street: | https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/program/front-up | xupybd wrote: | I wish I'd done something like this. My dad passed earlier this | year. I don't have any video recordings of his voice. Only | memories. I had no idea what it would be like this side of his | death. I think you made a really smart move. | loveudad wrote: | Very sorry for your loss. It's incredible how few videos are | about thinking, not-celebrity adults. Gigabytes about kids with | adult voiceover, some occasional video with one parent filming | the other with other family members, but as of a few weeks ago | I had nearly nothing with him being the subject, let alone him | talking for more than seconds. | | It's also made me more aware that there isn't even much where | I'm filmed with my own kids (I'm the one filming 99.9% of the | time). | latchkey wrote: | Sorry for your loss. During covid, I was lucky enough to be | afforded the ability to buy a condo about 100 feet from my dads | house. I see him almost every day now. We both know that he is | getting on in his old age/health and this is the last time that | I'll have a chance to spend time with him. Definitely appreciate | it. | Mouthfeel wrote: | I recorded a late night conversation with my dad a couple months | before he died of dementia and cancer. It was moreso him | ruminating on his life's regrets. It was a lot of word salad but | there was a genuine feeling there that he had squandered a lot of | his time. He kept saying that he "fell off" somewhere along the | way. | ipnon wrote: | I hope your father has found some peace. It has been a dream of | mine to record enough of my father to create a neural net capable | of imitating him. I know it would be a phantom parroting for me, | but still. I understand this idea is a bit disturbing to some, | but maybe it could ease the grief of others. | loveudad wrote: | I realized that I have some voicemail records lying around and | listening to them I must say they're a not insignificant part | of my recent interactions with him. It crossed my mind that | emailing them to myself at random could mimic him but I'm | afraid that it could be counterproductive with mourning. | Flankk wrote: | I think it would cause a lot of harm. Part of the grieving | process is accepting that they are gone. The pain is terrible | but I'm not sure that makes it a bad thing. The perspective you | gain is powerful. | jmathai wrote: | Sorry for your loss. | | Thanks for sharing this. I interviewed both of my parents | (separately) several years ago and recorded the video and took | notes that I transcribed. They are both still living but these | are some of the most valuable digital files that I possess. | | I may interview them jointly now. But doing it separately helped | get their individual personalities to come through. | edmcnulty101 wrote: | This is great idea. I wish I had done this with my Mom but am | deff going to do with my Dad. | | Can you recommend some good questions to ask during the interview | that resonated when you were watching it? | ontologiae wrote: | 15 years ago I had the lighnight idea to interview my grandfather | who join the french resistance during the WWII. I interviewed him | about the life before the war, in the country and his experience | during the war, when he had to become clandestine in his own | country because he didn't joined the mandatory german working | program (STO). It's the most concrete thing we keep from him, and | I just regret I didn't interview him more. | jprd wrote: | Thank you, so very much, for sharing this. This exact activity | has been at the top of my mind of late, and I will be using your | experience as motivation before I lose my chance. | | Posting this could not have been easy for you, it might be lost | to history eventually, but know that it has already impacted the | lives of others. Profoundly. | | It isn't enough, and yet it is a pretty powerful outcome not only | of your Dad's time here with you, but also how he raised a human | being who in a time of hurt and loss wanted to help others. | | Thank you, and thanks to your Dad as well. | superamit wrote: | Thanks for sharing this! | | Did you have any themes around the questions you asked? ___________________________________________________________________ (page generated 2022-08-04 23:00 UTC)