[HN Gopher] Being OK with not being extraordinary (2021) ___________________________________________________________________ Being OK with not being extraordinary (2021) Author : xrayarx Score : 118 points Date : 2022-11-22 07:52 UTC (1 days ago) (HTM) web link (www.tiffanymatthe.com) (TXT) w3m dump (www.tiffanymatthe.com) | freedude wrote: | "I feel disappointed, jealous." Perhaps this is why you don't | understand what being extraordinary is all about. I didn't get | where I was by feeling sorry for myself. I spent the time and | energy learning where I failed and remediating that failure. That | is really what has become the definition of extraordinary. | Continuing on when the average person quits. | | The author touches on this when she says, "Extraordinary should | not be the end goal." This is very true. The goal is the | satisfaction of a job well done. | | By adding up enough repeats of the satisfactions of a job well | done you will find yourself extraordinary at something. If you | complete a task and you don't get that satisfaction of a job well | done then re-evaluate the process and fix it for the future. | | I only have 25 years of experience at enjoying the satisfaction | of a job well done. Look for extraordinary people in your life | and ask them how they started and what made them better at what | makes them extraordinary. | | Remember: Keep up the good work. | avg_dev wrote: | i enjoyed the article. i believe the gist of it is true in my | life. | | ive been partial to this poem since i discovered it: | https://twitter.com/nktgill/status/1550429172786515968 | | i will reproduce it here. | | Do Not Ask Your Children to Strive | | Do not ask your children | | to strive for extraordinary lives. | | Such striving may seem admirable, | | but it is the way of foolishness. | | Help them instead to find the wonder | | and the marvel of an ordinary life. | | Show them the joy of tasting | | tomatoes, apples and pears. | | Show them how to cry | | when pets and people die. | | Show them the infinite pleasure | | in the touch of a hand. | | And make the ordinary come alive for them. | | The extraordinary will take care of itself. | | - William Martin | somethoughts wrote: | Reminds me of the School of Life - Why an Ordinary Life Can Be | a Good Life by Alan De Botton | | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHVZVCbicTg | HideousKojima wrote: | I think Lynyrd Skynyrd put it best in _Simple Man_ : | | Mama told me when I was young Come sit beside me my only son | And listen closely to what I say And if you do this it'll help | you Some sunny day oh yeah | | Oh take your time don't live too fast Troubles will come and | they will pass Go find a woman yeah and you'll find love And | don't forget son there is someone up above | | And be a simple kind of man Oh be something you love and | understand Baby be a simple kind of man Oh won't you do this | for me son if you can | | Forget your lust for the rich man's gold All that you need is | in your soul And you can do this oh babe if you try All that I | want for you my son is to be satisfied | [deleted] | jll29 wrote: | One thing that the media are biased towards are the top-athletes, | top-scientists, genius programmers etc. | | They do that because we all enjoy reading about them, and there's | nothing wrong with that as such. | | But just don't expect to be in any of these groups automatically, | certainly don't feel pressurized that you ought to. But by any | means if you're passionate about something, try hard to master it | as best you can, with your focus on the passion for the activity | and not the "must-be-#1-at-all-cost". Chances are you might | become the #1 by focusing on the activity, not comparing yourself | with others all the time. | | Alan Rusbridger, the former Guardian editor-in-chief, wrote a | lovely little book about his aspiration to be an amateur pianist. | He was passionate about the piano, but realistic about his | limitations of it being a hobby (subordinate to his true vocation | of being a journalist) and not properly trained since age five | like the piano geniuses. But he set himself the goal to learn to | play one classical piece by practising regularly, as well or as | badly as he could master, and he eventually performed it in front | of friends. A real pro would probably still cringe listening to | him, but I admire that he took up a self-set challenge that | commensurate with his circumstances (prior piano skills, | available time), and went all in to reach his goal. That's the | spirit... | vouaobrasil wrote: | Actually, being extraordinary is something most people can do. | Now, by definition that seems illogical. However, here me out. | Most people tend to view extraordinary along a single dimension: | really good at math, or really good at running. In this one- | dimensional view, most people can't be extraordinary. | | However, you can be extraordinary in your own unique way. For | example, running. You may not be the best runner, but you could | have a lot of insight into running and a good writer at the same | time, and thus be extraordinary at _writing about running_. | | If you take the entire sum of your own unique talents, and find a | way to combine them properly, you can become extraordinary simply | by finding a new way of looking at the world, even if the | individual talents you have are not outstanding compared to | others. | | Take programming as another example. You may be just a "good" | programmer, a "good" teacher, but not necessarily outstanding at | either. But maybe you have a third skill that will make you stand | out when you are teaching programming. Maybe it's your sense of | humour, or your ability to put people at ease, or even a talent | for drawing that comes out when you draw diagrams. | | Being outstanding or extraordinary in my mind means combining | everything you have to be inspiring, because the proximal/end | result of extraordinary really is just that: having the ability | to inspire. Sometimes one-dimensional measurements like amount of | money or raw strength measure that, but sometimes they don't. | sakras wrote: | Wow this is superb life advice, thank you! You've given me a | lot of food for thought. | huzaif wrote: | If you would like to put that advice to practice, this book | will help. | | (The Art of impossible) https://www.amazon.com/Art- | Impossible-Peak-Performance-Prime... | | It guides you through discovering your mix of passions and | strengths to land on what you might make you uniquely | extraordinary. | J-_-_b wrote: | That's such an insightful post! That's also why I find it so | interesting when people career swap into engineering. They have | a whole lot of domain knowledge and alternative perspective | that can be incredible valuable. | ZephyrBlu wrote: | This is true, but it creates a new problem: you have to find | your multi-dimensional thing, which is tends to be quite | difficult. | pm90 wrote: | Agreed. This is the same principle that is often given out as | advice: excel at the intersection of fields rather than | particular ones. The combinatorics generate a pretty ginormous | space of possibilities to excel at even for 8 billion humans. | scrozier wrote: | Thanks. I've been needing this perspective lately. | quacked wrote: | > But I don't feel inspired when I see extraordinary. I feel | disappointed, jealous. | | These are the words of a young person who was trained to see | everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own | ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally | healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, | energized, and motivated. | | I have never thought that "participation trophies" do any damage | to young people. Young people are smart and know that | participation trophies are bullshit. What actually hurt young | people was the constant reinforcement that "anyone can do | anything/anyone can be the best". The corollary of "anyone can be | the best" is "if you are not the best, then something is wrong | with you/you're not trying hard enough". Not everyone can be the | best; many people have genetic and network-based advantages that | will guarantee them better results at a skill than 99% of their | competitors. | | Young people have very little free time. The time they spend | actually focused on their responsibilities is constantly | overshadowed by fear and anxiety about The Future (grades, | college, etc.) The remaining time they have is spent on their | phones and computers, which is the only reliable way to make the | fear and anxiety turn off for a few minutes. When they do have | free time for extracurriculars, they're in sports playing against | future D1 athletes and having metrics and social status tracked | against them, or in theater getting cast as extras while the good | roles go to the handsome kids, or in music listening to the | musicians' kids and the international students play like | professionals. | | If you want to be okay with not being extraordinary, you need a | _lot_ of free time to get properly bored, and a social network | with which to practice your hobby completely free from the | judgement of The System. Practicing to try to beat a rival school | headed by a college-bound athlete is stressful, but practicing to | try and impress your friends at pickup soccer purely for fun is | not. | mirror_maze wrote: | > A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of | excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated. | | The way I've expressed this sentiment before in the context of | music was to find hope when I hear outstanding musicians, as my | thought was usually, "we now know there is at least one human | capable of such expression, so it's possible for us to reach | this level," or simply to say "such an individual does exist." | | I think the author has deeper seated issues to deal with, | especially if they spend time languishing over this, and then | writing these posts to justify/circumvent their negative | emotional reactions by reframing and then echoing their | internal troubles to the rest of us like we need to be | enlightened. | quacked wrote: | I agree. I used to feel very jealous whenever hearing | superior musicians, but after a while it just becomes | exciting, especially when you're often playing with people | within the same sphere of talent as you rather than binging | YouTube videos of the best of the best. | | The author does have deep-seated issues to deal with, but I | really don't think the author is uniquely broken. I would bet | that at least half of the modern western population struggles | with similar feelings. | mirror_maze wrote: | Yeah it's a blight of origins I cannot comprehend, to be | blunt. Upbringing? Harsh parents? Bullying? Whenever I do | see it however it's a self destructive force, and people | who have directly expressed these feelings to me before | often have another more sinister feeling to go with it, | usually in the sphere of arrogance, contempt, malice, or | some sort of righteous indignation that the world isn't | fair. Give these people the opportunity to cast others out, | I've little hope they would hold themselves back from | lashing out at those they perceive as "worse, but seen in | more positive light" than them. | | Seen as such, these articles do little to show the authors | attempting to turn the other cheek as much as they try to | justify and reframe their negativity. | multjoy wrote: | >A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, | is impressed, energized, and motivated. | | What's your definition of mentally healthy, then? | fidesomnes wrote: | verst wrote: | > These are the words of a young person who was trained to see | everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own | ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally | healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is | impressed, energized, and motivated. | | I don't think that's universally accurate. While this is | something I have observed living in the US, growing up in | Germany was a completely different story: The people in small | town Northern Germany went so far as to criticize and attack | you for your achievements that far surpassed what they have | accomplished. It appears to make them feel jealous and | threatened, which in their view is best dealt with by making | you less threatening instead of feeling inspired themselves. | _jal wrote: | > The people [...] went so far as to criticize and attack you | for your achievements | | I've seen this personally, including from family. Actually | managed to get to a point with one family member where we | could honestly talk about it, and it was a complicated sort | of jealousy. | | In their case, they correctly noted that I'm not so much | smarter or otherwise distinguished as to "deserve" what I've | accomplished so much more than them, and they felt cheated. | When asked why they didn't do something like what I did, it | came down to personal conservatism and fear. I was willing to | risk moving to the "big city" without support (my family is | poor). They were afraid to try. | | You become evidence of their missed opportunities, and that | makes them angry at you. So much worse if you are childless | and have the temerity to be happy about it - that really | pisses off some of them, too. | random314 wrote: | Wow. In what way did they attack? Were they neighbors or | colleagues? | BirdieNZ wrote: | We call this "Tall Poppy Syndrome" in New Zealand. If you're | a tall poppy you get cut down to size. The only successful | New Zealanders that are approved of are those that elevate NZ | as a whole on the international stage and attribute it to the | country rather than their own individual talent and ability. | ozzythecat wrote: | > The people in small town Northern Germany went so far as to | criticize and attack you for your achievements that far | surpassed what they have accomplished. | | Isn't this a salient feature in US culture? We attack the | wealthy, celebrities, politicians. I'm not saying these | people are saints by any means or it's completely | unwarranted, but the US seems to have an increasing | victimhood culture. It manifests in different shapes and | forms, but the outcome is more or less an attack on some | person or group of people who we consider to be relatively | more "privileged", and we use that to dismiss their actual | accomplishments or whatever good they may have also done. The | root of the issue is always about comparing yourself to | someone or some group and their accomplishments and | justifying one's or short comings. | | Many of the diversity, equity, inclusion initiatives, | regardless of good intentions, are spin offs from this. | | To be clear, I'm not taking a swing at the social justice | movements. But what I am saying is that in US culture, | there's definitely massive resentment of those who are | successful. | ip26 wrote: | Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at _something_. | You have to find your _something_. | | On the whole though, the entire concept of "best" is a mess in | a world of eight billion. At this point it's more up to the | whims of the contest, and doesn't seem very correlated with | life outcomes. Better by far to be _one of_ the best, working | shoulder to shoulder with the others, and forget entirely about | who holds the podium. | omginternets wrote: | >Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at something. | You have to find your something. | | What happens if you don't? What do you tell someone who | managed to find something at which they are respectably | competent, but not the best? Is that not sufficient? | AnimalMuppet wrote: | Not best, no. I can be top 10% at a few things, though. Not | many, but more than one. | | Top 10% doesn't necessarily make me "extraordinary", | depending on how you define it. It's enough for it to be part | of my _something_ , though. | snapcaster wrote: | But this isn't true. Who is it benefitting to lie to people | like this? | williamcotton wrote: | I mean, I'm definitely not the best songwriter out there | but I'm definitely the best at writing songs about my own | life! | snapcaster wrote: | Oh so we're just teaching people effective coping | mechanisms? I guess that's fine I misunderstood the | comment I was responding to i think | | edit: also probably untrue, I bet there are lots of | songwriters who could make songs about your life that the | vast majority of people would agree are better than yours | afarrell wrote: | Effective coping mechanisms that are reasonably grounded | in objective reality. | | Whose decision is it that the other songwriters are | better at expressing this one dude's experiences? Thats | not an objective question. It is a choice. | williamcotton wrote: | A buddy of mine is definitely a better songwriter than I | am and he has in fact written a song about me! | | It would have been sometime in the late 2000s and I was | visiting dear old dad in Christchurch, NZ, and my buddy | James, aka Lawrence Arabia was playing a gig at the | Wonderbar in nearby Littleton on Christmas Eve. I | happened to meet a nice young lady, shit you not, named | Eve, and we ended back at her place... her parent's | place. At 2am on Christmas Eve. Then her dad comes down | and finds us fooling around on the couch in front of the | tree. My ride had left hours ago so I had to call up | pops. Surprisingly he was very pleased with my escapades | and not too bothered with the wake up call. | | Here's James's take on the event: | https://fabulousarabia.bandcamp.com/track/give-me-love- | tonig... | | While it's a fine song, it is definitely not his best, | and I'm sure he'd admit that it is not as good as my | better ones! | | It is, however, better than my song about that night: | https://williamcotton.bandcamp.com/track/eve-of-eve | | My wife and I, complete strangers beforehand, were two of | maybe 15 people who went to see James play at a small bar | in SF about ten years ago. That dude has been getting me | laid for decades! | | Anyways, unless I happen to steal a steam engine high on | cocaine or some other act of epic folklore there's no | chance in hell that some songwriter out there is ever | going to write a better song about my life than yours | truly. | | If it somehow happened it would be an amazing honor. | etblg wrote: | As people growing up in Canada were reminded of repeatedly, | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OX6qUFm1HsI | Permit wrote: | > Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at | something. You have to find your something. | | This implies there are at least 8 billion "things to be good | at" which I don't think is necessarily true. I suspect most | people are not the best at anything. | googlryas wrote: | Maybe there are with combinations. I might be the best | programmer who can do woodworking, play flamenco guitar, | and squat 475 lbs. I'm just waiting for that category to be | added to the Olympics. | ip26 wrote: | I think your real niche is going to be creating software | for luthiers that enables you to design the flamenco | guitar of your dreams. Critically, you discover the ideal | guitar body for flamenco is incredibly heavy... | moffkalast wrote: | True. There are far, far more things to be good at. I can | make up a completely new board game right now and I'll be | the world champion at it immediately. | | At a slightly less extreme level, it's always possible to | find something niche enough that is just so obscure that | you can become the best by persistence alone. Maybe you're | the world expert on blue umbrellas manufactured in 1993. | The_Colonel wrote: | People don't want to be best at something for the sake of | it, but because it brings some perks with it - | recognition, fame, money. Being the best in a game which | literally nobody else knows is largely meaningless. I | mean, try it, it doesn't take much time to make up a | trivial game. Does it bring any kind of satisfaction to | know you're the best in the world (because nobody else | knows it)? | | (to be fair, there is also inner satisfaction coming from | deep understanding and mastering of some activity, but | alone it's rarely enough without any external validation | to motivate people) | 1auralynn wrote: | There was a part in Isaac Asimov's autobiography that stuck | with me, where in high school he wasn't the best student in | any subject. However, he was the SECOND best at EVERY | subject, whereas the "best" students were only the best at | one subject. So I think for some people, there is value in | not being the "best" at anything but being good a lots of | things regardless of overall ranking. | etrautmann wrote: | This is what I've been implicitly optimizing for my whole | life. Breadth over depth, but applied to a field. Pretty | good at a lot of things to enable synthesis and creativity | across domains. I'm very comfortable not maxing out a | narrow set of sun skills, since 95% if the effort goes into | the last little bit if performance, and the opportunity | cost is then many other skills (or experiences or whatever) | myself248 wrote: | A jack of all trades, master of none, is oftentimes better | than a master of one. | afarrell wrote: | Or "do not compare yourself with others, for there will | always be greater and lesser persons than yourself." | laidoffamazon wrote: | Doesn't help when people like me are just terrible at | everything, have accomplished nothing and considered | subhuman by the rest of society! | | This is a "thanks I'm cured" statement, no different from | saying depressed people should smile more. | afarrell wrote: | The statement is in fact useless. Changing your mental | actions is what is useful. When you notice you brain | doing it, then imagine you are a kind kindergarten | teacher guiding a child to take crayons out of his mouth. | Kindly tell your brain to think of something else. Then | patiently tell your brain again. | | Put down the internet drama machine and go do small good | things in the real world. | | ---------- | | > considered subhuman by the rest of society! | | Unless you are literally an AI, then as a member of | society I can tell you that this is factually inaccurate. | I think you are a human. | | I also know that there is a tiny fraction of society that | consider me subhuman. HP Lovecraft would be horrified by | my very existence. The fraction of society that calls | people subhuman is really bad at maintaining healthy | relationships and so they don't tend to hold onto power | so I don't care about them. | | > just terrible at everything and have accomplished | nothing | | Do you have solid evidence that this is factually | accurate, or does it only _feel_ true? | | If it _feels_ true, then get up and go for a walk or roll | outside, occasionally doing pushups or waving your arms | about. That will help you see reality more clearly. | | Also, teach yourself how to make scrambled eggs well. | That way when you remember the parts of your life that do | suck, you'll at least be able to remind yourself of your | ability to make scrambled eggs for someone. | cwmoore wrote: | Legitimately though, the act of smiling whenever you can | pull it off, will elevate mood. At times it isn't | possible. Similar with choosing instead of discovering | what you can excel at and flow with. | pclmulqdq wrote: | I guarantee that the person who wrote this article doesn't get | jealous of Olympic Snowboarders (to use a contrived example). | The jealousy comes from thinking that you are competing with | other people for a limited pool of money/ideas/success. | | When people start to realize that the pool isn't limited, and | that you aren't actually competing with anyone else (except in | certain circumstances), it's a lot more freeing. You can | differentiate yourself, your product, or your startup along any | lines, and you will be unique and extraordinary. The only thing | that's left is finding other people who think that. | | It's human to struggle with jealousy like this, but the | competition isn't reality. It's all a social construct. | mitchdoogle wrote: | I don't think these feelings are restricted to young people. | ozim wrote: | Participation trophies are not bullshit. | | I think most damage to kids is done by people who claim | participation trophies are bullshit. | | These trophies are for encouraging people to try and do | something and not thinking: "I am not going to win anyway so | why bother trying at all". | | Kids are smart and they also know that running that 5km run and | finishing first is hard work. They might not be happy about | participation trophy but still they should be praised for the | effort of putting on shoes and trying. | | There is a lot of psychology about effects of encouraging | positive behaviors that is misunderstood. Even if you have | employees it is much more effective to praise them on positive | behaviors than scolding them for mistakes. Because scolding for | mistakes will push them into direction "I am not going to do | this task at all because if I make mistake I will get scolded, | so why bother doing this task at all". | UncleEntity wrote: | Participation trophies are 100% bullshit. | | The reward you get is learning that hard work is its own | reward. | ozim wrote: | I see you want to come over to my house next week and paint | the walls. | | Od course I am not paying anything because hard work is its | own reward. | [deleted] | pm90 wrote: | > The reward you get is learning that hard work is its own | reward. | | Maybe for some people the internal feeling is good enough, | for others, some token (however worthless _you_ might think | it is) works. | | Why make people feel bad when its so easy to make them feel | good? | awillen wrote: | I think the other part of it is that even if you can be the | best at something, there's an enormous opportunity cost to | that. We look up to Olympians, but it's tough to fully grasp | the amount of sacrifice it takes to win an Olympic gold. You're | not going to have a normal social life or other hobbies - | you're just doing your sport (or related practice) for as many | hours a day as you can without sustaining injuries that would | impact your ability to train more. | | Same thing with the best musicians, lawyers, researchers and a | whole lot of other professions, particularly those that we hold | in high esteem - there are a lot of people who want to be at | the top, and you can't stop to take a break because plenty of | those people will be working more while you rest. | | I'd rather be good at a bunch of different things and have | enough free time to read a book or play videogames on the | weekends than be extraordinary at one thing. | oneoff786 wrote: | I think this is wrong. The olympians aren't clearly working | harder than other people who are trying hard but not | naturally talented or well endowed. | | They are working hard, but many people are for far less | impressive feats. | awillen wrote: | Olympians are a combination of both - they have the natural | talents/endowment, but they also put in the maximum amount | of work. Michael Phelps has an enormous wingspan, but he | also trained 5-6 hours a day. If he dropped that to 3 hours | a day, he would lose to someone with a slightly smaller | (but still well above average) wingspan who's training 5-6 | hours a day. | badpun wrote: | > Michael Phelps has an enormous wingspan, but he also | trained 5-6 hours a day | | Whereas a postman or police officer work 8 hours a day... | RadiozRadioz wrote: | And I'm sure Michael Phelps couldn't deliver mail as well | as those postmen. Leaving aside the obvious physical | differences between working as a cop and olympics | training, what point are you making exactly? | TeMPOraL wrote: | They are _working_ 8 hours a day, not _training_ 8 hours | a day. | blooalien wrote: | > "A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of | excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated." | | I would add "inspired" to _your_ list ... I frequently visit | digital art sites well known for the excellence of the work of | their many artists, and scroll through the "showcase" areas | especially, seeking out that specific thing. That which | impresses me also often inspires me. Helps get the "creative | juices" flowing before working with any of my favorite art | creation tools (Blender 3D, Inkscape, Krita, Godot game engine, | etc...). | overgard wrote: | There's this phrase I heard recently: "Losers focus on winners, | winners focus on winning" | | Now, I don't _love_ this phrase because it implies life is a zero | sum game, and that if you haven't achieved success you're a loser | -- neither of which I think is true. But I do think it gets to | something important, which is that the best way to find success | is to focus on how it relates to you, not to someone else. I'd | love to be running my own successful company, but if I look at my | own script, what do I need to do to be the kind of person that | could pull that off? What are the intermediate steps? I think | when you compare yourself to others, you're essentially trying to | live by someone else's script, but why should their script ever | work for you? They have entirely different advantages and | disadvantages. I think you're almost always going to fail trying | to do that. | theCrowing wrote: | 80% are enough for almost everything the last 20% just hurt way | too much. | sys_64738 wrote: | What is this obsession with always comparing yourself to other | people? Don't feel intimidated by other people's successes as a | reflection on you. That will only lead to depression. Do what you | do for you and you alone (and family). If you stop worrying about | others and focus on your own life then you realize how irrelevant | others are to you. | UniverseHacker wrote: | You should absolutely be extraordinary, but only if you've | defined that for yourself, and know why you want it, beyond | "positive attention from strangers." Figure out what _you_ think | is important to do with your life, do your best at it, and forget | about if others think it 's extraordinary or not. | | Striving to be extraordinary implies that you are motivated by | others opinions and feedback, and putting that above your own | judgement, e.g. the number of followers on a youtube channel. | Being actually extraordinary requires vision and leadership, | which is basically the opposite of "doing whatever I can to make | people think I'm extraordinary." | | Most people I admire that did things I consider extraordinary | were motivated by an internal passion or vision about how they | wanted something to be, and didn't waste any energy on the | opinions of strangers. Mostly, they didn't expect anyone to care | about it, but focused hard because they wanted to for some | internal reason, e.g. they enjoy it. In many cases they initially | never even planned to ever share the work with others, they did | it for themselves. | | I think the author here is close with the final point of | "extraordinary should not be the end goal" but is missing the | importance of having a personal creative vision, and a goal that | is resistant to others opinions. | MarkPNeyer wrote: | I recently read and have very much enjoyed a book called "stop | fixing yourself." It pointed out that the best way to improve | yourself is to learn to understand yourself better. When I stop | judging myself, it's easier to understand the cause and effect | nature of my behavior, which then automatically leads to | improvements. | MarkusWandel wrote: | "This disappointment would incite me to take action, but after a | few days of hard work, I would just quit." | | Extraordinary people usually aren't like that. They have this | strange ability to be "always on". So why can't the rest of us be | like that? | | Some people can just focus. Eight hours in the office, tune out | all other distractions, head down, work effectively and well. But | that's merely very good, not extraordinary. | | So how can you be "always on"? By having an overriding passion | that makes you want to be. For some people this is just material | success. Laser focused on the most profitable career. Is that | what you want? Badly enough? Others really want to do, say, | theoretical physics. Either it's inherently satisfying, or they | want to pursue a particular research goal. Whatever the | overriding goal, it's the first thing you think about when you | wake up and the last thing you think about before you fall | asleep. | | But is that what you want? In your 40s or 50s, ignored life's | other pleasures, maybe never had a family, or haven't spent | enough time with them, can't remember the last time you really | relaxed, but boy, you've accomplished extraordinary things? | | Anyway early middle age will probably take care of it. Where you | take stock of who you actually are, rather than who you thought | you should be. And then make the best of that. | laidoffamazon wrote: | The fact that my hard work has never yielded anything of value | except disdain from elites that consider me an "NPC" is why I | wish Harrison Bergeron was real. | | For the record, most people of high ability aren't on 24/7 like | that. | kevmo314 wrote: | > But is that what you want? In your 40s or 50s, ignored life's | other pleasures, maybe never had a family, or haven't spent | enough time with them, can't remember the last time you really | relaxed, but boy, you've accomplished extraordinary things? | | What's wrong with that? The first half of your comment is | insightful, but is it really that hard to believe that maybe | some people do derive satisfaction from accomplishment? | ulnarkressty wrote: | I don't know about you guys but the last week's Ask HN thread | about their most impactful achievements really messed up my | weekend. | | I don't understand how some people can set their mind up and just | _do_ stuff. I struggle with not doing stuff but when I try to my | brain is violently asking why. | BirdieNZ wrote: | Have you considered if you might have ADHD? If you feel like | you have great potential but can never apply it to anything | productive, or only for short periods of time, then it might be | worth first doing an adult ADHD self-assessment checklist | (easily available online from official medical sources) and | then if you score highly on it, book yourself in for a | psychiatric appointment. | | You may not have it but if you do then it can be a life | changing diagnosis and subsequent medication and learned coping | mechanisms/coaching. | ravishi wrote: | I feel like I can get a glimpse of how these people can pull it | out. I have done stuff. Cool stuff, even. My brain has had | moments where it didn't shout why all the time. What really | wonder me is how they can be _consistent_ at it. How can they | pull it off everyday for a long time? I'm crashing every week. | Sometimes I can hold this glimpse for a couple of months, but | if there is something certain in my life is that it'll crash at | some point. And it will be painful. | AnIdiotOnTheNet wrote: | Have you considered that maybe your brain is right? I've | accomplished a lot of things I've set out to do in my life and | not a one of them made me a happier person. | | Is the goal to accomplish or do you want to accomplish because | you think it'll make you happier? | cweill wrote: | So many accomplishments are the result of someone just putting | one foot in front of the other with a vague idea of where | they're going. Hopefully, their north star is something others | find respectable once achieved. They're then labeled "geniuses" | if it works out and "fools" if it doesn't. Accomplishments are | only impressive with hindsight. | nicbou wrote: | Some people have unusually strong passions for very specific | topics. Some of those happen to lead to high impact projects. | | I have one such passion that played out well. The consistent | work felt natural, while it rarely does otherwise. I can't | stick to a gym or guitar practice schedule, but I can spend a | few months building a slightly better tax calculator. Go | figure. | scubakid wrote: | I think if you're using a feeling of guilt about not doing | stuff as the principal motivation for doing stuff, that's a | recipe for... precisely the results you describe. | | I'd recommend taking a step back and thinking about what's | truly important to you, and see if you can identify an activity | or a goal where the journey itself makes you feel inspired and | energized. In my experience, if you can find something with a | positive feedback loop like that, one day you'll wake up and | realize you've made it a lot further down that path than you | initially thought possible. | _def wrote: | I came to love being boring :) | ge96 wrote: | In work I don't aim to be one of the top eg. leader. I don't | think I'm cut out for it. I also don't want the | responsibility/making choices for others/the pressure. | | Personally too what I make outside of work is probably crude/crap | but I enjoy the process of it. Even as a mediocre | developer/software person I'm still able to have a good life. | | I also acknowledge my mental shortcomings I can see someone else | read an algorithm problem and know the question/spit something | out much faster than me. Same for math. I just aim for personal | freedom/happiness at this point, not to be the best/stick out. | | It would be nice to contribute/have a legacy of some sort not | just be forgotten once I'm gone but that's ego I suppose. There | is also the desire to stay under the radar. | | It does sound like coping eg. you could try harder eg. did I fail | because I'm not FAANG level. | munificent wrote: | I think everyone needs to feel _seen_ --to feel that they have | some unique value that they provide to their community or tribe. | | If you have a rich local network of in person friends and family, | I think that mostly resolve the unhealthy need to be | extraordinary. Because I think that need often comes from feeling | socially isolated and relying on online social interaction for | validation. | | When the public commons where you are seen is run by social media | aggregators that only highlight the world's best of everything, | it's very easy to fall into a trap where you feel like unless you | are front page material, you're nothing. | | But the real answer is to get a handful of friends who think | you're front page material in their actual lives. | zmmmmm wrote: | Something else to contemplate: it's striking how often, usually | after they have died or written their autobiography etc, you find | out that "extraordinary" people were deeply unhappy in their | lives. So many of them struggle with depression, self doubt, etc. | even while appearing externally happy and successful. | | So if you have this type of envy, you have to question _why_ you | want to be extraordinary. If it is because you think it will make | you happy ... pause for thought and think again. It is far from a | given that would happen. And then if you decide it 's _not_ to | make yourself happy? Perhaps you should evaluate whether actually | pursuing happiness is a more worthwhile purpose in your life. | egman_ekki wrote: | This topic strongly resonates with me. I remember Dan Luu's | controversial take on how being better than 95% of people isn't | that hard: https://danluu.com/p95-skill/ | | I find it fascinating that some people are able to achieve so | much in the same time I have on this planet. I believe it's those | super-talented and hard working individuals that actually push | our species forward. Newton, von Neumann, von Braun, etc etc. | | How can one not feel sad when they think about similar people. | sy7ar wrote: | I don't see why we should feel sad about that since not | everyone's blessed with the same genes or family background or | connections. But I guess one can feel sad about not being as | lucky as others. | Bubble_Pop_22 wrote: | > "The internet always highlights the first place winners, the | billionaires, the award-winning artists, the best-selling | authors, the largest philanthropists, the extraordinary. Their | stories are ones of success, of inspiration" | | The intro outlines the fact that the author is not familiar with | the promotional industry. | | Allowing for some rare exceptions all the people whose name you | know are the people who want to be known and go out of their way | to self-promote. | | It's not about the quality of the work per se but the noise being | generated around it. All those stories of mega-success are | generated by PR and marketing firms and the person who is the | protagonist most likely went for a stroll in Central Park after | the meeting, and be sure that nobody genuflected or got on their | knees to kiss the ring. Michael Bloomberg took the subaway every | day. | cbtacy wrote: | 1 - if you think you're extraordinary or want to be extraordinary | you're almost certainly ordinary (and there is nothing wrong with | that). | | 2 - the saddest thing about this very sad piece is the idea that | "extraordinariness" is about accomplishments and success. | | 3 - I think it is fair to say that many actually "extraordinary" | people would say that it is at best a mixed bag and not | automatically something to feel jealous about. We live in a | society where being "not ordinary" aka abnormal is not | accommodated and often not accepted or tolerated - and where | being right in the center of the bell curve of human experiences | and realities means that the world is optimized for you. | rcarr wrote: | Anyone who this article resonates with might want to check out | the videos of Mark Lewis on YouTube. He was formally fat and | depressed in his 30s and got himself into great shape (sub 20 | minute 5ks, cat B on Zwift, winning age group at hyrox, | completing ultra marathons). He speaks about his philosophy on | life and training which is to be above average in whatever he | wants to pursue which he describes as being somewhere to the | right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this | is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment; to | the left of the peak and you feel bad that you're not as good as | everyone else, but trying to get too much better than average at | something means you start having to sacrifice too much in order | to achieve it which starts sucking away all the fun. Above | average keeps you motivated to better yourself, is far more | achievable and doesn't require you to become crazy like a lot of | high achievers. I think it's a pretty good philosophy. | | https://youtu.be/kViCSPXyU8U | chrisdbanks wrote: | Skills don't follow a bell curve or normal distribution. They | follow a power law distribution with most people being terrible | and a very small number of people being exceptional. | lioeters wrote: | Today I learned: | | > A few notable examples of power laws are Pareto's law of | income distribution, structural self-similarity of fractals, | and scaling laws in biological systems. | | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_law#Power-law_functions | | An opinionated comparison of the bell-curve and Pareto | distribution: | | > (1) The power law is often an empirical fact (the way | things are) but not necessarily the platonic idea (the way | things ought to be); and | | > (2) We can tame or mitigate at least some of the negative | aspects of the power law by encouraging eclectic and diverse | strategies. | | Tyranny of the Power Law - | http://econophysics.blogspot.com/2006/07/tyranny-of-power- | la... | ulnarkressty wrote: | Is it really a power law or just that the right half of the | bell curve could pass the interview? | kridsdale2 wrote: | I've never thought about it this way. Cut off the left side | of the bell, rotate the graph by 90 degrees, and you can | see that the high-sigma members of the distribution take | all the reward and recognition in a limited attention | economy. | alawrence wrote: | Reminds me of this article from Derek Sivers: | https://sive.rs/bronze | j7ake wrote: | Perhaps I would add also these distributions are high | dimensional. Although being slightly above average is not | difficult (unlikely to get paid doing it), if you can find a | handful of non correlated features at which you are above | average, you can be easily be the top few percent in your sub | field (ie likely to be paid handsomely for your expertise) | marginalien wrote: | ,,being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not | too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the | most fun and enjoyment" | | So true. So, so true. | basicallybones wrote: | I have adopted this approach (somewhat out of failure!), and | what I have found is this: being significantly above average in | a lot of unrelated domains is both far easier than being world- | class in a single domain and often can make you even more | effective than someone who is a savant in a single domain. ___________________________________________________________________ (page generated 2022-11-23 23:00 UTC)