SELF DEFENSE

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF ATTACK AND SURVIVAL

MARSHALL SEAL

Copyright © 2012 Self Defense Group

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Why You Should Read This Book

Chapter 1. Confidence: The Key To Survival

Chapter 2. What Is An Average Attack?

Chapter 3. Fight or Flight

Chapter 4. How To Defend Yourself

Chapter 5. Inside the Attacker's Mind

Chapter 6. Control Your Mind To Win

Chapter 7.After an Attack

Chapter 8. It’s Not Your Fault!

Chapter 9. Conclusion

About The Author

WHY YOU SHOULD READ THIS BOOK

Self defense isn’t about carrying around a gun or mace or other weapons. It’s not about being bigger or stronger than others. It’s not about what you look like, whether you’re a man or a woman or how old you are.

At the end of the day, you will survive because your mind and body are strong and united. We’ve all heard stories of super-human strength – the grandma who lifted up a car with her bare hands to save her grandson and other such stories abound.

But the same thing can happen mentally – at times of great stress, you can acquire super-human mental powers as well as physical. Like the lady who is mugged at gunpoint and says something that spooks the robber. He runs away, dropping her purse, and the woman picks it up and walks off like nothing happened.

How do we access our super-human potential when we need it most?

How can you fight off four assailants at once?

How can you talk your way out of being robbed?

How can you protect yourself and your family when something goes wrong?

These questions haunted me for years. I would often lay awake at night or daydream about potential fights or conflicts. Some guy at the bar comes at me with a knife so I use a typical Aikido move to disarm him and throw him on the ground using his own force. I get jumped from behind in an alleyway and knocked on the ground... the scenarios played through my head over and over like a moviescreen. Only this wasn’t the movies. It wasn’t real either – it was practice.

And that practice payed off – in a big way.

I want this book to prepare you for what may lie ahead. No one knows what the future holds. But even if you never have to face an attack or serious bodily harm for the rest of your life, this book will prepare you mentally and physically for when times get tough.

Life isn’t about being bigger, stronger, fast or smarter than the competition. Life is about survival. It’s about freedom, confidence and success. This book will give you the tools and the confidence to know that you will survive no matter what happens.

CHAPTER 1. CONFIDENCE: THE KEY TO SURVIVAL

In the summer of 2011, Alberto was walking home from work one night in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. He lived in a bad neighborhood. As he arrived on his street, he saw four young men drinking beer. One of them asked him for some money so Alberto gave the man 50 pesos to avoid any trouble. The man then said he wanted all of Alberto's money. Alberto decided that he would not give over his money since he happened to be carrying 1600 pesos (over $100 dollars) and he prepared mentally for the consequences he might face because of his refusal.

Alberto stands at just 5'9,” 155 pounds, but he was born and raised in Michoacan, one of the most violent states in Mexico. He started getting in street fights from the time he started school. He says that he has been in 500-600 fist fights in his lifetime. In this situation, Alberto kept his hands low (not getting into a fighting stance) so he could signal that he was not looking for a fight and that he might know how to defend himself.

His opponent threw the first punch, and Alberto went into fight mode. He fought off two of the attackers, withstanding a beer bottle to the head. He had his back turned at one point and felt one of the assailants stab the broken beer bottle into his shoulder. At this time, the other two men also joined in the attack. Using their own beer bottles against them, Alberto warded off all four assailants by himself and walked away with just a few stitches and all of his hard-earned money.

To him, it was just another day and a good story to tell his friends about.

Most of us would have given away all our money or lost the fight. Many might have died in a similar situation. What does Alberto have that the average person like you or me doesn't? Yes, he has experience, but he has no martial arts training, no formal boxing experience, and no military background.

When asked what his “trick” is, he merely says, “Confianza,” which is the Spanish word for confidence.

In this book, we will explore all of the ingredients in having Alberto's steady hand, calmness, and bravery. There are a myriad of ingredients involved in self defense — and when you understand them, you begin to realize that the punches and kicks are just a tiny, almost insignificant, piece to the puzzle.

CHAPTER 2. WHAT IS AN AVERAGE ATTACK?

“Crime waits for no man,” said Lieutenant Holden as he talked about some of the worst cases he had ever seen. “It’s not a matter of if it happens, it’s when it happens... and you had better be prepared. One wrong decision in that split-second could mean the end of you, or it could mean the end of danger. In my experience, the men and women who survive when all the stakes are against them are those who did two things: believed in themselves and took immediate, forceful action.”

In this chapter, you'll get some background on when and what is most likely to occur if you should, God forbid, become the victim of a violent crime.

Let’s start with a study of violent crime in 25 major US cities. Here we learn that most thievery of buildings (stealing from a house or a store) generally occurs during business hours. The study, as reported by Trulia Trends, also showed the most likely time to be mugged is between 9:00-10:00 PM. You are least likely to be the victim of a violent crime between 3:00-7:00 AM.

Early morning between 7:00-10:00 AM is the most likely time your house will be robbed or burglarized. Being somewhat intelligent, burglars wait until you leave for work and school before entering. From this we can gather that, on average, a burglar has been “casing,” or investigating your home. The crime is done in a controlled, planned fashion. Think about it... if you were a burglar, would you sneak in it at night while everyone is home as they always show on movies, or would you wait until the house was empty?

We also see that young people commit more crimes during the summer and less in the winter. Younger teens commit more crimes in private residences, while older teens tend to commit their crimes out in public. The National Crime Victim Survey says that over 60% of sexual assaults occur at night. The NCVS also tells us that 16-19 year olds experience the most violent crime, followed by 12-15 year olds, then 20-24 year olds. The elderly experience just 3% of crime.

What is a victim most likely to be doing when attacked? About 18% were working or commuting to or from work while 14% were at school or traveling to or from school. Over one-third of rapes occur at home, while another third occur during leisure activities away from home.

Statistics are one thing – but your intuition is another. I don’t expect you to always be wary of being mugged every night between 9 and 10pm... it would be foolish to live in fear all your life. If anything, I hope that this book teaches you to be courageous and unafraid – to live more freely, openly, happily and lovingly than you ever have before, from now until the end of your life.

I do expect you to trust your intuition though. Many will say that intuition is just “airy fairy” stuff. But it’s not. It’s that feeling in your guts that tells you when something’s wrong. It’s that premonition, that inner knowing, that you had better act now to protect yourself. And not listening to it is the worst thing you could do in a dangerous situation – and even in every day life.

My good friend Adam was at a party one night and met a strange man named Jake. Adam immediately had a horrible feeling about him – he just knew in his gut that something was wrong Jake. He wasn’t normal – he was dangerous.

Jake had all of a sudden stopped their conversation and yelled at a man behind him who had spilled a drink. Jake started swearing hysterically and went after the man. The man, scared, ran across the street. Jake followed him. Adam went out, yelling at Jake to stop. “Jake, what the f*** are you doing? Leave him alone man, it’s not a big deal!”

Jake was yelling, “I’m gonna kill you man! I’m gonna get you!” When Jake stepped up on the sidewalk next to the man, he yelled a string of cuss words in his face and then, all of a sudden, just walked back across the street and returned to the party as if nothing had happened. Adam asked, “Dude what happened?”

Jake said, “I dunno man but I was almost gonna kill that guy for a second there.”

You might just chalk up an incident like this to hormones and too much drinking. But Adam still had that feeling in his gut, even stronger now, that there was something wrong with Jake – he was dangerous. But he left the party and didn’t think about it.

Two days later, Adam’s friend Tina was hiking with some friends and Jake was with them. He threw Tina off the side of the mountain and she was badly injured. She spent 3 weeks in intensive care from numerous fractures and open wounds. She almost died of infection.

Adam immediately called the cops when he heard what happened and told them about the earlier incident. He told the police so that they would know – this wasn’t an isolated incident – Jake had assaulted other people before. But now he had taken it too far.

Talking with Adam afterwards, he told me, “I knew there was something wrong with that dude... I should have called the cops sooner, or asked around about him. I just had that feeling in my gut, you know, that something was wrong. If I had done something that first night, Tina wouldn’t be in the hospital right now.”

Adam learned a big lesson – listen to your intuition if you want to protect yourself and your loved ones. Today, Adam and Tina are engaged – and Adam doesn’t just sit around when he gets that feeling in his gut anymore. He goes into action.

As small as it may sound, this is the most important self defense lesson there is – when you know something’s wrong, when you know you’re in danger, do something right away –do anything! Don’t just sit there and freeze – that’s the most dangerous thing you can do.

CHAPTER 3. FIGHT OR FLIGHT

On October 17, 2012, CNN.com reported that violent crime in the US is up for the first time since 1993. The report showed that assaults went up 22%, while rapes, robberies, and murders stayed the same. The Bureau of Justice Statistics reported that, in 2010, strangers committed 38% of violent crimes.

Of course, during a violent crime is the most likely situation in which traditional you would use traditional self defense tactics. About 10% of these stranger-perpetrated violent crimes involved guns. So, no, the vast majority of people will never be attacked, and those who are attacked are much more likely to face fists than guns.

It doesn’t mean you should go looking for a fight if something happens because “statistically, this guy probably isn’t carrying a gun.” That’s just stupid.

Lieutenant Holden told me story after story of women who were attacked, mugged or killed even though they had mace or a handgun for defense. “Oftentimes, the women will just let it happen to them. They get afraid and paralyzed. Having a gun or mace doesn’t make you safer – in fact, it can make you less safe because, unconsciously, she thinks ‘It’s okay, I’ll go to that party with this strange guy. I’ve got mace so I’ll be okay if anything happens.’ And then something happens, she freezes and forgets about or just doesn’t use the mace and she ends up dead. It’s crazy, but this kind of thing happens all the time.”

Studies have shown that women who have been trained how to defend themselves with mace or a handgun are much more likely to use it appropriately and safe themselves. Women who just pick it up off the shelf and never practice or prepare themselves for a potential attack tend to freeze when that crucial moment comes.

But it’s not about HAVING the gun or a weapon to defend yourself. It’s about taking ACTION. Any action will do in most situations! Everyone wants to be macho and tough, but the people who survive when shit hits the fan are often the ones who run away, hide or fight to escape. You can know every kungfu kick in the world and have a rocketlauncher in your pocket but it won’t do you any damn good if you make a stupid decision or if you stay in a bad situation long after you know you should have left.

UNLIKELY ATTACKS

As a crucial context to this book, you’ve got to understand that today the media wants us to be afraid. The more scared we are, the more we keep watching. Fear is good for business. “If it bleeds, it leads” is an old media saying – and it’s true.

Let's take, for example, the History Channel, which most people consider to be some of the most quality programming on TV today. Unfortunately, “if it bleeds, it leads” is true on the History Channel as well. Check out the names of some of the History Channel's most popular shows: Alaska: Dangerous Territory, Armageddon, Apocalypse, Bible Code: Predicting Armageddon, Comets: Prophets of Doom, IRT Deadliest Roads, Mega Disasters, Shark Wranglers, and Superstorm 2012: Hell and High Water.

It's not just the infamous Fox News running programs like, “10 Products in Your Home that Can Kill You” or “How to Survive a Terrorist Attack.” Don't buy into the fear. Most of what you see on the news and in the media is greatly exaggerated.

Another great example is the recent trend about trick or treating not being safe, saying that kids will get poisoned candy and razor blades. This is a complete and utter fabrication. There are zero reported incidences of razor blades being found in candy, and the only known death from Halloween candy occurred when a young child ate his parents' cocaine that was accidentally mixed in with his candy. So, enjoy watching “Shark Week,” but remember this is very, very, very unlikely to happen to you.

The chance does exist, and for that self defense exists. With a realistic, healthy concern, not a paralyzing fear, let's continue discussing attacks in their proper (unlikely) context. As Jeff Cooper, the father of modern handgun shooting technique, says, “Your mind-set is your primary weapon.”

For this, it is important to understand the temperature of fear in our modern world has reached a dangerous fever. Keeping this in mind, for those who are attacked, it can be one of the most damaging and traumatizing experiences in one's life. During an attack of whatever type, you may see a side of yourself you've never seen before. You may feel totally out of control. This is because being attacked triggers our primal brain and our animal instincts.

When a serious and immediate threat to life or limb is perceived, the brain turns off the rational, problem-solving, conscious side and functions from the reactionary, subconscious side. This subconscious side does not “think,” it just does. The subconscious side can not ponder, philosophize, or intellectualize. It does whatever it has been programmed to do.

For example, if a martial artist is attacked, he or she may resort to using moves they've practiced hundreds of times before. If someone with no self defense training is attacked, they may freeze up or scramble and flail violently without really achieving anything because their muscle memory is simply to fight and struggle hard.

Under attack, the average person will only recall a few self defense moves. Their fine motor skills are reduced. For example, shaky knees are common. They become less coordinated. Breathing speeds up to short, fast gulps of air. Likewise, the heart begins to pump rapidly. The person's peripheral vision is cut off giving the “tunnel vision” effect.

One of the reasons it is so hard to plan how you will react under attack is because the conscious mind has to re-program or re-wire itself with extended repetition or a significant life-altering experience. Without something of this magnitude, the subconscious mind does not make any lasting changes.

One can not simply tell themselves, “Next time I'll throw that roundhouse kick I watched once on YouTube,” and expect it to happen. That would be like telling yourself for a fleeting second that tonight you will dream about Corvettes and expecting it to happen. However, if one spent countless hours focusing on Corvettes, visualizing Corvettes, driving Corvettes, and looking at Corvettes, a dream about them would be far more likely.

Just the same, you can train yourself to survive by imagining and visualizing tough situations and seeing yourself come out of it alive. In fact, many brilliant brain researchers theorize that the reason children have nightmares is for self-preservation. It turns out your mind doesn’t know the difference between actions you take in a dream, actions you imagine in your head consciously and actions you take in real life. To your brain, it’s all the same. The same muscles fire when you take an action physically as they do when you visualize a physical activity, like a race. Olympic athletes have been using visualization techniques for years to improve their performance and win Gold medals. But this power isn’t only available to athletes – you too can harness this power by simply imagining and visualizing potential attacks and your response to them. This will help you avoid freezing up at the wrong time and missing out on your only chance for survival.

We hear so much about our primal “fight or flight” responseand it’s overwhelming power over us. But the truth is the “freeze” response is more common when you’re unprepared. The primal brain merely tells the body to “play dead” more or less.

There is also our primal startle and flinch responses. Tony Blauer has actually developed an entire self defense system around this concept called Spontaneous Protection Enabling Accelerated Response System (SPEAR). He has taught his system to police and military personnel around the globe.

It is the only system verified by doctors on 3 continents, and it's all based on what our brain naturally does first and fastest — it flinches. Blauer shows his student a video of Muhammed Ali back in his fighting days on a talk show. After chit chatting for several minutes, the host suddenly throws a punch towards Muhammed Ali, who, despite being the heavyweight champion of the world, flinches — just like any of the rest of us would. Despite his countless hours of training, practice, and experience, he responded the same way grandma or a baby would. The conclusion? The primal brain's responses are faster and stronger than thousands of hours of muscle memory. Muhammad Ali isn’t a cowardly wuss – he’s just human, just like you and me.

The natural flinch response merely involves throwing one's arms up over their face and lowering or tucking the head in. The flinch response is so strong that people in car crashes often assume this position in the nano-second that the accident occurs. In hearing the details of the SPEAR system, it is obvious that it has many advantages over other self defense systems. One of the basic concepts, for example, is keeping your fingers wide open and splayed apart during an attack, which engages more muscles groups, giving you more strength to push away. When the fingers are closed and relaxed, only the large muscle group engages. Sound, simple advice, yet it is still something to “think” about, something to “remember” in a fight. Granted, the more simple the technique and concept, obviously the more useful it'll be. The fact that the SPEAR techniques generally start from a startle position is obviously helpful, but the fact that they are still “moves” must be taken into consideration.

This is why the reality of being attacked is truly unknown for most people until it actually happens. Police cadets, for example, repeat the same moves day in and day out for the better part of a year before they graduate to the ranks of police officer, knowing the entire time that if they can actually remember a few of these moves or strategies in the field, they'll be very lucky. You can know an attack will bring panic and stress. You can know an attack will give you an adrenalin boost, making you stronger and more resilient, but, unless you are someone like Alberto down in Mexico, you can't know how you will respond. In fact, in a Men's Fitness magazine article about Tony Blauer's SPEAR self defense system, one of his students is a Tae Kwon Do instructor who says he was learning SPEAR because he wants help for “a real life confrontation when my skills won't work.” Even the experts realize the vast difference between martial arts/boxing and self defense.

In the book Stopping Rape, the authors discuss what survival strategies lead to rape-free escapes and what lead to being raped. They studied women who had both been raped and who had been victims of attempted rape. In a nutshell, the more the women fought back the less likely they were to be raped. The avoidance strategies were not sophisticated and included: running away, screaming, and physical resistance. For most women, they think fighting back will only get them into more trouble.

Authors Pauline Bart and Patricia O'Brien have an idea, however, of possibly predicting how a woman might re-act in a potential rape situation: anger. From the women they studied, those who reported to be more upset by the violation of their boundaries and personal space were more likely to fight back and not be raped. The women who reported that they were less angry, fought less and were raped more. They connected being angry for such an appropriate reason with self-esteem. So, again, Alberto in Mexico seems to be dead-on when he said confidence was his secret.

In my interview with Alberto, he was very open and forthcoming about enjoying the rush he gets from street fights. He very much described the way he felt during a fight like the way an athlete reports being in “the zone” while competing. Time slows down, the body fills with adrenaline, a peaceful feeling overtakes him as if he were in another world. It was very spiritual in his mind. This is exactly how athletes from all sports around the world describe their “competition rushes” or “the zone.”

While you may think this sounds ridiculous, especially if you don't have any relatable experiences, one of the women interviewed in Stopping Rape agreed:

“I have to admit, that once we were fighting, I actually felt a release in the fighting. I mean, I felt like, I want to fight. I want to kill this guy. I want to really do this... you know. So, what I'm saying is, I was enraged. And this, this ambitious, stupid, young guy, ambitious because he's so small and I'm so large—happened to get into my thing at that moment, and he got bruised.”

So what might be the reality of being attacked for you? It's hard to say. You must look at other attack-type situations you've been in, where you draw your boundary lines, your self-esteem, confidence, level of anger, and the particular situation.

CHAPTER 4. HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF

Students at the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Academy, one of the toughest in the State of California, hear several times a day, “How you train here is how you will perform out there.” That means, for example, the future Deputy Sheriffs are instructed to drop their gun magazines onto the ground when they're empty and immediately reload. Most people target shooting at the range wouldn't want to damage their magazines and would probably put the empty one back into their magazine holder on their duty belt, then reload. Unfortunately, the extra few seconds to put the empty magazine in their belt can easily be the difference between life and death. It is crucial that they train exactly how they want to act in the field. So not only do trainees at this police academy drop their magazines when they're empty but they also move while they are reloading as not to be “sitting ducks” in that vulnerable moment.

In a nutshell, what it takes to defend yourself is practicing in conditions as similar to real life as possible. Peyton Quinn, founder of Rocky Mountain Combat Applications Training (RMCAT) and member of the Black Belt Hall of Fame, is very adamant that most martial arts training does little or nothing to improve someone's ability to defend themselves. The problem, he says, is not in whichever martial arts discipline they study, it is in the vast difference between the way a street fight goes down and in how “martial arts practice” goes down. Peyton says:

“We have demonstrated here at RMCAT that through the scenario based, adrenal stress driven training methodology that the bulk of any person's comprehensive self-defense ability can be actualized in a very short period of time. In fact, even in just one intensive weekend here. Traditional martial arts training just can not achieve this.

“I hear martial arts school owner's declaring (and incomprehensively to me as they sound almost as if they were proud of it) that it takes 'years to master' their particular art for self-defense purposes. But most people in today's world just can't invest those years in such training...”

Ask yourself how does military boot camp differ from most martial arts training? Military boot camp is designed to simulate the stress of combat—recruits are constantly screamed at, put in lose-lose situations, forced to do a 5 minute job in 3 minutes, and so on. As the time passes, they begin to manage the stress of their environment and begin thinking with their conscious brains, which are capable of problem solving, rationalizing, and other intelligent functions. Operating in this capacity, recruits can remember to use techniques and strategies they've learned. Studying and practicing in any other way is a complete waste of time.

On that note, there is another technique one can borrow from police training that is not as emphasized in most martial arts or self defense schools: always watch your would-be attackers hands. If your attacker is making a fist or taking out a weapon, you'll have that much more warning. Think about it—why are the police demanding, before anything else, for criminals to put their hands up. Why use handcuffs to immobilize the hands? Almost any kind of attack is going to start with the hands—a punch, a knife stab, a gun shot, a choke hold, etc. Likewise, if your potential attacker is concealing their hands behind their back or in their pockets, you should be especially careful. Unless there is a legitimate reason to conceal the hands, such as in cold weather when not wearing gloves, this is a bad sign. Body language experts say that concealing the hands indicates a desire not to cooperate or disagreement. Plus, concealed hands can also be loading a gun, opening a pocket knife, or putting on brass knuckles.

Sun Tzu said in The Art of War, “To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.” Obviously, preventing an attack is the ideal situation over needing to defend yourself. Looking back again at the training offered at the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Academy, they study what's called “Verbal Judo” in order to de-escalate situations. Through Verbal Judo, trainees learn how to best defuse potentially hostile situations. One of the most important concepts of Verbal Judo is simply asking, “Is there anything I can say or do at this time to gain your cooperation?” Police officers are often surprised to learn that in a situation in which they might have used force, it can be settled by giving the person a ride, allowing them to wait for a friend, or some other simple compromise. You can most definitely use this same style of thinking to try to de-escalate a would-be attacker.

Dr. Arieahn Matamonasa-Bennett provides some insight for civilians on this in her paper “The Psychology of Attacks and Attackers,” she says there are four things to consider in preventing an attack: logic, communicated signals, awareness of the possibility of violence, and intuition.

•Logic – In order to best defend yourself, you need to have the ability to create a successful plan for a safe escape. How many times have you watched a horror movie and seen the half-naked teen-aged girl run into a corner and have no option but to wait to be killed? That is an ill-planned self defense strategy. In other words, don't bring a knife to a gun fight.

•Communicated Signals – This means reading body language, tones of voices, word choice, and the over-all scene (is it day or night, crowded or isolated, etc).

•Awareness – Knowing what types of situations can likely result in violence will help you more accurately assess your level of danger at any time. For example, where alcohol is involved, violence may be more probable.

•Intuition – Listen to your gut feeling. If you're getting a “bad vibe,” don't ignore it. It doesn't need to be logical or realistic. Your gut feelings are almost always right, so don't discount them.

Another crucial element in defending yourself is, as discussed above, boundaries. Yes, everyone has the “don't attack me” boundary, more or less, but where is that line. Is the line when someone comes into your house against your wishes? Is the line when someone is standing too close to you? When they're touching you?

Marc MacYoung of No Non-Sense Self Defense says that we must remember that boundaries work both ways—they keep people from crossing our lines as well as keeping us from crossing theirs. Marc uses the example of insulting someone or getting verbally aggressive with someone who you feel may want to attack you. In your mind, puffing out your chest and showing your strength may be a strategy to ward off a would-be attacker. However, in the other person's mind, your aggressiveness may have crossed their line. In order to best defend yourself, not only do you need to have appropriate boundaries and know how to enforce them, but you need to respect others' boundaries.

In asking again, what does it take to defend yourself, this can also vary between men and women. Our research shows that men tend to provoke dangerous situations, like Alberto did by not giving over his money to his attackers. The police refer to this as “tombstone courage,” which will be discussed more below. Guys, if you have a penis, there is no need to prove your masculinity to anyone—let it go. Women, on the other hand, tend to invite attacks with passive boundaries and “lady-like” politeness. As Marc MacYoung says, “Punish him by leaving,” meaning that women should not try to convince, beg, or plead with a would-be attacker. Now is not the time for nagging him about how his sexual harassment is offensive to women, win by staying safe and just walking away. In the best-selling relationship book Why Men Love Bitches, author Sherry Argov's main message is for women to have stronger boundaries and stop putting up with so much disrespect from men. Some of her advice applies beautifully to self defense; she says that if a man calls you a bitch, translate the word correctly from “martian” to “venetian.” He's saying bitch as “woman with stiff boundaries who isn't giving in to him.” Take it as a compliment.

To finish out this chapter on what it takes to defend yourself, we look to the NJLawmen.com website, where they discuss the ten deadliest mistakes a police officer can make on duty. Seven of these 10 apply directly to any average person trying to defend themselves. Here are the 7 deadly mistakes that apply to civilians:

1.Lack of Concentration – Stay mentally sharp. Focus, observe, and prepare.

2.Tombstone Courage – Trying to be too brave, trying to be the hero without thinking about safety or consequences.

3.Not Enough Rest – If you know you're going to be too tired to walk home safely, spend the night or call a taxi.

4.Being in a Poor Position – While you won't need to worry about having “the high ground” in the street, you do need to think about, for example, taking off your stilettos if you're going to run from an attacker or staying in well-lit areas.

5.Not Heeding Warning Signs – It's better to be safe than sorry. Don't disregard a dangerous situation, thinking it won't happen to me.

6.Not Watching A Would-Be Attacker's Hands – Discussed above. This alone can save your life.

7.Letting Your Guard Down Too Soon – If you've had an argument with an apparent gangbanger in the street, don't just walk away. Stay vigilant as you leave the area, looking over your shoulder, keeping your weapon ready, and noting your exact location should you need to call 911.

FOCUS – THE ENEMY?

Sometimes it’s easy to focus on one option or plan of defense. We get so focused that we end up doing the wrong thing isntead of being open-minded to multiple ways of escape from a dangerous situation.

That’s what’s wrong with so many self defense and hand-to-hand combat training programs these days. They tell you, “If they throw you a punch like this, you defend it like this.” And so you practice that one move over and over. Initially, you might think this is a good thing. You’re mastering a self defense move that can be very useful in a certain situation. Even Bruce Lee, probably the greatest martial artist in the history of the world, said, “I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”

But Bruce wasn’t talking about practicing the right moves – he was talking about practice itself. It takes repetition and practice to master anything. The problem with mastering one or even just a handful of defense moves is that we run the risk of thinking we can defend ourselves best with those moves. It’s like the quote, “if all you have is a hammer, you think everything is a nail.” So when you get in a dangerous situation, you think “Brazilian Ju-Jitsu time!” when what you really ought to be thinking is, “I’ve got to get the hell out of here any way I can!”

Sometimes the best defense is NOT doing what you’ve been trained to do. Sometimes the best defense is doing something totally different. Don’t let your self defense knowledge be a handicap that holds you back – let it be a tool that you use only when you need it. In other words, don’t pick up that hammer until you really need it!

The best self defense teacher I ever had taught me to always “cover” when getting up. If someone knocks you on the ground or you get disoriented in a fight or confrontation, always cover your face with your hands and look around in a sweeping motion to get a clear 360 degree view. This lets you see your surroundings and know if any bad guys are coming from behind you. It also protects you from running into a wall or street lamp and knocking yourself unconscious.

One time during training, I was knocked down and got back up, continuing to fight. He stoppe d the fight and yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity. In essence, his message was that gathering information during a fight is more important than rehearsing moves. If you don’t cover properly when you get up, you don’t understand your surroundings and the environment. You can take a knife in the back or fail to see a better way out. “Tunnel vision will kill you just as fast as a bullet” he always said.

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” – Bruce Lee

CHAPTER 5. INSIDE THE ATTACKER'S MIND

Why do people rape? Rob? Bully? Of course, volumes of books can be written on each of those three things. Sociologists, psychologists, politicians, and law enforcement will all have different answers—none of them more right or wrong than the others. One may be motivated by money, social status, mental illness, intoxication, peer pressure, or a combination of factors.

For our purposes here, what you need to understand about the attacker is that you can not assume anything. He or she may be on a drug that inhibits them from feeling pain like PCP, may be a third-striker who has nothing to lose, may be completely misunderstood or suicidal.

You must assume the worst yet remain calm and collected. Remember Alberto down in Mexico who enjoys fighting and has been in hundreds and hundreds of street fights. When he gets in a fight, he knows he will win. He is fearless and experienced. Whether armed or unarmed, you are not going scare him. Unless you jump him in his sleep, he will essentially always have the “home court advantage.” He may look scrawny and unintimidating, but judging that book by the cover would be a foolish mistake.

Despite his vast stret fighting experience, Alberto still feels his brain change when he gets involved in a fight. If you were to get into a fight with him, both of your brains would respond the same way. The difference in the attacker and the attacked is that most often the attacker perceives a threat as being more dangerous than it really is. This distorted thinking can be the result of any variety of factors. The movie Falling Down with Michael Douglas clearly illustrates this.

In this cult classic film, Michael Douglas is a fairly average guy who experiences an extremely “bad day.” His sanity begins to unravel, and he finds himself shooting up half the town as things disintegrate. In a fast food restaurant, Douglas tries to order off the breakfast menu after 11:00 AM, which is against their policy. Although he is only 2 or 3 minutes late, the restaurant will not serve him the breakfast he wants. He responds by open firing on the crowded restaurant and threatening the cashier at gunpoint. This is a great example of the attacker (Michael Douglas) perceiving a threat as being bigger than it really is — in his case, there wasn't even a real threat, just an annoyance. The truth is that attackers often feel like the victims, which is what springs them to attack in many situations. Either way, you’ve got to realize that the person trying to attack you is just as scared as you are (unless they’re a psychopath, which is extremely rare).

The TV show Gang Land reports on the inner workings of various gangs. This documentary-style program generally explains how someone becomes a member of a particular gang and what types of things a gang member does. In watching just a few episodes of this show, you will hear the same thing repeatedly: “The first time I [stabbed/killed/shot/attacked] someone, it was really hard, but it got easier. Now it's like nothing.”

Like all people, these hardened criminals have a moral code, but they turn it off in order to do what they feel they need to do. They become numb over time, hence the term “hardened” criminals. The good news is that gang members are unlikely to attack you if you are not from a rival gang or in some way a known enemy; the bad news is that if you do find yourself in a confrontation with a gang member, it may be easier for them to hurt you. It is important to keep an open mind, however. For example, if you brush up against a gang member who is alone, their desire to “make an example of you” may be greatly diminished by the fact that their fellow gang bangers are not there to impress. Regardless of someone's appearance, it is always prudent to remember that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Plus, if you are a woman or have a child with you, know that the vast majority of gangs have strict rules against attacking women and children.

On this note, it is important not to fall into an “Us/Them” way of thinking. Attackers are not people outside of our group, different from “us,” separated. No matter how different we look on the outside, we all have fears, loves, wants, and hopes. We all also have the capacity to snap and attack, and, in certain ways, we all have attacked others, if not physicall, than at least verbally or emotionally. If you can remember not to judge the book by the cover, you can use this tidbit to appeal to a possible attacker. Again, ask yourself, “Before this person crossed my line, how might I have crossed his or hers?”

WEAPONS CHANGE EVERYTHING

You may be asking yourself how does being armed effect an attacker's state of mind? An armed attacker tends to feel more bravado, more brazen in their actions. Statistics show that the vast majority of violent crime is committed without use of a weapon, however, but always plan for the worst. Also, like we discussed earlier, it is easier to hurt someone who is seen as an object instead of a person; likewise, it is easier to hurt someone from a distance (dropping a nuclear bomb) than with your bare hands (strangling). With this knowledge, remember someone with a long-distance strategy for hurting you may be more likely to hurt you.

Also, studies show what attackers look for in determining victims. The average victim is assessed in just 7 seconds. Attackers look at your age, race, and sex. Many will give an eye contact test. The attacker will look directly into a potential victim's eyes. If the would-be victim looks away, staring down at the ground, which is read as a sign of weakness, they are more likely to be attacked.

Attackers may also small-talk with a potential victim to gauge their level of “push-over-ness.” If you are whispering instead using your “big boy” voice, this will indicate weakness to the would-be attacker. If you feel uncomfortable or threatened in a situation, DO NOT show signs of weakness. This actually makes you more likely to be attacked.

If a would-be victim looks back into their eyes, not giving an aggressive stare-down, but a normal glance, they are more likely to be left alone. Attackers also said victims that looked down-trodden were more likely to be attacked, such as someone walking slowly, someone alone, and someone slouching or off-balance. It is important, like having a firm handshake, to have upright, erect posture, to keep your chin up and make eye contact. Heed the advice of self defense expert Joan Nelson in her book Self Defense: Steps to Success. She specifically suggests that people communicate with their body language “an unvictim-like, confident, and vigilant demeanor.” In other words, don’t look like a victim! Look like a badass. Look like you own the place. If you’re a white person walking through Southside Chicago at two in the morning, walk like you’re meant to be there. Showing signs of weakness is like telling people with your body language “it’s okay, I’m an easy target. I won’t fight back.”

What kind of body language might a would-be attacker project? First of all, they are likely to come in your personal space, some refer to this as getting in your face. They often push their chests out and stand up as straight as possible, much like the way a cobra raises up and puffs out to look as big and intimidating as possible before striking. You may see semi-spastic movements from their hands and feet as their adrenalin begins to fill them full of energy. They may clench and unclench their fists or get into a fighting stance (knees bent, on the balls of their feet, hands below the chin, or shifting their weight like a boxer.

Most of this chapter speaks to spontaneous and/or rapid attacks. What about being kidnapped or held hostage? We can learn something very interesting from the movie Silence of the Lambs. In this movie, a twisted serial killer named Buffalo Bill keeps his prey in the bottom of a short well that's in his basement. He likes to remove the skin of his victims and, therefore, forces them to apply liberal amounts of lotion before he kills them. Buffalo Bill instructs his captive, “It puts the lotion on its skin.”

Although this is a fictional movie, we learn a lot from Buffalo Bill's word choice. He makes his young, female captive into an object when he refers to her as “it.” When she cries and screams in response, he plugs his ears and becomes agitated. He refuses to make eye contact with her as it upsets him. Why? It is easy for him to hurt her when she is an object. When she is a scared and relatable human being, he feels remorse, one presumes from his behavior. One of your biggest defenses in a situation like this is being human. Don’t let an attacker view you like an object – use your emotions, your voice, body language and actions to show them you’re not a pushover. The truth is, most attackers want it easy. They’re lazy. They don’t want a hard fight or a long, drawn-out struggle. They want it quick and easy. Don’t give it to them.

While Buffalo Bill may be an exaggerated example of an attacker, experts do agree that if you find yourself in such a position like this, it is best to cry, say you miss your mom and want to go home. Show your vulnerable side. The more the attacker relates to you as a living, breathing, feeling person like themselves, the more likely they can be swayed with begging, pleading, and other tactics that never work with short, more spontaneous attacks like muggings and assaults. Keep in mind that if you die, a kidnapper loses. If you're dead, no one is going to pay for your release. The chances of surviving are very high.

The US government recommends “passive cooperation” as your best chance of survival during kidnapping. They also remind you that the longer you are alive with your kidnappers, the more likely you are to survive. Again, further proof that the more human you are to your attacker, the less likely you are to be hurt. Furthermore, the government says the easiest time to escape is when they first capture you, presumably while you are still in public. Try to observe as much as you can to help put your captors behind bars when you are free.

Consider other premeditated attacks, such as a thief casing your home. To keep yourself safe from planned attacks, put yourself in the shoes of someone who wants to rape you, steal your valuables, or stab you. Do you leave your front door unlocked when you drop your son off at school every morning because the school is just a few blocks away? Someone intent on entering your home and stealing your precious things may take note of such things. Often an attack starts well before you are aware of it.

FOR WOMEN

Remember though, ladies, “passive cooperation” is what studies show gets most women raped. In Bart and O'Brien's Stopping Rape, the authors write, “Advising women to try to humanize the encounter makes sense because objectification and dehumanization of women generally, and of the victim in particular, makes rape and other brutalizations possible.”

While it does “make sense,” remember that your best strategy for avoiding a rape is fighting back, resisting, running away, yelling, etc. If those things did not work or were not possible, then, by all means, beg and plead with the rapist. If the rape is already in process, it can be stopped. Bart and O'Brien did interview some women in which this was the case, however, if your rapist has a weapon, is being particularly violent, or is threatening to kill you, this might be a time for the freeze or “passive cooperation” strategies. As with all the information in this ebook, prevention above all else is always the goal, particularly in this case.

The bottom line is, because you can never truly know what is inside an attacker's mind, it is always best to use your mental energy to gather what clues you can. Put yourself in their shoes as well as ask yourself some relevant questions: are we isolated, is this person drunk or high, are there weapon-type objects nearby, what escape route might I use, what possible advantage might I have against this person?

The truth is... most criminals are just as afraid of you as you are of them – if you show them that you have the confidence to defend yourself. Criminals are used to good citizens like you simply giving in, being too scared to defend themselves or be proactive. Your best defense, often, is showing that you ARE willing to defend yourself no matter what.

CHAPTER 6. CONTROL YOUR MIND TO WIN

Adam Sinicki is a winning bodybuilder with a serious interest in martial arts and self defense. He runs a website called TheBioMatrix.Net, where the slogan is, “Upgrading your body and mind with training and technology.”

Adam describes an experience he once had being mugged in England. He mouthed off to the would-be attacker saying he was a “very tall monkey.” Once the brawl began, Adam found himself, in his words, “fighting like a girl.” He remembered the “pull the pinky to the wrist” move. As he yanked on the mugger's pinky finger and nothing happened, he realized he was mentally stopping himself at the point where he knew he would really hurt the attacker. Adam made a commitment to push past that and easily snapped the mugger's pinky until he heard a pop. The mugger instantly got off of him and ran away.

On a similar note, Eva Longoria's character on Desperate Housewives, Gabby, is a prissy princess. She is a former model who generally expects her husband to protect her and take care of everything. Needless to say, “dirty work” is not her cup of tea. One day her abusive step-father comes to find her. Her husband is away, and she is forced to handle the situation herself. She asks her friend, an NRA member, if she can borrow a gun.

Her friend laughs and says she'd be in more danger with a gun as her step-father would be able to take it away from her and use it against her. Gabby enrolls in a firearm safety course, and the instructor immediately notices her. He puts her on the spot in front of the entire group and asks her if she could actually point a loaded gun at someone and pull the trigger. Gabby runs out of the class embarrassed, realizing that she needs to get her head on straight before she even thinks about handling a gun.

From these two examples, it is easy to see how important mental preparation is in defending yourself. In Adam's case, while he is fit and strong, he is really not prepared to hurt another person, even if that person is hurting him. In Gabby's case, she has not thought through her desire to possess a gun. Much like Adam had to specifically commit in his mind to making the mugger hurt, Gabby had failed to make the same commitment. Owning a gun without having the courage or fortitude to use it is a recipe for disaster. Syd Weedon of the Kentucky Concealed Carry Coalition says:

“While the presence of the gun may resolve the problem without it ever being fired or even drawn, it may not, and you need to be mentally prepared to use it. By the same token, you must be perfectly clear about the correct and legal use of deadly force, and you must be emotionally capable of controlling yourself so as not to use the gun when its use is inappropriate. Your mind is the true weapon. Everything else is just a tool. If your mind is not prepared, the hardware will be useless.”

Do you know legally when you have the right to use deadly force? If someone merely breaks into your home, for example, and you shoot them, you will be the one in jail, not the intruder. The reason why is because deadly force can not be used for anything less than a threat of bodily injury or death. In other words, damage to your property or trespassing does not merit the use of deadly force. In a situation that does not threaten life or limb, you can use non-lethal force such as pepper spray, a blunt weapon, a taser, or even your hands if you choose. Remember though that the safest option will simply be to call 911 and be defensively ready in case the intruder attacks you. If you are not seen or heard by your intruder though, they obviously won't attack you.

So how do you get strong enough in your mind to actually hurt someone who endangers you? First, simply being aware of this crucial element can help you — if you remember. Another strategy mentioned by Adam on his website and used almost universally in self defense classes is yelling out something to throw your attacker off. What do you yell out? How do you yell it?

Just like a peacock showing off his feathers, your yelling is to show power, not to give away that you're scared. While it won't hurt anything typically to yell out something like, “Leave me alone,” “Back off,” or “You don't scare me,” your tone of voice can often give the truth away. So, follow suit with what most self defense schools are doing these days, yell out the name of the move you are doing. For example, when you kick the attacker's knee caps, yell, “Kick!” When you throw an elbow, yell,”Elbow!”

Yelling, which is different from screaming, shows your force and confidence. Many self defense classes start by asking women to simply yell as loud as they can. The first go-round most of them hold back, not wanting to offend or draw attention to themselves. This is a woman's social training to be feminine that holds them back. After an instructor points this out, the students try again and really let loose. This somewhat symbolic gesture helps the students see the state of mind they're really going to need to defend themselves. In a fight for their lives, offending and drawing attention will be of zero importance. Again, if we don't practice in realistic conditions, we are really just wasting time.

Before we move on, let's take a deeper look at the difference between screaming and yelling. Screaming is panicky; yelling is in control. Screaming shows weakness; yelling shows strength.

When it looks like an attack is imminent, would-be victims often scream, thinking this will scare off an attacker. It often has the opposite effect. Think about it, what do you find most intimidating: someone flailing their arms, screaming excitedly, and turning red in the face, or someone who is still, calm, and yells, “Get out of my house”? There is an old saying that barking dogs don't bite. In this situation, the “barking” dog is like a panicked screamer desperately begging you to get out of his yard, while, say, a dog frozen in the alert position, with his eyes piercing you, and growling is infinitely more intimidating. A bite is much more likely from the second dog because he is ready to fight.

Like our symbolic barking example here, body language is another big symbolic communicator. When you are confident and calm inside, your body will project a confident and calm form. However, this can also work the other way too. Some call it “fake it 'til you make it.” This isn't just a new age mantra, it actually can help you transform your mental state.

Take the example of dressing up for a job interview. In changing from your jeans and t-shirt to your three-piece suit, you'll find yourself sitting up straighter, using your college vocabulary, and projecting the “three-piece suit” version of yourself. Likewise, if you adopt a confident, assertive posture, whether you are feeling it on the inside or not, you will project to a would-be attacker a less attack-able personna.

Neuroscientists have found that “power postures” can dramatically improves one’s confidence and success, not just in social and career goals but also in self defense. Power postures are when you make your body take up as much space as possible – puffing out your chest, standing up tall, spreading out your arms or legs to take up more space. These postures create physiological changes that make you more confident.

In John T. Molloy's book Dress for Success, he says that an authoritative stance will look “almost military in nature.” He explains that this posture incorporates squared shoulders, a forward-looking head position, a firm or sort-of flexed jaw with the mouth closed, feet shoulder-width apart and firmly planted. The arms should be hanging at the sides, slightly forward with the thumbs inward toward the legs. The abdomen should be taut or held firm. No fidgeting. No smiling. Minimal blinking. The legs should both be straight, but the knees are not locked. Again, a “fake it 'til you make it” trick can just be to tell yourself in a potential dangerous situation, “How would X person stand?” X can be a tough guy you admire such as Drill Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket.

A great tip for the more advanced readers comes from Military.com. They recommend a great camouflaging technique of being in a ready fighting stance (knees bent, on the balls of your feet, standing at an angle to your potential attacker). Instead of raising your fists though, you keep your hands in a sort of open, high position as if saying, “I don't want any trouble. Please.” You know you've adopted a successful position when you are ready yet your potential attacker has let their guard down a bit. Remember though, if you throw the first punch without having seen a weapon or something else to merit fighting, it's assault, not self defense.

If you know you don't function well in stressful situations, freezing up possibly, an important part of self defense preparation for you may be staying mentally vigilant. This is a trick police officers use to stay sharp. Let's say, for example, that a police officer has been on duty all night, he's tired and bored with inactivity.

This is when it would be easiest for him to be attacked. In a situation like this, in order to stay vigilent, many police officers will visualize attack scenarios in their minds and think through how they could best respond. The officer might think, “OK, if someone came up behind me while I was sitting in the patrol car and put a knife to my neck, what would I do?” The officer will then play out various responses in his head until he came up with the ideal course of action.

Looking again to Marc MacYoung's website NoNonSenseSelfDefense.Com, he talks about an important mental element — your ego. He tells a story that is a bit explicit, so I'm going to clean it up to re-tell it.

In Marc's story, a man is hunting in the woods. He shoots a bear then walks over to the bear's limp body. Once he approaches, the bear, who is not dead, says, “I'm upset that you shot me. I'll give you a choice. I will kill you, or I will rape you.” Obviously, the hunter didn't want to die, so the bear raped him. Later, back at home, the hunter felt violated and angry. He decided to return to the woods. The hunter saw the bear again, shot him again, then walked over to the fallen body. Yet, just like last time, the bear leaps alive and gives him the same choices — be killed or be raped.

Now the hunter is really livid and more determined than ever to kill the bear. The hunter returns a third time, and the scenario plays out yet again. But this time the bear says, “This really isn't about bear hunting... is it?”

For those readers who have been attacked, violated, or abused in the past, mental preparation to defend yourself will no doubt be a little different than someone who has not been a victim. In bear story, the hunter seeks to re-create a similar situation again and again because we wants to turn the original loss into a victory.

The hunter thinks, “If I go back tomorrow, I will leave with a dead bear. If I don't go back, the story ends with sodomy, and I can't have that.” The hunter's need to recreate the scenario again and again is ego-motivated. His pride is damaged because he was victimized. If you have already been victimized, be careful you are not provoking similar situations or walking over-courageously into a dangerous trap. It’s all fun and games street fighting with Alberto until someone pulls a gun – why put yourself in that situation?

As discussed earlier, research shows that most women would be safer if they were more forceful in resisting and fighting, while men are safer letting their walls down a bit and being less reactive. For either sex, emotional self control is a crucial element of preventing or defending against an attack.

Women often cry, for example, when a situation becomes extreme. Showing that kind of weakness can merely invite an attack from someone who is wondering how hard you might fight back and whether attacking you will be worth it. Having the ability to control your emotions is something you can practice often — any time you would normally breakdown and cry, force yourself to hold it together. Teach yourself this skill, which will no doubt have several useful applications in your personal and professional life. This is not to say you should repress your emotions all the time, but learn the ability to display your emotions when and where you choose.

For men, the scenario they identify with when it comes to emotional control probably looks more like Marty McFly in the Back to the Future movies. Anytime someone calls Marty a chicken, he walks back to a fight in which he was in the process of walking away from. It doesn't matter if Marty is alone facing a group of 3 or 4 assailants, if the person is twice his size, or if the other person is armed and dangerous.

Marty can not stand to be called a chicken as he feels that it challenges his masculinity. It isn't until the third and final movie that Marty realizes how much trouble this habit causes him. He finally learns to walk away from such silly name-calling by controlling his emotions. Don’t let others provoke you or push your buttons. Staying calm, cool and calculating is much more conducive to survival than being emotional and irrational. But either option is better than freezing!

One final piece of advice for preparing mentally. If something happens, one more thing any police agency would try to remind you is to remember exactly how your attacker looks. This step is really for the more advanced as staying alive is obviously a priority over helping the police catch the attacker. However, if it crosses your mind, check out how tall this person is, how old, hair color, eye color, tattoos, scars, clothes, build, and anything else that may stand out such as a handicap or accent. In Adam’s case, it helped put Jake behind bars where he belonged.

CHAPTER 7.AFTER AN ATTACK

If you have been attacked, it can impact you more deeply than you may realize. It is not uncommon to develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after being the victim of a violent crime.

As we have already discussed in depth, the complexity of the brain plays a huge role in self defense. This is also true after an attack. Even though someone has just survived an attack, this does not mean that another attack can't happen. The question is them, after the sting of an attack, how does one stay sharp and ready for what lies ahead?

First, it is important to talk about what happened. For many, this is the very last thing they want to do. Understandably, re-living an attack through telling their story is like putting themself right back in the attack. Yes, it is, and that's why it works. Much like someone who is afraid of heights might decide to climb a tall ladder to help themselves get over their irrational fear. If you repress your feelings after an attack, your mental state probably will not heal correctly, leaving you more vulnerable to an attack in the future. You will either be too brazen, like the bear hunter from the story, or you will be too weak and scared.

When you revisit your attack and share your feelings, you can actually take away a lot of the fear or hurt left over. Revisiting the attack can also help you go over what parts of your self defense plan went well and what parts are better not to be repeated in the future. Perhaps you like a certain self defense move but didn't really have the upper body strength to make it work during your attack. Rather than feeling disappointed, you can now use this knowledge to make your next encounter better, if such a fate should befall you.

About 75% of American adults have experienced some kind of trauma in their lives. About 25% of those people develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The more traumatic an event is, the more likely it is that the victim will develop PTSD.

PTSD is an affliction of the mind in which the trauma is being constantly triggered in the victim's mind. PTSD usually includes flashbacks, panic attacks, nightmares, stress and anxiety, anger, insomnia, depression, and many other unpleasant afflictions. Those who suffer from PTSD tend to feel out of control of their mind as it flashes scary images of their trauma without any warning.

PTSD is intrusive to say the least. People may suffer from PTSD for weeks, months, or even years after the trauma. Generally, society only connects PTSD with soldiers coming home for war, but people can develop it after car accidents, violent crimes, tragic deaths in the family, natural disasters, and so on.

The symptoms of PTSD can be largely controlled with medication, however, the cure, once again, lies in counseling. In therapy, the brain can be molded back into a healthy and accurate view of reality, not the distorted nightmare of PTSD. The brain, trying to keep us alive and functioning, usually hides the memories of our traumas in far away corners. This subconscious system of repression can be a lifesaver, for example, to a child who has been raped. This child may have no idea what sex is and therefore have no way whatsoever to process their trauma. In repressing the trauma until puberty, the victim can now deal with the memory a bit better. Dealing with the intrusive thoughts though once they return is extremely burdensome. While the brain's intention was to help, the repression can manifest as physical or mental illness.

These little “repressions” often become parts of our personalities. Getting back to how this effects your ability to defend yourself, if you don't know yourself well enough to know what your own triggers are (i.e. what little repressions you've lived with for so long that they've become a part of your personality), you limit your ability to successfully defend yourself. Let's look at the example of Sarah and her experience with childhood incest.

When Sarah was 12, her father raped her several times. She was able to move in with her aunt and uncle shortly thereafter. As Sarah grew up, she seemed like a fairly average young lady. In college, Sarah went to rape crisis counseling and got over her fear of orgasming. Her incest issues seemed to be behind her.

Almost 5 years later, Sarah had broken up with a live-in boyfriend and was very depressed. Her ex came to her house one day and demanded to come inside. She said no several times then finally let him in if he agreed to sit on the opposite couch from her. After a few minutes of conversation, her ex came to sit on her couch and, again, she told him to get back on “his” sofa. He refused and “playfully” wrestled Sarah to the ground where he started to fondle her and remove her clothes. Sarah struggled against him as hard as she could and repeatedly told him to get off of her. He refused. At some point, Sarah just quit fighting and let the violation take its course.

Sarah didn't know what had happened. She had taken a self defense seminar in college. She had good boundaries. She was strong. As life settled back to normal, the time passed, and Sarah found situations like this continually repeating for her.

One day she was doing some reading and came across a psychology article talking about the human mating process. She began to realize that her embarrassing problem was not low self-esteem or poor boundaries. Her body would shut down when she found herself in a romantic liaison in which she no longer wished to be involved.

This is how Sarah had survived incestuous abuse from her father — she froze. Her past experiences had taught her that if she froze up, she would survive the attack with the least amount of damage. As discussed earlier, when we find ourselves in serious danger, the conscious mind shuts down and the primal brain takes over. On a conscious level, Sarah knew how to say no and kick a guy in the testicles, but on a primal level, Sarah was still a scared, little girl who only knew how to freeze in a dangerous situation.

If you've been attacked, spend some time figuring out who you are in regards to this life-changing event — it could save your life later on. Try to stay aware of the many subtle ways in which your attack may have effected you. It might not be truly possible to know all the ways in which your first attack effected you until you experience another similar event, but awareness and self-knowledge will only strengthen your cause.

If you’ve been the victim of an attack before, learn to use it to strengthen yourself. Don’t hold on to the pain and hurt, simply learn the lesson and move on. Next time, you’ll know how to make a better choice to defend yourself or avoid the situation altogether. Never ignore an attack or try to “forget about it” as your friends might advise you without learning the lesson from it.

CHAPTER 8. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

If you’ve ever been attacked, raped, abused or hurt by someone in the past, I want you to know that it is NOT your fault. When people do horrible, mean things it’s not about you – it’s about their own problems, insecurities and fears.

Many victims of violence or sexual abuse tend to develop a victim mentality as a psychological survival mechanism. The problem is that if you stick with that victim mentality, you end up living your whole life in fear. Afraid to take a risk, afraid to try something new, afraid to trust yourself or trust others, afraid to be vulnerable... This fear can cripple you!

Your greatest danger in life is NOT being attacked – your greatest danger is your own fear. It’s the fear that keeps you paralyzed, keeps you second guessing yourself and keeps you from living the life you really want to live.

I want to share with you my 5 step process for fighting fear.

1. UNDERSTAND THE ILLUSION

Fear is an illusion. It’s always about the future. What if someone attacks me? What if I lose my job? What if they laugh at me? What if she leaves me? What if my kids don’t do what I say?

All these fears can ruin your life and not just in an attack situation. When you realize that the only moment you have is this moment right NOW, the fear disappears. Be present. Be focused. Be alive. Don’t let life pass you by being afraid.

2. BELIEF

I’ve found that successful people in life tend to believe that good things will happen to them. Rather than being pessimistic or scared about the future, they’re excited and look forward to better days and good times ahead. Instead of being paranoid, they’re reverse-paranoid. They don’t think the world is conspiring to hurt them – they think the world is conspiring to help them.

The truth is, many victims of violent crime, especially repeat victims, tend to have a victim mentality. They expect to be attacked or hurt. They expect that, some day, some time, in some way, something very bad is going to happen to them. And they tend to let it happen.

Expect good things to happen and they most likely will.

3. HABIT

As I mentioned before, the media wants us to be afraid – it’s how they get us to keep watching the TV. It’s how blogs get you to share their latest articles. The truth is, we’ve been programmed since an early age to be afraid. And so it’s become a habit. Habits are indeed hard to change but they can be changed.

My advice? Stop watching the news. Stop reading the newspaper. If something important is happening, trust me, your friends and family will let you know about it. The average American watches over 4 hours of television a day. That’s just programming the fear into every cell of your body.

It’s a lot easier to build a new habit without that constant bombardment of news. And with an extra 4 hours a day, you can probably get some other things done too.

4. ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance is a huge key to getting rid of fear, especially in an attack. This is the moment when you think, “Ok, I’m being attacked. Time to do something.” If you freeze, you let that moment slip by and you lose your chance to save yourself. You have to be a realist. You have to accept what is happening, even if it’s horrible.

Speaking of the news, remember when 9/11 happened? I remember people sitting and watching the TV for weeks at a time, nonstop. Five weeks later, people would say, “I can’t believe it happened... I just can’t believe it...”

Five weeks later and they couldn’t accept it! These are the people who freeze when shit hits the fan. Don’t let that be you. Accept it. 9/11 happened. It sucks. It’s horrible. It’s awful. But it happened. The sooner you accept reality, the sooner you can do something about it.

5. LOVE

Finally, you’ve got to learn to love. I’m not talking about some sappy, gooey, romantic kind of love or having sex. I’m talking about universal love or “agape” as the Greeks called it. Martin Luther King explains this kind of love in his speech on “Loving Your Enemies.”

I want to share part of his speech here with you so that you can learn it from the master:

“I want to turn your attention to this subject: "Loving Your Enemies." It’s so basic to me because it is a part of my basic philosophical and theological orientation—the whole idea of love, the whole philosophy of love. In the fifth chapter of the gospel as recorded by Saint Matthew, we read these very arresting words flowing from the lips of our Lord and Master: "Ye have heard that it has been said, ‘Thou shall love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.’ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven."

Certainly these are great words, words lifted to cosmic proportions. And over the centuries, many persons have argued that this is an extremely difficult command. Many would go so far as to say that it just isn’t possible to move out into the actual practice of this glorious command. They would go on to say that this is just additional proof that Jesus was an impractical idealist who never quite came down to earth. So the arguments abound. But far from being an impractical idealist, Jesus has become the practical realist. The words of this text glitter in our eyes with a new urgency. Far from being the pious injunction of a utopian dreamer, this command is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. Yes, it is love that will save our world and our civilization, love even for enemies.

Now let me hasten to say that Jesus was very serious when he gave this command; he wasn’t playing. He realized that it’s hard to love your enemies. He realized that it’s difficult to love those persons who seek to defeat you, those persons who say evil things about you. He realized that it was painfully hard, pressingly hard. But he wasn’t playing. And we cannot dismiss this passage as just another example of Oriental hyperbole, just a sort of exaggeration to get over the point. This is a basic philosophy of all that we hear coming from the lips of our Master. Because Jesus wasn’t playing; because he was serious. We have the Christian and moral responsibility to seek to discover the meaning of these words, and to discover how we can live out this command, and why we should live by this command.

Now first let us deal with this question, which is the practical question: How do you go about loving your enemies? I think the first thing is this: In order to love your enemies, you must begin by analyzing self. And I’m sure that seems strange to you, that I start out telling you this morning that you love your enemies by beginning with a look at self. It seems to me that that is the first and foremost way to come to an adequate discovery to the how of this situation.

Now, I’m aware of the fact that some people will not like you, not because of something you have done to them, but they just won’t like you. I’m quite aware of that. Some people aren’t going to like the way you walk; some people aren’t going to like the way you talk. Some people aren’t going to like you because you can do your job better than they can do theirs. Some people aren’t going to like you because other people like you, and because you’re popular, and because you’re well-liked, they aren’t going to like you. Some people aren’t going to like you because your hair is a little shorter than theirs or your hair is a little longer than theirs. Some people aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little brighter than theirs; and others aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little darker than theirs. So that some people aren’t going to like you. They’re going to dislike you, not because of something that you’ve done to them, but because of various jealous reactions and other reactions that are so prevalent in human nature.

But after looking at these things and admitting these things, we must face the fact that an individual might dislike us because of something that we’ve done deep down in the past, some personality attribute that we possess, something that we’ve done deep down in the past and we’ve forgotten about it; but it was that something that aroused the hate response within the individual. That is why I say, begin with yourself. There might be something within you that arouses the tragic hate response in the other individual.

This is true in our international struggle. We look at the struggle, the ideological struggle between communism on the one hand and democracy on the other, and we see the struggle between America and Russia. Now certainly, we can never give our allegiance to the Russian way of life, to the communistic way of life, because communism is based on an ethical relativism and a metaphysical materialism that no Christian can accept. When we look at the methods of communism, a philosophy where somehow the end justifies the means, we cannot accept that because we believe as Christians that the end is pre-existent in the means. But in spite of all of the weaknesses and evils inherent in communism, we must at the same time see the weaknesses and evils within democracy.

Democracy is the greatest form of government to my mind that man has ever conceived, but the weakness is that we have never touched it. Isn’t it true that we have often taken necessities from the masses to give luxuries to the classes? Isn’t it true that we have often in our democracy trampled over individuals and races with the iron feet of oppression? Isn’t it true that through our Western powers we have perpetuated colonialism and imperialism? And all of these things must be taken under consideration as we look at Russia. We must face the fact that the rhythmic beat of the deep rumblings of discontent from Asia and Africa is at bottom a revolt against the imperialism and colonialism perpetuated by Western civilization all these many years. The success of communism in the world today is due to the failure of democracy to live up to the noble ideals and principles inherent in its system.

And this is what Jesus means when he said: "How is it that you can see the mote in your brother’s eye and not see the beam in your own eye?" Or to put it in Moffatt’s translation: "How is it that you see the splinter in your brother’s eye and fail to see the plank in your own eye?" And this is one of the tragedies of human nature. So we begin to love our enemies and love those persons that hate us whether in collective life or individual life by looking at ourselves.

A second thing that an individual must do in seeking to love his enemy is to discover the element of good in his enemy, and everytime you begin to hate that person and think of hating that person, realize that there is some good there and look at those good points which will over-balance the bad points.

I’ve said to you on many occasions that each of us is something of a schizophrenic personality. We’re split up and divided against ourselves. And there is something of a civil war going on within all of our lives. There is a recalcitrant South of our soul revolting against the North of our soul. And there is this continual struggle within the very structure of every individual life. There is something within all of us that causes us to cry out with Ovid, the Latin poet, "I see and approve the better things of life, but the evil things I do." There is something within all of us that causes us to cry out with Plato that the human personality is like a charioteer with two headstrong horses, each wanting to go in different directions. There is something within each of us that causes us to cry out with Goethe, "There is enough stuff in me to make both a gentleman and a rogue." There is something within each of us that causes us to cry out with Apostle Paul, "I see and approve the better things of life, but the evil things I do."

So somehow the "isness" of our present nature is out of harmony with the eternal "oughtness" that forever confronts us. And this simply means this: That within the best of us, there is some evil, and within the worst of us, there is some good. When we come to see this, we take a different attitude toward individuals. The person who hates you most has some good in him; even the nation that hates you most has some good in it; even the race that hates you most has some good in it. And when you come to the point that you look in the face of every man and see deep down within him what religion calls "the image of God," you begin to love him in spite of. No matter what he does, you see God’s image there. There is an element of goodness that he can never sluff off. Discover the element of good in your enemy. And as you seek to hate him, find the center of goodness and place your attention there and you will take a new attitude.

Another way that you love your enemy is this: When the opportunity presents itself for you to defeat your enemy, that is the time which you must not do it. There will come a time, in many instances, when the person who hates you most, the person who has misused you most, the person who has gossiped about you most, the person who has spread false rumors about you most, there will come a time when you will have an opportunity to defeat that person. It might be in terms of a recommendation for a job; it might be in terms of helping that person to make some move in life. That’s the time you must not do it. That is the meaning of love. In the final analysis, love is not this sentimental something that we talk about. It’s not merely an emotional something. Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men. It is the refusal to defeat any individual. When you rise to the level of love, of its great beauty and power, you seek only to defeat evil systems. Individuals who happen to be caught up in that system, you love, but you seek to defeat the system.

The Greek language, as I’ve said so often before, is very powerful at this point. It comes to our aid beautifully in giving us the real meaning and depth of the whole philosophy of love. And I think it is quite apropos at this point, for you see the Greek language has three words for love, interestingly enough. It talks about love as eros. That’s one word for love. Eros is a sort of, aesthetic love. Plato talks about it a great deal in his dialogues, a sort of yearning of the soul for the realm of the gods. And it’s come to us to be a sort of romantic love, though it’s a beautiful love. Everybody has experienced eros in all of its beauty when you find some individual that is attractive to you and that you pour out all of your like and your love on that individual. That is eros, you see, and it’s a powerful, beautiful love that is given to us through all of the beauty of literature; we read about it.

Then the Greek language talks about philia, and that’s another type of love that’s also beautiful. It is a sort of intimate affection between personal friends. And this is the type of love that you have for those persons that you’re friendly with, your intimate friends, or people that you call on the telephone and you go by to have dinner with, and your roommate in college and that type of thing. It’s a sort of reciprocal love. On this level, you like a person because that person likes you. You love on this level, because you are loved. You love on this level, because there’s something about the person you love that is likeable to you. This too is a beautiful love. You can communicate with a person; you have certain things in common; you like to do things together. This is philia.

The Greek language comes out with another word for love. It is the word agape. And agape is more than eros; agape is more than philia; agape is something of the understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill for all men. It is a love that seeks nothing in return. It is an overflowing love; it’s what theologians would call the love of God working in the lives of men. And when you rise to love on this level, you begin to love men, not because they are likeable, but because God loves them. You look at every man, and you love him because you know God loves him. And he might be the worst person you’ve ever seen.

And this is what Jesus means, I think, in this very passage when he says, "Love your enemy." And it’s significant that he does not say, "Like your enemy." Like is a sentimental something, an affectionate something. There are a lot of people that I find it difficult to like. I don’t like what they do to me. I don’t like what they say about me and other people. I don’t like their attitudes. I don’t like some of the things they’re doing. I don’t like them. But Jesus says love them. And love is greater than like. Love is understanding, redemptive goodwill for all men, so that you love everybody, because God loves them. You refuse to do anything that will defeat an individual, because you have agape in your soul. And here you come to the point that you love the individual who does the evil deed, while hating the deed that the person does. This is what Jesus means when he says, "Love your enemy." This is the way to do it. When the opportunity presents itself when you can defeat your enemy, you must not do it.

Now for the few moments left, let us move from the practical how to the theoretical why. It’s not only necessary to know how to go about loving your enemies, but also to go down into the question of why we should love our enemies. I think the first reason that we should love our enemies, and I think this was at the very center of Jesus’ thinking, is this: that hate for hate only intensifies the existence of hate and evil in the universe. If I hit you and you hit me and I hit you back and you hit me back and go on, you see, that goes on ad infinitum. [tapping on pulpit] It just never ends. Somewhere somebody must have a little sense, and that’s the strong person. The strong person is the person who can cut off the chain of hate, the chain of evil. And that is the tragedy of hate, that it doesn’t cut it off. It only intensifies the existence of hate and evil in the universe. Somebody must have religion enough and morality enough to cut it off and inject within the very structure of the universe that strong and powerful element of love.

I think I mentioned before that sometime ago my brother and I were driving one evening to Chattanooga, Tennessee, from Atlanta. He was driving the car. And for some reason the drivers were very discourteous that night. They didn’t dim their lights; hardly any driver that passed by dimmed his lights. And I remember very vividly, my brother A. D. looked over and in a tone of anger said: "I know what I’m going to do. The next car that comes along here and refuses to dim the lights, I’m going to fail to dim mine and pour them on in all of their power." And I looked at him right quick and said: "Oh no, don’t do that. There’d be too much light on this highway, and it will end up in mutual destruction for all. Somebody got to have some sense on this highway."

Somebody must have sense enough to dim the lights, and that is the trouble, isn’t it? That as all of the civilizations of the world move up the highway of history, so many civilizations, having looked at other civilizations that refused to dim the lights, and they decided to refuse to dim theirs. And Toynbee tells that out of the twenty-two civilizations that have risen up, all but about seven have found themselves in the junkheap of destruction. It is because civilizations fail to have sense enough to dim the lights. And if somebody doesn’t have sense enough to turn on the dim and beautiful and powerful lights of love in this world, the whole of our civilization will be plunged into the abyss of destruction. And we will all end up destroyed because nobody had any sense on the highway of history. Somewhere somebody must have some sense. Men must see that force begets force, hate begets hate, toughness begets toughness. And it is all a descending spiral, ultimately ending in destruction for all and everybody. Somebody must have sense enough and morality enough to cut off the chain of hate and the chain of evil in the universe. And you do that by love.

There’s another reason why you should love your enemies, and that is because hate distorts the personality of the hater. We usually think of what hate does for the individual hated or the individuals hated or the groups hated. But it is even more tragic, it is even more ruinous and injurious to the individual who hates. You just begin hating somebody, and you will begin to do irrational things. You can’t see straight when you hate. You can’t walk straight when you hate. You can’t stand upright. Your vision is distorted. There is nothing more tragic than to see an individual whose heart is filled with hate. He comes to the point that he becomes a pathological case. For the person who hates, you can stand up and see a person and that person can be beautiful, and you will call them ugly. For the person who hates, the beautiful becomes ugly and the ugly becomes beautiful. For the person who hates, the good becomes bad and the bad becomes good. For the person who hates, the true becomes false and the false becomes true. That’s what hate does. You can’t see right. The symbol of objectivity is lost. Hate destroys the very structure of the personality of the hater.

Never hate, because it ends up in tragic, neurotic responses. Psychologists and psychiatrists are telling us today that the more we hate, the more we develop guilt feelings and we begin to subconsciously repress or consciously suppress certain emotions, and they all stack up in our subconscious selves and make for tragic, neurotic responses. And may this not be the neuroses of many individuals as they confront life that that is an element of hate there. And modern psychology is calling on us now to love. But long before modern psychology came into being, the world’s greatest psychologist who walked around the hills of Galilee told us to love. He looked at men and said: "Love your enemies; don’t hate anybody." It’s not enough for us to love your friends—because when you start hating anybody, it destroys the very center of your creative response to life and the universe; so love everybody. Hate at any point is a cancer that gnaws away at the very vital center of your life and your existence. It is like eroding acid that eats away the best and the objective center of your life. So Jesus says love, because hate destroys the hater as well as the hated.

Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, "Love your enemies." It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. That’s why Jesus says, "Love your enemies." Because if you hate your enemies, you have no way to redeem and to transform your enemies. But if you love your enemies, you will discover that at the very root of love is the power of redemption. You just keep loving people and keep loving them, even though they’re mistreating you. Here’s the person who is a neighbor, and this person is doing something wrong to you and all of that. Just keep being friendly to that person. Keep loving them. Don’t do anything to embarrass them. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with bitterness because they’re mad because you love them like that. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies.

I think of one of the best examples of this. We all remember the great president of this United States, Abraham Lincoln—these United States rather. You remember when Abraham Lincoln was running for president of the United States, there was a man who ran all around the country talking about Lincoln. He said a lot of bad things about Lincoln, a lot of unkind things. And sometimes he would get to the point that he would even talk about his looks, saying, "You don’t want a tall, lanky, ignorant man like this as the president of the United States." He went on and on and on and went around with that type of attitude and wrote about it. Finally, one day Abraham Lincoln was elected president of the United States. And if you read the great biography of Lincoln, if you read the great works about him, you will discover that as every president comes to the point, he came to the point of having to choose a Cabinet. And then came the time for him to choose a Secretary of War. He looked across the nation, and decided to choose a man by the name of Mr. Stanton. And when Abraham Lincoln stood around his advisors and mentioned this fact, they said to him: "Mr. Lincoln, are you a fool? Do you know what Mr. Stanton has been saying about you? Do you know what he has done, tried to do to you? Do you know that he has tried to defeat you on every hand? Do you know that, Mr. Lincoln? Did you read all of those derogatory statements that he made about you?" Abraham Lincoln stood before the advisors around him and said: "Oh yes, I know about it; I read about it; I’ve heard him myself. But after looking over the country, I find that he is the best man for the job."

Mr. Stanton did become Secretary of War, and a few months later, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. And if you go to Washington, you will discover that one of the greatest words or statements ever made by, about Abraham Lincoln was made about this man Stanton. And as Abraham Lincoln came to the end of his life, Stanton stood up and said: "Now he belongs to the ages." And he made a beautiful statement concerning the character and the stature of this man. If Abraham Lincoln had hated Stanton, if Abraham Lincoln had answered everything Stanton said, Abraham Lincoln would have not transformed and redeemed Stanton. Stanton would have gone to his grave hating Lincoln, and Lincoln would have gone to his grave hating Stanton. But through the power of love Abraham Lincoln was able to redeem Stanton.

That’s it. There is a power in love that our world has not discovered yet. Jesus discovered it centuries ago. Mahatma Gandhi of India discovered it a few years ago, but most men and most women never discover it. For they believe in hitting for hitting; they believe in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth; they believe in hating for hating; but Jesus comes to us and says, "This isn’t the way."

And oh this morning, as I think of the fact that our world is in transition now. Our whole world is facing a revolution. Our nation is facing a revolution, our nation. One of the things that concerns me most is that in the midst of the revolution of the world and the midst of the revolution of this nation, that we will discover the meaning of Jesus’ words.

History unfortunately leaves some people oppressed and some people oppressors. And there are three ways that individuals who are oppressed can deal with their oppression. One of them is to rise up against their oppressors with physical violence and corroding hatred. But oh this isn’t the way. For the danger and the weakness of this method is its futility. Violence creates many more social problems than it solves. And I’ve said, in so many instances, that as the Negro, in particular, and colored peoples all over the world struggle for freedom, if they succumb to the temptation of using violence in their struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness, and our chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos. Violence isn’t the way.

Another way is to acquiesce and to give in, to resign yourself to the oppression. Some people do that. They discover the difficulties of the wilderness moving into the promised land, and they would rather go back to the despots of Egypt because it’s difficult to get in the promised land. And so they resign themselves to the fate of oppression; they somehow acquiesce to this thing. But that too isn’t the way because non-cooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good.

But there is another way. And that is to organize mass non-violent resistance based on the principle of love. It seems to me that this is the only way as our eyes look to the future. As we look out across the years and across the generations, let us develop and move right here. We must discover the power of love, the power, the redemptive power of love. And when we discover that we will be able to make of this old world a new world. We will be able to make men better. Love is the only way. Jesus discovered that.

Not only did Jesus discover it, even great military leaders discover that. One day as Napoleon came toward the end of his career and looked back across the years—the great Napoleon that at a very early age had all but conquered the world. He was not stopped until he became, till he moved out to the battle of Leipzig and then to Waterloo. But that same Napoleon one day stood back and looked across the years, and said: "Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne, and I have built great empires. But upon what did they depend? They depended upon force. But long ago Jesus started an empire that depended on love, and even to this day millions will die for him."

Yes, I can see Jesus walking around the hills and the valleys of Palestine. And I can see him looking out at the Roman Empire with all of her fascinating and intricate military machinery. But in the midst of that, I can hear him saying: "I will not use this method. Neither will I hate the Roman Empire."

And I’m proud to stand here in Dexter this morning and say that that army is still marching. It grew up from a group of eleven or twelve men to more than seven hundred million today. Because of the power and influence of the personality of this Christ, he was able to split history into a.d. and b.c. Because of his power, he was able to shake the hinges from the gates of the Roman Empire. And all around the world this morning, we can hear the glad echo of heaven ring:

Jesus shall reign wherever sun,

Does his successive journeys run;

His kingdom spreads from shore to shore,

Till moon shall wane and wax no more.

We can hear another chorus singing: "All hail the power of Jesus name!"

We can hear another chorus singing: "Hallelujah, hallelujah! He’s King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Hallelujah, hallelujah!"

We can hear another choir singing:

In Christ there is no East or West.

In Him no North or South,

But one great Fellowship of Love

Throughout the whole wide world.

This is the only way.

And our civilization must discover that. Individuals must discover that as they deal with other individuals. There is a little tree planted on a little hill and on that tree hangs the most influential character that ever came in this world. But never feel that that tree is a meaningless drama that took place on the stages of history. Oh no, it is a telescope through which we look out into the long vista of eternity, and see the love of God breaking forth into time. It is an eternal reminder to a power-drunk generation that love is the only way. It is an eternal reminder to a generation depending on nuclear and atomic energy, a generation depending on physical violence, that love is the only creative, redemptive, transforming power in the universe.

So this morning, as I look into your eyes, and into the eyes of all of my brothers in Alabama and all over America and over the world, I say to you, "I love you. I would rather die than hate you." And I’m foolish enough to believe that through the power of this love somewhere, men of the most recalcitrant bent will be transformed. And then we will be in God’s kingdom. We will be able to matriculate into the university of eternal life because we had the power to love our enemies, to bless those persons that cursed us, to even decide to be good to those persons who hated us, and we even prayed for those persons who despitefully used us.

Oh God, help us in our lives and in all of our attitudes, to work out this controlling force of love, this controlling power that can solve every problem that we confront in all areas. Oh, we talk about politics; we talk about the problems facing our atomic civilization. Grant that all men will come together and discover that as we solve the crisis and solve these problems—the international problems, the problems of atomic energy, the problems of nuclear energy, and yes, even the race problem—let us join together in a great fellowship of love and bow down at the feet of Jesus. Give us this strong determination. In the name and spirit of this Christ, we pray. Amen.”

CHAPTER 9. CONCLUSION

It might seem strange to end a book on self defense with a speech on non-violence. But I think it is fitting. The truth is that violence doesn’t solve anything. Yes, it may protect you against violence in a bad situation. But it’s not a good way to go about living a happy, fulfilling life...

“I don't even call it violence when it's in self defense; I call it intelligence.” - Malcolm X

You can find a number of articles online all claiming to contain the only self defense tip you'll ever need, the #1 self defense trick, or the most important self defense technique. While most all of these articles say something different, they all have one thing in common... and that is the most important thing you need to know about defending yourself.

What do they have in common? Not a one of them is an actual fighting technique. No choke holds, strikes, or control holds. These articles reference boundaries, confidence, logic, and so on. The most important thing to know about defending yourself is that it comes from inside. Yes, you should take a self defense class, work out, be safe, use the buddy system, carry a weapon, but what is really going to save you is going to come from inside. It's your will to survive.

In many ways, being attacked and having to defend yourself is like looking very deeply into the mirror of your own soul. Who are you under pressure? What is your own life worth to you? What's worth fighting for? When are you weak? When are you strong? What scares you and why?

Sun Tzu says in The Art of War, “If we do not wish to fight, we can prevent the enemy from engaging us even though the lines of our encampment be merely traced out on the ground. All we need do is to throw something odd and unaccountable in his way.”

What can you, yes—little ol' you—throw in the enemy's way? The fact that you aren't going down without a fight. Show him that if he wants money, non-consensual sex, or simply someone to take out his rage on that there will be other easier victims than you. The idea of succumbing to your attacker must never cross your mind.

As Winston Churchill says, “Never, never, never give up.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

MARSHALL SEAL is a self defense trainer and advocate for public education on safety and life skills.

Learn more at Facebook.com/SelfDefenseAndPsychology

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Table of Contents

Why You Should Read This Book

Chapter 1. Confidence: The Key To Survival

Chapter 2. What Is An Average Attack?

Chapter 3. Fight or Flight

Chapter 4. How To Defend Yourself

Chapter 5. Inside the Attacker's Mind

Chapter 6. Control Your Mind To Win

Chapter 7.After an Attack

Chapter 8. It’s Not Your Fault!

Chapter 9. Conclusion

About The Author