23

Self-Acceptance

A natural progression seems to occur in the healing process that seems to be mirrored in my experience with patients seeking pain relief.  Why is it that one person will read this book and overhaul her lifestyle and habits while another will just put it aside and do nothing?  It is likely that if you’re reading this, you don’t believe in “quick fixes”, but I’m sure you know people who do.  In the past, I felt frustrated by my patients who didn’t take my medical advice.  Many doctors feel this same frustration.

Finally after years of suffering from my own illness, I’ve shifted to a new place of acceptance.  It has greatly helped me to realize that even if my patients don’t do one iota to help themselves, I can still love and accept them.  By accepting them where they are in their journey, it gives them the opportunity to accept themselves.  What I finally discovered is that my relationship with my patients is more important to the healing process than any tool or advice I can offer!

Jason, one of my patients, had an addiction.  As soon as he drank one beer, he couldn’t stop drinking.  One day he arrived at my office drunk.  He could barely look me straight in the eye.  I could feel his self-loathing, his shame and his utter embarrassment.  Somehow, he got himself to the appointment.  Most people would have felt too vulnerable to come, yet Jason showed up and I was ever so grateful that he did.  The healing work we were able to accomplish that day was amazing. 

Jason trusted me enough to voice the emotional anguish he was feeling.   We used two energy tools to help him: the Uhe Desensitizing Method and Tapping.  It didn’t take long before he felt a significant shift and he left the appointment more healed than when he came in.  The entire experience was very moving and I was able to appreciate that we both received a healing that day, not just him.  I was transferring this feeling of self-acceptance to Jason.  He felt from me what he could not yet feel for himself.  When you can get to the place where you accept yourself and all your so-called faults, you will shift into a deeper place of healing.

Although I would love to see every single one of my patients take full responsibility for his or her health and wellness, it would not be reasonable to expect that.  Sometimes I don’t even want to take personal responsibility for myself, so how can I expect them to?  We are all human, so to be fallible and imperfect is part of our charm.  In this chapter, I’d like you to consider what stage of the healing process you’re at and invite you to fully accept yourself at this stage.  Just for the sake of illustration, I’m going to arbitrarily label these stages.   Since these stages are arbitrary, someone may vacillate between Stage 1 and Stage 2 or Stage 2 and Stage 3.  The stages are on a continuum.  If you’re an achiever, see if you can refrain from making this some sort of contest about “who’s best”, but rather be perfectly honest with yourself.  This is an exercise in self-acceptance. 

 

Stage 1 Healing: Symptom Relief

When we first experience pain that doesn’t go away on its own, we often start to get frustrated.  Sometimes we wonder, what’s wrong with my body?  At this stage, we care little about how our pain impacts our spiritual development.  We just want it gone.  It inconveniences us.  It makes our lives miserable.  It is annoying.  Sometimes we judge ourselves as having done something wrong and then feel guilty about it.

At this stage, when we seek professional help, whether it is through traditional or non-traditional means, we’re really just looking for symptom relief.  New patients who come for their first appointment with me who are in Stage 1 will often look a little dumbfounded when I begin talking about how their thoughts and beliefs are impacting their pain.  People in Stage 1 often aren’t ready to make profound life changes.  They just want to get back to their lives and keep going on the path they were already going on until they were so rudely interrupted by their pain problem.

The best therapies for those in Stage 1 are likely to be those that provide quick relief (like LifeWave IceWave Pain patches) but don’t require much thought or personal development work.  Often, people at this stage give their power over to their doctors, therapists, acupuncturists and just want them to “fix” what is wrong.  Though it is common for people at this stage to follow the instructions of their healthcare providers, they will often do the bare minimum because they really don’t believe that their lifestyle, their thoughts and their habits make that much of a difference.  The level of self-responsibility at this stage is low.  Similarly, the level of self-empowerment is also low at this stage.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being at this stage of healing.  It is beneficial if you are at this stage to fully own where you’re at and not feel guilty about it.  Being fully conscious in your decision to take limited responsibility for your condition makes you miles ahead of those who do it unconsciously.

My patient Stella came to me with increasing stiffness and pain in her back and legs.  Her golf game was severely limited and she was frustrated.  I took a thorough history and noted that she was taking many medications including a cholesterol-lowering statin.  Statins are a group of drugs notorious for blocking the natural healing mechanisms of the body by blocking Co-enzyme Q-10 production.  When I added up the nutrient depletions she had due to her medications, it was clear why she wasn’t healing.  She was open to removing some gluten from her diet but not terribly convinced it was going to change her condition.  She agreed to start taking a high quality co-enzyme Q-10 formula, but I found out later from my assistant that the look on her face when she saw the price (about $1 a pill) meant she wasn’t going to keep taking it.  No matter how long I counseled her or how many times I explained to her how her medications could be contributing to her pain, she never took the next step which was to at least take a higher quality nutritional supplement.  Even though I told her from the first visit that people on statin drugs can sometimes take twice as many acupuncture treatments to see results, I wasn’t surprised that she stopped coming.  If I had convinced her to continue her treatments, we might have been successful, but I knew she wasn’t going to invest more time and energy into her treatments.  She was in Stage 1.

I had another patient in Stage 1 who was in her eighties.  She responded surprisingly well to the acupuncture treatments, but had a problem list a mile long.  I knew we weren’t going to be able to “cure” her of everything with just acupuncture alone.  After I determined she was gluten-sensitive and suggested that her condition would heal much faster if she removed it from her diet, she decided to stop coming after the third visit.  Her thinking was: “Thanks, but at my age, I’m not going gluten-free!”

 

Stage 2 Healing: Curious Awareness

In Stage 2, people tend to be more inquisitive about the reasons for their experiencing chronic pain.  At the beginning, the reasons may seem simplistic, such as “my injury just never healed” or “I have arthritis because my mother had it”, but in this stage, people are much more open to alternative explanations.  Although in Stage 2, people don’t take full responsibility for their health and well-being, they often stick with the treatment plan because they have tried lots of traditional therapies without results.

At this stage, people are willing to make small or medium changes in their lifestyles and habits.  Furthermore, they have bought into the belief that they have a major role to play in their healing.  They realize that they are not just passively receiving care from a doctor but instead, are actively participating in their wellness.  The openness of this stage makes these patients really fun to work with, especially when they suddenly gain insight into the power they have within to change their experience.

Jenna had a life-threatening condition due to a drug reaction.  She came to me out of desperation.  She was unable to work.  When I mentioned that she should remove EMF stressors from her bedroom as well as try going gluten-free, she did it immediately.  Her new-found health is now inspiring those around her.  Now she is an advocate for gluten-free living and shares with me new and wonderful gluten-free resources that may help others.  Jenna is well on her way to Stage 3 Healing.

 

Stage 3 Healing: Co-Creation

Sometimes we are fast-tracked into Stage 3 because we’ve reached “rock-bottom” like I did with my illness.  The status quo, if painful enough, will often convince someone to do whatever it takes to feel better.

In Stage 3, there is no question that when we experience pain relief, we are overjoyed, but we are not attached to being pain-free all of the time.  At this stage, we realize that something other than our ego is driving us.  We feel that there is a link between our experience of pain and our personal transformation.  At this stage, we see our pain relief as a spiritual journey rather than as an end point.  We may notice that when we re-experience physical pain, we instantly go into self-blame.  But as we develop higher consciousness, the self-blame melts into self-compassion.  And we may re-experience this pattern many times over and yet each time, it feels new.

Some people who are in Stage 3 Healing feel an urge to share their experiences with others to lessen their burden of suffering.  Many of them become teachers and healers in their own right, even if they don’t do it professionally.  People in Stage 3 are on a continuous journey of healing.  They understand that old wounds may show up when they least expect it, so that they can be healed.  They take fewer and fewer things personally yet take more and more things responsibly.  In other words, they begin to realize that in every moment of every day, they can choose to feel either victimized or empowered.  It matters less what choice they make.  Rather, it is the acceptance and understanding that they have a choice.  This is one of the most profound healing experiences in Stage 3.

In Stage 3 Healing, our experiences become fun and enjoyable.  Even pain becomes a reminder to become more conscious.  It is very easy to become unconscious of our spiritual process when we are comfortable so pain is sometimes a reminder for us to “wake up” again. 

Remember, there is no “better” or “worse” when it comes to the healing stages.  I just made them up based on my personal observations of my own experience and my experience with patients.  The purpose of this chapter is for you to accept your own healing stage so you can let go of expectations that may be keeping you feeling guilty or sad.  Maybe you’re in Stage 2, but really do not resonate at all with anything I wrote about Stage 3.  That’s perfectly fine.  You don’t have to get to Stage 3.  It isn’t a destination.  It isn’t a goal.  It is just an observation.  On the other hand, you may be in Stage 1, feeling guilty that you really don’t want to change your diet or sleep earthed or try brainwave music even though you think you “should”.  Now I invite you to let go of the guilt and just accept that in Stage 1, you really just want symptom relief!

 

Chapter Summary

         Part of the spiritual healing process is accepting where you are and letting go of guilt and expectation of where you think you should be
         Self-acceptance is part of the holistic healing journey
         The Stages of Healing are arbitrary descriptions of the level of personal responsibility one feels in the healing process
         Learning to accept whatever Stage you are in is healing in and of itself