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Kitchen Table Kibitzing: Saying Yes to Life [1]

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Date: 2023-02-02  

My interest was piqued Tuesday when The New York Times published a story 3 Steps to Age Exuberantly. The story was based on an interview with the author of “The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly: Life Wisdom from Someone Who Will (Probably) Die Before You” by Margareta Magnusson.

The three steps were:

Embrace kärt besvär This Swedish phrase blends kärt, meaning “dear or cherished,” and besvär, which means “pain.” So, one kärt besvär might be paying your bills — an annoying obligation, but you’re still grateful that you have the money to pay. Or, it could be taking care of someone who is sick, which I’ve been doing this week with my flu-addled daughter. When I’m frazzled by her endless requests for streaming service passwords and mugs of tea, delivered via text message, I remind myself that I’m glad I’m strong enough to take care of her.

Surround Yourself with the Young Spending time with younger people can also benefit your brain, said Vonetta Dotson, a professor of psychology and gerontology at Georgia State University and author of “Keep Your Wits About You: The Science of Brain Maintenance as You Age.” There is research to suggest that as you age, especially if you’re starting to experience some cognitive decline, socializing with younger people who are mentally sharp can provide the type of stimulation that helps boost cognitive functioning, she explained.

It was this third suggestion which really intrigued me and, for me, really honed in on what I need to focus on:

Say Yes Whenever Possible To age exuberantly, you must actively recognize your “internalized ageism” and fight against it, Dr. Koepp said. Saying “yes” as often as you can, she added, “is in effect saying ‘yes’ to life — being curious and exploratory, being part of community.” Magnusson told me that the older she gets, the more she can vividly recall the things she has said “yes” to, just when she was on the verge of saying no, and how those experiences have made her life richer. “I’ve found that having a closed mind ages me more quickly than anything else,” she said. Before she refuses something — a dinner, an art show, buying a leather jacket — she asks herself: “Is it that I can’t do it, or I won’t?”

Saying yes whenever possible is, I think, the hardest thing for me. I find I am regularly turning down invitations out of fear of Covid or just because I’ve become too comfortable with saying no and staying home. Or I’m just too lazy to do simple things, like take the green bags up to the curb for pickup or send a lab sample off. Or not procrastinating over errands. Or pushing myself a little bit out of my comfort zone at the gym. Taking a few minutes to apply body lotion to address my dry skin. For some people, these things come easily. For me, they are all huge victories when I accomplish them.

Saying yes meant that I tackled writing the email fundraising templates for the nonprofit where I am doing pro bono writing and editing. I’ve volunteered 15 hours a week and last week (my first week) got assigned the fundraising project. My first reaction was to just back out, drop an email to the executive director and say I’d changed my mind because the learning curve seemed too steep for me. But then as I mulled it over, I realized writing the templates provided me with a way to educate myself about the organization which will make it easier for my writing assignments in the future. The project has connected me with other individuals who work for the organization, which means a little more community, which is something I sorely need.

The hardest part for me is the platforms, becoming familiar with Facebook’s Workplace and reacquainting myself with Google Drive. I am a lot older than the people I’ve met so far so I’ve introduced younger people into my life.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/2/2/2150417/-Kitchen-Table-Kibitzing-Saying-Yes-to-Life

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