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Nature versus Nurture [1]

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Date: 2023-02-05  

Image by Brandon Arte

The nature versus nurture debate discusses whether human behavior is determined by a person’s upbringing or by a person's genes. Nature is usually defined in this debate as genetic or hormone-based behaviors, traits, and dispositions, while nurture is most commonly defined as environment, culture, and experience.

I have a rather unique experience with the idea of nature versus nurture. I married a man who considered his stepfather as his dad. My half-brother thought of his stepfather in much the same way. They both had grown up with their stepfather being married to their mother from their early years. They had been too young to have any memory of the previous divorce. The parents they grew up with stayed married until “death do them part”.

While in college I met the man who would become my husband. It was a surprise to find that the older fellow who worked at the college was his dad. There was no physical resemblance. My husband is shorter and much more slightly built. Their hair color was the same, but that was about the only outward similarity. After some thought, I realized they shared some mannerisms. Later I found out that they were not blood relatives.

Over the years my husband’s facial expressions and some behaviors have gotten more and more like those of his dad. There seems to be an increased resemblance between them because of that (much like how people start to look more and more like their mates and even their pets over the years).

Sometimes my husband will do something that makes me sigh and lament that he is “too much like his dad”! I’ve never had the opportunity to meet his genetic father but can’t imagine that just his genes could have had much of an effect. This is especially since my husband has such a similarity to his maternal grandfather. They look so much alike! My husband does like chess but is not nearly as much of a master as his grandfather. Also, he is not nearly the same level of a risk-taker. His grandfather was a pilot and dare-devil. He even did some wing-walking! I do see some tendencies that my husband has that come from his mother too but that could be attributed to his experience growing up with her.

I didn’t grow up with my half-brother, but my father (his genetic father) made use of the visitations available to him. We would have family celebrations which included him and his parents when I was young. We had little in common. He was much older and very involved in social circles that didn’t think much of a shy little country girl like I was.

My half-brother is the spitting image of my father, with only the eye color differing. Whenever I have seen him, I’ve been impressed at how much he seems to be like my dad (his genetic father). Also, he shares the same narcissistic tendencies.

As he has gotten older, I am amazed at how my step’s behavior, attitude and expressions remind me of our shared parent. His self-centered attitude has ruined two marriages, which again shows a similarity to my dad. By the time Dad died at age 70, he was going through his third divorce. That was after being married to my mother for around 25 years.

I think some of the similar behavior and attitudes of my half-brother and my father could be due to the fact that both he and my dad were the only sons with younger sisters as siblings. In a lot of families, the male child is spoiled a bit more just because he is a male. That could encourage a self-centered outlook. Being the oldest can also foster a feeling of superiority.

When he was young, my husband was the only male in the family. He and his older sister learned to be responsible because their mother had to be the breadwinner. Since his grandmother helped out a lot, he benefitted from a close relationship to her. After his mother remarried, his stepfather became his dad and provided a good role model. Later, two more boys were added to the family. The boy who eventually became my husband became a joint caregiver for his younger brothers.

All those years in a female-dominated household during his formative years led to my husband being very empathetic and caring individual. Being a younger, and then an older brother let him experience different aspects of relationships, leading to him being able to understand different points of view.

In conclusion, I have a tendency to feel that while a person’s parentage might have some minor influence on their behavior, it is their upbringing that really counts.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/2/5/2038415/-Nature-versus-Nurture

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