(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Masticate for fun and pleasure. Food 4 thought. [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.', 'Backgroundurl Avatar_Large', 'Nickname', 'Joined', 'Created_At', 'Story Count', 'N_Stories', 'Comment Count', 'N_Comments', 'Popular Tags'] Date: 2023-05-03 This little guy is carved into the sandstone at Leo Petroglyphs in Ohio. Friendly sort of fellow, don't you think? Gun violence and alternative facts solved! (Satire warning) — apparently not everyone - the lawyer for the former guy - understands what satire is and how it’s used. Refer to E. Jean Trial line of clueless questioning. I am writing with a fresh and perhaps unsubtle take on the twin American pandemics of gun violence and public lies. I live in rural Ohio and while shit itself is useful in rural living, bullshit, falsehoods, and deception are antithetical to simple country living. I see the necessity of gun ownership for many purposes where farming, hunting, and protection are valid reasons to keep and use firearms. Where I do not live is a war zone, therefore I fail to see the point of private ownership of assault weapons other than as tools of terrorism and war. That’s easy. Outlaw them outside of the military. Yawningly commonsensical. I was listening to a podcast the other morning about how maybe (insert hand-wringing) the nation can put the brakes on senseless carnage from angry, fear-ridden, falsehood addicted, violent gun owners by (wait for it) holding the liars accountable! January 6th prosecutions! Former president in court and maybe someday handcuffs! Fox paying millions for lying! Time out with a slap on the wrist for good measure! Denial of human nature (yawn). Burying head in the sand. Wash, rinse, repeat. No. Gun violence and deceit requires acknowledging 1) that human nature is violent 2) humans love spectacle and 3) they love to lie. As a writer, the best fictional writing I’ve done is edge-of-your-seat, high stakes, and full of falsehoods and misdirection. As an American I am tired, deeply weary, of assholes and lies. I have a solution that would satisfy many people on all sides of every equation, and the bleeding hearts might even get a small frisson of schadenfreude from it. Get ready. And please, hear me out. Bring back firing squads…, BUT only for people who commit mass murder (more than 3 people in one go), AND people who are convicted of betraying the public trust. Live cast them. Better yet, charge for the live-stream. People who lie (intent to deceive) to the public (government and private company officials and representatives) or terrorize the public with guns, if convicted would be put in front of a firing squad, given a blindfold and a cigarette (or joint in some states), and dispatched by a jury of their peers – with gunfire! Give it a moment. Did a few familiar faces from the recent news pop into your head? Did you catch the best part? People could volunteer and be in a lottery to serve on firing squads. Bring your own weapon, the government provides the ammo. I have always been an idea person. Not always great ideas, but usually thought provoking. I am challenging you to ask yourself, is this idea all bad really? No worse than many, many other things our government has gotten up to, maybe not so publicly. Let’s just admit that Americans are blood-thirsty and it is time to bring back blood sports to satisfy that craving. It ticks all the boxes. Deserving victims instead of innocent ones? Check. Public retribution? Check. Decrease in public terror and deceit? Check, check. Maybe people would spend a moment or two in consideration of whether the terror they inspire with their guns and the money and power they amass from lying and instilling fear is worth the potential repercussions? Think of Bubba from down the road who struts around wearing a couple of handguns and carrying an assault rifle (literally confronted my 14 year old neighbor, but names have been changed, blah blah blah). Shots and beers would flow each time he told the story of his jury service. Patriotism would take on a new level of meaning. Several times a year, around the country Americans would come together from all walks of life and all political and religious backgrounds to celebrate justice for all. And the sting of giving up assault weapons would be mitigated by the thrill of state-sponsored, legal carnage. Hats off, hands on heart, the nation who leads the world in per capita gun ownership and public deceit could lead the world in common-sense solutions to gun-violence and public whoppers. 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