(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . "DeSantis Village! Meatball Ron Announces Disney-Adjacent Family Theme Park (Warning: Spoofery) [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2023-05-30 DATELINE DeSantisVille, Florida—Ron DeSantis announced plans for an 800 million dollar (Thank You Harlan Crow!!) family attraction that will be built at Lake Nona, Florida now that Disney has canceled its plans to move Imagineering there. Here’s the press release: Welcome to DeSantis Village, your Nordic Nirvana of Year-Round Confederate Christmas Festiveness! Where AR-15 Jesus Comes to Life and Woke Goes to Die! Here are the Delightfully Wacky, Anti-Wokey Attractions You Don’t Have to Be ‘Woke’ To Enjoy! "Woke-A-Mole" Gallery! World's Largest Collection of Liberal-Bashing Woke-a-Mole Games In One Place! (NOTE - Reservations are needed for the "Hitlery Woke-A-Mole" and "Obummer-Woke-A-Mole" machines. Photo ops for these machines are a $15 upcharge) "Main Street Pyrotechnical Parade" - 14 Neon-Bedecked "Burn-Em-Up Barges," each dedicated to burning a specific kind of book (5 barges for burning the books of Michelle Obama) "The Crucifixion of Mickey Mouse" - nightly "Fantasmic" style stadium pageant, ending with a satanic Mickey being crucified, drowned, beaten, lynched and incinerated. From the pyre, a 3-D holographic image of DeSantis-As-Jesus ascends to heaven. Ends with a parade of obese geriatrics from The Villages showing off their bespoke golf carts. A Visit with DeSantisClaus! Every (white) child gets a (Zoom) visit with DeSantisClaus himself. Instead of a candy cane, each child gets a scolding that they will be cast into the fiery pits of eternal hellfire if they give in to Homosexual Urges that inevitably burble up when they attend a Drag Queen Story Hour. Also, slavery never existed, and it was a benign institution anyway. And Democrats are evil. "Look Away! Great Moments With Nathan Bedford Forrest" - An inspirational animatronic presentation for the whole “Klan” with one of America's forgotten-until-now legends. "Stand Your Ground" Midway Mania/Firing Range (presented by Strum, Ruger & Co.) (Upcharge) Your (quite reasonable) $22 buys you a "Liberal Hunting License" and the opportunity to exercise your itchy trigger finger in a police-style mirror maze of threats and menaces. Nancy Pelosi! Antifa! BLM! George Soros with a flamethrower! That toenail clipper could be a gun!!! Fire away to your hearts' content (live ammo, of course). The last room is an immersive digital projection room where a Jury of your (white male) peers declares you INNOCENT for exercising your 2nd Amendment Rights, and votes you Citizen of the Year. "Kid Rock N' Rollercoaster" (with a guest appearance by Ted Nugent) Food & Beverage choices include a "Big Bob Slaughter Kill-It-Yourself Steakhouse" and a "Get 'Em While You Can" Deep Fried Endangered Species Buffet (Snail Darters Subject to Availability.) Rumor has it that Donald Trump has put in a competing bid for the land, for his “Donald Trump Presidential “Gentlemen’s Club” and Slots-O’-Fun Casino. As he plans to pay for it in Trump Dollars, this offer is not being taken seriously... [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/5/30/2172321/--DeSantis-Village-Meatball-Ron-Announces-Disney-Adjacent-Family-Theme-Park-Warning-Spoofery Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/