(C) Daily Kos
This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered.
 . . . . . . . . . .



The Mermaid Diet. AKA the socialist toothpick diet. [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2023-06-04  

FACT: It is easy to gain weight.

FACT: It is hard to lose weight.

FACT: The first bite always tastes the best.

All last winter I thought I had the answer. I found a spa health club at a nearby 4-star hotel. It was free to me because I carry that insurance that sucks off Medicare. So with dedication and determination I went to the pool and swam all summer, fall, and winter. I would be going still except I gained so much weight my heel started hurting so bad I could hardly walk. Evidently, I thought because I was swimming I could eat like I was on the swim team. OOPSIE.

Back to the drawing board as they say.

x YouTube Video

I had an epiphany. Epiphanies aren’t always fun. I was meeting a friend out on the 4th floor deck. I took a short cut through the exercise room. WOW. I caught myself in the truth floor to ceiling mirrors. Not cute little pumpkin girl (it plumps out the wrinkles) joke. But the dangerously cripple heel overweight overeater. I have a Fairest in the Land mirror that had lied to me. You’re a little plump but your legs are still slender and attractive lie mirror.

Then the very next person I talk to out the deck is a friend of a friend. She is my age probably a little younger. But it is hard to tell. She has way too much beautiful thick curly hair. She is slender not thin. Fit slender and flexible. She doesn’t worry that the outdoor furniture is only 8 inches off the ground. She just folds her legs under and relaxes. So we start talking. She says that she just grazes all day long and never has a meal. I know that would never work for me.

I am from the clean your plate school of eating.

So that is when I invented the socialist toothpick school of dinner

Pineapple, date coconut roll, banana.

Tuna, potato, lettuce, cheese. Dressing (horseradish would probably been a better choice)

Onion, pepper, cheese, tomato, pork chop

I have gotten way better at making these. Of course, unlike Cher, I don’t use marshmallows and Cheetos. ( I haven’t slipped from reality entirely.) Now, mine are taster and smaller. Approximately ten socialist toothpicks to a clean plate.

I had my epiphany on the 16 of May. And today I see I am down almost 15 pounds. Of course I have many foot products to try to relieve my heel pain which has magically gone away.

Anyway as with all my journeys I start with high hopes. But as I have been on so many journeys, I really think the socialist toothpick idea is going to work for me. Oh yeah, I drink a couple of 8oz glasses of Metamucil because I am eating so little.

PS — at night I have a cup of boiling water, unsweetened free market cacao, a dab of peanut butter, and about a ¼ cup of milk. It’s my substitute for true love. Sweet dreams.

[END]
---
[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/6/4/2173223/-The-Mermaid-Diet-AKA-the-socialist-toothpick-diet

Published and (C) by Daily Kos
Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified.

via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds:
gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/