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SCOTUS to Close DC Office, Hold Court in Elite Hunting/Fishing Lodges [1]

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Date: 2023-06-22  

The U.S. Supreme Court announced (SNARK alert) that it would close its Washington office and instead hold court in elite hunting and fishing lodges around the country.

“This will put us nearer to where our members want to be and nearer to the all-important donors who fund our lavish lifestyles,” announced Chief Justice John Roberts.

Dick Cheney will be sergeant-at-arms, and will shoot lawyers as necessary, or not necessary.

To allow the justices more time for hunting and fishing, Leo Leo of the Federalist Society will write all the opinions, circulating them to a short list of high-end lobbyists to ensure tax loopholes for the ultra-wealthy are not adversely impacted.

Justices will indicate their approval of the Leo opinions by smearing fish blood at the bottom of the opinion near their signature lines.

Licensed hunting and fishing guides shall be allowed to observe the proceedings, but others will have to wait until heavily redacted transcripts are made available 400 years after the session.

Cases affecting the so-called rights of black people will be decided in their favor only if 12 justices on the nine-member court vote in favor. A more proper reading of the 14th Amendment will show that Native Americans and others who do not comport with Alito’s chosen color scheme are not citizens of the United States. Pro-slavery Justice Taney will be allowed to provide insights from beyond the grave, as will Scalia. Alito will be the only one allowed to channel the voices of Taney and Scalia.

The Independent State Legislature Theory will be expanded so that Legislatures can abolish all rights, but cannot support any rights.

The Shadow Docket will be declared the only official docket of the U.S. Supreme Court so that no one will know which cases are on the docket.

Asked for comment, Marjorie Taylor Greene said, “Can you believe that Boebert bitch called me a bitch?”

As the court withdraws into its cocoon the justices will fail to realize they have made themselves completely irrelevant. A Jeopardy question will ask, “What used to be the third branch of government?” and no one will know the answer.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/6/22/2176963/-SCOTUS-to-Close-DC-Office-Hold-Court-in-Elite-Hunting-Fishing-Lodges

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