(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Caturday Pootie Diary: Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Duck [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2023-07-08 I patted the couch next to me. “Come for a cuddle,” I crooned to my cat. Somewhere in the neighborhood, a firework was lit and went off, the sound invading our living room. “I think I’ll stay on the ground,” Freddie said. “Seems safer.” “Nothing is going to get you,” I explained. “It’s just light and sound. Not dangerous to you at all.” “I’d still prefer to stay down here,” he said. A gentle reminder of how we do things: 🐱🐶🐦 Do not troll the diary. If you hate pootie diaries, leave now. No harm, no foul. Please do share pics of your fur kids! If you have health/behavior issues with your pets, feel free to bring it to the community. Pooties are cats; Woozles are dogs. Birds... are birds! Peeps are people. Whatever happens in the outer blog STAYS in the outer blog. If you’re having “issues” with another Kossack, keep it “out there.” This is a place to relax and play; please treat it accordingly. There are some pics we never post: snakes, creepy crawlies, any and all photos that depict or encourage human cruelty toward animals. These are considered “out of bounds” and will not be tolerated. If we alert you to it, please remember that we do have phobic peeps who react strongly to them. If you keep posting banned pics...well then...the Tigress will have to take matters in hand. Or, paw. An hour or so later, the night was filled with the sounds of gunpowder. It wasn’t just one neighbor; now it seemed like it was all of them. Freddie squatted under the coffee table, ears back, tail swishing. “It’s fine,” I told him. “No big deal. It will stop soon.” A particularly loud boom came from behind our house. Freddie shot out of the room. I sighed, half stressed, half angry. He wasn’t hiding, which I took as a good sign. He looked up at me as I approached, tensing as if worried that I was going to pick him up. I wanted to – my instinct was to hug him to give comfort – but he would not find that comforting. He had made it clear that he felt safer on the ground, and he didn’t appreciate being hugged at the best of times. I bent down to stroke his fur. “You’re a good, brave boy,” I said. “That’s true,” he agreed. “Do you want to come sit next to me?” “I’ll stay here,” he said. Freddie was nervously pacing. Still not hiding, which I continued to take as a hopeful sign. Outside, madness. Loud, loud madness. “It’ll stop soon,” I told him. “You said that ages ago,” he snapped. “It’s still true,” I said. He looked at me, hard. “Why aren’t you more nervous?” he demanded. “The world is ending out there! The ducks have finally made their move!” I opened my mouth and closed it again, a little taken aback by this kitten conspiracy theory. Finally, I said, ”What?” “The ducks! They’ve finally stopped hiding their malevolence!” I listened for a moment. “That…doesn’t sound like quacking,” I observed. He looked at me like I was hopelessly naïve. “They wouldn’t quack while they attack.” “No?” “No! You can’t have a duck sneak attack if they are quacking everywhere!” He started to pace again, in front of me, looking and sounding a little like Captain Queeg looking for missing strawberries. “Step back from the ledge,” I said. He frowned at me. “What ledge?” “The conspiracy ledge,” I said. “There are no ducks. They won’t be back until next Spring. They’re too busy right now rearing the next generation.” “Spawning,” he said, darkly. “Swimming, more like. And probably just as worried as you are by the noise outside.” “If not ducks, then what could possibly be making all that racket?” “Just foolish humans, celebrating the founding of our nation.” He paused his pacing and thought about it. “No, that can’t be it,” he said. He was back to crouching under the coffee table. “I think it’s slowing down,” I said, hopefully. As if it had been timed, an especially loud firecracker exploded somewhere on the street behind us. I closed my eyes. “We need to get in the duck shelter,” Freddie said. I opened my eyes and looked down at him. “I’m sorry, the what?” He stared at me incredulously. “You built a duck shelter, didn’t you?” “I don’t even know what that is.” “It’s where you go when the ducks attack! When the MAD happens!” “Mutually Assured Destruction?” “Maniacal Attacking Ducks!” We regarded each other in silence for a moment, the sound of a non-stop barrage of fireworks in the background. “I’m going to bed,” I said, rising from the couch. I didn’t really think I’d get to share my bed with Freddie that night. I didn’t think he’d want to be off the ground while the big booms were still happening. He surprised me. I lay on my back, him on my chest, listening to him plan as I stroked his fur and occasionally reminded him that he was a good, brave boy. “We need to make sure we have plenty of kibble and clean drinking water,” he said, obsessing. “We have plenty,” I said. “The neighboring cats might try to take what’s ours, but we will hold them off. I’m a good fighter --” “No, you’re not.” “The ducks will be roaming the destroyed streets,” he continued. “We need to stockpile what we need so we can spend a minimum of time outdoors –” “You spend no time outdoors.” “You can’t trust a duck, even when they’re nice.” “They’re just birds.” A loud boom shook the house. “Just birds, eh?” He moved off me and settled down next to me on the mattress. “We need plenty of rest. There will be a lot to do in the morning.” “There will be the normal amount of things to do in the morning,” I assured him. “It’ll be a whole new world. A grim, cat eat dog world.” “Cat…eat…dog…?” “Get some sleep, human. We ride at dawn.” “…ride…where…?” “We need to get kibble, I told you this.” “Good night, Freddie.” “Sleep well, human.” Happy Caturday, Peeps! This started as a straight retelling of what happened here on Tuesday night, but somehow went off the rails. [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/7/8/2179898/-Caturday-Pootie-Diary-Or-how-I-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-Duck Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/