(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Thursday [1] [] Date: 2023-08-10 "Oh, Harding Har Har!" Set your watches. Tomorrow is the 39th annual "Presidential Joke Day." Since I've already OD'd on news this month (I thought August was supposed to be the "slow" month), enjoy some POTUS punchlines: “My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now. When people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” —Jimmy Carter "Governor who?" —Joe Biden, when asked a question about Ron DeSantis “As thin as the homeopathic soup that was made by boiling the shadow of a pigeon that had starved to death.” —Abraham Lincoln, on one of Stephen Douglas’s arguments during a debate Continued... “Jerry—you recall Jerry, whose cards I once sent you to Europe—came in while I was pondering your notes in glad reflection, and we talked about it.” —From a Warren Harding letter to his mistress Carrie Fulton Phillips. “Jerry” was their code name for his penis. Reporter at press conference: The Republican National Committee recently adopted a resolution saying you were pretty much of a failure. John F. Kennedy: I'm sure it was passed unanimously. (See it here at 33 seconds in.) “I just flew in from Mount Vernon and, boy, are my arms tired! But seriously, ladies and germs...” —George Washington, 1793 "A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward." —FDR "A politician is a man who understands government. A statesman is a politician who’s been dead for 15 years." —Harry Truman “These days I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I’m not the strapping young Muslim socialist I used to be." —Barack Obama “Is the country still there?” —What Calvin Coolidge reportedly asked his aide when he woke up from his daily two-hour naps ''Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.'' —Lyndon Johnson They'll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your server. And now, our feature presentation... - Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 10, 2023 Note: From the Eyewitness News Center—Thighland nominated for Nobel Peace Prize after brokering tentative peace agreement between Pelvistan and Anklevania. Film at 11. - By the Numbers: 4 days, ayuh!!! Days 'til Gay Uncles Day: 3 Days 'til the Maine Red Hot Dog Festival in Dexter: 4 Number of Wall Street firms that were fined a total of $549 million in penalties for failing to maintain electronic records of employee communications: 11 Rank of Wells Fargo among the 11 in terms of the largest fines levied: #1 Average income of a U.S. physician: $350,000 Ridership on the Amtrak Downeaster between Portland, Maine and Boston during the last fiscal year, the first 500k+ year since 2019: 516,723 Age of Smokey the Bear as of today: 79 - Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment: Just FYI, of the many allies the Bush White House managed to gratuitously insult on the run-up to the invasion of Iraq, we miffed the Canadians by blowing off their last-minute attempt to work out a deal for continued inspections under a strict timeframe -we not only blew it off, we went to the trouble of being rude and arrogant about it. Among its other unpleasant traits, bad manners rank quite high on this administration's list of failings. In addition, some right-wingers weighed in with juvenile taunts along the intellectually brilliant lines of "nyah-nyah-nyah." The National Review published a cover story headlined "Wimps!" Bill O'Reilly of Fox News got all huffy over something a Toronto columnist wrote and decided to appoint himself our national spokesman. Diplomacy is not O'Reilly's forte (he called Canadians "dishonest pinheads"). Of the many stupid things our country has done lately, alienating the best neighbor any country ever had ranks fairly high on the All Time Stupid list. —August, 2004 - Puppy Pic of the Day: x Yuki does not find LBJ’s Oval Office meeting very scintillating, today 1967: #LBJLibrary pic.twitter.com/PQHaqq0Vnq — Michael Beschloss (@BeschlossDC) August 7, 2023 - CHEERS to Bidenomics in action. I'm under no illusion that the health of the planet is going to get better during my lifetime. The fossil fuel giants, apathetic public, and global warming-denying conservative politicians have screwed us so badly for so long that our recovery, if it ever happens, will take place many decades or centuries in the future. But, as they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And Rick Newman at Yahoo! Finance points out that the Democrats' Inflation Reduction Act is proving to be more of a semi-sizable first leap: The green energy portion of the bill—the biggest chunk—is the most aggressive effort to decarbonize the US economy ever. But it’s turning out to be even bigger than analysts thought at the time. […] A modest down-payment on what needs to be done. Most of the green energy provisions in the IRA aren’t direct spending by the government but tax breaks for private entities that invest in green energy. And most of those tax breaks are uncapped, meaning there’s no dollar limit on the amount of tax breaks the government will allow. […] As a tool for fighting global warming and climate change, however, the IRA could represent a turning point in governments’ efforts to address a problem that’s causing visible and costly damage all around the world. Nations in Europe and elsewhere are rattled by the possibility that the United States might now capture an outsized portion of the global green energy economy, and some are planning muscular incentives of their own to stimulate home-grown technology. And in other news, the U.S. is on track to pump more oil than ever this year, and the recently-concluded summit of Amazon nations failed to do a goddamn thing to reduce deforestation or fossil fuel extraction. "Gee, that's too bad," said the cockroaches with that insufferable smirk on their faces. CHEERS to putting the wheels of democracy in motion: Wisconsin edition. The composition of the Supreme Court in the Badger State flipped to the liberal side last week, and if it's one golden rule we've learned over the years it's this: liberals who find themselves in control of a lever of power need to move swiftly and decisively. In the case of Wisconsin's gerrymandered districts, the game is already afoot… [A] group of Wisconsin-based mathematicians and computer scientists filed a petition in the Wisconsin Supreme Court challenging the state’s legislative districts for being extreme partisan gerrymanders that unduly favor Republicans. The new lawsuit comes on the heels of a separate lawsuit over Wisconsin’s legislative maps that was filed last Tuesday in the state Supreme Court. […] Janet Protasiewicz’s swearing-in ceremony. Previously, the state Supreme Court’s conservative majority ruled to replace legislative maps drawn by Gov. Tony Evers (D) with ones drawn by the Republican-controlled Legislature. As of January 2023, Republicans hold a supermajority of 22out of 33 seats in the state Senate, and 64 out of 99 seats in the state Assembly. […] The petitioners argue that Wisconsin’s legislative districts violate multiple provisions of the state constitution, including the constitution’s guarantee of equal protection, free speech and association and free government as well as the redistricting requirements set forth in the state constitution. Once they fix the maps and then tackle abortion rights, we expect the court to move swiftly on to another critical case: affirming the constitutional right of every American to free Wisconsin cheese. (It must be in that damn document somewhere.) CHEERS (because we never jeer anyone on their birthday) to Herbert Hoover. Today marks #31's 149th orbit around the sun. He was in many ways an outstanding public servant—awful presidency excluded—and he certainly upheld traditional Republican Values: The president...preferred not to see the servants at all. The mansion's bell system was used to keep a distance between Hoover and the people who served him: Three rings announced his approach, requiring staff to hide in the nearest closet until he was out of sight. “Good morning, Jeeves.” “Good morning, Mr. President.” The same went for the groundskeepers, who found themselves jumping behind shrubs when the president was rumored to be nearby. Those staff members with an insufficient cloaking device faced the possibility of dismissal. —From Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O'Brien Pay your respects here. He should be in a good mood, knowing that Trump knocked him up a peg on the greatest presidents list. - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - x Two fishermen stopped their boat to rescue a bottlenose dolphin they found washed upon a riverbank in Conway, South Carolina. Viral footage taken by Brian Crosby shows his friend Elvis Black racing to push the animal to safety while it was still breathing. pic.twitter.com/TCNg5uV2W8 — NowThis (@nowthisnews) August 8, 2023 - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - CHEERS to great advances in libationology. On August 10, 1889, Dan Rylands patented the screw cap for bottles. Our rule: if it doesn’t curl your nose hairs when you twist it off and sniff it, send it back to the bartender. JEERS to previews of coming sequels? First we had the regular "Alpha" coronavirus outbreak. (Thanks, China. You shouldn't have. Really.) When we thought we had it under control, we loosened restrictions and opened up again. Then we had Beta and Gamma variants. Then we had the Delta variant, which spread more easily. When we thought we had it under control, we loosened restrictions and opened up again. Then Omicron came along and spread even more easily. Then came "Omicron BA.5 subvariant." Now that we think we have it under control, we've loosened restrictions and opened up again. And we all lived happily ever after oh crap here we go again… A new coronavirus variant, EG.5, now accounts for the largest proportion of Covid infections in the U.S., according to estimates from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Ain’t done with us yet. Over a two-week period ending on Saturday, EG.5—which some health experts on social media nicknamed “Eris”—made up an estimated 17.3% of new cases nationwide. That’s up from just under 12% during the prior two-week period, and less than 1% as of late May. […] The spread of EG.5 comes as the U.S. logs its first increase in hospitalizations of the year. More than 9,000 people were hospitalized with Covid in the last week of July, up from about 6,300 at the end of June. To get out in front of this new strain with the most effective way to kill the EG.5 variant, the Biden administration is working on a website where you can request a free 10-pound Acme-brand wooden mallet. Since they're the most vulnerable at the moment, we recommend you use it on your Republicans friends and neighbors first. Message: we care. - Ten years ago in C&J: August 10, 2013 JEERS to getting hot under the collar. Here's another consequence of climate change. The hotter this planet gets, the less civil we might be towards each other: Shifts in climate are strongly linked to increases in violence around the world, a study suggests. US scientists found that even small changes in temperature or rainfall correlated with a rise in assaults, rapes and murders, as well as group conflicts and war. The team says with the current projected levels of climate change, the world is likely to become a more violent place. When asked how they came to their conclusions, the researchers said shut the fuck up. - And just one more… CHEERS to a wild time in the Hawkeye State. Skies will be a mix of sun and clouds and the air will be hot-bordering-on-broiling in Iowa starting today, and for the latter you can thank the vats of bubbling fat and roving gangs of bloviating politicians at the legendary State Fair. This time around the traditional 600-pound butter cow (whose butter is recycled and can be reused for up to ten years, they say) has company in the form of a tribute to iconic Iowa athletes Jack Trice, Kurt Warner and Caitlin Clark. And another tradition that will be on full display is the awkward eating of the corn dogs. So, for old time's sake, enjoy these memories from that golden presidential election year 2012 (the guy in the lower left was recently in charge of our nukes and I believe the guy in the upper right just joined The Village People as the construction worker) with bonus ice cream cone thoroughly embarrassed to be seen with the guy who got fired from CNN for being a racist weirdo: People really love to watch Republicans stuff their faces at the fair. Mainly because it shuts ‘em up for a few minutes. Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial The Cheers and Jeers clown car is running in circles —Digby - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/8/10/2186058/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Thursday Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/