(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Top Comments: I'd watch the Republican debate, but.... [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2023-08-23 I’d watch the Republican debate, but I’d rather hit myself with a brick while standing in a barrel of skunks. Here’s my approximation of how it probably went. But first, a word from our sponsor! Here at Top Comments we strive to nourish community by rounding up some of the site's best, funniest, most mojo'd & most informative commentary, and we depend on your help!! If you see a comment by another Kossack that deserves wider recognition, please send it either to topcomments at gmail or to the Top Comments group mailbox by 9:30pm Eastern. Please please please include a few words about why you sent it in as well as your user name (even if you think we know it already :-)), so we can credit you with the find! Moderator: First question. Did Donald Trump win the 2020 election? Ron DeSantis: I won’t answer that question. It’s too woke. Mike Pence: Of course he did. He had every right to overturn the election, substitute fake electors for the real ones, and assault the Capitol police. Now would his fans please quit stalking me? Chris Christie: He lost. Trump is a disaster who’s destroying the party and the country. Which is why I was the first one to join his campaign after I dropped out in 2016. Vivek Ramaswamy: He won if you don’t count the votes of people under 25, left-handed people, bridge players, and Freemasons. Which you totally shouldn’t. Nikki Haley: There’s just no way to know. Vote for me because I’m the most decisive candidate! Tim Scott: I think — Moderator: Sorry, we have to go to a split screen now. Trump’s plane is sitting on the tarmac, and we need to show it from several dramatic angles. Tim Scott: But — Moderator: Next question. Since obviously Trump is going to be the nominee, why should he choose you for his VP? Mike Pence: He already picked me once, and he wouldn’t have to remember any new names. Chris Christie: I put Jared’s father in jail, and if Trump picks me, I can get Eric out of his way. Ron DeSantis: Of course I’m running for president! Vice presidents are too woke! Vivek Ramaswamy: I’m the only one who knows the secret to why no Illuminati were on the planes on 9/11. Nikki Haley: I’d settle for a cushy cabinet post. Tim Scott: I would — Ron DeSantis: Woke! Woke! Polly wants a woke! Moderator: I’m sorry, but you all keep talking about yourselves. Our viewers only want to hear about Trump. (A fly lands on Pence’s head, and the fly is declared the debate winner.) On to Top Comments! From RRG3DAV: This deserves a spot in Top Comments, I think that DerAmi has it right. Highlighted by Audri: In Hunter’s diary about the latest Republican freakout (Biden petted a dog!), kamachanda explained what their problem is. Top mojo, courtesy of mik: Picture quilt, created by jotter, brought back by elfling & the help desk crew: [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/8/23/2188761/-I-d-watch-the-Republican-debate-but Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/