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Crispin County Republican Weekly Newsletter [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2023-09-02  

Hello Fellow Patriots,

Thank you Marge for putting out the newsletter last week in my absence. I have some good news Patriots, but I need to clear up a few things that our dear Marge got a little confused in the last newsletter.

First off, the good news! We got a letter back from the National Republican Committee on our suggestions for sprucing up the 2024 slogans.

Important Order of Business: Marge gave a donation link while I was gone to a certain politician who reminded her of her son. I was EXTREMELY concerned to see so many of you donating to a John Tester of Montana. First off, we're not in Montana, and second, even if Marge thinks he's "cute," we have to remember what team we're on. (Sorry Marge, and yes, we still love you) Donating to him could very well decrease those carbon emissions and keep that socialistic social security crap intact. And worst yet, we're talking more liberal judges, and God forbid, women making their own health care decisions. So STOP, just stop. I’ll say it again: DO NOT donate to https://secure.actblue.com/donate/testerforsenate

For those of you (Chuck) who are watching Tucker Carlson reruns and have a super short attention span, I'll say it again: DO NOT donate to this link: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/testerforsenate

So last meeting, by consensus, we agreed that the old slogans Make America Great Again, Take America Back, and Make America Great Again, Again, were very worn out. We came up with three wonderful suggestions for the NRC if they truly want to win big in 2024:

Number One: My Ass Got Arrested: Thank you Hal and Kevin for noticing the wonderful mural in Georgia. However, I'm sorry to say the National Republican Committee came back with this: 'Thank you for your suggestion. While it may indeed enhance 'street cred', it hasn't played well with the independent voters.' Still a great suggestion, guys!

Number Two: I Have Horsepaste In My Teeth: Thank you Marge for this suggestion and the wonderful recipe for the Ivermectin Smoothies. National Republican Committee just said: "Pass" Honestly, what goes through the minds of these national muckity mucks is beyond me.

Number Three: My personal favorite: Let's Get Brandon To Quit. Imagine this one printed in front of Old Glory. This one the NRC didn't even comment on. At this rate, I'm not sure our GOP party stands much of a chance with the same old-same old. We'll keep trying, guys. I still think we should continue to push this last one.

Again, great job, everyone and I loved the enthusiasm of last month's meeting. However, due to scaring the workers at Applebees, we ask Levi and Hank not to wear their camo gear. (Come on guys, you're used car salesmen, not Marines)

So, in summary, we gave the National Republican Committee some great advice, now it's up to them to run with it. Also, and I can't stress this enough: Do NOT donate to John Tester at https://secure.actblue.com/donate/testerforsenate

Thank you again, brave Patriots. Next meeting we will brainstorm our billboard design.

Marge just called and said she accidentally donated to Tester again, STOP IT. Remove this link from your computer Immediately: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/testerforsenate

Thank you all. Until Next time, LGBTQ 2024!

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