(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday [1] [] Date: 2023-09-19 Avast me hearties and suchlike. It's me, Captain Billybeard, fear-instiller of the deep blue kiddie pool. For thems who don't knows, today is the blow-me-downest day of the year: International Talk Like A Pirate Day . And arrrway we go… Winston Churchill: "Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest arrr!'" - American worker: "Thanks to those greedy bastards on Wall Street, I may never get to retarrr!" Daily Kos blogger: ”My favorite front-pager is the Morrill lass named Barrrrb.” And please: it’s “Arrr,” not “Arrrgh.” Daily Kos blogger with opposing view: “My favorite front-pager is the Joan they call McCarrrter.” Judge, sometime in 2024: "I sentence ye, Donald J. Trump and yer co-conspirators, to a hundred years behind barrrrs." Buzz Aldrin: "To Marrrs!" Interior Secretary Deb Haaland: "Come one, come all, to visit our national parrrks." Red-hatted End Times fanatic: "Prepare ye for Arrrrmageddon." Theatre Critic: "Don’t miss the revival of Streetcarrr Named Desarrr!" Postal abbreviation of Bill Clinton's home state: AR Trump's legal team: "Ready! Farrr! Aim!" Thanks for reading. You've been a swarrrthy arrdience. And now, our feature presentation… - Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 19, 2023 Note: What you’re presenting me with is hogwash, and I can prove it! [Washes hog with it.] See? - By the Numbers: 8 days!!! Days 'til the start of Yom Kippur: 5 Days 'til the American Royal World Series of Barbecue in Kansas City, Missouri: 8 Estimated amount by which Maine's population grew in 2022, equal to 0.58% and outpacing the national average: 13,093 Rank of Florida, Idaho, and South Carolina among states with the highest population growth in 2022: #1, #2, #3 Percent by which middle-aged Americans are less likely to die of any cause if they walk 7,000 steps a day, compared with those who walk less, according to research in the Journal of the American Medical Association: 50% Expected increase in U.S. economic growth in the third quarter, according to the latest estimates from Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, and the Atlanta Fed: 3.2% Time it takes for sunlight to reach the earth: 8 minutes, 20 seconds - Puppy Pic of the Day: Aaaand they’re off…!!! - CHEERS to Dark Brandon: The Great Liberator. Popping caffeine pills like candy, the President of the Goddamn Greatest United States in the History of the MF’ing Universe rolled up his sleeves and, armed with nothing more than a slide rule and his wits, ran negotiation circles around his counterparts in Iran, and came away with a victory that will be etched on his future National Mall monument with lightning: Five American citizens freed as part of a deal between the U.S. and Iran were flown out of the country and landed in Doha, Qatar, Monday. Later Monday, they will be flown back to the U.S. Won’t cop out when there’s danger all about. In a statement, President Joe Biden said, "Today, five innocent Americans who were imprisoned in Iran are finally coming home. Siamak Namazi, Morad Tahbaz, Emad Sharghi, and two citizens who wish to remain private will soon be reunited with their loved ones—after enduring years of agony, uncertainty, and suffering," he said. The hostages were released by Iran in exchange for clemency by the U.S. for five of their citizens and a bag of their own money. Up next: Joe negotiates the end of the Russo-Ukraine war by convincing Vladimir Putin to withdraw all his troops while punching himself in the face. JEERS to facepalm-worthy notices. Now showing up on utility poles and milk cartons throughout Dixie: LOST F-35 B Stealth Fighter Height: 14 feet Weight: 30,000 lbs. Have you seen me? Last seen: Sunday afternoon over South Carolina in the vicinity of Lake Moultrie/Lake Marion *** May be armed and/or dangerous (sharp edges!) *** If found, please deposit in any mailbox. Return postage guaranteed. Somebody go check Lindsey Graham’s basement. JEERS to joining the other lemmings on the road to the cliff. Hardly surprising: Before House Speaker Kevin McCarthy unilaterally launched an impeachment inquiry, center-right Rep. Don Bacon, R-Neb., urged his party not to go down that road, saying it was “too early” given the lack of evidence against President Joe Biden. But two days after McCarthy made that decision last week, Bacon, who represents an Omaha-based district that voted for Biden in 2020, shifted his tone and said he wasn't taking issue with it. In fact, all the so-called "swing district Republicans" are climbing aboard the impeachment-inquiry bandwagon now. They made their decision once they learned that there would be no evidence to sift through. But enjoy those closed-door cocktail parties, guys. - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - JEERS to deep-sixing #20. On September 19, 1881, President James Garfield died, 80 days after some disgruntled jerk whipped out a couple guns and shot him in the back. One bullet grazed his arm, the other hit his backbone but not the spinal cord or any internal organs. Had the radical notion of sterile hands and instruments (already embraced for 30 years by much of Europe) been in use at the time, and had they not basically starved him, the president would’ve lived. True story: Alexander Graham Bell tried to locate the bullet using his new invention, the metal detector… As the doctors struggled to understand the extent of Garfield's wounds, Bell, inventor of the telephone, used this machine to try to locate the bullet. When found, the machine was to send a sound to the attached telephone receiver. “Hello, operator? Please connect me to the president’s bullet. No, I haven’t been drinking. And I also need Amanda Hugginkiss.” Despite attempts on July 26 and August 1, 1881, Bell could not situate the bullet. Turns out the steel springs in Garfield's bed likely rendered it useless. Someday we'll be able to joke about it. But not today—after only 142 years, it’s just too soon. JEERS to the whiner class. Men and their testosterone fuel tanks have dominated Earth since day 1. They started the wars. They cooked the planet. They led the persecutions of everyone and anyone who displeased them. They genocided across the globe. They hoarded wealth, demanded loyalty, fucked everything up that could be fucked up, raped, pillaged, and thumped their chests with a superiority complex they claimed was literally given to them by God. They lied, cheated and stole so much that today we yawn over it. Yes…pity the poor male of the species: We hear a lot these days about men not finding the kind of deep friendship that helps them through the ups and downs of life the way many women do. I’ve also experienced what has been called the male loneliness epidemic, and many dads tell me it has reached into fatherhood. “There’s no one to talk to. I walk into a place that is crowded, and it’s like I don’t even exist,” the dad told me. Welcome to the hole you dug. Deep enough for ya? - Ten years ago in C&J: September 19, 2013 CHEERS to the War of the Bicameral Titans! Oh, it’s on, baby! In the halls of Congress, it’s a pitched battle for legislative supremacy. Two sides locked in a titanic struggle for control of the almighty federal budget. And as they tear each other to shreds, there's not a Democrat in sight: Whether the government shuts down likely depends on the outcome of a civil war in the Republican Party over health care, a tussle on full display Wednesday as House Republicans openly fought with their GOP counterparts in the Senate. … It's frustration driven by the reality that the House GOP could take the brunt of the blame if the government does shut down—even though it's [Ted] Cruz and a handful of other Republican senators who are leading the charge to use the government funding bill to defund ObamaCare. Sens. Mike Lee and Marco Rubio also issued statements on Wednesday praising House Speaker John Boehner for scheduling a vote on a government funding bill that included the defund ObamaCare provisions. Boehner's move was a cave to his party's right-wing… "(Sens.) Cruz, Lee and Rubio are like the kids in high school who would yell 'fight, fight, fight,' but have never thrown a punch in their entire life," a Senior GOP aide told NBC News after Cruz released his statement. And in a related story, today is the 31st birthday of the smiley-face emoticon. :-) - And just one more… CHEERS to nocturnal emissions. The news from our insignificant speck of dust on the universe's butt can be put on hold for a moment. Instead, let's fwoof a thousand light years away and gawk at the image of a young star in the Perseus constellation captured just days ago by the Webb telescope. And in case you're not utterly gobsmacked by this image, may I remind you that the Webb 1) Took the photo with a Polaroid OneStep 2) extracted the print and waved it around for two minutes until the image appeared 3) addressed a 5x7 envelope to NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory 4) affixed 3,500 Star Trek-themed Forever stamps on it, and 5) prayed to god Louis DeJoy hadn't also f*cked up the Space Mail. Thankfully, we lucked out: You can see it in super close-up here at NASA’s site. The star is “actively sucking in surrounding gas and dust to grow larger, but is meanwhile shedding material into space in what astronomers call a bipolar outflow.” Or, in laymen’s terms: it’s a space fart. A “spart.” Hey, there’s a new entry for ya, Merriam-Webster. Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial What exactly is happening in the human brain when a person who has almost died is being resuscitated? A new study of cardiac arrest survivors suggests that almost 40% of people undergoing CPR have memories, dreamlike experiences or some type of perception of the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool even when they are unconscious. —NBC News - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/9/19/2193890/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Tuesday Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/