(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Thursday [1] [] Date: 2023-09-21 Great Moments in Looking Dumb A baker’s dozen years ago, this idiot—Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council—opened his mouth hole as the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was in the process of being carried out: "I know a lot of people point to militaries that have allowed homosexuality within the ranks—there’s twenty-five of almost two hundred nations but the top militaries in the world do not allow homosexuality to be openly engaged in, in the military—I mean, if you want a military that just does parades and stuff like that then I guess that’s okay." Well, guess what, Tony? Continued... Twelve years ago this week, the U.S. Army became the first military branch to officially announce that "Today marks the end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. The law is repealed. From this day forward, gay and lesbian Soldiers may serve in our Army with the dignity and respect they deserve." And since then, Tony, we've done a lot more than just parades: » We lost the war in Afghanistan. » We turned Iraq over to Iran sympathizers. » We bombed and killed more civilians than we can count. » We moved at a snail’s pace to deal with the epidemic of heterosexual male servicemembers sexually assaulting female servicemembers. » A bunch of military veterans, including sitting senators and representatives, took part in or actively supported an attempt to overthrow the United States government on behalf of a president who openly called servicemembers who died while protecting our country "losers" and "suckers." » On a brighter note, we’re successfully helping Ukraine militarily humiliate Russia. See? Even with the DADT repeal, the military didn’t skip a beat. And here’s something else they’re doing, as of yesterday, that should give Mr. Perkins the vapors: reviewing the records of LGBTQ servicemembers who were kicked out with the goal of restoring their honor: "For decades, our LGBTQ+ Service members were forced to hide or were prevented from serving altogether," [Defense Secretary Lloyd] Austin said. "Even still, they selflessly put themselves in harm's way for the good of our country and the American people. Unfortunately, too many of them were discharged from the military based on their sexual orientation—and for many this left them without access to the benefits and services they earned." So I'll tell ya what, Tony. Next time you plan on opening your big mouth to say something stupid like allowing gays in the military will lead to "just parades”? Don't. And now, our feature presentation… - Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, September 21, 2023 Note: Please note that there’s a new dress code in Cheers and Jeers. From now on, all splashers are required to wear sackcloth tied off with rope at the shoulders, elbows, wrists, chest, waist, knees, ankles, and all but the pinky toe. Underwear is optional but discouraged. Violators will be dropped from a crane into a nest of Republican senators shrieking about dress codes. Thank you. —Mgt. - By the Numbers: 7 days!!! Days 'til Thanksgiving: 63 Days 'til the Ohio Swiss Festival in Sugarcreek: 7 Percent drop in U.S. homebuilding between July and August, thanks to high mortgage rates: 11% Percent of the nation's container traffic handled by L.A.-area ports: 40% Combined number of workers that Amazon and Target are expected to hire for the holiday season: 350,000 Year Crayola opened for business: 1903 Percent of each sale from the new Crayola Flowers platform that will go to either a pre-determined charity or one customized by customers: 10-50% - Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment: Just plain political bad luck that, in June, Bush took his little ax and chopped $71.2 million from the budget of the New Orleans Corps of Engineers, a 44 percent reduction. As was reported in New Orleans CityBusiness at the time, that meant "major hurricane and flood projects will not be awarded to local engineering firms. Also, a study to determine ways to protect the region from a Category 5 hurricane has been shelved for now." The commander of the corps' New Orleans district also immediately instituted a hiring freeze and canceled the annual corps picnic. Our friends at the Center for American Progress note the Office of Technology Assessment used to produce forward-thinking plans such as "Floods: A National Policy Concern" and "A Framework for Flood Hazards Management." Unfortunately, the office was targeted by Newt Gingrich and the Republican right, and gutted years ago. […] This, friends, is why we need to pay attention to government policies, not political personalities, and to know whereon we vote. It is about our lives. —September 2005 - Puppy Pic of the Day: "Hi, Mom…" - JEERS to word games. There's a ballot question in Ohio this November that asks voters if they want to secure the right to abortion services by adding it to the state constitution. Yesterday the Ohio Supreme Court decided to stick their thumb on the scale (a little trick they learned from the Puritan panel in D.C.) by caving to the God Squad's demands to make the wording fit their agenda by… …ruling that the term "unborn child" [instead of "fetus"] can remain in the ballot language for a November vote on whether to enshrine abortion protections in the state's constitution. […] More info here. A spokesperson for Ohioans United for Reproductive Rights said in a statement Tuesday that this was another attempt by the ballot board to “mislead voters.” “Issue 1 is clearly and concisely written to protect Ohioans’ right to make our own personal health care decisions about contraception, pregnancy, and abortion, free from government interference,” Lauren Blauvelt said. “The actual amendment language communicates that right clearly and without distortion.” Not that it'll matter—they're just re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Abortion rights are supported by majorities in red states and blue, and every time a question is put to voters, the pro-choice side wins. And, while I have your attention, a public service message from this Ohio native: don’t eat buckeyes. Buckeyes are poisonous if you don’t prepare them right. Thank you. CHEERS to the wisdom of MAGA Senator Lindsey Graham. Hey, look—a blind squirrel found a nut: “It’s a shitshow in the House." Sorry if I sprung that on ya too fast. Fainting couches are available for rental in the C&J nurse's station. JEERS to those batty Brits. 252 years ago this week, in 1761, George III was crowned King of England. His ascension seems to mirror the 2017 one here on our side of the pond: "It was a sad day for the British Empire when King George became its political master. King George III was the only British monarch before Elizabeth II who could fart the alphabet. Rumor has it Charles III can only make it up to “L.” He was a man of narrow intellect, and lacked every element of the greatness of statesmanship. 'He had a smaller mind,' says the British historian, [Peter] Green, 'than any English king before him save James II.' He showered favors on his obsequious followers, while men of independent character whom he could not bend to his will became the objects of his hatred." —From History of the United States of America, Volume II by Henry William Elson Sounds like a certain New York City-born jackass with a narcissism fetish who once hoisted his bloated carcass on our own throne nearly six years ago. (Thank God he was quickly deposed by the rabble.) Anyway, thanks for the colonies, G-3. But, as always, you can keep the kidney pudding. And the haggis. And Russell Brand. (Please.) - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - CHEERS to America's favorite literary boogeyman. 76 skulls go on the birthday cake of most-famous-Mainer Stephen King, born September 21, 1947 in Portland. King is an unabashed Democrat (actively yet Quixotically trying to dislodge Senator Susan Collins from her perch every six years) who isn't afraid to speak his mind, which he occasionally does by blowing up twitter: » Tucker Carlson is your basic white, well-fed, complacent and entitled fuckdoodle. » Is there intelligent life in the universe? If we find it, what will the general reaction be here on Earth? » 76 trombones led the big parade? 110 cornets right behind? Are you kidding? If they all played at once, the decibels would blow your eardrums right out of your asshole. » The evening newscasts on network TV—and on the cable news channels—are basically drug marts. The anchors are the pushers. x Molly, aka the Thing of Evil, hides under my leg from the Great God Thunder. pic.twitter.com/z7vhKkbSB2 — Stephen King (@StephenKing) September 14, 2023 - » When I'm having a bad day—and this was one—I simply remind myself of one thing: DONALD TRUMP ISN'T PRESIDENT! Then I cheer up. » Fun fact: Ants don't catch Covid because they have these teeny little anty bodies. » If men could have babies, abortion would be a sacrament. » Good writing is a delight to those who read it and a mystery to those who write it. Today's special in the C&J watering hole, as always: half-off Redrum and Cokes. JEERS to 83,800 reasons to spend at least part of your Thursday morning in panic mode. Look, don’t start beating me with sticks and getting all up in my grill. My grill is closed today because… Kraft Heinz says it is recalling 83,800 cases of individually wrapped Kraft Singles American processed cheese slices because of a manufacturing problem that could cause plastic film to stick to the cheese, creating a choking hazard. … Kraft Heinz said six people reported that they gagged or choked as a result, but that no injuries or serious health problems were reported. So, because other people might "gag" or "choke," and then perhaps "asphyxiate" and "die," I have to go without my beloved orange "hamburger blanky"? This calls for an immediate boycott of Kraft because preventing death is woke!!! - Ten years ago in C&J: September 21, 2013 JEERS to a reminder of why you can't spell wanker without "W." Teabaggers say Obama ruined the economy, huh? Really? Let's peek back four years to the Census Bureau report on Bush II's record, and see if we can spot any clues as to why he's still persona non grata in the Republican party: On every major measurement, the Census Bureau report shows that the country lost ground during Bush’s two terms. While Bush was in office, the median household income declined, poverty increased, childhood poverty increased even more, and the number of Americans without health insurance spiked. Nietzsche said, "What does not destroy me makes me stronger." I guess that explains why, after eight years of Bush, I can still go outside anytime I want and bench press an SUV. - And just one more… With the Back Cove as its eye socket, and the Fore River as its mouth, Portland looks like a creepy skull looking out to sea. No wonder Stephen King wanted to be born here. CHEERS to "The Way Life Should Be." Thirty—thirty!—years ago today, on September 21, 1993, my partner Michael ("Common Sense Mainer" here on Planet Orange) and I arrived via a Ryder moving van in the liberal paradise known as Portland, Maine, having escaped the rust-belt hamlet of Saginaw, Michigan (motto: "No Smiling: It Just Encourages the Children"). We had no jobs, only a smidgeon of savings, and an apartment that gave us barely any heat but did give us a January heating bill of $318. Thirty years later we're still here and we have nothing but kind words for our home. Portland is constantly making Top 10 lists for awesomeness: most livable city, best place to retire, great place for dogs, the arts, food, working, playing, drinking, vacationing and yadda yadda yadda. We hate to brag. So, yeah—we love our little corner of the world, and we hope you feel the same way about yours. Coming up tonight: our annual good luck tradition of releasing a Maine lobster into the wild. This year's is 60 feet tall and weighs three tons. What could go wrong? Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "Bill in Portland Maine is a bloated fartbag and most of what he says is irrelevant and untrue." —Lisa Kennedy Montgomery - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/9/21/2194282/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Thursday Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/