(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1] [] Date: 2023-10-13 Late Night Snark: This Chaos Goes to 11 Edition "President Biden gave a speech forcefully condemning the evil attacks on Israel by Hamas. He confirmed that Americans are among those taken hostage, and at least 14 Americans were killed. He's vowed to do everything in his power to bring the Americans home safely, while The MAGAlorian is on a full-caps alert, writing: I kept Israel safe, nobody else will, nobody else can, and I know all of the players! Well then strap on some Kevlar and get over there, McRib Rambo." —Jimmy Kimmel "According to a new analysis, over one-third of Supreme Court decisions are decided unanimously. The other two-thirds are decided by whoever took Clarence Thomas on his last vacation." —Seth Meyers Continued... You’re now below the fold, where we secretly switched to Folgers pixels. "Last night at 1:05 am, Donald Trump posted: ‘Now that the strike is over the talentless, low-rated CREEPS of late night television are back.’ Thank you for watching, sir. But I'm not surprised. He's a 77 year-old white guy—of course he's watching CBS." —Stephen Colbert "Elections for the new speaker will be held this week, and so far the frontrunners seem to be far-right Jim Jordan and Steve Scalise, who's been described as 'David Duke without the baggage.' And you know who described him as that? He did! And to describe yourself as David Duke—the former grand wizard of the KKK—'without the baggage' is a choice. Because that man is all baggage . " —John Oliver —The Late Show "You all need to know that America is not sending their best and brightest to Washington D.C. … You have some less gifted people there that are willing to shut down the government just to score points on Fox." —Senator John Fetterman (D-PA), to Stephen Colbert on the current class of House Republicans "After federal prosecutors filed additional counts against him, George Santos told reporters—quote—'I'm pretty much denying every last bit of charges.' Pretty much? What kind of defense is pretty much?" —Seth Meyers And now, our feature presentation... - Cheers and Jeers for Friday, October 13, 2023 Note: How do you know when Friday the 13th has brought you bad luck? When you find yourself reading Cheers and Jeers on a Friday night. Here endeth the lesson. - By the Numbers: 8 days!!! Days 'til Evaluate Your Life Day: 6 Days 'til the 18th annual Taste of Soul Family Festival in Los Angeles: 8 Increase in wholesale inflation in September: 2.2% Current price of a barrel of oil: $86 Current average price of a gallon of gas: $3.63 Years as of this week since gay student Matthew Shepard was murdered in Wyoming: 25 Length of time scientists affiliated with Harvard have kept a monkey alive after a transplant with a genetically-engineered pig kidney: 2 years - Puppy Pic of the Day: Stair master (eventually)… - JEERS to checkin' in on the grownups in charge. We now join House Republicans behind closed doors, where they're still deciding who should be their official nominee for Speaker by way of a game of Twister: "Right hand on red." "No problem!" "Left foot on blue." "No f*cking WAY am I putting my foot, or anything else on DEMONRAT BLUE!" "Okay, then put it on green, whadda we care?" "Go to hell! Green is the color of environmentalist wackos. Memo to that Thunberg brat: global warming is a hoax, GRETA!!!" "Then stick it on yellow. Just do something. It's 2am." "Screw all y'alls!!! Yellow is in the Swedish flag, and I ain't no Swedish socialist commie Marxist. You want health care? HOLD A BAKE SALE!" They'd like you to know that they call themselves the "Daddy Party." I think we can safely add the word 'drunk' to the front of that. CHEERS to mo' money, mo' money, mo' money. Memo to seniors: your Social Security checks are getting a li’l bump next year: Social Security beneficiaries will see a 3.2% boost to their benefits in 2024, the Social Security Administration announced on Thursday. [...] You’re welcome, John. These benefit adjustments are made annually to help benefits keep place with inflation. The change will result in an estimated Social Security retirement benefit increase of $59 per month, on average. Most Social Security beneficiaries will see the increase in their monthly checks starting in January. The 3.2% increase is in line with an estimate released last month by The Senior Citizens League, a nonpartisan senior group. Courtesy of your friendly DEMOCRATIC administration. Please remember that in the midterms. And good luck at Bingo tonight. CHEERS to naval gazing. 248 years ago today, before we'd even declared our independence, the Continental Congress said, "Sure, why not?" (or, more accurately: "Sureth, why noteth?") to arming two ships with cannons. Little did they know that they had just formed the United States Navy: The Continental Navy grew into an important force. As you can see above, the U.S. Navy’s first ship was crude and vulnerable to musket fire and hostile grappling-hook boardings. Designs have improved somewhat since then. Within a few days, Congress established a Naval Committee charged with equipping a fleet. This committee directed the purchasing, outfitting, manning, and operations of the first ships of the new navy, drafted subsequent naval legislation, and prepared rules and regulations to govern the Continental Navy's conduct and internal administration. … Over the course of the War of Independence, the Continental Navy sent to sea more than fifty armed vessels of various types. The navy's squadrons and cruisers seized enemy supplies and carried correspondence and diplomats to Europe, returning with needed munitions. Their first official slogan is still in use today: "Beat Army." - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - CHEERS to that guy America really, really liked. Happy 133rd birthday (tomorrow) to Dwight D. "Ike" Eisenhower, bringer-downer of the Third Reich and our 34th president. According to author Cormac O'Brien (Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents), Eisenhower loved golf and played at least 150 rounds a year during his presidency, a right he earned because he worked hard and smart and responsibly. And while the deplorables went apeshit over Hillary Clinton's brief bout of pneumonia in 2016, they say nothing about Ike’s heart attacks, his intestinal affliction known as ileitis (a cousin of Crohn's disease), and his 1957 cerebral occlusion during which he terrified wife Mamie by "stuttering a bunch of incoherent words" and then "pounding his fists in frustration at not being able to enunciate his own thoughts." Then there's this: His domestic agenda bore a striking resemblance to those of his Democratic predecessors. Ike was a notable grill master, too. He expanded Social Security and spent lavishly on public works projects such as the interstate highway system. Though mostly silent on issues of race, he intervened forcefully to support the desegregation of schools in Little Rock, Arkansas [and signed into law the first civil rights bill in 82 years]. He was also just as disgusted as Harry Truman had been by Senator Joe McCarthy's rabid anticommunism rabble-rousing. Plus he famously had a few harsh words for our out-of-control military-industrial complex that, ironically, he helped create. Pay your respects here. And once more, for old time's sake: Sieg heil! [Thppt!] Heil! [Thppt!] right in der Fuhrer's face. CHEERS to home vegetation. Super great news! Yesterday we went down to Woolworth and tested all our TV tubes in the tube testing machine (by the lunch counter, next to the blood pressure cuff machine), and they're all in great shape for weekend TV viewing. Hot damn! Thanks, tube tester. I heart you. It starts the usual way, with Chris Hayes and the MSNBC gang sifting through the Friday news dump on MSNBC. Or you can join me for live-tweeting of the classic Star Trek episode “The Immunity Syndrome” at 8 (H&I Network) via hashtag #allstartrek. The most popular home videos, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (Taylor Swift’s concert movie ”The Eras Tour” opens today and federal law says you must attend least six showings or else you’ll be extradited to one of the Dakotas.) Or you can watch SPORTS WHOOOOOO!!! The NFL concussion schedule is here, the just-started NHL schedule is here, and the baseball playoff schedule is here. (Go Red Sox, rah rah.) Pete Davidson hosts the premiere of the new season of SNL. On 60 Minutes: President Joe Biden speaks with Scott Pelley about the United States’ response to the attacks on Israel by Hamas. Homer falls into a thirst trap on The Simpsons, and on Family Guy, Peter loses the Griffins’ home in a reverse mortgage scam, so he and Mayor West confront the man advertising the scheme, Tom Selleck. And the weekend comes to a extended-pinky close with John Oliver, a fresh spot of tea, and a new edition of Last Week Tonight (11pm, HBO). Now here's your Sunday morning lineup: Meet the Press: National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan; House Democratic Leader Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY); Sen. Lindsey Graham (MAGA Cult-SC), who will run the gamut of emotions from hysterical to apoplectic. And President Biden brings optimism and common sense to “60 Minutes” Sunday night. This Week: Jake Sullivan; IDF spokesperson Jonathan Conricus. Face the Nation: Rep. Mike Turner (MAGA Cult-OH); Ron DeSantis and his 5-inch lifts; Liz Cheney; CNN's State of the Union: Jake Sullivan; worthless bags of BS Nikki Haley and Sen. Marco Rubio (MAGA Cult-FL); Liz Cheney. Fox MAGA Talking Points Sunday: NSC communications coordinator John Kirby; IDF spokesperson Peter Lerner; Sen. Tom Cotton (MAGA Cult-AR); Ben Sasse (whoever that is). Happy viewing! - Ten years ago in C&J: October 13, 2013 JEERS to another day in Ted Cruz's America. Not that you asked, but here's where things stand after a half-hearted attempt over the weekend on the part of Republicans to end the shutdown/debt-ceiling hostage drama, courtesy of Paul Krugman: No deal. And for a very good reason: the president has made it a matter of principle that he will not make concessions that reward hostage-taking, and Republican leaders refuse to release the hostages without getting something that will let them claim victory. The opening of the markets Monday could be … interesting. I moved all my money from a sensible mix of stocks, bonds, treasuries and international funds into a Hefty bag full of Franklins I buried out behind the garage. Attention thieves: good luck getting past the Ninja guard worms. - And just one more… CHEERS to good advice. Possibly the cutest story in American politics. 163 years ago today, in 1860, an eleven year-old girl named Grace Bedell put quill to parchment and suggested to candidate Abraham Lincoln that he might win the election more easily if he dropped the innocent boy-next-door look and whiskered up: I have yet got four brothers and part of them will vote for you any way and if you let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you you would look a great deal better for your face is so thin. A month after getting Grace Bedell's letter, Abe Lincoln turned Badass with both a beard and a new Harley. All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husbands to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you to but I will try to get every one to vote for you that I can. As they say, the rest is history. By the way, during his presidency—you can look it up—Lincoln went through exactly four score and seven beard combs. Eerie. Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/10/13/2198849/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Rum-and-Coke-FRIDAY?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=top_news_slot_10&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/