(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Mike Lindell announces telethon to pay his legal bills, calls Stephen Colbert a 'scumbag' [1] [] Date: 2023-10-13 For the past two years, Minnesota pillow magnate Mike Lindell has been trying to convince us that a dude who has the personality of Hitler’s id and sounds like a pod of elephant seals getting sucked into a jet engine couldn’t have possibly lost the 2020 presidential election. That election was obviously “stoled,” as Mike so folksily puts it, and there’s literally nothing that will convince him otherwise. In fact, he’s so wedded to his frowzy narrative that he’s bet the farm pillow company on his conviction that he’s the only one who can secure our elections going forward. And now, having spent around $60 million on his election integrity fight—according to one extremely unreliable source named Mike Lindell—he claims he’s out of money and can no longer pay the lawyers working to defend him and his company against the billion-dollar-plus defamation lawsuits two voting machine companies have brought against him. It’s a ridiculous situation, of course, which is why late-night comedians—along with dozens of other wits and wags—are ridiculing it. After all, Donald Trump, destroyer of worlds, has utterly ruined this poor yutz’s life, and he can’t begin to see it. RELATED STORY: MyPillow CEO says he's broke. His lawyers say they can't work for free anymore In a recent monologue, “Late Show” host Stephen Colbert took aim at Lindell’s latest trials and tribulations, and it burrowed under Mike’s skin like an ice-fishing auger plowing through Lake Minnetonka in mid-January. And during an appearance on convicted criminal and burlap sack mannequin Steve Bannon’s “War Room,” Mike worked himself into a real vanilla-flavored froth. Watch: x Mike Lindell mad as hell at "scumbag" Stephen Colbert for mocking his financial woes. pic.twitter.com/d0gNT3W43v — ChudsOfTikTok (@ChudsOfTikTok) October 12, 2023 COLBERT: “Lindell has been fighting billion-dollar defamation lawsuits from voting machine companies over his election lies, and he’s now confirmed he’s out of money and can’t pay his legal bills, saying ‘he has lost everything, every dime.’ Soon he’ll have to change his company’s name to My Stale Crust of Sandwich. You know their slogan: ‘Get Away, Pigeon, It’s Mine!’ Lindell is now facing tough choices between paying his bills and keeping his company afloat, as he explained on the internet.” LINDELL (CLIP): “We can’t pay the lawyers. We can’t pay. There’s no money left to pay them. And I told, you know, the attorneys, these are great attorneys, they were courageous. Came on a year and a half ago, or two years ago, and they need to get paid. They have families and stuff, too. And I told them I have to protect my company. I have to protect that.” COLBERT (DRESSED AS PILLOW MAN): “I have to protect my company. I have to. No, no, no. I have to protect my company, even if it means killing it. Pillow, don’t worry. The pain will be over soon. (Smothers pillow with another pillow.) I’m doing what’s best for both of us. Hold still. Don’t struggle. Don’t, don’t, don’t.” BANNON: “Okay, Mike, what’s your rejoinder? That is New York City, that’s an elite crowd, they’re belly-laughing of you and your employees being on the breadline. Your response, sir.” LINDELL: “Yeah, he’s such a scumbag. Did I spell that right? S-C-U-M-bag. I said that of lawyers. This guy’s even worse, Colbert. He attacked my employees directly, making fun of … gee, I want to protect my company so I’m not going to continue with $2 million-a-month lawyer bills? I’m not going to let everything go down because of frivolous lawsuits and lawfare. And for him to sit there and they all laugh about my employees that MyPillow, that, oh that we’re going to [unintelligible] because I want to protect them. … They have families, these guys have been with me for 20 years. We’re not going anywhere. And the War Room posse, by your support, they’ve been great. And I know when I watched this, it just sickened me ...” Hilarious, right? Now that’s comedy! And Colbert wasn’t so bad, either. It looks like Mike has begun to compile an enemies list to rival Nixon’s—but with a few more late-night comedians on it and a lot more bratwurst spittle. Of course, Lindell isn’t taking his entirely self-inflicted financial problems lying down. Oh, no. Since selling unremarkable pillows to people who still somehow don't know that Georgia counted every one of its 2020 presidential ballots by hand is no longer enough to pay his legal bills, Lindell is going to beg these same people for more money. He’s having a telethon! No, seriously. A literal telethon. It’s scheduled for Oct. 28, and he wants late-night host Jimmy Kimmel, who makes fun of Pillow Man constantly without Lindell really noticing, to participate. It’s a great plan! Though if I were Mike’s life coach (think about it, Mike), I’d advise him to maybe stop slandering companies that actually do have the means to retain lawyers. That won’t necessarily bring back the big-box stores that were so integral to his early success, but it would be a start. Then again, it’s far more likely he’ll continue to flash his beatific Gomer Pyle smile as Donald Trump feasts on his braunschweiger-redolent viscera right before his adoring eyes. But don’t worry, Mike. Trump has ruined a lot of people’s lives. Though, fortunately for the rest of us, we tend to notice as it’s happening. RELATED STORY: Mike Lindell's latest election denier summit is just as bonkers as expected Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE. [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/10/13/2199132/-Mike-Lindell-announces-telethon-to-pay-his-legal-bills-calls-Stephen-Colbert-scumbag?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=top_news_slot_8&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/