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Re: My angrrrr [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2023-10-14  

Friends,

First, thank you for reading/reccing my diary of the many injustices I have faced, and my anger about them. It has taken a long time to read your many comments, and respond to some.

I skipped anything that said, "tell us how you *really* feel", cuz, kinda, fsck you. If you were, in any way, part of a silenced demographic, that would piss you off, too, because it's code for "shut up". *That's* how I really feel. I'll bet other people read it that way, too. If that isn't what you mean, you should consider how you communicate with people, especially in silenced communities.

As for the other recurring themes:

1) I don't want to "get over" anger, and the many suggestions on how to outrun legitimate feelings are kinda how I got to the point in my life where I feel cataclysmic despair: My entire life, I have been told to smile, not to make waves, and to take the abuse that is given me: that's how girls of my generation were raised. Suppressing anger is what leads to despair. Despair is a precursor to suicide, and check your stats on gay, trans, and nonbinary suicides: they ain't pretty. Anger is a precursor to action. Anger is not consistent with suicide. If you call a suicide hotline, and they think you are serious, they will try to make you angry. Ask me how I know.

2) Yes, I have a therapist. She says "depression" and CPTSD. I don't like the "depression" bit, as it is a prescription to forgive you for not-acting. Not-acting isn't an option as you watch everything you care about being destroyed by Republicans. Only action matters. Action requires fire in the belly. You don't get that by taking meds meant to suppress your emotions. CPTSD is just the cost of being true to yourself when you are "one too many minorities", and people feel entitled to treat you horribly.

3) I get to acknowledge that, yes, I have had a rough life, while also acknowledging that, yes, many people have had worse. My mother used to shut me up by saying that children have survived Holocausts. When you belittle your experiences and minimize your anger at your own mistreatment, you forgive people who were horrible to you, and make yourself a patsy for worse behavior to come. I now fully embrace that my experiences matter, and with that comes the anger at the abuse. This anger, belated though it is, is a sign of healing. I embrace it, just as I embrace that I am sick of justifying other people's bad behavior.

4) I have been on this site going on 20 years now. My userid is 3725. You can see the work I have done for Democrats over the years. You can see what I care about: it is a matter of public record.

Finally, I'm just sick of being the enlightened one always forgiving abuse. Maybe if I start saying "fsck you" more often, I will get less of it.

And the world will have one less nonbinary lesbian Jew to kick around.

Again, thanks for reading through my diary and responding and reccing. It has been a long time since I went this high in the rec listand stayed there this long.

As always, I appreciate your fellowship and this community.

-- UG

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