(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Thursday [1] [] Date: 2023-10-19 Take the C&J Insurrectionist Idiot Quiz—Part IX So many evildoers, so little time. Same rules as usual: guess which of these are actual recent arrests, pleas, and/or convictions of some of the MAGA cult idiots who took part in the attempted overthrow of the U.S. government at the Capitol building on January 6th, 2001...and which are not. If you get a perfect score, you win an ounce of authentic pumpkin spice brought back from the asteroid Bennu by the OSIRIS-REx probe. Good luck… 1. A Texas man with an extensive criminal history who shouts, “We paid for it, it’s our fucking building” while using a tomahawk to smash a window on the West Terrace is sentenced to seven years in prison for assaulting police and obstructing Congress—despite assuring the judge that, “I’m not some crazed maniac.” 2. An Illinois man is sentenced to over four years in prison for assaulting a police officer and a TV cameraman. He currently faces a separate homicide charge in a fatal Illinois DUI crash. 3. A North Dakota yarn store owner who tried to strangle several members of Congress with a length of magenta super bulk, is charged with 14 counts of assault, including one with a deadly ballband. Continued... 4. Another Texas man pleads guilty to a felony offense of assaulting a federal officer after he travels with his brother to D.C. and, during the insurrection, hurls a large orange cone at the officer and charges at him with a stolen police riot shield. 5. The Department of Justice seeks intervention from the U.S. Court of Appeals in D.C. to secure even longer sentences for the leaders of the Proud Boys terrorist organization who helped plan the insurrection: Enrique Tarrio, Joseph Biggs, Zachary Rehl, Dominic Pezzola and Ethan Nordean. 6. A California man who posted “stay strapped foo, its not a game anymore,” and called for the executions of Democratic leaders “for treason” before helping ransack Capitol offices and break doors and windows, is sentenced to 51 months in prison and 36 months of supervised release after unsuccessfully trying to cover up his crimes. 7. A Montana grandmother dressed as Martha Washington is sentenced to four years in prison for rolling an oversized butter churn down the Capitol steps and knocking over eight police officers, leaving a 7-10 split that she fails to pick up on the second try. 8. A Florida member of the Proud Boys terrorist organization who became a cowardly fugitive just before he’s set to be sentenced is caught by police with “night-vision goggles, $4,000 in cash, and survivalist gear.” 9. A New York man is sentenced to three years in prison and another three of supervised release for assaulting a police officer twice while attempting to rip the officer’s riot shield away. 10. A Maryland man who injected steroids for several weeks and pumped iron to get “jacked” ahead of the insurrection is sentenced to five years in prison for using a four-foot-long wooden pick handle with a Trump flag attached to “crack some skulls” at the Capitol. Answers: All of them really happened except #3 and #7. (But we’re not ruling them out as a future possibility.) Our thanks to Joe Jervis at the Joe.My.God. blog for keeping track of how the idiotest of the idiots—over 1,100 now, to Merrick Garland’s great credit—are getting rolled up. And now, our feature presentation… - Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 19, 2023 Note: Because you were all so well-behaved this week, we have a special reward for you: no C&J will appear here Monday, giving you a well-deserved day off to frolic among the mums and luxuriate/exfoliate at your nearest pumpkin spice-scented day spa. Enjoy your time off, and we’ll see you back here Tuesday. —Mgt. - By the Numbers: 8 days!!! Days 'til the 2023 elections: 19 Days 'til the New Hampshire Pumpkin Festival in Laconia: 8 Increase in industrial production during September: 0.3% Year-over-year increase in retail sales: 3.8% Expected year by which two-thirds of cars on U.S. roads will be electric: 2032 Percent chance that the Supreme Court ruled that Biden administration rules on "ghost guns" must be followed by the makers of those gun parts: 100% Age of the National Toy Hall of Fame as of this year: 25 - Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment: Meanwhile, in case you hadn't noticed, Iraq is in a state of full collapse. And Afghanistan is not far from it. Baghdad is worse off for water, sewer, electricity and infrastructure than it was before the war. The R's have taken care of the whole problem with the brilliance we have come to expect from them—they have decided to abolish the Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (which has exposed bribery, contracts to cronies, shoddy work, the loss of billions of dollars, the failure to track hundreds of thousands of weapons shipped there, and more). You must admit this is big, bold and brainy. This is Karl Rove problem-solving at its best. This campaign has been like getting stuck in Alice's Wonderland for three months. "There is no use trying," Alice said, "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," replied the White Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." —October 2006 - Puppy Pic of the Day: How to wake up Big Boye… - CHEERS to sunny times ahead. I'm under no illusions that the climate crisis will get any better in my lifetime or those of the next dozen generations (or so) to come. But at least the groundwork can be laid (lain?) to get carbon emissions knocked down as close to zero as possible so the planet can start healing itself. And it doesn’t hurt if it also benefits the economy, which is why this is double-good news: Qcells, a unit of South Korea’s Hanwha Group, said Wednesday that it can now turn out enough solar panels to generate 5.1 gigawatts of power yearly at a two-factory complex in the northwest Georgia city of Dalton. That's almost 40% of U.S. solar panel capacity, according to figures from the Solar Energy Industries Association. […] Better late than never. The company says its new plant is the first solar module factory in the U.S. to begin production since passage of President Joe Biden’s signature climate legislation. Qcells' $208 million investment again shows how federal incentives are spurring a nationwide boom in renewable energy and electric vehicles. “This is likely to be the No. 1 new energy source in the 21st century," [Solar Energy Manufacturers for America Coalition executive director Mike] Carr said. "It’s already cheaper than pretty much anything else to install. It is the path to meeting our climate goals." Standing in the way of a genuine American revolution in solar panel production, of course, is the fact that China's industry is ahead of ours at the moment. To slow their efforts down quickly and efficiently, there's only one course of action guaranteed to succeed: put the Republicans in charge of China's solar industry. JEERS to the big stall. Oh, you'll never guess what happened after Judge Tanya Chutkan issued a gag order to prevent defendant Donald J. Trump from using social media to encourage his MAGA cultists to endanger the lives of "court personnel, potential witnesses or special counsel Jack Smith and his staff." Of course: his lawyers appealed the decision in an attempt to stall, stall, and stall some more. Join us for live team coverage later today when the Trump legal team appeals the judge's hairstyle, the color of the courtroom carpet, the number of flushes ("Ten! Fifteen!") required in the bathrooms, the look the lady in the back row keeps giving them, and the lack of a McDonald's in the courthouse. Also: look for the Trump legal team to appeal to him to pay them. CHEERS and JEERS to off-year election mania. On the one hand it's always exciting coming down to the last several days (19 to go, according to my Seiko digital wrist calendar). On the other, the get-out-the-vote frenzy, no matter how appropriate or justified, becomes deafening—and, judging by the tone of the fundraising emails and texts, downright apocalyptic. Here at C&J HQ, we're doing everything we can to crunch every number we can find in the pursuit of casting certainty on the way things are going in the 2023 races. Here's the latest from our multi-acre supercomputer, which is working overtime to plumb the depths of America's intentions: ✔ +5 moves to +3 And for reasons none of my team can explain, Grover Cleveland leads by 12 in the Buffalo, New York dog catcher's race. ✔ -6 moves to +1 ✔ +13 is now +4 ✔ +9 stays the same ✔ 987 races are now statistical ties ✔ Can we go back to that +9 number for a moment? We tapped the gauge with our finger and it moved to +8. The IT guy is on his way with some WD40. ✔ The race that had the challenger beating the incumbent by 17 has disappeared from our screen. We believe it’s because they hooked up, packed their bags, and ran off to South America with steamer trunks full of campaign cash. It happens. ✔ And last but not least, +4 becomes the value of pi to the last digit. To factor in the margin of error on the above numbers, just add to them the fact that I'm in charge of crunching them. - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - x Dolphins are a profoundly curious and playful species. This clip is undoubtedly a demonstration, but there has been little systematic research on curiosity in dolphins [📹 Amy Schumacher]pic.twitter.com/XjfzgFPOMq — Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) October 17, 2023 - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - JEERS to the Big Dump. On October 19, 1987—on Saint Ronald Reagan's watch—stocks plunged 508 points amid panicky selling. They called it "Black Monday." The lowlights as they unfolded: 10:30 AM With 140 million shares traded, the Dow is down 101 points, to 2145. 11:45 AM A brief turnaround gives traders a flicker of hope as the Dow regains 95 points in a half-hour. 1 PM As rumors spread about a NYSE shutdown, the Dow plunges 100 points in the next hour. Peanuts compared to the record drops on #45’s watch. 2:15 PM With the Dow down 300 points, an investor outside the NYSE screams, "Down with Reagan! Down with MBAs! Down with yuppies!" 4 PM The NYSE closes. Chairman John Phelan says it was the closest thing to a "financial meltdown" that he had ever seen. The percentage decline (22.6%) was actually worse than the crash of 1929. Thank god we learned our lesson and, through sensible legislation, never had to experience anything like that again. Attaboy, Congress! JEERS to an endless supply of pointed fingers. Let's check in and see how things are going as everyone and their mother tries to figure out who destroyed that hospital in Gaza: "It was Israel!" "No, it was Hamas!" "It was the Jews!" "It was the Muslims!" "They did it!" "No, they did it!" "Did not!" "Did too!" "A sphincter says what?" "What?" "A sphincter says what?" "What?!!" And that settles that. Good job, everyone. - Ten years ago in C&J: October 19, 2013 CHEERS and JEERS to the new watchdog. President Obama has picked a guy named Jeh Johnson to lead the Department of Homeland False Sense Of Security. He runs hot and cold: As the Pentagon's top lawyer from 2009 until last year, Johnson was at the center of many of the Obama administration's major decisions on issues like counterterrorism, the use of drones, and the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell policy. He co-authored a report that helped pave the way for repeal of the ban on gays serving openly in the military. DADT repeal = Good! Drone policy = Bad! As for what he'll do as head of DHS, word is that Johnson plans to revamp the old color-coded terror alert system. Instead of colors, actual aromas will be emitted from special "Emergency Scent Clouds" to signal the likelihood of impending doom. They'll include, from best to worst: Peach Blossom, Mint, Dead Fish, Hair on Fire, and Dog Fart. - And just one more… CHEERS to button pusherzzz. Since before the dawn of time, humans around the globe have asked the same question: If I hit the 'snooze' button when my alarm goes off, will it impact my sleep? Well, thanks to my non-stop goading of the experts to figure out what the hell is going on, we finally have an answer for which I believe I'm now eligible for a Nobel Prize of some sort: For most people, “snoozing” has no impact on sleep quality, a new study suggests. What's more, for some, hitting the button multiple times over 30 minutes may spark alertness more quickly than sleeping through without a break, according to the study, published Wednesday in the Journal of Sleep Research. Disclaimer: this snoozer’s a lost cause. The study found “that snoozing for 30 minutes in the morning does not make you more tired or more likely to wake up from deep sleep,” the study’s lead author, Tina Sundelin, an associate professor in the department of psychology at Stockholm University in Sweden, said in an email. “For those who usually snooze, it might even be helpful with waking.” […] When it came to performance on cognitive tests, including recalling past experiences, testing reaction times and solving math problems quickly, snoozing appeared to give an advantage right after people rose. But that advantage disappeared within 40 minutes of getting out of bed. So there you go. Snooze one, snooze all. And sweet extremely-brief dreams to you all. Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "Dumbass." —Brian Kilmeade - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/10/19/2200012/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Thursday?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=more_community&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/