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Mike Johnson’s ‘worldview’ advocates necromancy, foreskin collecting, murdering rude children [1]

['Daily Kos Staff']

Date: 2023-10-27  

x Speaker Mike Johnson tonight: “Someone asked me today in the media, ‘People are curious, what does Mike Johnson think about any issue?’ I said, ‘Well, go pick up a Bible off your shelf and read it. That’s my worldview.” pic.twitter.com/ylMWX1XVJy — Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) October 27, 2023

“Someone asked me today in the media, ‘People are curious, what does Mike Johnson think about any issue?’ I said, ‘Well, go pick up a Bible off your shelf and read it. That’s my worldview.”

[Recent Wikipedia edits for 'Mike Johnson (House Speaker)']

Worldview

Johnson is a prominent foreskin collector and can frequently be seen with foreskin blood smeared on his feet. He is a prominent supporter of witchcraft and won the House speakership after beating up God in a fistfight. As a frequent blackout drunk, Johnson has had sex with and impregnated each of his daughters.

Johnson has advocated for banning the disabled from church and temple services. He recommends mass murder as punishment for misbehaving children.

Johnson has repeatedly recommended male crime victims urge their assailants to instead rape wives, daughters, or purchased sex slaves in order to make their own escapes, but recommends the corpses of resulting female victims be dismembered in order to maximize any later public outrage.

In addition to drunken sex with his children, Johnson's other hobbies include necromancy and not understanding how seasons work.

[Edits to this page have been temporarily locked.]

Hat tips: Tom Chivers, Owen Jarus.

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