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Trump and Nunes Are Now Selling "World Class Wines" Loaded With Glycerine. No Joke [1]

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Date: 2023-11-25  

Devin Nunes is now in the wine business. Last I knew, he and Donald Trump were going to sue every media outlet on the planet for reporting that they lost $71 million when the figure was a mere $31.6. But even though Truth Social is doing just fine, for some reason Nunes is spreading his wings into another line of work.

Now this I need to share: I actually know something about fine wines. I used to pair appropriate wines with courses for some high end caterers. So I know the difference between a Pouilly Fuisse and a Pouilly Fume and which one goes with Chinese food and which one goes with trout. So in reading the reviews of Nunes new “vintages” my jaw fell open.

This news story isn’t getting a lot of press for some reason. PolitiZoom picked up on on it and the writer there is as horrified as I am. Now before you read what she said, let me tell you about glycerine in wine. Glycerine is a chemical additive, added to wine “to sweeten, add body, and smooth and mellow wine and liqueurs.” This is not how fine wine is made, I guarantee. This is rotgut. (I have permission to republish as much as I want to of the article, if anybody wants to complain about fair usage.)

These are “patriot” “world class” wines. Uh huh. What world? Mars? The atmosphere there smells like rotten eggs. Wait, that might be the perfect environment to drink a Devin Nunes wine. This is from Nunes website. OLD WORLD WINES HANDCRAFTED FROM PORTUGUESE AND BORDEAUX VARIETALS GROWN IN SAN LUIS OBISPO COUNTY ON THE CENTRAL COAST OF CALIFORNIA. VINEYARDS THAT STRETCH FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOPS OF PASO ROBLES TO THE VALLEYS NEAR THE PACIFIC OCEAN. DEVIN NUNES HAS A PASSION FOR MAKING WORLD CLASS RED BLENDS THAT BECOME MORE ELEGANT WITH AGE. DEVIN ENLISTED HIS LONGTIME FRIEND AND AWARD WINNING WINEMAKER MIKE SINOR TO CREATE THESE FINE WINES. TOGETHER THEY’VE HARNESSED THE CLASSIC TECHNIQUES OF PORTUGAL, SUCH AS TIME-HONORED GRAPE VARIETIES AND METICULOUS AGING, TO CREATE WINES THAT EXUDE ELEGANCE AND RICHNESS. THESE WINES ARE A TESTAMENT TO DEVIN’S DEDICATION AND METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL. Now let’s look on the bright side, shall we? Maybe MAGAs will all becoming wine connoisseurs, ya spose? Think of it now, gone are the days of Ripple, and Mad Dog 2020. No more Boone’s Farm for these folks. No, they’re going to drink a fine cabernet with Donald Trump’s mug shot on it. And I can see it now, charcuterie boards and wine fridges being delivered to trailer parks everywhere. It warms the heart. “Say, Rhonda Mae, what pairs well with canned tamales? A pee-no Greasy Joe or a charred dough nay?” “There ain’t no more pee-no, Buck, we done drunk that with the frozen pizza. But there’s a Mayor Lot we could drink. It don’t have President Trump’s pitcher on it, but I guess it’ll be all right.” No, I can see it all now, unfolding before me. The gourmet-ization of MAGA. The day MAGA went cultural. Who wants to tell them that drinking wine is what the commie liberals that they hate so much do? And when the wine fridges and the charcuterie boards show up, they’ll be just.like.us? Here, let’s read a review, shall we? The first vintage, 2021, will be publicly released this month. (Which means what, the wine with Trump’s mug shot on it was stomped in the bathtub last week?) I recently had an opportunity to sample both with some friends. They are amazing wines. Deep, dark, midnight ruby in color, lots of glycerine, (gylcerine? As in nitro? Oh my phuquing god — it’s an ADDITIVE!) with an intense (as in bitter?) hard-to-pinpoint nose. (“Hard to pinpoint nose?” Friends, I learned how to drink wine in France. I minored in French in college and I did a semester abroad. “Nose” means bouquet and in a wine which is worthwhile, there is a discernable bouquet. Trust me.) Something woody? (Oh, absolutely. The firewood that Trump pissed on last time he was in California. He said, “See, this is how to treat the wildfires.” Nunes should seriously say that, the MAGAs will buy it.) Yes. Currants and blackberries? A soupçon of blueberries? (How about a petit peux of Melania’s hairspray?) We thought so. Possibly because the grapes in their unfortified, (??? Does he mean that Devin isn’t pouring straight grain alcohol into the grape juice? That’s how they make cheap rotgut wine, if you were wondering.) non-port (??) presentation are unfamiliar to an American palate, (BINGO!!! Unfamiliar to the American palate! That translates as “This is pure swill but if you think so, it’s because you have an American palate”) these were wines full of hints and adumbrations (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) rather than declarative sentences. (This isn’t a wine review, this is SATIRE. Trust me on that one, too.)

Adumbration “means the act of providing vague advance indications.” It’s not used in wine reviews. At least none I’ve ever seen and I’ve been reading them about 40 years now. This is paint thinner. On a good day it might be mouthwash or salad dressing. But this is not fine wine. This is maybe Boone’s Farm at four times the price, and with Trump’s face on it. Or Nunes’ name.

I don’t know if there are any wine drinkers here but if there are, I’m sure you will shake your head as I do.

Nobody in the Republican party wants to govern. They just want to sell people shit. And shit is what this wine is.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/11/25/2208024/-Trump-and-Nunes-Are-Now-Selling-World-Class-Wines-Loaded-With-Glycerine-No-Joke?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web

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