(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Crystal Ballin' the Nikki Haley Mirage [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2023-11-26 “Serious” Republicans continue to believe their basket of deplorables are going to save them from Whiggish irrelevancy by nominating someone not named Donald J Trump. The fever will break, perhaps with a criminal indictment… oh wait, too late. Perhaps with a fraud trial commencing… oh wait, too late. Perhaps with him psychotically ranting in the middle of everynight at any and everyone who would fail to kiss his ring, each night more barking mad than the next… oh wait, too late. themessenger.com/… With just weeks until the first-in-the-nation Iowa Caucus officially kicks off the 2024 election cycle, Republicans’ search for anyone who can dethrone former President Trump may have found their last, best shot: Nikki Haley. This is not to suggest that Donald Trump’s grip over the GOP has shown any sign of weakening, but rather that Haley has given Republicans desperate for an alternative to Trump a glimmer of hope that she can be the one to deny the former president a third consecutive GOP presidential nomination. It’s getting ink, put it that way. Or pixels at least, pinned at the top of Drudge’s Headline Heap. Hey, self-delusion is powerful and the noxious stew that is today’s GOP is, by self-selection, a gullible rube. They think The Righteous Gemstones ARE righteous. They think Rudy Giuliani really is America’s Mayor and a good lawyer to boot. Fuck, they think Thomas Kincade is a great painter! But you can’t delude masses that are already deluded. Never Trumpers know he will be the Reds nominee as much because as in spite of his continual criminal revelations. Heck, if you believe in Revelations (the majority of Republicans really do) everything is temporary anyway so who gives a flying funk about tax fraud anyway! AMIRITE!!! But let’s indulge the RINO fantasies about Nikki Haley winning over enuff wise Iowans to come in a respectable 2nd in Iowa, then sprint out to a ‘super-gosh that was close’ second in New Hampshire before rocking a 15 pt win in South “By God” Carolina. Whew, I’m breathless thinking about it. After that run we’re just a California injected Super Tuesday away from Nikki shopping for a Vice President time (I recommend selling it to Gov. Doug Burgum, he can afford it). In the Federalist sweat lodge this evokes visions of President Biden bowing out (night terrors of Haley-mentum) by June to be replaced on the ticket by Gavin Newsome/Mayor Pete ticket (because they are on FOX all the time they must be way popular). That’s the fantasy. What would really happen if any leg of this parley came through? Well, I expect the FPOTUS would demeaningly mansplain why Iowans gave pity votes to Haley to keep her from crying. And he will bestow a nickname on her, probably a disney princess of color, doesn’t matter to him which. A close result in N. Hampshire would bring out the real slander against the RINOs who didn’t support him. A scorched earth firehose of accusations would accompany immediate shifting of RNC finances and by-laws to Trump’s favor by dictate of Magog (Rona McDaniel Romney’s latest name change). And then, he loses South Carolina outright… If he loses SC he will truly lose it in all ways. Fake, fake, fake! Is there any iteration of Earth on which The Former Guy calls A WOMAN at midnight, election day, and says “Congratulations Madame Governor on winning a hard-fought race for the Palmetto State.” The election was stolen! By the end of the week all polling stations in the “Southern Comfort” state will be protected / occupied by some faction of gun-toting police or militia or both. Secretary of State Mark Hammond will be regularly issuing statements to the media from a secure bunker that insure every extremist in America hates him. Governor Henry ““I look forward to the day that democrats are so rare, we have to hunt them with dogs” will be constantly sticking his finger up into the wind to see which window he should jump from. It won’t get better. We on the left have been buttering popcorn for 7 years proclaiming the “Republican Civil War” is neigh. Well so far it has been more of a capitulation than a war with all the scalps hanging on the MAGA wall. A Nikki Haley win in South Carolina would be like the First Battle of Bull Run. Once bullets get flying everyone has to pick a side. That’s a civil war. If, somehow she is mathematically ahead going into the convention that will be Antietam. Don’t be surprised if blood is actually spilled on nomination day. Trump will probably have been convicted of a felony by then and stripped of the illusion of wealth in civil courts that have deemed him not only as a fraud but as a rapist. However once the right brain has been seduced the left brain can have a vicious time turning it around on the facts. Trump and his dark minions will keep up the satanic music to either overturn the voters will or burn the motherfucking place down. Will a deposed Dark Lord support a GOP nominee other than himself? No need to sweat that question. Will his thralls every vote for someone who played a part in his fall? A little more room to wonder but we can be sure millions will always see his bester as an evil usurper. A few will paint epithets to Haley on their bedroom walls in blood. Bank on that. 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