(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers 20.0 Download Complete [1] [] Date: 2023-12-11 Cheers and Jeers turned 20 yesterday. Truth be told, after all this time I can't remember when I wasn't posting this derivative train wreck of snark, 30-inch-tall blockquotes, pseudo-plagiarism, ghastly typos, factual errors, and really, truly, honestly, shamelessly, obnoxiously serious adverb abuse. The first turd, which many people are saying required “ten, fifteen flushes” to make it through Daily Kos's series of tangled-up tubes, landed at 7:33 pm on December 10, 2003. People immediately flocked to it. Two people, to be exact—Nevsky42 at 7:38 and Bob Johnson at 7:50. Two years later Markos, sensing that the quality of content on the main section of Daily Kos lacked a certain je ne sais crap, promoted C&J to the front page. Together, you and I and our visible-from-space kiddie pool have dominated the media landscape for 7,305 days: mocking the villains among us, praising the heroes and sheroes, and providing a dash of sanity in a world gone mad, mad I tell you. Seeing as I had no blogiversary gift to bring, I was planning to play for you pa-rum-pum-pum-pum on my drum, but the neighbors stormed in while I was practicing and set it on fire. So plan B is to break into the National Archives and revisit the very first Cheers and Jeers. To sweeten the deal, I've persuaded an all-star panel—President Biden, superstar Taylor Swift and, via Twitter, Senator Chuck Grassley—to join me in providing exclusive commentary. C&J thanks you for choosing to spend two decades of our republic's weirdest and most precarious years with us. Now join us as we pull the lever on the wayback machine and head below the fold... Here it is—the first-ever C&J from December 10, 2003, with exclusive commentary by Bill in Portland Maine, President Biden, Taylor Swift, and actual tweets from Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley: Dispatch from THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE… Bill in Portland Maine: Thanks for joining our 20th anniversary commentary of the first Cheers and Jeers. The first thing I want to say is: “Dispatch?” Really? What is this, World War I? Was I sending a telegram to President Wilson from a battlefield in France? I quickly dispensed with dispatch. Taylor Swift: Hi, Joe. Hi, tweeter Chuck. Hi, strange dude with underwear on your head. President-elect Joe Biden: I just gotta say God love ya, ladies and gentlemen. Whether you’re Democrat or Republican or independent, we’re all in this together, dispatches and all—the United States, ladies and gentlemen. Who’s up for a bike ride after we’re done here? Chuck Grassley tweet: I wanted to learn how the famous Casey’s pizza was made Now I know why the Casey’s pizza in New Hartford is always so fresh Cheer's and Jeers (with apologies...but not really...to TV Guide) BiPM: If you look carefully you'll see C&J's very first punctuation error. That apostrophe still haunts my dreams. And I’m disappointed TV Guide hasn’t sued me yet. I could use the publicity. Taylor Swift: Here, take some of mine. Joe Biden: Apostrophes have a vital function in society, ladies and gentleman. That's number one. Number two: middle class Americans also have a vital function in society. God love 'em, they really do. Grassley tweet: Dairy Queen drive uponly but ice cream tastes just as good Go DQ CHEERS to Howard Dean for his extraordinary Gore Score. The early endorsement is cherry on top of the whipped cream (union endorsements) on top of the ice cream (grassroots) on top of the cake (Dean). Extra points for upstaging Bush's Medicare sideshow during Monday/Tuesday press cycles. BiPM: I found Daily Kos by following a link from Dean's blog not long before I posted the first C&J. That was the first political campaign I participated in that really excited me. This place went wild when Al Gore endorsed him for president. The run-up to the actual 2004 primaries and caucuses was such a blast here at Big Orange. Taylor Swift: If I ever release an orange album, will you pole dance in the video for the debut single? Joe Biden: Howard, god love him, was an effective DNC chair, ladies and gentlemen, he really was. A top-notch dog-faced pony soldier. Grassley tweet: Could there be a real history channel since I just heard the channel say there will history every Sunday night. Great news if it feally happens JEERS to the Medicare bill. Democrats asleep at the wheel while Nero (Bush) fiddles. This turkey's as fake as the one in Baghdad mess hall. BiPM: Ah, yes…the fake turkey. And the Medicare bill was the one where the chief actuary was threatened with his job by the Bushies if he revealed that it was basically a textbook case of deficit spending, plus it had that big gaping “donut hole” in it that Obamacare had to plug. Oh, and my play on the word "turkey" was pretty nimble, I thought. It earned me my first Pulitzer committee restraining order. Taylor Swift: During Thanksgiving we had to cook a whole second turkey just for Travis. That man can eat. Joe Biden: Obamacare plugged that hole, ladies and gentleman. And I’ve expanded the ACA and protected it. [Whispers] It was also a big fucking deal. Grassley tweet: If u lost ur pet pidgin /it’s dead in front yard my Iowa farm JUST DISCOVERED here r identifiers Right leg Blue 2020/3089/AU2020/SHE ///LEFT LEG GREEN BAND NO PRINTED INFO. Sorry for bad news CHEERS to John Edwards. Doogie Howser is coming into his own as thoughtful VP possibility. Newsweek column on jury system shows real compassion, pragmatism. BiPM: [Silence] Taylor Swift: [Silence] Joe Biden: [Silence] Grassley tweet: But in case of this pidgin i could actually pick up bird. No life whatsoever JEERS to Joe Lieberman. Credible rumor now pegs his camp as source of Monday's Dean/Gore leak. Were sour grapes pouting all an act? BiPM: What happened was, Gore told Lieberman in confidence—as a courtesy because they were on the ticket together in 2000—that he was endorsing Dean and not Lieberman for president. Lieberman then leaked the story to the press so he could steal Dean's thunder as a way of getting back at Gore. Not his biggest asshole moment, but it's in the top ten. Taylor Swift: Joe Lieberman embodies my 2010 hit single Mean. Joe Biden: There's only three things Joe Lieberman mentions in a sentence, ladies and gentlemen: a noun, a verb, and “Poor pitiful me.” Grassley tweet: U won’t believe it but history channel showing actual HISTORY w series on George Washington JEERS to [Ted] Koppel. Gives candidates not named Dean chance to blast Guv at point blank range in NH debate. All those who think he acted like a total dumbass, raise your hand. CHEERS to Dennis Kucinich for Ted Koppel slapdown. No wonder the broads are coming out of the woodwork for this Ohio hottie (but can they go vegan?) CHEERS to Carol Moseley Braun, for opting out of the Dean bloodbath at debate. Classy broad, don'tcha know. BiPM: That was the 2004 primary debate where Ted Koppel—now 83—asked the candidates to "raise your hand if you believe that Howard Dean can beat George W. Bush." Kucinich then said something to Koppel like, "Some of the best talent in American politics is on this stage right now, so grow up." Oh, and I regret the use of the word broad. It was a different time back then during the Roaring Aughts. Taylor Swift: I was still in school in the aughts, in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania. Joe Biden: Wyomissing? Hey, kiddo, I’m a Scranton boy! Who wants ice cream? My chief of staff is on his way with 75 pints. Grassley tweet: Im watching big ten championship R u??? GO HAWKS JEERS to Dick "Elmer Fudd" Cheney. Slaughters 70 pre-caught game birds on "hunting" expedition. As if we needed more proof that his heart was removed long ago... BiPM: Then he got tired of shooting helpless birds in the ass and moved on to shooting helpless lawyers in the face. Taylor Swift: Trust me on this—if you don’t want to get ripped off as a performer, hire a good contract lawyer. A real good contract lawyer. Joe Biden: Dick Cheney once told my colleague Senator Pat Leahy to go fuck himself. That was highly uncalled-for, number one. Number two, My dad always said, ‘Joey, don’t tell me what you value. Show me your dart board with Dick Cheney’s face on it and I’ll tell you what you value.’ Grassley tweet: Yummm an Iowa chop from Sen Ernst & the Iowa Cattlemen’s Association for lunch. CHEERS to Supremes for upholding parts of McCain/Feingold bill. Sure it's a Band-Aid, but at least now it's got some real stick to it. BiPM: No idea what that was about, but…rah rah whatever. I hope Russ runs for something again. Still can’t believe he couldn’t knock off Ron Johnson in '16. How inept do you have to be to not be able to beat the one senator dumber than Ted Cruz?!! Taylor Swift: [Sings “You Need to Calm Down.”] Joe Biden: God love Russ, ladies and gentlemen. He was a towering oak in a forest of people who were just knee-high to a grasshopper. Honest to god, he really was. No malarkey. Where’s that ice cream? Grassley tweet: When u hv a reputation for liking donuts & Iowans know it this is the result. CHEERS and a fond farewell to Senator Paul Simon. Some of the current occupants of The Chamber could take a lesson or two from him...but they're too dumb. Memo to Smithsonian: snag one of those bowties! BiPM: I always liked Paul Simon. Just an all-around decent human being. Taylor Swift: Oh you almost gave me a heart attack, I thought you meant the other Paul Simon. Joe Biden: A man of great integrity and a heckuva poker player. I really mean that. No joke. Grassley tweet: I want to thank pork producers for their hard work & dedication for providing delicious bacon + sausage + ham + pork chops + pork loins to the American ppl JEERS to George W. Bush's "spontaneous" appearance during Larry King Live show. Walk-on during end of Laura interview reveals hopelessly inarticulate boob. No Red Ryder BB gun for you, pal, until you learn how to say "Merry Christmas" without gritting your teeth. BiPM: You can check the transcript: George W. Bush actually told Larry King that his wife Laura's decorating was "a heckuva job." Ouch. What a dry drunk. Taylor Swift: He reminds me of my 2014 hit Blank Space. Joe Biden: Y’know, Dubya, god love him, committed more unforced errors when he was in my job than Novak Djokovic against Gilles Simon in 2016 at the Australian Open. As my mother used to say in my Grandpa Finnegan’s house, she’d say, ‘Joey, he had more problems than Carter had Little Liver Pills.’ Grassley tweet: Iowa Pork Tent CHEERS to Al Gore for showing true cojones in Dean nod. Veep understands that the only way to break out of Democratic party complacency is to shake, shake, SHAKE things up. Beltway bluster prove he's right on. BiPM: Gore was right for recognizing the potential of the grassroots and the value of the budding netroots. I shook his hand once. It’s bigger than a bear paw. Taylor Swift: Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off, hoo-hoo-hoo... Joe Biden: If only there was a former vice president who was ready, able and willing to shake things up, ladies and gentlemen, and get elected to lead this country into a blazing future of prosperity and exceptionalism. Oh, wait…there is! Name’s Biden. Call me Joe. Grassley tweet: I can’t believe it Sure is good news if DQ is really delivering on 1 thing I’ve missed most- snickers blizzards Will hv 2fact check in btwn CHEERS to the Maine lobster industry. Another banner year is good year for butter industry. And bib makers! BiPM: We now have so many lobsters off the coast of Maine that pretty soon they'll be demanding their own representation in the legislature. Taylor Swift: I still don’t have a clue who you are, Mister Underwear Head. Joe Biden: Look, here's the deal: twin lobsters with coleslaw and your choice of potato or rice for just$19.95. That's a great deal and I'll make it happen on day one of my second term, folks. Grassley tweet: Celebrating the reopening of the Hickory House in Waterloo where Barbara & I went when we were dating Developing... BiPM: I added that word at the end of the first few columns as a little dig at Drudge, who used it all the time back before he became irrelevant. Which reminds me of a funny story. Back in 1978… Taylor Swift: Gotta go. [ker-SLAM!!!] Joe Biden: Goodbye, ladies and gentleman. God bless you, and god bless these United States of America and our troops... [ker-SLAM!!!] Grassley tweet: Go to the non History Channel to watch “Axmen “ right now. I’m going elsewhere [ker-SLAM!] BiPM: Oh well. I guess it can wait 'til our 21st year anniversary. Bye. - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/12/11/2210667/-Cheers-and-Jeers-20-0-Download-Complete?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=more_community&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/