(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2023-12-15 Late Night Snark: Stockings Filled with Coal Edition "This headline tells you everything you need to know about the Republican party right now: House Set To Approve Biden Impeachment Inquiry As It Hunts For An Offense. In other words, they don’t have a crime but they do have an investigation. It's like an episode of CSI but there's no C." —Jimmy Kimmel "CNN hosted a town hall event last night in Iowa with Florida governor Ron DeSantis. It's a rare example of a sentence in which 'Iowa' is the most interesting word." —Seth Meyers Continued... You are now below the fold. We suggest crampons for the rest of your descent. "The world's nations pledged net-zero emissions by 2050, which is fantastic. But they also offered no plan to enforce it, which is not fantastic. This agreement is basically like when you tell a former co-worker that you should 'get together sometime.' 'Yeah, we should totally grab a drink sometime—definitely by 2050. I'll text you.' … Look, congratulations, COP-28. You may not have solved the climate crisis, but you didn’t not not not solve it." —The Daily Show guest host Kal Penn "Arguments were made in the civil defamation trial of former Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani has already been found liable on this case. This is just to determine how much money he has to give [the plaintiffs]. That will be decided by a jury of eight Washington residents, including one person who sells souvenir hemp seeds. I have a pretty good sense of the whole jurors' vibe there. It reminds me of that classic film 11 Angry Men and One Very Chill Hemp Seed Salesman." —Stephen Colbert (The jury ruled against Rudy to the tune of $148 million.) —The Daily Show "Independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. admitted in a new interview that he flew two times on Jeffrey Epstein's private jet. But only to make sure none of those girls were vaccinated." —Michael Che, SNL "A woman in Ohio convicted of throwing a burrito bowl at a Chipotle worker has been sentenced to two months working in fast food restaurants. Fast food: where your job is other people's jail." —Colin Jost, SNL And that infamous holly jolly day 10 years ago: Clip of Fox News host Megyn Kelly: For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. Jon Stewart: Santa is just white? Who are you actually talking to—children who are sophisticated enough to be watching a news channel at 10 o'clock at night, yet innocent enough to still believe Santa Claus is real, yet racist enough to be freaked out if he isn’t white?" And now, our feature presentation… - Cheers and Jeers for Friday, December 15, 2023 Note: Please be aware that the Baldwin sisters' eggnog is likely spiked with moonshine. Ike Godsey has pulled it from the shelves at the general store and the proper Nelson County authorities have been notified. —Mgt. - By the Numbers: Ends Sunday. Days 'til the end of the 33rd annual Sawdust Festival Winter Fantasy in Laguna Beach, California: 2 Current annual wholesale inflation rate, according to the Producer Price Index, which is now below pre-pandemic levels: 0.9% Drop in the median U.S. asking rent year-over-year, the biggest since February 2020: -2.1% Date on which the Dow Industrials crossed 37,000 for the first time: 12/13/23 Number of religious groups in America that are larger than the religiously-unaffiliated: 0 Year that the Montgomery Ward department store management asked one of its copywriters to create a Christmas story for kids that the store could distribute as a promotion, and the result was Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: 1939 - Puppy Pic of the Day: Woodford's first vet visit… - CHEERS to dollars and sense. Did you feel it this week? I felt it. It felt like a little shift in the economic headwinds that the media could no longer ignore. Bidenomics, which essentially boils down to "More Money In People's Pockets," produced a flurry of good news. Such as… $ Inflation slowed to around 3 percent for November and some economists say that it could already be near 2 percent this month. $ Jobs remain plentiful. Layoffs remain low. $ Wall Street's primary gauge of investor confidence, the Dow Industrials, hit 37,000 for the first time. Wake up, America. Joe’s making good on his promises. $ Gas prices keep falling. $ The Fed left interest rates alone for the third time in a row, and appear to be on track to cut rates three times next year. $ November retail sales "barreled through expectations." $ The National Retail Federation canceled its April report warning that “organized retail crime” was causing a tidal wave of shoplifting because…it was bullshit. $ New businesses are opening all over the damn place. $ President Biden is waging open war on high drug prices and junk fees. $ Every week continues to be a legitimate Infrastructure Week, with massive upgrades and expansions in passenger rail dominating the discourse this week. And tying all of the above in a festive holiday bow to confirm that the economy is, in fact, chugging right along is this headline from the rag known as National Review, which looked at the above and declared: The Economy Is Running on Fumes. A Recession Is Right around the Corner. Bless their hearts. JEERS to inevitable disclaimers. The COP-28 climate conference in oil-drenched Dubai, located in the oil-drenched Middle East, and attended by over 1,300 fossil fuel lobbyists (including a gaggle smuggled in under the radar by Saudi Arabia), is now over. There was some kind of general agreement signed that would gently suggest that world leaders spend at least 15 seconds a month thinking about the climate crisis and how to reduce our consumption of fossil fuels. And of course… …it is filled with loopholes. In other words: the food was delicious, the drinks were plentiful, the whores were satisfactory, the sight-seeing was magnificent, and the swag bags were brimming with excellent goodies for rich people. The final consensus among the delegates: they can't wait for COP-29! CHEERS to civil disobedience...with pinky extended. Don’t forget to throw a few bags of Earl Grey into the nearest body of water tomorrow, the 250th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party. True fact: When the colonists pried open the chests of chamomile tea, everyone got real sleepy and went home. That was the day in 1773 when rebellious colonists dumped a few hundred chests of tea into Boston Harbor, an act of defiance against the British Crown for imposing taxation without representation. Which is exactly what the modern day "tea party"—now the MAGA Cult—is all about, plus racism, birtherism, secessionism, misogyny, Islamophobia, homophobia, and making the rich as comfortable as possible...but minus the taxation without representation part since they do have taxation with representation—they’re called representatives. And for those of you represented by Marjorie Taylor-Greene, we have just one thing to say: thoughts and prayers. - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - x Creating a winter scene with snow spray [📹 snowwindows]pic.twitter.com/mypMLtAUgY — Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) December 13, 2023 - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - CHEERS to 59 years of proudly waving, eh. On December 15, 1964, "after six months of debate and 308 speeches, passed by a majority vote in the House of Commons," Canada adopted the maple leaf flag: Each of the tips on the leaf represent beer. The red and white colors signify...um...also beer. We're not sure what the proper gift is for a flag on its birthday, so we defaulted to the usual: a pair of socks. CHEERS to home vegetation. Weekend TV gets off to a fast start tonight with Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew doing the Friday news dump thing, starting with the massive $148 million Rudy Giuliani now owes to former Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss...and also the 91st annual Hollywood Communist Socialist War on Christmas Parade on the CW...and Anti-Defamation League CEO Jonathan Greenblatt on Firing Line (8:30, PBS)...and both the National Christmas Tree Lighting and Daytime Emmy Awards on CBS. Sound of Music airs Sunday night on ABC. The new movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (Wonka gets an 83% “fresh” rating, which is pretty sweet.) The NBA schedule is here, the NFL schedule is here, the NHL schedule is here, and the eagerly-awaited Pro Tiddlywinks World Championship “Tiddly Diddly Bowl” schedule is here. SNL alum Kate McKinnon hosts SNL. On 60 Minutes: a report on the great art heist in Cambodia, and the musical legacy of Gnawa music. Maggie has to solve a mystery on The Simpsons, and Lois sells the family TV to pay for Christmas presents on Family Guy. Then the weekend wraps up Sunday night with an epic duel between the Ravens-Jaguars football game on NBC, Willie Nelson's 90th Birthday Celebration on CBS, and The Sound of Music on ABC. Bill in Portland Maine’s pro tip: never bet against Julie Andrews—ever. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup: Meet the Press: Rep. Debbie Dingell (D-MI); Sen. Lindsey Graham (MAGA Cult-SC). Also: Santa appears on the Sunday shows to announce he’s no longer giving coal to the bad Republicans because they like it too much. New gift: a Biden 2024 hat. This Week: Nikki Haley; Governor Chris Sununu (MAGA Cult-NH); Sen. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD). Face the Nation: Chicago Fed president Austan Goolsbee; Ukrainian Ambassador to the U.S. Oksana Markarova; Senator Chris Coons )D-DE); Rep. Tony Gonzales (MAGA Cult-TX); Chris Christie; Anthony Salvanto of CBS News with fresh poll numbers. CNN's State of the Union: Chris Christie; Sen. Joe Manchin (Joe Manchin-WV). Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Senator John Cornyn (MAGA Cult-TX). Happy viewing! - Ten years ago in C&J: December 15, 2013 WHOA to despotic thug dictator family values. Ah…now I know why I keep getting his answering machine every time I call Kim Jong Un's uncle, and why my Christmas card to him came back "Return to Western Capitalist Pig Dog Sender." Poor Uncle Jang Song Thaek was tried and executed this week. He was apparently acting immoral and power-mad. All I can say is thank goodness they rooted him out in time. That kind of behavior could've made North Korea look bad. - And just one more… CHEERS to the brittle parchment of liberty. 232 years ago today, on December 15, 1791, the Bill of Rights was ratified. Let's take a moment for our annual review of The Precious before the Republicans have time to shred it: I You can say anything you want except "Fire!" falsely in a crowded theater or "Donald Trump will one day win a legitimate honorary degree, Nobel Peace Prize, or Medal of Freedom" seriously in a crowded room of people with functioning brains; You can peaceably assemble in public spaces to call out the government when it's acting badly, but we reserve the right to pepper-spray libturds in the face, zip-tie your hands behind your back and haul your ass off to jail if we feel like it; The press has the freedom to treat the statements and policies of the left and the right as equally valid because we know you gotta sell papers and achieve your daily clickbait goals. Bonus 1st Amendment right: The United States is technically neutral on religion, except for prayers in Congress, and invocations at inaugurations, and language in proclamations, and at the end of political speeches, and during the Pledge of Allegiance, and in assorted draft legislation, and on your money, and to justify anything conservatives feel like enacting or repealing, and...oh, never mind. True fact: some Founding Fathers wanted to protect the right to keep and bear lawn darts in the 2nd Amendment, but they abandoned the idea because they were deemed “much too dangerous.” So they went with guns. II This amendment is the reason why this document is shielded by six-inch-thick glass. III You don’t have to let soldiers in your house. But police dressed like Seal Team Six can drive up in a surplus tank and bust down your door any old time. IV Prohibits unreasonable searches and seizures of your person, house, papers, and effects without a warrant. However, if one or more agents of the government slips on a banana peel and accidentally searches and seizes everything in sight to keep from falling down, well, c'mon, give 'em a break. V The amendment the totally-innocent Trump family started invoking like crazy this year when all the trials started. VI You have a right to a trial by a jury of your peers. Also called the Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid amendment. VII You have the the right to punch anyone in the face who blurts out a spoiler from an episode of Fargo you haven’t seen yet. VIII Whoever authorizes the use of cruel or unusual punishment—like, say, waterboarding—is going straight to H-E-double-toothpicks. (Have fun down there, Dr. Kissinger.) IX You have a lot more rights than these ten, but Jefferson lost the master list and we're kinda scrambling here at the last minute. So sue us. No, seriously. Use this amendment to sue us. X States don’t gotta do nuthin' if they don't wanna, and if you don’t agree then we're gonna secede. Also known as the Sore Loser amendment and the official motto of Texas. To quote James Madison: "Eh...it was late and we were drunk. But we hope ya have fun with 'em." Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/12/15/2211590/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Rum-and-Coke-FRIDAY?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/