(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Heart Attack Ack Ack Ack. You oughta know by now. [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2023-12-16 The people in the art lab I crash gave me a first birthday party a week ago. I’m one year old, in my second. A lab artist's husband is in his third. He had the same sort of heart attack but they opened him up. We both coded. RRG3DAV 1st birthday is in 12 days. We sometimes compare notes. His and this diary were his idea. I've recounted the events of that morning before. I may have left out the bit about being shocked while I was conscious, passing out on the gurney, being awoken by the cold air on my way out of the school's front door to the ambulance. I probably mentioned dying. It’s fading now, still remembered but not re-felt. Such serenity I’ve never experienced and then the lights went out. I only remember an instant of “out.” My eyes slapped shut like slamming a refrigerator door as hard as you can and still have it stick. And the dark, darker than dark. The dark you see when you close your eyes has a name, eigengrau. This wasn’t that, it was back. It got blacker still but after that I can’t recall. I've read a chemical called DMT (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine) is released by the brain when it's dying. It induces hallucinations. Others have described it as unworldly, they're right. It can't be conveyed, only experienced. If that's the way I finally go, I'm fine with it. For a moment I knew unquestionably that everything was right. That the tribulations of the world were nothing but background noise and besides, it was right. I felt my contrary nature try to question it and on it’s way to actually being thought, it evaporated. I fundamentally knew with all certainty that everything was okay, as it should be and fine. I was ecstatically serene and then I was gone. Three days later music, terrible music, elevator music but worse rose up out of the distance and then I heard voices. With the muscles in my face I pried open my eyes, the top and bottom lashes stuck together by a residue of adhesive. My mouth was open and from it a long tube emanated. I was intubated. It wasn’t connected to a machine merely suspended with springy plastic wrapped cords from ceiling rails. The ER was crammed with machines and equipment. Wires and tubes coming off and out of me. My hands and feet were strapped to the bed. There was a blood pressure cuff on my left arm which I soon learned did its thing on the hour and every 15 minutes. It was a little unnerving People appeared, I heard “he's breathing on his own,” and another voice that I was okayed to be extubated. Then everyone disappear. Okay I thought, uh explanations anyone, hello, well thinking it isn't working. Shortly a young man in street clothes appeared at the curtain. He happily exclaimed I'd be extubate and disappeared. What felt like minutes passed, nothing. Something grabbed hold of my left arm and was compressing it. I got upset. I wasn’t panicking. I wanted to know what was going happen and when. My feet were loose enough in their straps to slam them into the end of the bed and I did, repeatedly. Sudden the room filled with people. I was told if I didn’t remain still I’d be sedated. I instantly stopped moving. Everyone instantly disappeared. I waited. They had said not to move my right leg at all as lots of tubes were going in and coming out of my crotch there so since I still wasn’t able to say anything or move my hands I started banging the end of the bed with my left foot being careful to keep my right side still. Once again the room filled with people. I heard someone say again that I had been okayed for extubation and then three people pulled a ridiculously long tube out of my lungs. I tried to speak but my throat was sore. I got out “what day.” “Sunday” someone said. I had had my widow-maker Thursday morning. I never told them why I banged my feet against the bed. I wish I had so the next person would get an explanation before being ditched. In the ER doctors made an appearance often. At least twice a day perhaps more often. I was falling a sleep a lot. Everyday a large machine was wheeled in to take an x-ray of my chest. A nurse, the same nurse came in every few hours to draw blood from the vain on the back of my right hand, it hurt. Nurses were always giving me pills to swallow. I got injections regularly too. Including enormous injections of iron to attending to my lifelong anemia. They were tremendously busy and no one stayed long. In the hospital proper three days later I was no longer interesting to the doctors. I know rote and that’s what I was getting from them. I was too weak to enter cardiac rehab when I left the hospital. I didn’t want to stay in the hospital and I employed my dogs to get out early. My cardiologist had just gotten a dog. They were still on their honeymoon. I reiterated whenever I saw him that I wanted to go home to my dogs without saying anything about the honeymoon being long since over. They gave me photocopied pages with instruction on diet and exercise. They tried to teach me how to walk with a cane a day before they kicked me loose. Visiting nurses came to the house every week and emphasized the instruction’s importance. We all wore masks. Dehydrated our hands with alcohol laden lotion. They even wiped down the chair before sitting. It was relieved by how cautious they were. I now knew no one could say I was over the top with my covid precautions. I was told to walk. I was also told where to leave a DNR for EMT to see it. A few weeks of walking, first with help, then with a cane and then like an overzealous morning mall walker and it was off to cardiac rehab. The first time there THEY wire me up to the radio transmitting EKG. After that, like rest of the class I wired myself up. The adhesive those electrodes get stuck down with stays stuck. Soap, alcohol, cold cream, nothing takes it off. It comes off when the skin it’s stuck to comes off. I took to putting them in exactly the same place. Looking at my fellow classmates I felt like I had a head start. I like a challenge and I push myself. This annoyed the nurses running the operation to no end. We weren't suppose to push ourselves. It was comfortable exercise not drop dead exercise. I ran distance in my youth. I ran a marathon. You don't get anywhere lolly gagging around. They weren’t asking me to run or train, I was walking and from my perspective leisurely pedaling. Yeah okay fine there were a couple of incidents but I didn’t die. I was just “no fun. I fell right over.” (— Fire Sign Theater). It was the mask. I couldn't breath through it. After I allowed myself to pull it down while on the machines I had no more problems. We were in two big rooms with lots of machines. The windows were open and there were at most five or six of us, usually fewer. Everyone otherwise wore a mask. I begrudgingly accepted it was safe. Anemia and my low blood pressure got in the way of completing the program on schedule. I’ve always been anemic. I’ve always had low blood pressure. They made me take two weeks off. I still walked but the break meant not reaching my self-assigned goal before the insurance coverage ended. I got close-ish. After surviving a heart attack, cardiologists want to meet with you at one month, three months, six months, and a year. Unlike my one month echo-cardiogram my six month 12 wire electrocardiogram showed no long term damage. It seemed almost like he was throwing up his hands in disgust. He couldn’t explain it. It probably isn't true that there’s no damage. My body has a history of rebounding after an injury and appearing uninjured. Years later it becomes clear that that wasn't the case. Eating restrictions suck, low salt and low fat. I miss salt. I miss cheese more. I gave up eating beef and pork fifteen years ago so no big there. People tell me I can eat anything I want, just in small portions. #$%^ THAT!!! and @#$% them for saying it. No, you shut up. I want a pizza. A whole large pizza smothered in cheese. I want cake and ice cream and donuts and french fries and pretzels. I use to love nuts. I'm sick of nuts. Squirrel food. Maybe deep fry Zipper’s grand squirrel. Don't have a heart attack people. Cut back on your salt and sugar and give up red meat. If you smoke, stop. Walk. I got lucky. Nine out of ten widow-makers are terminal. My insurance didn’t cover “Silver Sneakers” and I couldn’t get them to. Also they canceled my insurance this year. My doctors are only covered by that company so I reapplied. I’ve been accepted, it’s $80 less a month and it covers their version of “Silver Sneakers.” Go figure. January first I’ll head to the gym and struggle to breath though a mask. No way it will be safe not to wear one there. [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/12/16/2210428/-Heart-Attack-Ack-Ack-Ack-You-oughta-know-by-now?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/