(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Figgy Pudding FRIDAY! [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2023-12-22 Late Night Snark: Chestnuts Roasting Edition "Santa came early last night when the Colorado Supreme Court ruled that Donald Trump is disqualified from holding office. Can you imagine how mad Trump must've been when he heard that news? Oh, to have been a ketchup stain on his wall…" —Stephen Colbert "Last night in Iowa, former president Trump told the crowd that immigrants are, quote, 'destroying the blood of our country.' Pretty ironic to say that in a state that only exists to produce corn syrup." —Seth Meyers Continued... You are now below the fold. Please: clean up after your reindeer. "As the year comes to a close, the 118th Congress is on track to be one of the most unproductive in modern history. Do you know how hard it is to be the most unproductive Congress? That's like being the highest person at a Phish concert—very hard to do." —Jimmy Fallon "Nikki Haley received an endorsement from New Hampshire governor Chris Sununu. Which would be helpful if anyone knewknew who that was." —Michael Che, SNL x John Oliver explaining where his shows get their ideas. pic.twitter.com/zu7MeOYeWQ — Barry Purcell (@solo1y) December 11, 2023 - "A new report shows that Loma Linda, California is the city most likely to become a 'blue zone,' which is an area where people are healthier and live longer...while the town least likely to become a blue zone is once again Breakfast Fettuccini, Texas." —Colin Jost, SNL "I'll be home for Christmas—[Open card]—Because I haven't been invited anywhere else." —Vivek Ramaswami's Christmas card, via The Tonight Show And now, our feature presentation… - Cheers and Jeers for Friday, December 22, 2023 Note: Here's the schedule for the week ahead. We'll be off Monday and Tuesday, and back Wednesday through Friday. As you go about partaking in your cherished holiday traditions, please remember the most important lesson of all this yuletide season: give a zombie a brain and you feed it for a day, but teach a zombie how to hunt for brains and you’ll feed it for an entire apocalypse. —Joyeux Billeh - By the Numbers: 9 days!!! Days 'til the little drummer boy drives Mary and Joseph out of their ever-livin' tree: 3 Days 'til the Las Cruces Chili Drop in New Mexico: 9 Estimated total holiday spending this season, up 4% from last year: $966 billion Box office gross of Barbie, the #1 movie of the year: $1.4 billion Rank of Super Mario Bros., Oppenheimer, and Guardians of the Galaxy III on the money list: #2, #3, #4 Estimated age of the nearly-intact banquet room archaeologists found in the side of Palatine Hill in Rome: 2,300 years Number of troops, horses, and cannon, respectively, that Washington took across the Delaware River on Christmas night in 1776 to beat the Hessians at Trenton: 2,400 / 200 / 18 - Puppy Pic of the Day: Santa Dog on a Roomba… - CHEERS to a holly jolly holiday. Okay, maybe that's a bit of irrational exuberance. But, hey, according to the mysterious Conference Board Index, the 'Murcan people are hangin' in there and seeing the glass as half full, at least: U.S. consumer confidence increased to a five-month high in December, with Americans growing more optimistic about current and future business conditions as well as the labor market, which could help to underpin the economy early next year. The jump in confidence reported by the Conference Board on Wednesday occurred across all age groups and household income levels. Though consumers continued to worry about inflation, many were planning to buy motor vehicles, houses and major appliances like refrigerators and clothes dryers over the next six months. More Americans also intended to go on vacations. The improvement in confidence was likely driven by rising stock markets, a decline in the average rate on the most popular mortgage from 23-year highs as well as lower gasoline prices. It doesn’t hurt having a competent administration in charge of things. Thanks, Joe. CHEERS to famous first lines. 247 years ago this week, in 1776, Thomas Paine wrote: "These are the times that try men's souls." Well, thank you, Captain Understatement. DOUBLE CHEERS to people who work on Christmas eve and Christmas day. Police, fire, utilities, media, national security, our first-responders, hospital personnel, and rum distilleries. If you're not getting at least double pay and comp time, your employer should get a one-way ticket to a quail-hunting junket with Dick Cheney. (Or at least a one-way trip to fluff Mitch McConnell's wattle...or is that too cruel?) - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - x This is utterly fabulous.... pic.twitter.com/knfTHjrloV — Rob Boyd, Esq (@AvonandsomerRob) December 20, 2023 - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - JEERS to ye jolly old fireball. We pulled this nugget off the Internet so it must be true: "To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound. At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously." And yet...Santa does make his 822 visits per second, and does travel at 3,000 times the speed of sound, and he does deliver his gifts in one night, and he has not self-combusted. In fact, every year he gets tracked by NORAD. So someone owes Santa—and the world—an apology. How do I lodge a complaint with the internet? CHEERS to home vegetation. Holiday specialness is in the air this weekend, starting tonight at 8 with Dolly Parton’s Christmas of Many Colors (NBC) and Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (ABC). Tomorrow night at 9 NBC presents its Saturday Night Live Christmas Special, followed Sunday by its annual airing of It’s A Wonderful Life. Also Sunday night: ABC airs Home Alone, which was just inducted into the Library of Congress’s National Film Registry. The sequel to Aquaman opens today. I was planning to see it until I heard they watered down the script. The new movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (Maestro with Bradley Cooper brilliant as Leonard Bernstein is now streaming on Netflix, while Wonka will continue dominating theaters.) The NBA schedule is here, the Pro Concussion schedule is here, and the NHL schedule is here. Sunday on 60 Minutes: sperm whales and rhesus mazaque monkeys and sloths, oh my! Homer and Bart become kings of the blue-collar sports circuit on The Simpsons, and the Griffins go all Silence of the Lambs on Family Guy. Then it’s off to bed with you...and don’t forget to leave out the milk and cookies for You-know-who. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup: Meet the Press: Actress Selma Blair; Tim Alberta of The Atlantic; Olympian Allyson Felix; Iranian journalist Masih Alinejad . If the Sunday shows would only show cats in Santa hats, their ratings would quadruple. This Week: Deputy Attorney general Lisa Monaco; Former U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara; Senator Lindsey Graham (Both Sides Of His Mouth-SC). Face the Nation: TBA CNN's State of the Union: Al Gore; Climate scientist Katherine Hayhoe; Billionaire investor Ray Dalio. Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Senator Bill Hagerty (MAGA Cult-TN); a quintet of aging entertainers talk about Jesus. Happy viewing! - Ten years ago in C&J: December 22, 2013 CHEERS to #17. Yesterday the New Mexico Supreme Court pulled out their magic judicial wands and—[Zzzzing!]—granted same-sex couples the same legal right to marriage that straight couples have. So that means that, adding their 2 million residents to the pot, same-sex marriage is now legal in states representing 39 percent of the U.S. population. Last night Pastor Dan asked me what happens when we reach 51 percent. I told him RuPaul becomes president with Neil Patrick Harris as Veep. I have yet to hear an objection. - And just one more… CHEERS to the sounds of the season. There is simply no other way we could possibly think of to end tonight’s column… x The wait is over! @jeffgoldblum’s highly anticipated Christmas album is here, and it’s unlike any holiday compilation you’ve ever heard before. ✨ 🎶🎄#Colbert pic.twitter.com/LHoMQey2aM — The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) December 15, 2022 Give him all the Grammys already. Have a great weekend and a happy holiday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/12/22/2212917/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Rum-and-Figgy-Pudding-FRIDAY?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/